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Porag (HR Consultant)     09 November 2012


Hi there, I am single but I am involved with a married person having 2 sons. he is living with his wife but they dont have any normal relation. Even they dont talk each other properly since 2004. in 2011 we involved. his wife also knows about our relation from the very begining. she congratulated him even knowing the fact. but when we have started to think to marry, she also try to create problems. Yesterday she beat her sons and threat that as she has give birth, she can kill them too. She also threat his husband that if he continue with me she can hire people to injure him thus he cant do anything. It is not like that she was leading a happy family and I entered. they were seperated but live in same place. I know everything as I almost 24 hours I am online VDO with him and see the real status. I even talked to his sons over net.

She wants us not to continue but she also is not happy with her relation with her husband. In this situation, if my beloved wants to get divorce, what problem can be arised. To inform, in his apartment and business, everywhere she has share though she didnt contribute financially but to get loan it was needed. He wants to take all responsibility of his sons and I dont have any problem but how to get rid of this situation if you can suggest. To file for a divorce, how long it take to finalise everything?


 12 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     09 November 2012

1. Law says (not me note it) that you were not supposed to have entered into his life no matter how miserable his separation phase under same roof are. Infact he could go behind bars if his wife gets little bit legal education. [But I see some remoteness or remorseness of her part here - whatever.]

2. However, now that you entered their life, initially metro wife may tolerate small bling here and there of her husbands part as it is life in metros now-a-days but the moment the other woman tries to rob her so calaled pathetic husband then it is obvious any Indian behenji will resist by all her social melodramatic means. That is about life in
metro India culture wise (mindset I mean here). Basically on day one she should have said NO to you but it seems she is in some sort of condonation r/w adjustments mode here and there............ 

3. So you see @ lady the mess he will always remain in, neither there nor with you. The solution is with him, i.e. he should ask price for his freedom from his own wife when the VDO is switched off. In that freedom prayer all collaterals will be equally shared by them and you and Law shouldnot come into picture when his freedom question is discussed with him with his own legally wedded wife.

If you wanted my (say uncalled for) advise to your overall brief then retreat back and be in same position where you started the relationship from and donot try to seek a name for such relationship as it will do good to all three. Let nature take its own course. Reason being your opening brief hinted that “she had no objections being in knowledge that you are also there between them struggling for demanding your own space”. That is the line such relationship settles-in when the MAN to two women in question is not that strong enough to set his freedom at his own cost. Precedents galore in metro (contemporary)
India and less said as my advise the better hints settles into the queriest as it is nobody’s case here after all and basically it is a agony aunt query which I enjoyed attending to :P

You are educated as per your profession hint beneath your screen name, hence above paras are self sufficient to know the bare Legal truth r/w society that his wife keeps when children welfare are also involved. Divorce case takes years to settle and best is MCD route but to come and sit across table is the biggest mantra he should 24X7 chant before Lord Hanuman which is only suggestion I see worth sharing with you :)

But I am glad in LCI such contemporary social truths are also emerging hence thank you for your eye-opening questions for @ 7 TP's here.

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     09 November 2012

whatever get the matter properly get mediated after all every relationship is like a glass and if brakes you cannot patch it up so better get negotiated by sensible mediation process!

Chetan Joshi (Advisory/Advocacy)     09 November 2012

Well  Porag ...


I dont think that it will be that easy for a wife to let go of her husband....It may take years if the wife doesnt consent...but with consent the maximiun time taken will be one year...


Have a good lawyer to plan a strategy...





rajiv_lodha (zz)     09 November 2012

As suggested by members, MCD b/w them is the only answer. Marriage is already dead b/w the couple. Better if both parties part ways amicably.

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     09 November 2012

problems today are invariably because one cannot decide so mediation will dothe wonder when both of you together plan sensibly workout solutions and that is possible by psychological consultations! 

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     09 November 2012

till things settled as you are a HRD peron, continue your relations of involvement without hetting married but maintain rlations in such a way you do not beget children that will really settlec issues much better than rushing for marriage. if you are in some problems then edically go for termination of pregancy, and you need to do it as you chose to have relations with a man who has children 

Rahul Kapoor (Legal Enthusiast)     10 November 2012


if your friend file for divorce then her wife and go for many other cases.

better secure evidences against her.

well how long the case of divorce will run depends on many factors. it can ended in few months or can be dragged over years.




