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Sidney Marshal (Engineer)     27 August 2014

Right time to file a divorce?

Hi All,

I had been married on January 2013 to a well educated BE girl. In the initial 6 mths of marriage my wife would have stayed with me for around 3-4 mths. As she had been to her parents home for some ceremonies and to her relatives places. The time which she had spend at our place was full of tension and the home had become a living hell for me and my old parents. My wife had never done any household work and would lock herself in her room during the day being continuously on phone for long hours or involved in social networking on the internet. 

She used to continuously torture my parents with abusive words and would warn them of putting them behind the bars. She would tell them to go to their village and stay. Many a times she would become voilent and had slaped me if not listened to her. Banged the doors, broke windows and utensils, if things doesn't go according to her wish. Seeing this my parents conducted many meeting with their parents but all was in vain. Finally i decided to stay seperately as my parents were suffering from lot of pain because of my wife. My wife refused to come to the new rented home which i took and left the matrimonial home on 12 May 2013, for never to return. 

We had been contacting their parents ever since but they didn't tell her about her where abouts. She didn't respond to my phone. It seems she had been staying seperately in a rented room in the same city. Her father had told that we will not send her until she gets a job. It seems she got a job some time in September 2013. We had been back of them for a meeting to settle this issue and was urging her to come in the rented home. But she didn't turn home. 

It was only in March 2014 they conducted a meeting to send her to the matrimonial home. My parents didn't wanted her in the matrimonial home and even i agreed to that as i didn't wanted my parents to suffer. I offered her to live with me in the rented home which she refused to come. From then onwards we dont have any contact between us. Neither she nor any of her parents had come asking to diffuse the situation and settle it. 

My wife had taken a rented home and started staying there. I have not been given any address of hers and all about her where abouts are secrets and they dont disclose. Then i got an opportunity to go to Uk and right now i am in UK for an year. No one has contacted form their end on anything and life is just going on. It has been around one and a half year having been physically seperated.

As per the conversation with my wife long time back when fight use to go on between us she had made it clear that she would live seperate and claim maintenance form me and will not divorce me anytime. And it seems she is enjoyng her time living seperately. Past 6 mths of silence between us has also not brought those people to us asking for solving it. She is now working in a Multinational IT company earning good. Even i am in an IT field. She being a BE and me a Post Graduate.

I want to divorce her now? Could any one of you please suggest as what should be the proper action to be taken in the right direction. I would be in UK for another six months. By the time i come back to India it would be almost 2 years from being physically seperated from her. Could you please suggest when should i be filing the divorce.

Thanks,

Sidney



Learning

 9 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     27 August 2014

After 2 years of seperation, file for divorce on the ground of cruelty and desertion.

NUT (Programmer)     27 August 2014

Anytime after 1 year is fine to file for divorce ... But the problem is men has to struggle hard to get it if wife has not filed 498a and DV case on you . Also she has to think that you are not good march for her . But this is what you have to do get her salary details and pan card number before you file for divorce . Before you file divorce. file for RCR first . Establish that she is living seperate for more the 6 months ... Once she counters RCR , then ask for divorce ...

Sidney Marshal (Engineer)     27 August 2014

Hi NUT,

My wife has full confidence of me being a good person and a perfect match for her. So i am sure she will not easily give me divorce. From starting she wanted a seperate independent life and someone who can provide money to her through out life in the form of maintenence for her to enjoy happily. She doesn't like my parents. She wants to enjoy with her friends doesn't want to take up the responsibility of the married life. She just wants to be a free bird with no responsibilities at all. She had already send me a private notice from her advocate saying that she wants a monthly maintenence or putting all false alligation against us.  All allegations like Dowry, Domestic Voilence and that they have spend a lot of money in marriage. These things have made us really angry. This notice had been sent on Dec 2013 with false allegation. 

Now my parents say if she can do this in the first few months of marriage she can do anything. And they are really afraid. 

