(Guest)

The psychology behind filing cases against inlaws & husband

it's rightly said "a woman is another woman's greatest enemy"

wen a DIL comes in a home after marriage,the MIL and sister inlaws feel jealous due to the reasons u stated...they feel bad if the husband takes his wife out,talks to her after returning from office,etc...if she talks to her parents on phone,they feel they are being disrespected even though she has spent more than 20 yrs wid them...but this bond shud now break immeditely..

secondly they are competing 4 power...so they look for opportunities to dominate her and get united as she is alone..they also want that her parents shud have no say in the house now...so they will try to show them down also by ridiculing their gifts,the marriage arrangement etc.......no girl(whetehr homely or modern) likes taunting 4 parents who gave her birth,nurtured her,tuk pains to get her married,etc....this is intolerable....so she starts replying back and complaining to husband.

this infuriates them and they go to her husband,her only friend in life to provoke him,so that he doesnt take her side...since the son is also deeply attached for many yrs while the wife is just few months old,he naturally takes their side or keeps advising her to "please these ladies"(god knows how these jealous women want to be pleased)

the gal tries her best to follow tthe MIL,and MIL may even feel elated that she's coming under her control....again if the MIL sees understanding n romance b/w her son and DIL,she divide n rule game.... she's just brot the bahu so that their vansh(lineage) continues,somebody serves them in old age and they can answer the society that their laadla is now finally married...but deep inside they feel jealous n powerless wen they see them coming close.this cycle of taunting starts again...and now the modern DILs cant take it any longer...so the hubby is provoked that as soon as his wife entered the house she is "disrespecting" his mother, sister etc....this leads to Domestic violence...the gal may/may not get parental support.they advise her to "adjust" with them....

meanwhile if the husband says anyth to his mum,he's branded as joru ka gulam....so he doesnt side with her while she wants his protection,which is assumed to be family breaking attempt by the bahu.so he takes out his frustartion on wife...wen she demands a separate home whr she can live minus these taunts,she again is accused of separating son from his family......if it gets too much, she may even be thrown out of home.......if her parents try to intervene,they are labelled as interfering.....becoz these inlaws want that no matter how much the daughter inlaw is taunted,she shud tolerate.and her parents shud always be like slaves to inlaws...if her modern parents speak up for her,they are also branded as non sanskaari and not following indian traditions of respecting girls' inlaws..

.after all the mother inlaw also tolerated her own mother inlaw's behaviors as a bahu...so this custom shud continue...they dont like a bahu who has self respect...while their sons liked such GFs b4 marriage who were smart and knew how to stand up 4 themselves...but now they want a cow in wife

the inlaws dont get peace here...they now even tarnish her image amongst their neighbours,relatives etc that we have a v.bad n selfish bahu wid no sanskaars…and they are trusted blindly....becoz they are senior people..so wotever they say is is the golden truth

then there are other scenarios as well.for example..if the bahu gets a medical problem in b/w due to which she cant conceive her hubby may be willing to adopt a child...but here the inlaws ego is hurt as to why she cant bear the child of their blood...she is taunted as baanjh,banjari etc...and the hubby is incited further that he got an unhealthy wife(even if he has loads of illnesses himself) soshe is useless.... rather he shud divorce her so that he can hv a 2nd marriage with a healthy younger girl..the hubby also may develop a dislike for a woman who according to his dear mother is unhealthy and therefore unattractive.he is so frustrated by now that he has no liking for a woman against whom the whole family has developed a dislike.then she is forced to leave the house/or she leaves herself

So with no support from hubby she is forced to file cases. ...

she may have been be married off while she's just a graduate or may even be older 30 wen she got married...so its not so easy to get a suitable job immeditely,when these conditions prevail.if she is over 35,forget that she will find any job,as there are age limits for each job....so she files maintenace cases to get adequate maintenace.now she knows she has to pay the lawyer also for her case fee and no one is willing to work for free/subsidised fee.so again she is demands a huge sum as alimony(for her harassment,no right to live with husbnad,streedhan taken away,no maintenance,high marriage expenses of her parents,,her struggle for job ,paying the lawyer,etc)so by now she is so frustrated that she wants a huge alimony to cover up these expenses...then society calls her revengeful...

now even if she gets job,it'll not be a permanent job....and govt job is so tuf to get..so she may work on contract basis initially witth low pay in private firms which she can lose any time...since she is unsure if she'll be able to continue here,the high alimony is another reason she demands. she also sees her parents frustration who may have shelled out so much money for dowry n marriage arrangement...and now her financially supporting her again.still she is branded as money extorter..

if she is thrown out of matrimonial home,many times the streedhan including her gold jewels are usually with inlaws who are unwilling to return,as they wana show society that this aggressive bahu left the home on her own as she dint want to serve her inlaws in old age,so carried all her things away(they adopt this atrategy so that their cruelty is not exposed)

