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Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

Seeking advice on divorce

Hi All,


I am married in the year of 2009 Nov as per the hindu rituals.. My wife had so many expectations on me because of whcih she was not able to accept many things.. Few of them were, me smoking, ocassionaly drinking. We were married in chennai and then relocated to Bangalore with my parents (father and mother). I shifted to a new good job which paid more than 100% my previous one. I had a dream of how to live the married life which i failed to convey to her because i wanted everything to be a sweet surprise. Nothing worked out... I was not able to spend quality time with her because of my work pressure and she very well can understand this since she is also a HR person. Aversion and angry on me turned on to my parents. they were not able to adjust. So i asked them to leave and they did. Then she became pregnent. Her family came to pick her up from bangalore to chennai... Life was like Hell every day.. If husband does not call her wife because of work and other things, is it not the responsi of wife to do so.... These kind of silly things happend in our life... Family problems started.... then i left that good job for her and came down to chennai by thinking that i can solve the problems... I was an idiot.. some how i managed and got a job and rented a house in chennai in the plan of staying together. Then my daughter was born on 2010 Nov and now she is 1 year old. Now every day in house something or the other problem comes up. Out of frusturation, i slaped her once. Then i solved that and brought her back to my house.. Again some problem she picks up and fights with me... If i say anything, she thretens of leave the house or she fights with me by crsing my mother who does not stay with us...


So i decided to put a full stop to this tension life. I wanted to get divorced from her. Kindly advice what i shoud do.

 

Waiting for an advice or solution.

Karthik



Learning

 14 Replies

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     21 December 2011

divorce should be the last option resorted to.

if divorce is not avoidable, better to go for MCD amicably.

Dr. GYV Victor., PhD., CEng., (Chartered Engineer Dredge Master (STCW 95) Marine Shipping Contracts Customs Arbitrator and Consultant)     21 December 2011

Karthik, your issues adn problems appears to be simple but yet when one can be in your shoes it shoudl be complicated. My sincere advice is, take your wife for outing or for a tour far away from your home, and try to spent some quality time with each other to understand the each other needs. It is imperative without saying, physical closeness shall solve much of the problems.

You may decide after this exercise to assert yourself, if you still willing to look the other way around.

Good luck

RAJIV BHASIN (ADVOCATE) (Bhasin Legal Consultants(SOLICITORS & ADVOCATES) bhasin.laws@yahoo.com 9811210505)     21 December 2011

Dear Karthik,

You have the same common problem, which most of the people face during theri initial years of marriage. Don't worry this is very minute problem talk to her and make her under stand that you are with her. i agree with Dr. Victor advise, it can solve your problem. take care of her and child. show your love towards both of them mother and child. Your problem would be solved within some time.  be positive divorce is last option don't lose heart be brave and handle this situation diplomatically.

Rajiv Bhasin

Advocate

Bhasin & Associates

9811210505, 9868635640

rajiv_lodha (zz)     21 December 2011

Definitely, human life is given once by the almighty....try to enjoy it. I can understand that its nt possible single-handedly.

Try a marriage councillar if possible who will talk 2 both of u. SHUN THE ESCAPIST ATTITUDE. Fix the problem in her & not herself. U have a small kid now.....& believe me divorce is not so easy as u think.

Its turning point of ur life, think sensibly & decide accordingly.

Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

Thanks for the advice and replies. One thing i understand and regret is that i havnet spent quality time with her.. When i tried doing that things start in a very normal way. But at some point or because of some silly reason the whole trip or outing colapses. After every fight we have, i compramise myself and try to get things straight. All is well for the next one week and then something else starts. She has a habit of comparing thngs always from the past what ever happend. This pisses me off and i loose my temper. Today i made a decision that atleast if she stays away from me for few days at her parents house she will start thinking on what happend and why it happend. She heself called her parents and told that she does not want to stay with me and she left.


I understand that Divorce is not such a very easy thing to conclude with. But when my wife speaks as if she is the only one who knows everything in this world with too much of ego, how do i make her understand that this will not help us in living together.

I have started training myself on how to cut my ego, and trust me, what am i going to get in life by having ego to my dear wife.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     21 December 2011

my wife speaks as if she is the only one who knows everything in this world with too much of ego

 

common problem !!

Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

Amit but this common problem is killing me everyday... i have told her n times, what ever problem we have, we can sit and talk about it... But do not cry while feeding the baby... But she does this all the time.. Now my daughter looks at me wierd when she crys at home.. And when ever this kind of problem starts, she starts linking things with my mother who does not stay with us or talk to her anymore.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     21 December 2011

may be wife wants to stay separate - away from in laws.

in such situation, wives act / react weird to petty things.


PS : such adamant wives are not ready to get pacified - whatever one tries to do !!

Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

I wanted to one thing here. If i file my papers for divorce, and it not by mutual consent and my wife demands what ever the amount to be settled. If i am not able to pay it in fullest, what will happen.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     21 December 2011

contested divorce is difficult to obtain.

if divorce petition is filed by u, u have to provide strong grounds in support of ur petition.

in such case, ur wife will be entitled to ask for exorbitant maintenance & the court will also consider her demand with sympathy, as its you who want to get rid of her and not she.

if u r unable to meet her demands, she will contest ur divorce petition & may make ur life hell by resorting to 498a / DV.

Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

It is better to be in jail than living with her nonsense everyday....

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     21 December 2011

have u ever been in jail ??


its not better to be there, I bet !! :)

Karthik (Account Manager)     21 December 2011

i know amit. i am sorry. at the verge of frusturation.... No idea what to do...

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     24 December 2011

First decide what you want, then proceed accordingly without any regard to the consequences.

 

Also, the ground you said is very petty for divorce. I would recommend marital counselling.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

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