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Ms Liberal (others)     22 July 2011

Arranged Marriage-Whether stigma to life?

I Have gone through the contents of many postings/threads on this LCI and came to conclude that both men and women are the sufferer after their arranged marraiage. The most of the husbands complaian that his wife left the matri home and demanded money and other articles under the influence of their parents and in return they have lodged DV/498A against them

While the woman complain that Husband had shown no interest and leave the country and deserted them with no mainatance for their living and has been harassed by their inlaws who has made their life like slaves and had control over her fincacial income et etc etc

These are the common attrition which by the means of forum that majority fromone side has been affected from it

Now question arises why thay use/misue the provisions?

Definitely the reason is that they don’t have faith on each other and are worst than even the strangers who without knowing cannot harm on other

It means whether husbands and wifes are enemy to each other ?

One party get rid of other other make use of provisons by bargaining her/him to provide no or very high maiantanace?

Whether making life hell of each other by use/misuse of provisions so that one part can take advantage of each other?

Women think she deserves mainatance and men think why should paid is the only solution?

For whom we are living for?

Whether we are getting selfish day by day?

Our parents live for us and we are living for no one?

Father don’t care for his own child  while woman drags more money in the name of child is the solution?

There are lot of aspersions there

But those who are living under one roof with cruel intention on each other are really better than those who are

the victims on the opposite part?

It clearly shows that we have lost a faith on each other and this is the beginning of declination of arranged marraiage in India

MY COMMENT ARE PURE NEUTRAL AND IMPARTIAL






Learning

 18 Replies


(Guest)

In many cases,these inlaws start to interfere in the nelwy married child's life.Mother inlaws fear the bahu..They do not wish to lose the son.

 

So after the beta-bahu return from their honeymoon and are still in a romantic mood,the inlaws start creating dramas,over petty issues,instigating the son against wife,and even his inlaws.

 

This nonsense makes the son also start hating the wife and his family.


(Guest)

 

Please read:

 

This nonsense makes the son also start hating the wife and his family.

 

AS



 

 

This nonsense makes the son also start hating the wife and her family.

 

Ravinder Kumar (Account Director)     22 July 2011

And when the wife is the only child to her parents she start making all efforts to isolate the husband from his parents and her parents too use all the tactics for the same.

And after some time she feels that this is not happening she takes the worst step and leave the husband thinking that when he will come back to take her she will blackmail him with her demand of leaving the parents. And if the best time for her is during her pregnancy beacuse she and her parents know that this is the time when husband wants to stay with her for every moment and later wfter the kid they use his biggest weekness as their strongest weapon.

Though there may be no cruelty of any form from the husbands family side to the wife but she just wants a family which have her parents, herself and the husband. 

I hope someday women understand that husband always love his in-laws but only because of his nature he do not express it. 

All this fight of ego and supremecy/control destroy marriage and ruin the life of kids. 

If you take my view, than I surely have lost faith in arrange marriage.

1 Like

(Guest)

If you ever notice in a workplace,joint family,etc wherever there are groups of people living/working together,if 1 person is cunning,arrogant,selfish,harsh,BUT powerful,influential etc,people flock to him,make him like their leader,and follow what he tells them.

 

In fact all that he says about other people whom he envies or hates is blindly believed by these foolish followers.Such people make good politicians.


Same thing happens in a family.

 

If the wife is really cunning,extortionist,clever etc which the men say,she will succeed in turning her husband,his relatives,her kids and in fact just everyone against inlaws.She will succeed in turning the husband into her favour,or better still,succeed in making a slave of him.Such wives will even send the inlaws in an old aged home.

 

Same goes for mother inlaw.If she is cunning,clever,dominating,liar type,etc. generally Indian mentality is such that her son,relatives,other daughter inlaws,etc will believe whatever she says/does.So all these people will gang up against the daughter inlaw whom she hates,if,by chance,she is a simple person.

Hardly you will find a cunning and clever person being left alone,after being boycotted by society,as he will have many blind believers and followers.

 

So I often wonder why the men say that their clever,cunning,greedy,etc wives have been harassing the family.In other words this man,his parents and all relatives whom she is supposed to be "harassing" have actually turned against her.

 

So is she really a clever person?Or a victim of politics by inlaws,who successfully blinded the husband and their own relatives into believing that she is an abusive lady?

If she was a vamp really,would she not have successfully made the entire society gang up against these inlaws and boycott them?

 

Generally simple,honest and straightforward people are thrown out of matrimonial homes and have the entire sasural and even their neighbours turn against her.

 

So who is the real politician?

 

The one who has been boycotted by all,or the one who is making everyone belive,including the husband what a cunning and extortionist type wife this woman is!

 

So men,just think about it.You often need to observe with OPEN EYES,who actually the real politician is!

 

No need to take it personally.

 

But think over!