JANAK RAJ VATSA (ADVOCATE)     11 November 2012

the keys to your problem are with his wife. legally , u need to stay away till nature becomes favourable to u.

Porag (HR Consultant)     15 November 2012

Thanks for all of your advice. If this is the case and if we hire a lawyer, what  the lawyer will do to expedite the process?

isnt the law encouraging extra marital relation?

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     17 November 2012

Law is not encouraging or discouraging anything. The law doesnot believe in breaking homes.






Shonee Kapoor

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     17 November 2012

what is law? It is indeed a social structure aproved views but those ideas till acceptable to general society that long it is valid else violent results surface. Law indeed is not very sacrosanct. So even judgeinterpretations and orders too do not have long validity as some new bench may come forward with new kind of interretation on issues as justice AK shah legalozed 'gay marriage' at delhi high court . It was against age old tradition of marriages. Yet succeeded just because more numbers lived and liked to live that way openly.

one should know gay life was there time immemorial everywhere but yet that was not openly recognized.

see for instance there s gujarat tradition of concubine law. Gujarati society accepted concubines by a system of law though every place there was concubine system but it did not get legality stamp, except in Gujarat. Concubines get legal right to a part of the person's properties.

so there is nothing hard and fast rules and laws, once when law stamp is given that system survives. similarly living in relationship is recognized today. that way a lawyer lady lived in relationship with another lawyer and when she was killed bt a watchman then the all facts came out that the lady lawyer killed by watchman was a daughter of an IAS what i say there is metamorphic transitional think today till s thought think is finally settled and finally accepted  there will be wobblings.

In this case it is a question of living in relations apart from regular marriage. when living in relationship is valid per law never it mentioned that there shall be legal divorce before living in relationship how bigamy laws will stand is a great question. so supreme court asked government of india to take a stand on 'gay marriages' and government went into a mode whether to accept or not to but when court forced a decision , finally government agreed to legalize gay marriages.

so there is nothing sacrosanct as far as marrages are concerned when divorces became a norm today unlike inthe past when regular marriages per religions' accepted norms were erformed. today which religion allows living in relations or gay marriages especially in india.

Islam, hinduism  as also christianity never accepted 'living in relations'  or 'gay marriages but new generation over ruled the religious tenets. Islam allowed four wives and three ponouncement of talaq just  orally but very same islam never openly agreed for gay relations, living in relations though all these things were there in the humanrace by surruptious means by real open defiance to all laws that were present.

When AP Shah as CJI prnounced at Delhi high court, then a lot of flip n flop took place.

so the bigamy laws how sacrosanct is being tested today by urges of the new generation of people, what law courts will do? the courts will decide per a law or a code while other laws when permitting there emerges serious conflict of laws, as both laws remain as several  kinds of think is prevalent.

in a society before getting married girl will like to have s*xual experience of the would be boy and that still goes on who objects but that goes on. so nothing sacrosanct but only some explosions.

Living in relationship is the think this HR girl has been trying but when so why she needs a marriage as living in relationship to provides a legal right to other aspects too, including property shares.

in fact the person opting for living in relations never bothered about their progeny's welfare and that too is surreptiously happening. Now shares in properties will soon surface. so laws and statutes are in flud state. there are no principles as such but just some practices are getting legal status by people like justice AP shah and then it becomes a norm and it forced supreme court to press the government for a stand recently on gay marriages, is it not? AEvery reader may know this aspectwhere is treat sanctity we all talk about. it is nothing self delusion!  

dr g balakrishnan (advocate/counsel supreme court)     17 November 2012

dear Porag , my advice is some kind of living in relationship, if you are worrried about some marriage status, it will take time. so you have to compromise whenyou chose to have living in relation experiencewith him where is gurantee that man will honor any marriage at all. as you chose to keep on then why so much to be bothered about marriage at all? that man indulges in sporting s*x is clear when he married earlier and suddenly he loves you means there is something fishy about him . do you know after his marriage, how many s*x sport he indulged in you may not know nor will he tell you.

he is taking advantage of transitional situation by he being a s*x psychic as he never liked any permanent relations like in marriage. In marriage even ne's wife becomes invalid he will continue his alegiance to that lady, but such manyou chose i doubt about his intensions or i cannot say how he will behave with you when he gets anther lady he may prefer for his tastes is it not.

so i said avoid having children with him but as you are madly in'love' with him then live in is best option.. adv dr g balakrishnan 

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