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Pramod Saini (Computer operator)     17 April 2013

Want to save my family

Hi all Experts,

 

I am pramod from Jaipur, Rajasthan. I got married to chhaya from Kanpur, Uttar Pradesh on 12 June 2012.

her Brother-in-Law (her eldar sister's hasband) is Distence relative of us, he came to us with proposal of marriage. because of relationship we didn't check background.

She is very Shameless & Characterless. She tried to connect with Neighbourhood Boys & My Brothers.

We are seven members in my family has commited Suicide too many time including me and I have a call recording of my wife, she is talking to her mother & told that we all have commited suicide because of her behaviour.

when I said these things to his brother-in-law & parents they abused me & my family ( I have Call recordings. )

they didn't even asked to her why she was doing that. they knew her nature so they only tried to depress me and because of the depression I lost my work. I was a freelancer, was working from home with good earning.

Now I am working as non-tech worker in a local company at 6000 per month.

whenever she went to her home she said that we don't let her travel or we don't give her to eat and we are very cruel.

really she wanted it from the begining so she were making her parents that we are wrong. if we were wrong why do we commit suicide ??

We tried our best to make her happy but she didn't want it.

I have many call recordings & now her brother-in-law and her parents want to fill False case of dowry & Harassment.

full her family with her brother-in-laws & my family and relative, we had a village assembly and she said she don't want to stay with me But her father & brother-in-law want get money from us.
so they want to file the case. I said in the 
assembly that I agree to stay with her so they said come to kanpur & take her from there.

when we call him for taking her they asked for one month, my family gave them two months

BUT we all know that whenever she will come back she will do the same things to get her back.

Now I also want divorce but don't have money for giving her father & brother-in-law.

Please suggest if there is any way so I can save my family even if I hang or die.

I will really very thank full to you, please help me to getting out of this metter. anybody can visit to see if we are wrong in any way.

Regards,

Pramod



Learning

 5 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     17 April 2013

I will be straightforward to you;

 

  1. A metro wife has right to connect with next door romeo otherwise it is stigma to her upbringing. Unless next door romeo comes forward and say your wife had tried to have relationship with him no case made out. In society there are opportunist than helpers so this is ruled out that neighbour boy will come and help you seek divorce on charges of wife’s ‘adultery’.
  2. Seems your family is cultured and upright joint family and could not take sounds of infidelity of a metro wife thus attempted jointly suicide. But suicide is not solution to such social problems of metros.  
  3. I would suggest to beg, borrow and talk via ‘society elders’ exploring option for MCD and done with such infidel metro wives before it is too late for a family who believes in preserving self honor. Lives lost due to character in reference to context of female member of the matrimonial hom eis not worth the troubles it follows.  
  4. Audio recording and family members past suicide attempt are not enough grounds to seek divorce on ‘mental cruelties’ as it will elasticize the Civil procedure and meanwhile family may get hit by Criminal laws (dowry / dv etc.) which will be too much to take and may lead to some members commiting suicide; God forbid such things comes out in news just because wife of one family member has eye for neighbourhood males !.
  5. Hence para 3 is ideal in reference to context for a fundamental reason litigant has to be emotionally sound to contest Family Law case(s) and where one sees whole family emotionally bankrupt it is not advisable to say on internet forums ‘fight cases’ unless the family is backed up by physical group of volunteers on ground to take moment by moment stock of well being of the queriest / his family members which from internet forums are not possible is my view.
    OR
    If you are able to find localy a Advocate who can give 24X7 emotional and legal support then legal way out is filing a divorce case under ‘mental cruelties’ and be prepared for UP's famous mediation reference rounds and long innings in Court corridors.

Harsh (Manager)     18 April 2013

@author,

First, be STRONG, and stop getting those stupid ideas of attempting suicide, ghar ki izzat, society mein naam etc. All these are for decoration purpose only, the real life is what you have lived and what you are living now.  Very soon your neighbors, friends etc. will understand and they will support you not your madam. When you have not done anything wrong, you should not self-victimize. Second, she is evil so she needs to go through hell not you.

Second sorry to hear about your job loss - but it seems  a natural outcome of marrying such a girl. There are many in the same boat here.

Third, spend a LOT of time going through others posts on 498a here (and 498a.org), you will very soon realize what exactly it is and how it affects. You will also feel strong that you are not alone.  This is your home work for marrying madam chaya, you MUST do this make you and your large family confident and strong. No B Tech, M Tech, MBA etc. from any college will teach you these lessons. Or you can sit and cry.