Ravinder Kumar (Account Director)     23 July 2011

@ Princess: Ya I agree with your point,  but trust me men understand every thing and are considerate..however I also acknowledge that many times mother in law (saas) plays tantrums which ruin the relation between husband n wife..

But with time things are changing, not many joint families are left, husband & wife start living separetly immediatly after the marriage and only visits parents once or twice in a month/year..Now if wife still have issues with that than what will husband do? He is stuck between the one who gave him life and another one with whom he has to spend his whole life..


(Guest)

Thanks for the agreement.Otherwise I was expecting brickbats here!;)

 

Anyways,I am sorry to say NOT ALL MEN are so observant.They are usually outside home,when these politics and ganging up are happening inside the 4 walls of the house..When this man returns,he is affected by wife's bad mood but his mother's cool mood.Such a tired man will immediately feel his sulking wife is harassing the mother.

 

Also,playing politics does not require a joint family.People can do it through telephone,e-mails,personally meeting to backbite someone,etc.Otherwise how do these politicians get votes?They do not live with the voters.

 

You know attracting a whole lot of stupid followers also requires an art of persuading and convincing people,a bit of cunningness,shrewdness and SELFISHNESS also.If you are too kind hearted,gentle,brutally honest,etc.believe me,no one will come to your aid when a politician is turning people against you.Atleast not in this Kaliyug.

 

This is what happens in families,schools,colleges,workplaces etc wherever there are groups of people.The honest man will be easily thrown out of job,but loud mouthed,arrogant,people will be retained,rather promoted.Beacuse all the stupid employees have got attracted to his power.

 

Also a very honest person who's been harassed due to such politics will always be too straightfiorward,that you will find he often feels hatred for the politician,complains often about him and wants you to pay attention to the "problem" he is facing with the politician,& cry or fight with you as you are supporting that person.While the politician who's getting so much support and "chamchas" will usually sound very cool,relaxed,always giggling(common in a shrewd women)etc.

So one needs to be extra alert,and if need be,record the conversations b/w the hassled victim and the politician,whenever he is out at work.

 

I personally know of a man's case who never trusted his ever fighting,sulking wife who was such a victim of his always relaxed,cool, yet "harassed by wife" mum.

 

After much insistence,he installed a hidden camera one day before going to work to find out what exactly happens in the house behind him.

 

He recorded for many days.Finally after 1 week,he saw the entire film & was surprised to see his relaxed,cool mum acting like a terrible,terrorising bully to his wife

 

Now he got the surity that his ever smiling mum was really torturing the wife,coz of which she was losing her mental balance and therefore always fighting.

 

A week later,the man moved out with his wife,and now they live happily..

Ms Liberal (others)     23 July 2011

Living separaetly will get rid of all the problems but it is not possible for every couples living in expensive city


(Guest)

should man leave parent only for a girl? is this the value he learned form family, society, school etc? and that outsider girl is encourging this !!!! it is certain that selfish girl will surly ditch boy when needed because she is outsider  unlike his mother- father-sister.

see where these girls are leading our family and country ultimately?

just for her own selfish sake.


(Guest)

Parents should not become uninvited judges of problems of their daughter, as it become an obstacle in the daughter's married life, plant thoughts in her mind and gain control over her and promote disharmony in her family life, it should not mean day-to-day monitoring of the affairs taking place at the matrimonial home of the daughter and son in law life, which will puts the fire and have fuelled with cruelty, fanned and destroyed..

Ms Liberal (others)     25 July 2011

Originally posted by :Debashis88
"
should man leave parent only for a girl? is this the value he learned form family, society, school etc? and that outsider girl is encourging this !!!! it is certain that selfish girl will surly ditch boy when needed because she is outsider  unlike his mother- father-sister.

see where these girls are leading our family and country ultimately?

just for her own selfish sake.
"

Soory for interrupting you,. I want to add that women too leave her parents after marraiage......


(Guest)
 
"

should man leave parent only for a girl? is this the value he learned form family, society, school etc? and that outsider girl is encourging this !!!!

 

 

If you want the man to be a desi man,why do you encourage a woman in the other thread to have a live-in relation with a married man?https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/i-want-to-marry-a-married-person-41095.asp.You should have chosen not to reply,because you are  sanskari person.Right?

Are these your sanskars?Either be a complete desi,or be completely westernised.Don't be a hypocrite!

 

 


see where these girls are leading our family and country ultimately?

 

Exactly!You want girls to be ideal and virtuous.But in the other thread (mentioned above),you advise another girl dirty tactics on how to live in with a married man,and how to live illegally without leaving any proof!

You have high expectations from a wife,that she should be ideal & flawless.BUT the husband can be adulterous.



just for her own selfish sake.

 

Same arguments as above.To add, you speak against selfishness,but teach another woman how to become selfish and live illegally with a married man.Now these are called double standards!!

 


 

 

Debashis88

Banana Master 

 

Lastly,you have written "BANANA MASTER" in your proifile?What is your intention of using this name?Can you explain please?