MOST OF THE TIME , inlaws play these manipulative games with her,taunt,remark at her,etc in husband's absence when he is at work and wen he returns,they act extra nice with her in front of him....so he can never imagine that his trustworthy parents can actually be so manipulative..so he ends up blaming his wife for being cause of divorce for the rest of his life...and never learns a lesson...and carries this baggage in 2nd marriage also..where same problems get repeated....in the end he becomes a woman hater...while these manipulators act too innocent in front of him,as they dont want that their son shud turn against them...and keep showing "sympathy" over his ruined life

but only women get a bad name and are advised not to file any case even if the husband's dear old mother, laadli sister or pyaari bhabhi have been v.mean,conniving and manipulative with her to the extent that they made the husband beat her and leave her.....................the shock of getting separted from the hubby with whom wanted to spend an entire life has already broken her by now.on top of it delayed and faulty procedures of courts.................but she gets no understanding from society....even if she lives with her parents,mostly they and her relatives remark why she cant "adjust" with them somehow....

this is a typical situation that happens in an indian family...............

I FEEL THAT WHENB4 A MAN GETS MARRIED HE SHOULD MAKE IT CLEAR TO HIS FAMILY THAT HE WON'T TOLERATE DISRESPECT OF HIS WIFE.

SIMILARLY B4 MARRIAGE HE SHUD ALSO TELL HIS WIFE HE WONT LIKE DISRESPECT OF HIS FAMILY

If he doubts that this marriage will bring unhappness or if his family is still insecure of a DIL entering the house,he shud rather not marry at all........or wait 4 the right time when everyone agrees….

Reply Follow

8 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate) 06 September 2010

Dear Frnd:

ONly one answer " LIfu Istene" ( this is life)

(Guest)

maintenance cases ok, why false 498a and dowry case? minor ups n downs are a part of life in a family. many times all in family are suffering. hardly anyone will dare to beat a girl in a metro city. why every girl in divorce process files false 498a and dowry case.

(Guest)

@ adv rajeev

sir,i wrote this in reply to ur post a few datys back,where u had replied to Mr. D.Arun kumar.....its becoz u had stated that fights b/w females like mother inlaws,daughter inlaws,etc,are mostly responsible for 498a and other cases..

@ avnish kaur

why false 498a and dowry case?

y do u say that all cases are false...i agree some may be false or exaggerated...but dont say all are false

secondly u and others say that most 498a complaints cases are usually taken back by girls becoz they are "false"...now here u r mistaken...okay some may be taken back becoz girls must be lying but this is also true that 498a cases take more than 10 yrs. to get solved.and then there is so much police harassment,corruption,in judiciary,lawyers' unfaithfulness,long dates,wastage of time,energy,youth etc.so girls must be taking back cases due to all these pressures....wud u like to wait for a case that takes more than 10 yrs ot get over?tell me?

in case of NRIs who desert the wives 498a is the only option....as calling to them in india is difficult...so can girls do?

did u read articles by Mr. prabhakar?he said that lawyers,police officers etc tell the woman to include dowry harassment in the complaint o'wise it'll not be taken seriously... in 498A cases,even if harassment is NOT DOWRY RELATED,still 498a can be filed.

minor ups n downs are a part of life in a family.

now here u r mistaken...u shud reread all that i wrote in my article.if a woman is continuously nagged by inlaws,beaten by husband and these inlaws try to separate both of them,dont let them come close,these are not minor things.....we indians take these abuses as "agni pariksha' of the bahu,that she is newly married.all her inlaws are "testing" her as to how much she can tolerate..(i have always heard the elders say tht inlaws test the bahu's patience like this.they also test her like this to find out wot sanskars her parents have given her,ie,if she keeps silent or not......... So barbaric!) this is as bad as ragging

if a man is always nagged by his wife,we call her unkind and cruel...but if the wife is nagged and beaten by inlaws,husband etc, u call them minor things.........do u realise that taunts the whole day can affect a girls' mental health?

many times all in family are suffering

yes all family members start suffering wen cases are filed against them..so who asked them to trouble the daughter inlaw in the first place?dint she suffer?

hardly anyone will dare to beat a girl in a metro city.

whether we live in a metro or village,whether we wear jeans/skirt or sarees.indians mentality is still backward.they dont want their DILs to stand up for tthemselves or reply back if she is insulted..........

and its not necessary that women are always beaten up.they can be subjected to mental toture also.....isnt mental torture a crime?

(Guest)

@ Aishwarya

Just a quick reply, seems the above post may be mine analogy but not sure if I ever posted such piece here however some quick correction to your thought process in above post;

1. An eye for eye is not the right attitude. Like when you say it is difficult to bring a NRI back to India so put 498a he will roll back, You forgot NRI lobby and we were instrumental in rolling back Interpol RCN notice which even your godfather Mr Prabhakar will resent how we manged to do that :-) There is another piece for which you need not have to be rocket scientist to understand that is a NRI can easily sneek in / out of India if a 498a there or not keep guessing how ! 5 - 7 years back we the NRI's were pissing in our pants about 498a but today we have got issued several MHA Adversaries on FIR which I have even posted here so take a walk now 498a is not that easy to be filed based on "crocodile tears" of errant wife be it rural or urban. If you are in doubt go and file RTI to Police HQ in your city and ask 498a FIR stats in your own city / town / village whereever you are living, the charm of 498a has been replaced now by DV Act which even your godfather Mr Prabhakar is now a days advising with great tempo. I am not against his advise but a lawyer will always be a lawyer.

