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Nagaraj (officer)     02 October 2012

My life got spoiled

 

I am Nagaraj and got married on 2010. I have a kid and we are separated now.

My wife staying with her parents now and she do not wish to live with me. Many trials has been made by my parents and I, requesting her to come. However we were ashamed by her family and she refuses each time by constructing below demands 

1. She doesn't want to live with my parents and wanted me to come out. To me whether my parents are good or bad I need to take care of them till I die , I said this many times to my wife but she refuse via arguments.

2. I need to give my full salary to her

3. She will not leave her job as she does not believe me (according to my wife father) so kid needs to be given to my wife parents and they will take care until she reach age of 3

4. She will leave her job only if I get any onsite opportunity

And She does not wish with live with me if I don't accept the above conditions. The problem is her family supports my wife wordings without any reason and making her to wait till I agree to come separately

Her father challenged me to do whatever I can as he is a lawyer.  I told many times to my wife that if you feel my parents are bad then we don't want any of our parents. We can live separate so that everything will be in smooth, but she argues that she can't leave her job, In this situation when i asked her who will take care of our kid? She use to reply that we can leave kid in day care or to her parents, which i don't like.. 

To me either I or my wife should look after the kid so that my kid will gain our full care and affection, Money doesn’t matters before care and affection. 

It has been six months she is very stubborn and still leaving with her parents. Many steps have been taken requesting her to come to my home. However she is very strong that she will not come to my home unlit my parents are with me.

I said her to adjust and live according to the family situation and I am not forcing or arresting her in any ways initially when we lived together. 

Please advise me how I can approach this issue legally

Note: I wish to live with her as a family (my parents, my wife and Kid)

-Nagaraj


Learning

 6 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     02 October 2012

1. Well "a wife" is not a commodity if she does not want even Hon'ble Sc cannot make her change.
2. Best at this stage would be to protect your parents and your career and leave these things on "time".
3. Donot file any cases from your side. Record each conversation with her and always talk neutrally with her.
4. When you are not able to bear it all then file Divorce and child custody / visitation case. But that would be instigating her / her side to file left and right dowry to maintenance to sridhan to rent in lieu of residence etc. cases on you and your family.


A divorced man can always get re-married where as a career oriented divorced woman with child finds it difficult to get herself re-married is what society speaks now-a-days !  

anil yadav (ns)     03 October 2012

sir agar wife ko koi kid na ho and wife police me ho and 498a laga de apne husband par to husband ko kya karna chahiye jis se uski wife badnaam bi ho and remarrige bi na ho uski

498 A fighter (Advocate)     03 October 2012

Originally posted by : Tajobsindia


1. Well "a wife" is not a commodity if she does not want even Hon'ble Sc cannot make her change.

this is very well said and universal truth
2. Best at this stage would be to protect your parents and your career and leave these things on "time".

very good and very simple most wise advicsed you must follow.
3. Donot file any cases from your side. Record each conversation with her and always talk neutrally with her.

correctly said, as you have to collect each and every evidences of her , dont talk to MIL or FIL as he is advocate so he may try to catch your word , ladies are fool or say not wise in talking so can record her each versions collect as many proof as you can , like tickets or your visit , letters , sms, call records any application given to officers ,etc. these all save you at last also try to catch people ,relative of her to your side. means be social just forget about your ego social respect etc.
4. When you are not able to bear it all then file Divorce and child custody / visitation case. But that would be instigating her / her side to file left and right dowry to maintenance to sridhan to rent in lieu of residence etc. cases on you and your family.

they are advocates so remember to consult with adovcate 365X24 X 7 and of being advocate family both are different things advocacy in their blood this does means that they are judges no need to worry be alert of their counter attacks.


A divorced man can always get re-married where as a career oriented divorced woman with child finds it difficult to get herself re-married is what society speaks now-a-days !  

this is the devine judgement to those ladies who are thinking that marriage is a game ,lottery,authorization certificate  to grab money by harrasing husband , but when they come toknow what they had lost , time had been gone out and no recovery for it.

this is the lesson to all such cruel , criminal mind ladies.

thank to tajobsindia for this advice and valuable suggestion.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     03 October 2012

 

Originally posted by : anil yadav

 

sir agar wife ko koi kid na ho and wife police me ho and 498a laga de apne husband par to husband ko kya karna chahiye jis se uski wife badnaam bi ho and remarrige bi na ho uski

 


Never ever take revenge against a ..... COAT


a
White COAT - doctor
a Black COAT - lawyer
a Yellow COAT - police


and


a
PETTICOAT - metro wife


You will end up becoming either a Monk or a Philosopher, concentrate on set of allegations no matter how many years it takes to get a clean chit PERIOD.


