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Sajida   29 February 2016

Mental Harassment by in laws

Hi I'm a doctor preparing for post graduate entrance exam. I got married in April last year and its a love marriage. My husband teaches music along with his father and earns about 90k per month. My parents wanted me to marry a doctor but I convinced them with lots of efforts. My father is a govt employee and has worked really hard to make me a doctor so it was a very difficult decision for him. My in laws came to know abt me 3yrs before my marriage and started meeting me up again and again as I'm a doctor and not many educated people are there in their family. They acted like they really care about me and used to take me out to expensive restaurants as I was in hostel still pursuing mbbs. My husband was also happy that his family likes me so much. They didn't take any dowry from my dad but made a lot of other demands like very expensive wedding, car and other stuff. Now the problem is with my in laws. They slowly transformed into Devils after marriage. They are extremely possessive about their son so they can't even imagine living separately. My husband has to give all his earnings to his dad because this has been going on since years. In return his dad gives him 500 Rs per week and some other small incentives. They have harassed my husband since childhood by always beating him up for no reason and lots of other things. Now they love him a lot because he's earning and giving them EVERYTHING. My father in law is extremely money minded and he takes all the money earned and stores it in the bank and controls all the money, nobody has the right to all details. There are many accounts on everyone's names and all the cards are with him. To buy any single thing, we need his grudging approval and he acts like we are stealing his money. Just to shut my husband up he keeps giving petty allowances and takes us out for dinner at expensive restaurants just for show off. We have no idea where my husbands money is going and whose name is it and other property. My husband is very intelligent and could have become a very good position holder if his father had guided him well. After marriage I have not worked for 8months preparing for pg but was nt able to Crack it as they were taunting me again and again that I'm 25yrs old and not earning a penny what's the use of being a doctor etc. I never ever talked back I really cared about them. Now I have recently joined an organization temporarily to stay away from those taunts. I thought my father in law won't ask about my salary atleast but now he's blasted the bomb saying he'll open an account and it'll be under his supervision. Me and my husband were planning to run away leaving everything after saving up atleast my money for sometime. I think the time to run away from all the harassment is now so plz give me some legal advice as to how and what should I talk in front of them. My husband has earned and given him atleast 40lacs to him and he's ready to leave all that just to stay away from them. He's scared that they'll make me also their puppet dog like him. He wants to do a doctorate in music and for that we need to go abroad which is strictly not allowed here. They are not letting us develop further and literally making my life living hell. Plz plz advice something. I ve only mentioned only about 10% of the harassment and I cry almost everyday.


 2 Replies

Kapil Chandna (Lawyer at Supreme Court of India)     29 February 2016

Mam, Take a stand nd move out ..... If your father in law has ancestral property then also seek partition of the same. Warm Regards Kapil Chandna Advocate 9899011450

Suneet Gupta (www.vashiadvocates.com)     01 March 2016


You need to do a self-assessment. Do you want to continue with your marriage or not?

Please understand that you cannot change your husband's or in-law's behaviour. It was a love marriage in your case, and apparently the real product did not meet up to the expectations created by the sales promotion. You have now to decide whether you are happy in the current situation (and whether you will be happy in the way the situation evolves in the future). There cannot be a conditional evaluation, e.g. if my husband does something, then I will be happy. The evaluation has to be on an as-is where-is basis, i.e. am I happy now and will changing my expectations make me happy?

If you are not happy, then as advised above, take a stand and move out. All other future complications can be solved easily, since you are educated and capable of supporting yourselves. If you feel that changing yourself can make you happy in the current situation itelf then try to salvage your marriage. However, please note any future hopes of salvation shoud not rest on any expected change in your husband or your in-laws, but only in changing yourself. Even if your husband improves temporarily, the basic nature and behaviour shall always remain the same. Perhaps, a discussion with your husband can help, but not necessarily.

Dr Suneet Gupta,
Advocate, Mumbai

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