2. Your say that a 498a takes 10 years for either acquattal or conviction is totally false be it rural or urban stats. why because you now need to check with your godfather Mr Prabhakar when here I say that a shelf life of divorce is 24 to 36 months and simultaneously also say shelf life of 498a national average is 48 months to worse case scenario 58 months. Shelf life here also includes that the majority of 498a end up into "compromise" thy name "settlement" between warring couples with some "opportunity cost limsum payment form boys side to girls side" Always present correct picture in public forums and I always remind you that you donot have datas thus you try to sway the sentiments of readers here and there. I once again invite you to Delhi with 24 hrs. notice and see my compilation of Datas from the very Government / Statewise you will get corrected during your next postings. Now don't worry I have sent an RTI to BCI to give me datas of each High Court Advocate of Delhi to begin wih who are ld. advocates in 498a so I will get your godfather's case files too like how many 498a he is involved into :-)

3. Mr Prabhakar is not a honest lawyer who if gives advises to errant wives that "include dowry and 498a then complaint will be taken seriously" this openly (publically) I will say come whichever contempt suit he has guts to file upon me, This I say because you are quoting him and I am not concerned if he really said so or not and my remarks is based to you quoting him so if your source is wrong then you are found misguiding general public and if your source quote is right then what I said in oppening sentence here stands right. Now both of you decide in PM with eachother how to make 'politically correct" statement in public forums ! okies....

Guest (Guest) 06 September 2010

Aishwaryaji,

I have been closely following your postings from the very beginning. First you started your postings with your personal problems and came out of it and connected your self with municipal laws (Indian laws) and now you are taking up the issues connected to international level. In the short span of time, your horizon has spread widely and your postings certainly inspire the people persuing the same cause. But one thing. Please do not rely on news paper reports related to crimes. The police, at the fall of hat, concoct a story, that too a spicy story, within the fractions of the alleged offensive incident and catch the culprit and exhibit him/her before the print /T.V. media. Some other members of this forum also on this web-site placing the news items fed by the police - "daughter-in-law killed the mother-in-law for forcing her to study" "mother killed her children to run away with her paramour". Some of them, just referring my name, ask my comments on those rubbish news items, which are exceptional in nature and create such an impression that every day these things are going on.The issue is simple. As it is a rare incident, if at all it happened in the manner as briefed by the police, it found its place in the news papers. If it happens generally, it never find place in the news paper. "dog biting the man" is not a news, but "man biting the dog" is a news. Hence, do not rely much on newspaper reports regarding criminal offences. Those are odd incidents showing the peculiar nature of human being.

After all, this LCI found a matching person from the women side to counter post the countless postings of Sh. Arun Kumar on various subjects.

(Guest)

Sh Prabhakar

I will admit you have fantastic sense of humor too which I as a reader discovered and I appreciate your dig on me wa sit related to contempt or otherwise I see a gloomy cloud soooooon ha ha ha

yes she is getting better but teach her "linking" you know what I am talking here because I link articles (topics) with another and when she posts any posts I am not able to link immediately the context but yes she is improved from evolving from a personal trauma to national level oops international level too which even I will appreciate........ keep it up Aishwarya and now don't comment that this is my second note of encouragement well what is a enemy if we can't catch the depth of each other on same but bi-polar wavelengths.............ha ha

Guest (Guest) 06 September 2010

Mr. Arun kumar,

It requires immediate clarification from my side. I had not thought of you even for a fraction of a second, while I was saying about "contempt" action, in the post which you referred. Even though you called me once or twice as "dishonest advocate", I really appreciate your efforts for the people to whom you have a cause to share with. I am sorry, you failed to assess me and hence came to such wrong conclusion of "dishonest advocate". But that does not hurt me as in legal profession, people receive such comments, when adverse orders come from the court, despite our best efforts.

Our observations are different and from them our inferences are different. Hence, we have got difference of opinion on each and every thing. We, I think, agreed to disagree. That is the beauty of divergent opinions. While expressing our opinions, we have never used such words, some of the forum members are quite often using. My warning is to them not at all towards you.

I hope I clarified my position.

(Guest)

@ Mr Prabhakar

Kabhi kabhi message reply ache se padh liya karo aap bhi ladies ki tarah on the fly me maat raho. I never said in any single post that you are a "dishonest advocate" why should I say so tell me one single reason ! I like all professionals maximum in only one post after you expressed written irritation upon me I said "are you a fool....." for that if you change wordings then it is your problem not mine. In above para 3 I am quoting Aishwarya and asking her this not you so let us take a walk to Lodi Garden to calm our bina diwali ke fuljhadi bazana ..........you are good with your postings and it takes good armchair a/c environs to counter your mirchis n my electricity bills are rising for which u r to be blamed I will admit this much :-) and like you enjoy your posts so do I....so let us cheer up n I am not remaking here a Karuppan out of you..............professional regards to you as always.............