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Against_all_odds (OTHER)     14 February 2015

Need to lodge complaint against my husband. help urgently!

Hi everyone,

We've been (arranged)married 8 months. Violence started on the 4th day of marriage, courtesy - his mother. I overheard their conversation and hence, damn sure. He calls his mother and sister 10-15 times a day, and not a single call to me. Physical torture continued along with verbal for 2 months before my parents intervened. After that there was only mental torture by him and his mother and sister. Calling me all sorts of names, using abusive language for me and my parents, shouting at the top of lungs had become a norm. Each time his mother or sister would visit us, there would be a massive fight. Please note not once any of these fights was initiated by me. It was always either him or his mother. Sometimes, they wouldn't even wait for me to wake up or finish eating to start a fight. Alleged reasons were - My parents didn't give enough money or gold or I dared to express an opinion that was different than his or his mother's, or sometimes when I refused to make some household expenditure for lack of funds. The difference in our incomes' is more than 70k. he earns over 1lac a month and my salary- 30k, can maintain the household all by himself but he makes me spend more than half of mysalary on household needs so I have nothing left at my disposal. He neither buys me any clothes or any personal stuff nor lets me buy any. 

Skipping to today - 3 days back, he brutally hit me in public, dragged me by hair, abused me on the road. I was so disturbed in head I tried to jump out of moving car to put this all to an end. And all this for what - I told him I cannot make the EMI of his home loan this month since I had other unusual expenditures, told him what all. And I had taken a snapshot from his phone of a chat between him and a girl. We've previously had fights over this girl. I told him I'm not comfortable with the way you talk to her, like inviting her over whenever I'm not in town, telling her each and ever detail of his life which he doesn't even share with me.

Now I have decided I can't take this anymore and need to take a legal action. I can't live with this kind of person. I left the city the same evening without informing him and came to my parent's house. I had called 100 to report the incident. But I was advised by them to do it from my parents' town as it'll be easier for us. I need some clarifications on the following:

1. Since there has been physical and mental torture, I believe 498a is applicable. But I'm not sure if I should go for it since I don't have any witnesses or evidence to prove it. What kind of evidence do you give in these cases? I had no idea things would get so bad. Now If I invoke 498a and cant prove it, what effect will it have on the subsequent divorce?

2. I very much want to include his mother and sister in this. They are the ones who misguide him. His sister sends her latest news on divorce, while we haven't yet said the word 'divorce' till date.I have overheard their telephonic conversation wherein my MIL was instigating him against me, she does that in front of me as well to make him quarrel with me. Now the question is - Is there any kind of extra evidence needed to include them? His sister lives 20 mins away from us. While his mother lives in a town 2 hours away but she visits at least once a month.

3. I do not have any evidence of physical violence it happened when we are home alone barring the last time when it was in public. Random public won't be of any help. I can't call them as witnesses. But yes, the previous times he hit me, there were some scars on my face which my colleagues saw and now also, I have some bruises.

4. I don't want to accuse him of adultery for it's a very serious allegation and I don't have enough evidence to prove it. How do I still use this against him?

Please advise what should I do in this situation. 



Learning

 24 Replies

Prasad (Systems Engineer)     14 February 2015

 

Hello Broken Hearted,

 

You seem to be good at "overhearing" others conversations and that may be the cause for all your issues.

 

If you love and trust your husband, why are you "overhearing" on just the 4th day of the marriage?

 

Many people do not even fully understand direct conversations.

What if you have misunderstood of what you heard in your "overhearing"?

 

I read your whole narration many times. And here is my conclusion. 

 

All you have stated here are absolute lies. You have not told even single truth.

 

May be you can try again to state the truth of what you really did or nor did that caused all this.

 

Then you may get some good guidance from this esteemed forum.

 

I am damn sure that you are lying because of the contradictions in your own statements.

 

First you said "I had taken a snapshot from his phone of a chat between him and a girl."

 

Then you said "I don't want to accuse him of adultery for it's a very serious allegation and I don't have enough evidence to prove it."

 

 

But, if all you have stated here are true, then do not waste time in 498a or in police station.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/ahmedabad/Dont-rush-to-cops-over-trivial-marital-tiffs-HC/articleshow/44729807.cms

 

 

Like you, his mother and sister are women too.

