after divorce

We may have advanced technologically but our mental standard or psyche has not changed yet.

What u have observed is a practical thing. Living as a single especially to a female is really difficult, especially in villages and small towns. “Divorcee tag or stigma is still very strong in our society”.  Our society keeps double standard.  This needs to be changed. One thing u will have keep in mind that “Strength recognizes Strength”. I am happy to see your username i.e. “Strength”.

Strength,

I have seen you couple of other postings.  i wanted to give my two cents.

I am on the other side of the fence... a husband who gave everything to the marraige and in returne  got lies, deceits, false complains, attitude, threats( but not  cheating)

But as a person I can co relate with you.  I think I agree with other suggestions  wh said  that if you see the other party is  unwilling  .. it is time to move on. I can tell you from my experience if you try to force things  .... it will become hell. God forbid, if some big unwarranted  event happens it will drain you/ your partner. And if you look back after a while ... you will surely say that parting ways was much better option.

Life  post divorece will have challenges... but the best strenght is your own - your internal. And  please don't plan too long in the future.. you got to give future a chance.

thanks avinash, but some family members says its starting drama of family life everything will be setteled after few years.

@ strength

i fully agree that life post divorce isn't easy...it's pathetic..

one marries basically for getting settled in life....if one keeps changing partners,how can he be settled?

don't worry..ur husband will pay for his misdeeds...i don't know if u r still divorced..

if not and if u  wana live with him,book him for his harassment by filing DV case against him and those family members who harassed you alongwith him....the court will direct you to live in the shared household....just talking to him will be worthless.it's my personal experience,especially when the husband is so egoist and stuboorn,which he seems to be...

show the proofs of his affair in your DV case and he will get so emabarssed that he will mend his ways hopefully.sometimes public shame has a greater impact than just counselling him,in which, u have already failed....and moreover u can also involve his relatives by sharing ur grief with them,including his affair and ur inlaws' illtreatment towards u.....

obviously ur inlaws and hubby wud not like their relatives to know how they illtreated u....i'm sure they must have given them a different picture of u altogether,to avoid their son's misdeeds from getting exposed....once they are put to public shame,they will realise their mistake....u shud also be bold and confront the girl and her parents directly(if she's unmarried ;or else her husband)...i m sure no person wud like to see his daughter/wife's name from getting tarnished inside courtrooms....

just try these things i told u,but please file DV case immeditely....

all the best..

Here comes the sisterhood brigade.....

They are so clueless.....  Ladies why don't you realise that once you file  any casein court forget comming back to marriage..... reasoning is simple . You have approached court, lets court decide.

 In the above suggestion, the whole approach  is revenge. .... that is the basis of almost all break up. If you are in mood to take revenge.. what stops others to do? It is one way path... downhill

@ avinash

"once you file  any case in court forget comming back to marriage..... reasoning is simpl"

i think u dint read strength's queries properly...she said that her hubby is already forcing her for a divorce..when he's not interested in marriage,she has every right to file this case to get relief..

if u think its revenge,its ur own perception....

a wrongdoer has to be punished.his illtreatment must be exposed to others...owise he will illtreat his 2nd wife also cruelly if he doesnt learn a lesson.and all men will start treating the wife as a commodity which they can replace at will...we have punishments for different crimes/law breaking....then y only marital abuse is taken casually and punishments for it scrapped ?dv act doesnt even jail the man...unless he doesnt follow the court/protection orders...still u want her not to file even this case but be lenient with her arrogant hubby!

..even parents/teachers punish an errant child so that he learns maturity and discipline .owise he will become rowdy one day and dangerous for society....can they be called revengeful?

u say all this becoz u live in kalyug and dont realise the sanctity of marriage...the husband has no right to play with a wife's emotions like this....nor her inlaws have any right to harass her....during marriage all these people want a decent(lavish) marriage and then after marriage they treat the woman as they please...all guys here have been saying in different threads that maintenance is not justified 4 an able bodied woman.

.if that be so,then no man and his parents shud expect the girls' parents to give them a  decent marriage in a hotel/banquet hall etc....will men be willing to marry a gal who says that she just wants a temple or court marriage with 0 dowry,or share all marriage expenses on 50:50 basis?

so .here also the same argument applies...able bodied men shud share marriage expenses equally or go in for 0 dowry court marriage.becoz they can buy all furniture of their house,ACs,car etc on their own instead of depending on gals' parents who may be retired/nearing retirement...y do these able bodied men want their aged inlaws to pay for marriage expenses,give dowry,also give gifts wen the child is born and keep giving yearly on festivals,etc....

so first stop  this discrimination in the name of customs ..then talk of able bodied women earning their bread n butter themselves

and women who have been wronged or deserted shud have every right to maintenance and compensation....i m not in favor of live in partners,illegal second "wives" or adulterous women getting maintenance....i only support the rights of innocent and wronged wives..