Salary details and Pan card details would not be very hard to get. But would like to know what should i being having to prove that she is not staying with me from last one and a half year or may a two years in the future. Could you suggest me few things around this please?

Thanks,

Praveen.

NUT (Programmer)     27 August 2014

Your parents are right the girls is not suitable for you . Doing marriage is not like buying sandals in a footwear shop . Becuse you can replace the slippers after it was known that it Dosent fit you unlike marriage . People are wrongly guided in legal matters especially matrimony !!!..becuSe no common person reads Hindu marriage act and dose a marriage . They don't know court procedures and complications . This is altogether a mind game played by your wife on you for some sh*t reason . Remember in this game there is no rule !!!... If at all you want to harasse her . Pack your luggage and stay in your inlaws house , you approach woman's cell police and register the threat of 498a . Send legal notice of divorce as she seems to have already approached court . And await 498a , don't worry DV and 498a won't stand if it's fake . Don't give any of her things with out consent from court unless there was a direction . I have personally seen few 498case where wife is harrased by her own case ... Because husband proved her wrong and ready to take her back just to harasse , judges can't really comment on such cases . You can only give divorce from your side ... The meanig of divorce notice is you are not willing to lead life with your spouse .... Weather she likes it or not she has to contest in your case furnish that she ran out of house on SO and so date . Inspite of trying to call her many times she refused and threats you with false case .... Note after divorce notice is served ... She will definitely get hurt by your decision . She will think of next course of action which is 498a and DV. In total you will be handling three cases and have to manage lawyers fee for all these things ...

Sidney Marshal (Engineer)     28 August 2014

Hi NUT,

Uptil now she has not approached the court but has managed to send a private notice through her advocate in Dec 2013 detailing that she had been facing domestic voilence and is on the streets and monthly maintenence should be provided by me. This is inspite of she doing a very good IT job. Her advocate has even listed down the places where i have property and how much i earn. Also it lists my family members income including my sister's. 

And finally says that giving a monthly maintenence should not be a problem for you.

While leaving my house she had managed to take all the gold ornaments that we had taken in the marriage. So the possion of Stridhan is with her.  I had been waiting for any court action from her, but they had been silent all throughout. My wife doesn't not even listen to her parents so they have left her of her own. She had taken a rented home somewhere and enjoying her life. She has got what she wanted form marriage ie a name sake husband, and a complete independent life of her own.

I have literally observed one thing she is not interested in a married life. She never tried to patch up with me instead of repeated attempts. I had taken a flat of my own for an year for her to come but she didn't return. Kept on insisting of staying in the matrimonial house with my parents, troubling my old parents.

Her intention is only getting as much money as possible from me. She know that as i  am the only son and now 35 yrs would be wanting a baby. And so is this blackmail and not wanting to bend anywhere.

Her parents had even said take her in the matrimonial house if you want ur sons happiness and a baby in future or else they would stick to not sending her. 

I am sure if i go to court filing an RCR she might come in a rented house. But now what the use she has spoiled total 2yrs of my life.

Thanks,

Sidney Marshal (Engineer)     21 January 2016

Would like to note the latest happening in this case.....

I was back form UK in Nov2014. And around the same time she had filed an RCR as it was about one and a half year completed after being seperated. In the court i accepted her straight away in Feb2015. She kept this case open for four months as the judge told her either she had to take it back or tell us to proceed ahead with further. As she told the court as there is no problem she had to take the case  back. We stayed together till Sep2015. All this time she had been troubling me a lot but then as there was a RCR case against me i rather choose to be quite and not to confront her in any ways. As i had taken her in a rented flat she was not allowing me to go visit my parents and in case if i she would make a big drama. At nights she would unnecessarly shout and scream to create a scene that i am harassing her. Several time the society members would come and ask is there any prob. One best thing i have many a proofs now as i had recorded many a incidents by a spy camera. Her beeting me up with chappals and shoes and throwing utensits at me and shouting and screeming and even accepting that it is she who does the tamasha but then the society members doubt me of beeting her. I have also got her bank statement. As she had never shared her financial details with me i found that only a minimum was left in her account where in she earns a lot. On asking her about the wearabout of the rest of the money she says that as that is not given to her by me i dont have any right to ask her any questions. On the bank statement i have found that she had lended money of her friends money. Where as she being my wife had never taken any financial responsibility at home. All ration, rent and everything is done by me and for which i have the evidence.