If you file any case on them, they can also file cases on you.

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Woman-too-can-take-daughter-in-law-to-court-under-Domestic-Violence-Act-HC/articleshow/43480213.cms

 

 

If you have some love and trust left on your husband, give it sometime and wait for a chance to pair up again.

Use the help of your relatives and friends.

 

 

But if you have lost trust and love on your husband completely, then, talk to your husband and go for "mutual divorce".

That is the fastest way to get relief. If they also want divorce, your job will be easier.

 

Else you will be roaming in courts and police station for many years and loose your respect and peace of mind.

 

If you waste time in 498a and have plans to remarry, no man will marry a "498a woman". Please think about future.

 

Against_all_odds (OTHER)     14 February 2015

Hello Prasad,

I'd answer all your concerns one by one.

A) I happened to hear the conversation between my husband and my MIL as he was sitting close enough to me to let the voice from phone reach my ears in a room with pin drop silence. I believe my husband didn't expect this conversation from her mother,or he would've gone away to take the call which he did once he learned that the voice is audible to me. Now I didn't think writing too much details here was necessary but thanks to people like you who just care to judge people on 2 lines they wrote instead of addressing someone's genuine concerns.

B) About the snapshot I took, wherein my husband expressed his desire to meet the girl soon after I left for my parent's house. This irked my husband because we have a history about this. Now, this won't be admissible in court as sufficient proof as this is the only proof I got.

C) About trust and love, I feel very sad for you who believes a guy still deserves love and trust and all the care in the world even though he has brutally beaten his wife on countless occasions, many a times triggered just by a phone call from his mother/sister, wouldn't hesitate to lie for once if he's getting his way, treats his wife as house maid. 

D) As for remarrying, it's a big NO. I have had enough of marital trauma to last this one life. 

Nothing gives you the right to point fingers at me when you know nothing about the physical pain and mental trauma  I have suffered for 8 months. And I don't find it necessary to rip open my personal life here.

If you can't help, please refrain yourself from passing judgements about somebody's personal life.

Prasad (Systems Engineer)     14 February 2015

Hi Broken Hearted,

 

You have already gone through worst martial trauma for many months now.

 

You also believe that you do not have enough evidence.

 

So, please save your peace of mind.

 

If you have lost trust and love on your husband completely, then, talk to your husband and go for "mutual divorce". That is the fastest way to get relief. If they also want divorce, your job will be easier.

 

Else you will be roaming in courts and police station for many years and loose your respect and peace of mind.

 

It is better to part amicably and faster than wasting time in courts to leach lessons to your cruel husband, his mother and sister.

 

Just leave them behind and go forward, please.

 

Your peace of mind will become costlier if you spend time in teaching them a lesson.

 

 

Against_all_odds (OTHER)     14 February 2015

We've tried having amicable discussions with them 4 times in past. Each of these times, my parents had to travel all the way because "it's too far for my him and his parents to come to my parents". Nevertheless, my parents went and tried their level best to put some sense into him, but to no avail.

Even now, I'm up for MCD but the challenge is, how to make him agree to it? He is one big egotist. If we approach him for amicable dissolution, he'd take it as our necessity and weakness and will just talk rude and ignore. We even got a councillor of our area to call him down for amicable discussion but he turned him down in a very impolite and discourteous manner. He is one of those who believe they are above everything. No law stands a chance against him.

Jayashree Hariharan (Advocate)     14 February 2015

Since you are not going to remarry, my humble suggestion would be to file a divorce case on the grounds of cruelty, physical and mental harrassment. 

As for 498a, I don't think it is necessary since they have not taken away any of your jewellery, (since you have not mentioned in your complaint, am concurring thus). If you strongly feel you should file, then please feel free to file the case.

1 Like

Against_all_odds (OTHER)     14 February 2015

Thank you for replying.

They have all my jewellery, both given by my parents and his parents'. His mother has everything put in her bank locker since day 1 of marriage. I even got a new locker at my place so I can get my jewellery back (where me and my husband lives) but then my husband told me it's not my jewellery. It belongs to MIL.

