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Mohit (man)     13 August 2010

Leave you ego before doing any resolution

Normally in marriages Boy wants to stay with his parents and want his wife to take care of them and Girl usually listen to her parents only and doesnot like husband's parents.

My advice to all of husbands if the concern of your wife is staying with father or mother then you should plan to live seperately but provide a complete financial security to them. I know this is wrong message and all the emotions arise, that how can you left old parents ?

But If you want to have a good marriage life, your kid's future then please try to do this.

1. Ram has also left his old parents in Ramayana despite his father was not well.

2. Krishna has also left his old parents in Mahabharta despite of his two old parents and never came back.

3. All Army personnel living without their parents.

4. All NRI also living in foreign.Many  parents are happy in India because their children are providing full financial security. So it is just a change and thought of your mind. that you are living with them and providing everything whatever they want.................



Learning

 50 Replies

Bhartiya No. 1 (Nationalist)     13 August 2010

Most important thing is mutual trust, and I am submitt/pasting a story, about it,

 

"One person approached to saint Kabir, and said that in my home nothing is going right, everyone quarrels with everyone. Saint Kabir waited for a while, and then asked her wife to ignite and bring the lantern. It was broad day light. His wife brought that. Then after some time, Saint Kabir asked her wife to bring some sweets, but she brought some snacks for them.  The person thought that it seems a house of mads, Saint Kabir asked lantern in broad day light, and wife given snacks in place of sweets.  Saint Kabir asked the person, did u get the answer or anything more u have to ask. But the person asked the explanation of those events, then Saint Kabir replied that the relationships used to based on mutual trust, when I asked the lantern in broad day light, and wife gave me without asking any question, else she would have asked “why do u need lantern in broad day light, have u gone mad” rather she would have thought that I may be in need for some other purpose. Also, I did not say anything to her when she brought snacks instead of sweets, I thought that this is the only thing would be available at home.

So, mutual trust is a must to run a family or house.  If husband commits mistake then wife should handle it wisely, vice versa."

1 Like

(Guest)

I agree with Mr. Mohit and Mr. Jayaswal.

The problem comes is due to what some friends call generation gap.  We live in capitalist system and we want to keep the values of feudal system.  The capitalist system is such ruthless system, the people live in this system cannot afford the human relations, which were prevailing in feudal system.  Here money earning is a must for your survival.  Money is the dominant force in your entire life and relations.  In feudal system (I do not talk about means of production, the conflicts between the landlord and peasant class, but talk about social relations within the family) the joint family system prevailed and daughter-in-law (means of production) went from one family to other family, i.e., husband's family and treated that house her house and was doing domestic  chores and giving birth and raising children and respecting the elders of that house.  That is why, repeatedly we see the names of lord rama and lord krishna as our ideals on this web site, to whom we have to follow.  Lord Rama belonged to feudal system and his values cannot be and shall not be applicalble in present era. What to talk about Lord Krishna, a polygamous, prevailing in half-slavery system.  Now, we would see that in feudal system, you might have called a woman as sati, savitri, mata, devi, sita  and what not and put her on high pedestal (where as she is a common human being like man) spelled out as godess but in fact she was exploited and full human right were not enjoyed by her (in such group our mothers, grand mothers and mother-in-law were there).  Now means of production changed.  Even then India as a whole is not going through the process of same economic stage.  Certain parts of the country show capitalist system of economics and certain parts are showing feudal system.  (In certain parts, especially in tribal areas, costal villages, note not costal towns, we see the half-slavery and half feudal system and full feudal system).  some of our friends, differentiate them quite often as urban women and rural women, without touching the economic system prevailing in those areas.  A woman in Delhi would not react in a same fashion like a woman from a rural village if any domestic violence is occured, dowry is demanded (dowry demand has got its origin in feudal system and is prevailing in present system) and, her fundamental rights are infringed.  An urban father in law or mother in law cannot and shall not expect the same behaviour from a urban bahu, which would be provided from rural bahu. An urban woman, living in city, cannot accept fil's house as matrimonial home, whatever Supreme Court says or the prevailing law defines.  She says her matrimonial home shall be different and distinct from in-law's house.  One should not expect that she has to live feudal life style within the four walls of house and live a life style of capitalist system, soon as she puts her foot outside the threshold.  But if the husband wants his wife to live in feudal life style, then there will be frictions.  It is not the case  with women only.  There are several women, with Karva chouths and bhai dhuj cultures try to force their husbands to live in the feudal system, which would be next to impossible in 21st century.  Then, again there will be conflicts.  But most of the people, about 95% people, adjust of these things and live happily, if both of them convince each other they would like to live in the same system of Society, either it is feudal or capitalist.  That is why, we see, in harmonious matrimonial partners, we observe common outlook towards the objects and ideas, whether they are retrogressive or progressive.