When she had taken the RCR back that was a process document made which was not followed by her in totality. One of the points mentioned there was financial responsibility should be taken care of jointly but that was not done. In the period she stayed with me several times unnecessarly she had visted her parents. The document had said that in a year she can visit her parent 4-5 times on an ocassion. And many other things were not followed.

Finally on account of going abroad on a project in oct 2015 i diplomatically told her to shift to a hostel for with she agreed and now she is in a hostel but she had come to know that i have not gone anywhere. The reason i had to do that is my landlord told me to vacant the house as the society members had complained the landlord about domestic disturbances. However my wife wanted me to take a new rented house i diplomatically seperated her. There had been no legal action taken form that time. Already 4 months have passed and now i feel that as i have some evidence against on cruelity which i can produce i should go and file the case of divorce.

Do suggest me some action that i can take now?

balaram (director)     21 January 2016

Dear Sidney,

After going through the details, I can under stand the situation as I came across the same situation. Two suggestions may be helpful for you:

 

1. Please keep all evidances with you (Otherwise most of them listen to her) and change passwords for all you emails, bank and other important online credentials (She can missuse them 'Even can create problem in your work place'). Stop disclosing your work and other details.

2. Try to find an expert (Lawyer) who can take you in right direction and if you're in abroad then your in more danger. As people around you (Friends/ Relatives) always greedy about your earnings and can put you in wrong path where you loose your earnings and peace of life. My heartfull wishes for you and you're parents peaceful and happy future.

 

Regards, Venkat P

SuperHero (Manager)     21 January 2016

Originally posted by : Sidney Marshal

Hi NUT,

My wife has full confidence of me being a good person and a perfect match for her. So i am sure she will not easily give me divorce. From starting she wanted a seperate independent life and someone who can provide money to her through out life in the form of maintenence for her to enjoy happily. She doesn't like my parents. She wants to enjoy with her friends doesn't want to take up the responsibility of the married life. She just wants to be a free bird with no responsibilities at all. She had already send me a private notice from her advocate saying that she wants a monthly maintenence or putting all false alligation against us.  All allegations like Dowry, Domestic Voilence and that they have spend a lot of money in marriage. These things have made us really angry. This notice had been sent on Dec 2013 with false allegation. 

Now my parents say if she can do this in the first few months of marriage she can do anything. And they are really afraid. 

Salary details and Pan card details would not be very hard to get. But would like to know what should i being having to prove that she is not staying with me from last one and a half year or may a two years in the future. Could you suggest me few things around this please?

Thanks,

Praveen.

The Bomb has already been triggered in December 2013 and followed by RCR from her..

She is intelligent or I may say they are crooked. No responsibility, Care free attitude. 

Thinking High about herself....so on...

She might be under depression too or her Pyshcological behaviour is not good. But that is Past.

Now you have to file your case in such a way that every word you put on paper should reflect clearly and precisely.

Find a Good Lawyer...Once you found him. The Problem is almost solved.

Money Can buy you Peace. Yes it can buy you Peace...How..The moment settlement starts they want Money..Thats it..

What you want to do after divorce? 

balaram (director)     21 January 2016

I will give an example, separated in December 2009 and boy went abroad and in 2014 girl filed 498A, 420 and other relavent cases. Both of them never met for 5 years and no concersation, stil respectble megistate accepted to file case and most respectable police officers put him in custody over night.

Loot laks of rupees showing boy mother in pain. So i have alerted you to collect as many prrofs as possible, I agree that it is very difficult but there is no alternative.

A lot of currupted people in society and not any word or scold will compare them.


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