Should I file 498a considering I don't have physical evidence. He has been shrewd enough not to put anything in letter. Just some text I have from him, with mean language

CompelledToLearnLaw (Financial Examiner)     14 February 2015

Originally posted by Mrs Jayashree Hariharan:

“As for 498a, I don't think it is necessary since they have not taken away any of your jewellery, (since you have not mentioned in your complaint, am concurring thus). If you strongly feel you should file, then please feel free to file the case.”

 

Wow. Mrs  Hariharan, what does the jewellery have to do with 498a? Have u even read IPC 498a? This is exactly how lawyers in India suggest to their female clients to file 498a. IPC 406 has some business with the jewellery, not 498a.

 

With all due respect to all the lawyers in this forum: I’m in the courts of India for over two months now and let me say this, “the lawyers in my district r the most ignorant bunch I’ve ever encountered.” My own lawyer said, “Supreme court has banned arrests in 498a.” I replied, “not so.” He said, “u r right, they made notice-bail mandatory.” I said, “not so; the Supreme Court is just asking not to automatically arrest people on the filing of FIR under 498a; the IO needs to clarify legally his reasons for making the arrest or not making the arrest.” Another lawyer told me, “a foreign citizen cannot be charged with 498a, DV. Another lawyer told me that a wife will not be allowed to leave India if her divorce suit is pending.(Divorce is a civil case)

 

I used to discourage people to appear in-person. But now that I’ve realized that an intelligent person needs a lawyer only because the lawyer knows the procedures of the court, I strongly encourage the successful, intelligent, and hard-working individuals to read and understand the law and appear in-person all the way to the Supreme Court.

fighting back (exec)     14 February 2015

@compelled to lean law.........you are right...not all lawyers. but yes. some are very ignorant , and mislead the clients. to give an example.  i have heard a lawyer saying, if wife wins rcr, then she can barge into the home with police protection!!!! to enforce the RCR decree..............

Prasad (Systems Engineer)     15 February 2015

Hello Broken Hearted,

Why would anyone bring a councillor in a husband and wife matter?

Are they marriage counsellors?

Did you want to threaten your husband for an amicable solution?

May be you could have tried a marriage counsellor instead.

Every couple should put police, lawyer, judge away from them and should not let them in between husband and wife.

I think it is enough now. 

Your parents have tried their best for the good of their daughter.

The only best legal option you have is to file a divorce case on mental cruelty.

Make sure to put all atrocities committed by your husband.

If your husband does not want to unite with you, he will skip the case and you will get ex-parte divorce.

As you are an earning women, you will not need any money from your husband.

Even if you ask for money for maintenance, court will not give any money as you a working women and also do not have any kid.

https://app.box.com/shared/jjyo1sa8ss

 

Never ever file 498a and waste your time and money in courts.

Certain lawyers use this opportunity to loot your husbands money so that they can also get a good share.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     15 February 2015

!!

anything4u (nil)     15 February 2015

Hi Broken Heart.

Its very true that many lawyers misguide for oblique motive, however law is not just for lawyers. Its for common persons like you and me. Filing a complaint is the right of a person. Then comes the duty of Police Officers to investigate. Then comes the duty of the Court to decide whether a person is criminal or not. This process of determination takes about 7 years. In the mean while accused are required to remain present before the court.

 

Secondly. Important aspect is how you pen down your complaint. This is the bedrock of your complaint. You you put your plight into words and inform the police officer. Nothing is to be skipped or forgotten. Every aspect is important. Here you may require help of someone who has previously done that. 

 

That's all I can explain in simple words to you. But beware, This process is non-reversible. So think 1000 times before you light the bomb. Your first intention should always be Honesty, Humanity and Truthfullness. If I could be of any help to you, you can contact me. Thanks. 

Against_all_odds (OTHER)     15 February 2015

Originally posted by : Prasad

Hello Broken Hearted,

Why would anyone bring a councillor in a husband and wife matter?

Are they marriage counsellors?

Did you want to threaten your husband for an amicable solution?

May be you could have tried a marriage counsellor instead.

Every couple should put police, lawyer, judge away from them and should not let them in between husband and wife.