2 Like

Mohd Musabbir Ansari (Legal Practice/Litigation New Delhi 09582547570 )     14 August 2010

thanks to ashutosh sir.

heart toching story.

1 Like

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     14 August 2010

mr mohit,

complete your education first.

A LITTLE LEARNING IS A DENGEROUS THINGH

IS RAM, KRISHNA AND NRIs LEFT THEIR PARENTS FOR THE SAME CAUSE?

WHY ARE YOU NOT ADVISING THE YOUNG WIVES TO ADJUST WITH THE PARENTS IN LAWS?

PERHAPS YOU HAVE NO IDEAS ABOUT THE INDIAN CULTURE THOUGH USING THE NAME OF RAMAYANA & MAHABHARAT. SUCH TYPE OF ADVICES ARE THE REAL CAUSE OF BREAKING INDIAN FAMILIES. THESE ARE ACTULLY THE - FAMILY BREAKERS.

THEY  HAVE NO HESITATION TO ACCEPT MAINTENANCE.

YOU ARE ADVICING TO MAKE A WHOLE IN THE PLATE, ON WHICH THEY EATS EVERYDAY.

1 Like

(Guest)

of course this feudal system leaves no space ( read EM) for women. so bad. sureem cout and delhi Hc expect women to live in chains in this feudal system in matrimonial home. today women are so forward and they should be allowed to follow thier own god or godling. and if they want to follow osho thse MIL and FIL are a big hinderance so.... matrimonial home shud be different. fully agree with above gentleman.


(Guest)

EVEN OUR LEGISLATURE agrees with my views , tats why while drafting laws on adultery they drafted laws in a manner that women cannot be charged for adultery in criminla laws. agree with all above gentleman, women should be liberated. even legislature recognises it why all men dont recognise this


(Guest)

MIL nd FIL kebab main haddi  :0 . LOLZ


(Guest)

by the way wen did ram leave his parents? he left to vanavas to fulfill his parents desire mohit ji.

krishna god u can compare to NRIs , he had to leave them to take control of his empire.


(Guest)

can u imagine mallika in EM with a MIL and FIL at home in MURDER.thats why  Anurag Basu and  Mahesh Bhatt  did not show MIL and FIL in this movie. MIL FIL KEBAB  MAI HADDI HOTE HAI


(Guest)

I completely disagree to ld. members on capitalist and feudal system theory........this line of argument is noting but throwing shaving water to a high rise building inferno sort of malicious pleadings a conflict within used as a stop gap arrangement.


1. Capitalism cannot buy LOVE - TRUST. First try that in your home then ignite fire in market Sir. had it been so then (DINKY) Double Income No Kids Youngsters would not have come to your chamber seeking consultation for divorce and one spouse becoming a bala in your eyes based on capitalism and feudalism bald theory. This is an apt illustration when you use the word younger generation.


2. India is a country where only thing that sells is religion be it sold to a Armani suited guy or Gandhi's lion cloth clad guy that is the reason educated chaps confuse general public to push capitalism into a social democratic setup by bringing some Lemon - Rama some Krishna and some Soda - Draupadi and Sita whereas if one ask is this Ramayuga or Krishnayuga then they draw a blank. You put a male into the pedestal of Rama and Krishna so he starts acting like that and same way you put a female into the cloths of Draupadi and Sita see yourself she will revolt saying I am into 'compensation' and not into your yuga forget that and draw my 'compensation' first. And then you start packing the package in a bespoke way tailored to fit for a modern Sita and modern Draupadi. Now what do the high flea street Rama and
Krishna do in such situation? they get branded as impotent this is satellite age and brand it exactly the way it is and let us not mix feudalism into capitalism and vice versa please. Congress history and political parties history is front of us and we have read them good in our college days and no need to reinvent the same wheel again and again.