Also start always fresh thread next time you get urge to clarify on law points based on any case(s) against you instead of hijacking someone else started thread post.

1 Like

andz (clerk)     03 October 2012

1-"my parent's good or bad "- if there's any truth then what she DEMANDED is right and also"i need to take care of them till I die" - you can do so even by living near by and having/taking care of your own family as well as your parents . .
2-well salary -  i agree with you as she's having a job too . . . .and may be you can assure her of some RD in the name of child or some insurance . . .
3-agreed with her 'bout job decision and may be you can reach  some amicable solution-and may be either of the parent's can look after or some other means /kids center . . .
4- agreed with her decision . . . . which / where you admit that her job is more stable than your's . . . .
5-i would as usual or rather as in other threads do agree with Mr.Tajob . . . .
6-it is evident that may be you better opt for a career counselling/psychological counselling as ego issues are evident . . .  at the same time your concern for the family/parent's/relation's/career . . .
7-as you rightly pointed money doesnt' matter - and she's ready to leave her job - as you make or assure or prove your career growth . . .
8-her father being advocate got nothing  in this issue as he's just clearer headed and supportive of her and he must've retaliated . . . .
9- hope you understand what other's hv observed and said in your issue and appreciate your decision to lead a happy life with your FAMILY- . . . . . just realize and reconcile . . . .

hope this info is of some use to you . . .

regards

anand

P.S: @Tajob's well said 'bout coats . . . . keep educating . . .

Dr. MPS RAMANI Ph.D.[Tech.] (Scientist/Engineer)     14 October 2012

 

 

 

The first thing I want to say is that your life is not spoiled. It appears to me that this is minor problem, which can be settled by mutual discussion eschewing egos. You are saying “my parents good or bad”. It means that they could be bad too even in your own opinion.

Has your father got any income from business, as salary, as pension or as any other? 

Has he got any property either self-acquired or ancestral?

Have you got brothers and/or sisters? If so, are they younger to you or older than you? Are they studying, working, married or unmarried?

Like many others you do not want to disclose your profile. You say that you are an officer. Are you with Government or with private? What are your career prospects?

What are the qualifications of your wife? In what kind of job is she employed? Was she employed before child-birth?

Who is in a better job,  you or your wife?

Are  you and your parents and she and her parents in different cities far away from each other?

You say that she wants you to pass on your salary to her. What are you doing now, keeping the salary with you only or passing it on to your mother or father?  Any member of the family who wants money for his or her own expenditure will have to ask the person, who is keeping custody of your salary. If your wife did not have her own income and if the cash is with any of your parents, she will have to ask them for any of her needs. She may not mind asking you. But she may not like to ask any of her parents-in-law.

The conflict of interests between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law is universal. Contrary to what people think, it is there even in Western cultures. There are many mothers-in-law, who torture their daughters-in- law with sharp and unkind words. Most often it will be such words as “this is not your house, you have come from outside”. The mother-in-law would have been the boss of the house before the son’s marriage; she would feel that the daughter-in-law had come to usurp her place. If the daughter comes from a not-so-rich family or a traditional family, her family would not intervene. Otherwise the girl’s family will intervene with disastrous results. A good husband should manage this problem and keep away the parents on both sides. The Bible says “When the son gets married, he leaves his parental house and lives flesh of the flesh with his wife until death do them part.”  One may interpret it in a different way and say that this encourages the son to forsake his old parents. I do not think so. The husband should be wise intelligent and assertive. He should not be seen aligning himself always with one side or the other. He should always side with what is right and just.

I would advise that if your wife wants to stay separately, give it a try. No way does this mean that you forsake your parents. Give them all the financial and other supports, which they may be in need of. Both of you visit them often along with their grandchild.

If your wife is in a smaller job than you, ask her to come to your place and look for a job at your place. You must respect her ambition to work. Thus she will only supplement your family income. If she wants, let her mother come to look after the child. Is your mother prepared to look after her grandchild? You leave the child either with your parents or with her parents, depending on who is willing to look after him/her. A good husband should neither be a Mamma’s boy nor a Joru ka ghulam.


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