I think it is enough now. 

Your parents have tried their best for the good of their daughter.

The only best legal option you have is to file a divorce case on mental cruelty.

Make sure to put all atrocities committed by your husband.

If your husband does not want to unite with you, he will skip the case and you will get ex-parte divorce.

As you are an earning women, you will not need any money from your husband.

Even if you ask for money for maintenance, court will not give any money as you a working women and also do not have any kid.

https://app.box.com/shared/jjyo1sa8ss

 

Never ever file 498a and waste your time and money in courts.

Certain lawyers use this opportunity to loot your husbands money so that they can also get a good share.

We involved a councillor because we've had enough discussions by ourselves which obviously yielded no fruit. So we thought of trying involving an outsider because he otherwise wouldn't budge. Anyway, the matter cased to be between husband and wife alone when the husband decided to take it on the road and make a public mockery of victimising the weaker s*x.

Disclaimer: By weaker, I only mean physically. Men are physically much stronger than women and that's all I mean.

I don't care for his money. I can make a living for myself. But I really want my parent's hard earned money that we spent on the big fat wedding back. I realise that may not be possible but I'd definitely try. 

awaitar   19 February 2015

Dear BH aka Sadistic ego-centered psychotic b*tch


Prasad has clearly called you out for what you are- a two faced, lying, hypocritical, manipulative, cheaeting, backstabbing twit pretending to be a loyal, honest and morally righteous person - bah its exactly for people like you for whom such precious gifts (498A DV etc are created - so you may misuse it as you please. But the sad part is you get burnt by it at the end making you wonder why the hell you started playing with it in the first place.


So no matter what other people here will advice you, you'll simply go ahead and play with 498A and Dv - so stop wasting others time and ruin your life just as you please. To use your words. Damn sure, you have already filed 498A and DV in two seperate courts to harass your hubby and his aged parents!


You'll not bring your marriage problems to your relatives or church pastors or marriage counsellors but you'll bring a councillor, minister and rowdies because that's exactly what your mother has taught you as she herself is one such pathetic creature. So go ahead and torture your hubby with rowdies so the hurt he has caused you should be upon him a hundred fold - and then your anger may be avenged? Tou use your words again. Damn sure you have already done it - broke his house, threatened with ministers and used goondas, am I right?


You have extraordinary ears to hear what his mother is talking to him, what his sister is advicing him, if so what about your two sisters living in the US? What have they taught you? Cant you see that just to avoid their liability towards the horrible creature you call as mother they have bolted to the US and never come back? Just because your husband has a backbone and will not bend to your mothers' demands you think you can file all these cases and make him succumb to your pressure? Notice how in your story write-up its always his parents who are at fault while your parents are the perfect saints?

 

So you have a snapshot of him chatting with a girl. So what are you gonna prove?

So you have some scars which your colleague Mary saw? So what are you gonna prove?

Do you think your Mary will come to court to prove anything?  Prasad has clearly brought out how you are an hypocrite by contradicting your own statements/ So this whole adultery thing is just a drama running in your head put either by Mary or your mother to corner your husband. But being a man he surely must be gulty of adultery right? So go ahead and put it in your case. To again use your words, damn sure his advocate will puncture your story to pieces like a balloon burst with just a small pin!


Include his mother, sister, father and dont forget their family pet dog too! That stupid thing barked at your parents like mad right?


Oh btw you dont want his money and again contradicting your own statement in the very next lines by saying you want the money spent by your parents - yea big fat whatever nonsense. SO how much was it? Damn sure just booking 3 rooms in SRM would have costed your folks 19lakhs right? So go ahead and include it in your case. Again, Damn sure his advocate will puncture using the same pin.

 

Some people never learn to move on with their lives. If the other party is not compatible just get divorce and get rid of them if they are genuinely such a bad person. But no! They want to punish the other party who has wronged them. SO they go ahead and file these cases suggested by stupid people in the hope of taking revenge but not realizing that they are signing their own lives to be ruined by filing such cases! Such people  like ACP, police Mary etc will not be there with you to roam around the courts for 3-4 years - its you and you alone who has to roam around the courts and finally at the end realize it was all for nothing!