3. When a WHEEL of change impregnates rural India the rural India changes and for the same go and visit the rural India first and with the invention of wheel no rural area remains rural and hence the joint family system crumbles and MIL and FIL in even deepest rural areas do not even come into picture for that Draupadi and that Sita Gitta for the sake of harmony in their mama ka ladla gudda ke liye. So let us not confuse sitting in our AC chambers and start visioning
Delhi to be only rural India.


4. A rural Sita and Drupadi as well as urban Sita and Geeta openly asks for "compensation" minus any baggage when they say minus any baggage the question of MIL and FIL also does not arise. Respect is only at her home and not at In Laws home because the first night what she ask is not how much milk on the side table, she asks when we are going to live in our house ! Why she asks so because she has been programmed to live that way once she leaves her family and it is nothing but unconscious sadism fulfillment since I left my family and come to your home after marriage so you also are meant to leave your family and make a nucleus house for our self and then rest of the impotency clauses gets added over time.


5. Why can't or why should not a bahu accept FIL's home as her own home marriage day onwards? What is so wrong about it and then masala is added saying an urban wife will never accept her FIL's home as her home nd she needs to have her own separate home, c'mon who pays from nose to have this second home the husband na and from where he is going to bring be it living in urban or rural or satellite areas ? Then all hell breaks and same women start queuing up the chambers and are treated as a bala of Draupadi and Sita yuga.


Anyhow make fool of educated class the way you want and you yourself are seeing the crumbling family system around you and day is not far when if unchecked it will hit your own family as emerging out around us.

PS.: all you here are general and contextual and not meant only for you.

2 Like

(Guest)

they want a separate house , donkey to pay for it. then if there is some war again donkey to pay for LPC OR AMC  AS THE CASE  may be.Then if there is some war in court again donkey to pay for it for expenses from both sides. so male is a bread earning donkey at the end. why this bala doesnt ask her dad for pay for a house? tats dowry!

in todays scenario with responsibilities of a family on your shoulder   u cannot afford to  buy a decent house in a metro like delhi easily even on finance by fair means. but donkey has to earn for it. donkey has to live separate from his parents too. donkey's parents are also a party to 498a even if they are living separately. better donkeys shud look for prostitues not wives at least their families will be saved from nonsense harassment.........................................................

2 Like

(Guest)

@ Ms Kaur

 

With "Mother Dairy" around in Delhi why there is need for a bla cow think of that.........no cases - no chambers - no 60 years pendency in Family Courts as Mr Moily demands more money from Plan outlay for Judiciary I am opposing more money demand of his only on this ground.........

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     15 August 2010

they want a separate house ...............from nonsense harassment.

 

EXACTLY, I WANT TO SAY THE SAME.

 

THE EXPRESSION " DONKEY " VERY APPROPRIATELY  USED HERE........HA.........HA............HA..........

 

THANKS MS KAUR

1 Like

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     15 August 2010

IN MY VIEW, FAMINISM NOT A BAD THINGH, THEY WORK FOR THE DEVELOPMENT OF UPRISING THE FEMALES; THEY FIGHT AGAINST THE VARIOUS IMBALANCES BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN.

BUT IN INDIA, A ' SO CALLED FAMINISM ' DEVELOPED, UNDER THE DISGUISE OF 'FAMINISM'.

'FAMINISM' DONOT DIFFER WOMAN TO WOMAN, THEY WORK IN FAVOUR OF ' WOMAN - IN GENERAL '. THEY DO NOT CARE WHETHER FAMILY KINTING WILL BE INTACT OR NOT.  THEY ARE NOT AGAINST THE FAMILY SYSTEM, BUT AT ANY STAGE,  IF IT APPEARS THAT - 'FAMILY SYSTEM VS WOMAN UPLITMENT"  THEY PREFER WOMAN UPLIFTMENT AND LET THE FAMILY SYSTEM GO TO HELL.

'SO CALLED FAMINISM ' ON THE CONTRAY CARE THE FAMILY KNITTING AND SYSTEM. THERE INTENTION IS TO EXPLOIT THE FAMILY SYSTEM FINANCIALY AND IMOTIONALY. THEY DIFFER WOMAN TO WOMAN. THERE TERGET POINT / FOCAL POINT IS THE ' WIFE ' NOT THE 'WOMAN IN GENERAL'. IT IS A PRODUCT OF THE CONTROVERCY OF ART 15(1) & (3) OF THE CONSTITUTION OF INDIA.

2 Like

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