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Jeevan (.)     14 September 2011

Kindly help - Shall wait or go for legal notice and RCR asap?

 

Case:

=======

- I married on Nov, 2009 and we stayed for 14 months together till Jan, 2011.

- She was pregnant from June, 2010 onwards and 8 out of 9 months she stayed with me during pregnancy. We had a good relationship and I cared lot (or may I thought it that way)

- She is the only child of her parents and her parents never came during those 8 months on the pretext of misbehavior. I took care of everything and she stayed with me.

- She cried and fought over to go to her parent's place during delivery. From the day the boy is born, she changed 180 degree.

- I travelled the same day the boy was born and also my family was there and they misbehaved with everyone. 

- She started saying I tortured her, abused her, did not give her food (she had a weight gain of 21 kg)

- We had conflicts after that (within 20 days of delivery whole situation was changed) and she and her parents started misbehaving with everyone in my family including my parents. 

- When I visited along with family after 1 month of delivery her mother threatend with police (which was absurd and I asked there to please call and do so and then she went back) . Then she asked to get out of the house. Her mother used heavily abusive words. 

- After that she did not come for 3 months and stayed at her parent's house.

- Now suddenly I came to know she is in Bangalore with her mother and she is staying there for last 2 and 1/2 months. It has been 8 months since she is living separately.

- I tried multiple times and finally trying to make her understand. Now her mother has taken the child to her place in the pretext of safety and care. She is working here alone in Bangalore.

- I am talking to her and she constantly says she needs time, but does not act anything on it. I think she is playing something here, but she says she has some personal things to take care of (I do not know what can be that!).  

Here:

======

- I am confused of her intentions. Why is she doing it? How come a mother left her child and working (both her parents also work)? [I know she is playing for control, but why she left the child with her parents]

And she has stopped giving any milk to the child. But she is saying she cares for her and whenever I ask about the child she refuses to talk.

- I am trying hard to make understand that it is all wrong, but she is  blaming everyone in my family and not coming back. I asked her many times to come back. Neither is she giving any address.

What Should I do?

================

- Go for a legal notice and then RCR?

- Is there any meaning in filing the RCR (or directly go for Divorce)? Her mother is evil in its purest form. 

- If nothing works out, I am ready for the divorce. But she is not ready  for that. 

- Can I go and directly take my son (with a legal notice) as she is not staying with the mother?

- Shall I wait for sometime more? I do not know as this kind of games that she is playing is completely strange to me.  And the level of trust is very low now. 

 

 
Please help. 

 



Learning

 25 Replies

Jeevan (.)     14 September 2011

 

- I met her couple of times and tried to make her understand. She is giving wrong dates (which do not connect) and says she is telling the truth. I know she is lying.

- But she is coming to meet finally,  but constantly blames everyone. She does not want to keep any relationship with anyone in my family and says she loves me (I do not think it s love, but trying to control) as she has blocked everything to my chiild and has no respect in any form of communication. 

- Is she playing something which I should be very careful about?  [She is extremely smart and completely goes by her mother and her father has no say in the household things]

It has been a very tortuous 8 months since she went to her mother's place. Now for last 2 and 1/.2 months she is in Bangalore alone staying at some place and she has a brother  (not by birth, but she says so and that fellow is a wife beater and heavy drinker,  but I do not think any illicit relationship is there).

I can take the fight. But very confused / stressed out on what her intentions her.

Please Help. Please Help/guide/suugest. 

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     14 September 2011

I think your mother in law is main root cause for this.  Convince your wife with the help of the elders of the society.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     14 September 2011

You have not told the entire story frankly.

RAJIV BHASIN (ADVOCATE) (Bhasin Legal Consultants(SOLICITORS & ADVOCATES) bhasin.laws@yahoo.com 9811210505)     14 September 2011

Dear Jeevan,

your story is not complete. Please give complete story, without reason nobody changes.

regards

 

RAJIV BHASIN

ADVOCATE

BHASIN & ASSOCIATES

9811210505, 9868635640

Found the Happiness (Enjoying)     14 September 2011

Hi brother......... your story is exactly same like me.......... 100% exact same........ please give me a call on +919867361401.....