Do you think your husband will leave Mary for pushing you on to do all such nonsense? Do you think once your husband gets out of these false cases he'll let you and your parents live peacefully? He's just waiting and buying time to unleash hell on you just as you are unleashing hell on him by filing all these cases 498a and DV which he surely deserves!!


And oh btw, for every lie that you cant prove in court there's something called perjury which your husband's advocate will be well versed with which to make you roam around the courts for a long long time to come. So happy courting

Jaya Pathak (Paralegal)     20 February 2015

Dear Awaitar,

 

I would suggest you keep your frustration to yourself and don't spread it on this forum...... mind your language please. 

 

Thanks

Jaya

 

 

 

 

Originally posted by : awaitar

Dear BH aka Sadistic ego-centered psychotic b*tch





Prasad has clearly called you out for what you are- a two faced, lying, hypocritical, manipulative, cheaeting, backstabbing twit pretending to be a loyal, honest and morally righteous person - bah its exactly for people like you for whom such precious gifts (498A DV etc are created - so you may misuse it as you please. But the sad part is you get burnt by it at the end making you wonder why the hell you started playing with it in the first place.





So no matter what other people here will advice you, you'll simply go ahead and play with 498A and Dv - so stop wasting others time and ruin your life just as you please. To use your words. Damn sure, you have already filed 498A and DV in two seperate courts to harass your hubby and his aged parents!





You'll not bring your marriage problems to your relatives or church pastors or marriage counsellors but you'll bring a councillor, minister and rowdies because that's exactly what your mother has taught you as she herself is one such pathetic creature. So go ahead and torture your hubby with rowdies so the hurt he has caused you should be upon him a hundred fold - and then your anger may be avenged? Tou use your words again. Damn sure you have already done it - broke his house, threatened with ministers and used goondas, am I right?





You have extraordinary ears to hear what his mother is talking to him, what his sister is advicing him, if so what about your two sisters living in the US? What have they taught you? Cant you see that just to avoid their liability towards the horrible creature you call as mother they have bolted to the US and never come back? Just because your husband has a backbone and will not bend to your mothers' demands you think you can file all these cases and make him succumb to your pressure? Notice how in your story write-up its always his parents who are at fault while your parents are the perfect saints?


 

So you have a snapshot of him chatting with a girl. So what are you gonna prove?


So you have some scars which your colleague Mary saw? So what are you gonna prove?


Do you think your Mary will come to court to prove anything?  Prasad has clearly brought out how you are an hypocrite by contradicting your own statements/ So this whole adultery thing is just a drama running in your head put either by Mary or your mother to corner your husband. But being a man he surely must be gulty of adultery right? So go ahead and put it in your case. To again use your words, damn sure his advocate will puncture your story to pieces like a balloon burst with just a small pin!





Include his mother, sister, father and dont forget their family pet dog too! That stupid thing barked at your parents like mad right?





Oh btw you dont want his money and again contradicting your own statement in the very next lines by saying you want the money spent by your parents - yea big fat whatever nonsense. SO how much was it? Damn sure just booking 3 rooms in SRM would have costed your folks 19lakhs right? So go ahead and include it in your case. Again, Damn sure his advocate will puncture using the same pin.


 

Some people never learn to move on with their lives. If the other party is not compatible just get divorce and get rid of them if they are genuinely such a bad person. But no! They want to punish the other party who has wronged them. SO they go ahead and file these cases suggested by stupid people in the hope of taking revenge but not realizing that they are signing their own lives to be ruined by filing such cases! Such people  like ACP, police Mary etc will not be there with you to roam around the courts for 3-4 years - its you and you alone who has to roam around the courts and finally at the end realize it was all for nothing!




Do you think your husband will leave Mary for pushing you on to do all such nonsense? Do you think once your husband gets out of these false cases he'll let you and your parents live peacefully? He's just waiting and buying time to unleash hell on you just as you are unleashing hell on him by filing all these cases 498a and DV which he surely deserves!!





And oh btw, for every lie that you cant prove in court there's something called perjury which your husband's advocate will be well versed with which to make you roam around the courts for a long long time to come. So happy courting
 

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