Strength, though in my last posting I had asked you to take your husband for councelling and if he does not agree, never to give him divorce under pressure from him. If he is forcing you to do it even after his misdeed, and on top of that Ulta Chor Kotwal ko Dante type attitude, I.e. humiliating you, it is the worst sort of torture. Mental, emotional, psychological and s*xual( if he is avoiding you). Now you have to pause before you take further course of action. This is injustice which you are facing, and yes, DV case in your case would be counter to that injustice..you do not want to allow him to humiliate you. I agree with Aishwarya, you may be harmed, and before your hubby does it , you need to take initiative and that 's where if you remember I mentioned you need to consult a woman sensitive advocate as soon as possible. You need to move ahead, but moving ahead does not mean that you will tolerate injustice and bullying from your husband. Pause for a while, and decide. 

1. A cat teaches every tricks to a lion but one last trick the lion has to learn himself which the cat never teaches in urban jungle. That is called survival of the fittest in a urban society.


2. Past posts of yours gives views that you have learned all the tricks to survive except handling  "partnership" - "companionship" which you are better prepared to learn the re-learning yourself now.  Experience teaches as great healer, that, sooner or later, some march ahead, some go into loop and both are accepatable forms of a person's journey, afterall it was your journey. 


3. Based on your posts till date live- in kind of "copanionship" may suite your "village innocence" read with "wanna and gonna" attitude till you plan to gift yourself a re-settle down version yourself as per your terms one of these future days.


Get out of these legal forums and hook yourself to social bonding sites now, it helps greatly especially women's to clear once horizons.........


All the best................

Strength, do not go by how a few men interpret your character and "needs". You are engaging in a legitimate query and no one has a right to tell you what to do or what not to do or to get out of this forum. Whether you join social bonding forum or not, that's upto you as much as whether you leave this forum or not is up to you. So just remain focused on how you counter humiliation and injustice meted out to you. Do not let anyone words here let you bog down. 

When a woman like you refuse to hear or see holes in the advice offered by men, it naturally hits them and it is out of  sheer but meaningless arrogance that then you would be either asked to shut up or get out of this forum. Or you will hear some wild generalisation on what clears and what obscures women's minds!

hi strength..i saw your post on my question in the forum..see all are suffering..only the way is different..you are having your own problems and I am having my own..It is not my right to tell you how you should live your life..It is upto you.what you say is partly true that life for a divorced woman will not be the same in this society..But out there, there are many people who understand the true essence of living..that is living for yourself..dont get panicked and do not wish that your husband should get a punishment for his deeds..If he has done things based on his conscience, he will not receive any punishement at all and see after all what is punishement for a sin?it is our minds perception of a particular situation or random event that might occur in our lives..

@Strength,

You are right, a divorcee woman tag is not seen with a respect in the metro cities even, leave the question about rural areas. Allthough we have very GOOD laws in the favour of women in India but still the thinking of the society can not be changed overnight. It will take time. The number of divorce cases are increasing day by day so it will become very common to see a divorcee next door (just like girl next door). As mentioned by some senior members / lawyers in other threads that we are adopting the west / US culture so that day is not very far when we see India as a country of Divorcees, fatherless children and childrenless fathers. The culture of half sister and half brother will be very common. A woman will be carrying kids form different ex husbands.

Your parents are right. I've seen divorcee ladies to suffer in the society. Once you get divorce, you should concentrate on your work and should try to settle down in life. You should remarry with a man of your choice as living alone is not the solution. I have also seen that finding a good match for a divorcee is very very difficult who had filed 498A / DV on her ex husband. The sisters of the 498A girl also suffer. If a 498A divorcee starts any affair then it's a different thing but it is also true that not every 498A divorcee gets success in marrying her new BF.  Most of the time, 498A divorcees get a match of 10 -20 years older then her or with some defect, in her arranged marriage. I've seen the cases therefore sharing these things with you. So think before you act on the advice of legal terrorists / Legal Terrorists Trainers of this forum.

Filing court case / police complaints only increases the gap between the relationhips. Even if the Jduge gives you the right to stay in your husband's property, will your husband accept you from within his own heart? Will the relations be the same as before? No court / Judge / Police officer in this world can force the husband and wife to live under one roof with all love, trust and affection. It is something which both the partners need to express and build themselves. 

Cheers!

Cool