 

You talk of sanskras in a wife,but you are just the opposite of "decency.If you have any "sanskars" left in you,kindlly change this cheap name into something that shows your own sanskars and decency..
 


(Guest)
Originally posted by :Princess
"



you r not suggesting anything but trying to IMPOSE your views on me. ever i asked for your suggestions regarding name.  your name itself is slur on democratic people. In India there is no place of  Raja,or princess, but but but ....... we are from banana cultivating area and have large banana farm in Hajipur. if you have no knowledge about Hajipur please get knowledge first.

any way my job accomplished with your hysterical rage. this shows what a woman can do with her husband and in-laws.

i dont think i hv to reply your foolish threats  and comments.

what about your parents- r they desi or westernized?

what according to you meanings of desi & western?

any girl misbehaving with in laws and husbands supporting her are westernized and vice-versa.

dont forget that westernized girl also want a suitable desi boy ,otherwise she have to face divorce every year. r u that kind of girl?

in desi or western term there is a special name for that kind of girl, which you better know.

 

DONT TRY TO IMPOSE YOUR VIEWS ON OTHERS. YOU R NEITHER THEIR MOTHER OR SISTER OR...... ANYTHING.



 



"


should man leave parent only for a girl? is this the value he learned form family, society, school etc? and that outsider girl is encourging this !!!!

 

 

If you want the man to be a desi man,why do you encourage a woman in the other thread to have a live-in relation with a married man?https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/i-want-to-marry-a-married-person-41095.asp.You should have chosen not to reply,because you are  sanskari person.Right?


Are these your sanskars?Either be a complete desi,or be completely westernised.Don't be a hypocrite!

 

 


see where these girls are leading our family and country ultimately?

 

Exactly!You want girls to be ideal and virtuous.But in the other thread (mentioned above),you advise another girl dirty tactics on how to live in with a married man,and how to live illegally without leaving any proof!


You have high expectations from a wife,that she should be ideal & flawless.BUT the husband can be adulterous.



just for her own selfish sake.

 

Same arguments as above.To add, you speak against selfishness,but teach another woman how to become selfish and live illegally with a married man.Now these are called double standards!!

 








 

 

Debashis88

Banana Master 

 

Lastly,you have written "BANANA MASTER" in your proifile?What is your intention of using this name?Can you explain please?

 

You talk of sanskras in a wife,but you are just the opposite of "decency.If you have any "sanskars" left in you,kindlly change this cheap name into something that shows your own sanskars and decency..
 

"

(Guest)
Originally posted by :Debashis88
"


Originally posted by :Princess



"




you r not suggesting anything but trying to IMPOSE your views on me.

 

I did not impose anything.Rather you got hyper,when I asked you a few questions TO WHICH YOU HAVE NO ANSWERS.So you're diverting the topic elsewhere.

 

i dont think i hv to reply your foolish threats

 

When did I threaten you?Post that sentence,where I did.

 

 In India there is no place of  Raja,or princess

Did I say I am a princess in India?


but but but ....... we are from banana cultivating area and have large banana farm in Hajipur. if you have no knowledge about Hajipur please get knowledge first.

 

Agreed! I suggest you to use "BANANA FARMER/BANANA FARM OWNER in your name.It's totally your choice.I am not imposing anything.


any way my job accomplished with your hysterical rage. this shows what a woman can do with her husband and in-laws.

 

What do you mean by job accomplished?Did you join this site to spread hatred against Indian wives?This is what I have been seeing in all your posts.


what about your parents- r they desi or westernized?

 

How is it connected to the above posts?Kindly do not bring families into the picture please.


in desi or western term there is a special name for that kind of girl, which you better know.

I do not need to know whatever vulgar names you must have known.No point speaking of it in a threatening manner,by saying,which you better know.

DONT TRY TO IMPOSE YOUR VIEWS ON OTHERS. YOU R NEITHER THEIR MOTHER OR SISTER OR...... ANYTHING.


What are you doing here?You are also stressing(rather imposing) in every thread,speaking against wives.


 

 

 

See I can counter reply to all your points,but I don't have so much time.All I know is that you have become enraged,when you were shown the mirror about yourself and that you have extreme hatred for wives,but none for home breakers.

 

Bye!


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Ms Liberal
"



Originally posted by :Debashis88



"


should man leave parent only for a girl? is this the value he learned form family, society, school etc? and that outsider girl is encourging this !!!! it is certain that selfish girl will surly ditch boy when needed because she is outsider  unlike his mother- father-sister.

see where these girls are leading our family and country ultimately?

just for her own selfish sake.

"




Soory for interrupting you,. I want to add that women too leave her parents after marraiage......
"

So? They r taking revenge? since i leave my parents so boy must do so????????

less than 0.01% girls thinks this. Only miniscule percentage of family breakers are doing so.


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