Heartbroken (T) 03 November 2012

Marrying a divorced woman

Dear Members,

I am a divorced male,age 33,living alone as both parents are dead,suffered miserably in my last marriage(I don't want to express it again,you can view my earlier posts if you are so interested.).I got my mutual divorce 7 months ago.

Friends and relatives are constantly advising me not to dwell in the past and remarry someone good.Though 'good woman' is an endangered species(I am just sharing my limited observation and experience,please forgive me.),normally they don't come to a divorced person as our society still considers a divorced man to be cruel or philanderer or impotent etc.I am getting proposals from divorced women only.Someone of them may be 'good',I don't know as I haven't started seeing them.

I always had a dream of a Happy Family with all the love,support and care.I am not sure you would consider this to be a childish dream or not but deep down my heart I still have it even after having been through all the trauma.

I believe in the essential goodness in every person.But my last marriage has taught me one thing, not to trust someone blindly,more so if the woman has legal complication related to her earlier marriage(I once again ask for forgiveness to all concerned).

In this situation what are the precautions necessary ?

I know I will ask for her divorce decree before taking any decision.

I am asking this question in a more general way.Anyone with legal and/or personal experience please respond.

Regards,

Heartbroken

P.S. : Please don't post false consolations like 'don't lose hope','everything will be fine' etc.I am not without hope just trying to be rational.

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7 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner ) 03 November 2012

1. In my opinion what you should currently do is to give your “heart” sufficient ‘healing time’ as your MCD happened only 7 months back. Engage your mind, body and soul in social NGO work of your liking and repair the “hurt and gross negativity it is charging with”.

2. Then invest time and energy in search for appropriate soul mate.

3. Indian marriage do not come with lifetime or limited warrantee so all precautions “initially” fail till Gender Laws are made gender neutral.

It is good to have companion and for the same today in contemporary Indian milieu “age” has no barrier it is said to be bar of once mind and society one keeps.

2 Like

Chetan Joshi (Advisory/Advocacy) 03 November 2012

Quite touched to hear your experience.....As legal measure you should get your marriage registered and do equip yourself with a list of articles given/taken in marriage....

I personally feel that someone who has sailed through problems knows to what are storms like...marrying a divorcee is not a bad idea...

All the best ...."wont call you screen name"

Thanx

Ranee....... (NA) 03 November 2012

Take time.Study her past properly and spend reasonable time with her before you decide to marry her.

1 Like

Rajan Bhasin (Law Student) 03 November 2012

Please go through the document "Warning for indian bachlours" before re-marriage.

https://www.scribd.com/doc/106788620/Warning-for-Indian-Bachelors

Regards

Rajan Bhasin

9910571733

Sanjeev (Lawyer) 03 November 2012

Its true that generally a unmarried girl would not marry a divorced men so divorced people have to look for a divorced partner.

when you marry second time dont make a hurried decision spend some time with the girl and also visit the family make it clear that beforehand that you want to meet and know her before you do any commitment. Its not that all women are bad as you would have realised based on your past experience. There would be many who would have suffered and got divorced. Its diificult to know that but keep going and you would find someone as its hard to live alone and everyone needs a partner.

Heartbroken (T) 03 November 2012

Dear Members,

Thanks for your replies.

You know I(probably we) live in a society where a victim is often considered as the culprit.

It would be wise to get as much information about her last marriage as one can.Suppose I get a proposal from a girl who has a history with DP or 498A,my take would be to run as far as possible.What do you say?

Peculiarly I know someone who got divorced with impotency as the charge and married another guy in no time.The poor guy did not fight the case,nobody could understand why.May be he was so dumbstuck.Next year he also got married and now lives happilly with his son and wife!Strange are the ways of the world!

You know,recently I got a proposal from someone who got divorced with the charge impotency on her the then husband.Their marriage lasted till the next morning of their marriage.I didn't dig deep and denied the offer immediately.May be I took her as the culprit instead of victim but I was suspicious and decisions are not to be taken in such a situation.I don't regret the decision.Do you say I am wrong?

I know most of you may be thinking that I am a woman-hater here.NO.

I clearly don't know what to do.The dream of a family can't be completed alone,can't get anyone who I can know well before marriage (as it is before marriage in an arrange marriage is not considered normal) so that my dreams are not shattered once again.

As this is a legal forum,it would not be suitable for me to discuss issues based on emotions and trust any more.

Any thought,view,suggestion would be appreciated.

Regards,

Heartbroken

rajiv_lodha (zz) 04 November 2012

Same thing suggest, spend time with such a proposed girl, there are many chances that u wil come across the truth & u wil judge ur adaptibility with her.