After you have understood all these, then decide what you want to do - PAY THEM or FIGHT THE CASE when it eventually comes. You will need just about 5 days to get that level of understanding,  for your info, note that most of dowry cases are false and police/advocates/judges also realize this fact. the police know if it is a false case and they also know that false allegations (esp dowry) cant be proved.

Till you decide, you try all your wits to keep your wife and inlaws hanging - tell them you will arrange for money give some time etc. (just like a ransom case). Or tell you will get a separate house, what ever.  And my friend, just KEEP BUYING TIME. and in parallel you prepare for any eventualities.

uske baad, if you want you pay them and say tata. but i suggest you first understand and assess.

Your decision to Pay or Not to Pay must be an informed decision, not out of fear or intimidation.

Pramod Saini (Computer operator)     18 April 2013

@Tajobsindia

yes, My family is classic, cultured and upright joint family and non of us can Afford these metro wife.

even she knows that now she cannot be happy with me cause I know her every action.

after talking to many elders & advocates I knew that whatever happened to me & whatever I saw will not matter and how could I get evidences??

I couldn't get my camera & be everywhere to take her video or image. even her brother in law clearly said to me on phone that they all used her for their enjoyment & burnt her shyness BUT still I have to keep her cause I marry her.

we cannot live together anyhow now and I don't want to put my family into problem as I know if they went in jail at least one-two person will like to leave life.

They just spent 30K in marriage BUT asked for five lac. we don't have such much money.

Questions: 1. anybody will ask them that from where they get 5 lac ?? cause they are very poor and 30K RS they get from their land sell.

2. if she file case of cruelty that my family beat her ( I have recording that she said non of my family beat her not even threaten her ) then how can I safe my family.

if I record me & my wife's conversation with web or spy cam that My family didn't do anything wrong to her not even abused her, will it help my family ??

Please help me to get divorce from her as we both cannot stay with each other BUT she is not saying this publicly cause they want money & I cannot say this publicly cause I don't want to get my family in trouble. BUT we had a recorded audio conversation in that she accepted that she did wrong and we cannot stay with each other.

  • I cannot file a divorce case before one year of marriage.
  • I cannot run cause if they file case police will not leave my family.
  • I don't have strong proof except for my self cause all this happened to me and I saw everything with my own eyes & my family and  Neighbors cannot support me even they knew what happened.
  • and final thing we cannot live together.

let me know what kind of evidences I need to get divorce. I will try to get that first & then I will file divorce case on 12-June 2013.

hopping they don't file a case till than. cause in village assembly, I said I am ready to keep her.

Please help me to get my family out of this matter & I realized that I couldn't find good girl in this modern India. so I will not do this mistake(marriage) again I swear. Thank you all. Regards, Pramod

user (user)     15 October 2013

Dear Friends, I got married 6 months back and after spending 2 months of marriage I came to know that my wife has illegal relationship. She had a boyfriend in past and her affair is still continues with her boyfriend even after marriage.

This I came to know after reading her SMS/chats, FB conversations etc. In most of her SMS's with her boyfriend, she talks about that she loves him (her boyfriend),he is my real love etc and many other things that clearly proves that she is still in touch with him and very frequently goes out to meet him during my absence. She is very rude and adamant in nature and if I ask anything she just ignores and never tells the true.

After we came to know about all these, we left her to her parent’s house safely and told everything’s and showed the SMS/chats to her parents. But her parent’s reaction was as if they knew about all these well in advance (before her marriage and they concealed with us). We have all these SMSs and chats with us as well. I can’t and don’t live with her my whole life.

Will SMS/Chats, FB conversations will be sufficient to prove her characterless and work as evidence? How to tackle this situation and how easy it will be to get divorce and save my family from jail.

 

What would be the worst situation? Please suggest how I can get rid of her (get divorce).  

Pramod Saini (Computer operator)     15 October 2013

Hi @user,

yes, these good evidence BUT not sufficient, if you can prove there physical relationship then you will get divorce very easily (might take a little bit time BUT you will get).

To prove physical relationship you have to record there s*xy conversation. may be you can gift her a mobile phone with spy autocall record so when she will talk you get recordings.

also record that her parent knew it so if you can prove it did fraud then you will not need to get divorce cause if any marriage done through fraud is not valid & she cannot ask for anything.

The worst situation can be you and your some family member can goto jail for from 24 Hours to Last 7 Days. BUT it is better than the situation that you live with her 70 Years.

I got all these information through my advocate & internet 498a.org.

I will love to get touch with you cause I have been also facing same problem.


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