I am waiting for your call ......... i wanna discuss a lot with you.

Sameer12345 (SSE)     15 September 2011

The same situation is with me too. But I stopped contacting her BEFORE they do anything bad with me. No communication, No Connection. 

As soon as child is born in my case, i went to see the child only once.

Waiting for them to take any step. Patience needed in such situation. 

Actually Such in-laws and daughter wants to take over control on a man and lead a life. 

Whaever will happen, A Man has to face it, fight it.

Probably 2 Years seperation will come to any conclution. 

Dear Jeevan,

I suggest, Develop a patience, Divort your mind to some things, Take care of your job, study, and parents. 

Get ready for few years seperation. Everything will be fine. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. You can deny accepting her later on after they come back ( if you really want a divorce ). But I suggest dont take any action.

Thanks

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     15 September 2011

- Go for a legal notice and then RCR?

RCR is futile, if you want to invite troubles file it, otherwise sit pretty and be patient.

 

- Is there any meaning in filing the RCR (or directly go for Divorce)? Her mother is evil in its purest form. 

No

 

- If nothing works out, I am ready for the divorce. But she is not ready  for that. 

:-) Have patience. divorces in India doesnot happen in a day.

 

- Can I go and directly take my son (with a legal notice) as she is not staying with the mother?

No, it would be cruelity on your son who is on mother;s feed/

 

- Shall I wait for sometime more? I do not know as this kind of games that she is playing is completely strange to me.  And the level of trust is very low now. 

  Yes. Be Patient.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

3 Like

Found the Happiness (Enjoying)     17 September 2011

Dear Frnd Sameer & Jeevan,

 

You are absolutely 100% right but I want to make some additions in it by following:

 

1.       I agree that this is the game of purely patience but most important thing along with the patience is that we must have faith on God that 1 fine day everything will be fine. So we must pray on a regular basis, believe me this works a lot.

2.       That pray should be for our child and off course for our family’s happiness.

3.       I don’t think so that anybody is happy with this disaster neither our family nor our in-laws but the trouble is only bcoz of human beings unnecessary EGO & inflexible nature.

4.       What will happen after divorce? Husband will be in search of new wife, & wife will be in search of new husband! And then after same story will be continue that time either we’ll adjust or fight again, Moral is “AISI KITNI WIFES BADALOGE?”……”Changing wife is not a solution, Changing thought/behavior. I think “hamare jyada laad-pyar ne in ladkiyonko bigad kar rakha hai”….So first we have to change ourself.

5.       One day by having this frustration I drunk a lot & started crying in a bar then after I went to railway station I saw 1 begger who was blind….. I sat next to him and started sharing my tragedy with him. You know what he said its amazing – “SAAHAB EK BAAT BATAO AAP KE PAAS SABKUCH HAI… ACHCHI PERSONALITY, ACHCHA JOB, ACHCHI FAMILY, BANGLA, GAADI….SAB KUCH…… PAR FIR BHI AAP JAISONKI BIWIYA AAPKO CHHOD KE KYO CHALI JATI HAI?…. HAMARI BIWIYA KYO HAMKO CHHOD KE NAHI JAATI?.... MAIN TO ANDHA BHIKARI HU, LEKIN MERI WIFE JO DEKH SAKTI HAI FIRBHI PICHALE 21 SAAL SE MERI SEVA KAR RAHI HAI”………so think what that beggar was trying to say ……… now it’s the time to think that where we lacks???

6.       U people know my mom (who belongs from richest family in her village b4 her marriage)  has spend 20 yrs in 100 sq feet small room in a typical slum area with my father in a very poor condition…. Once they had been badly thrown away from that room bcoz of non-payment of rent so my mom had spend 2 days on a footpath with my father…. Intention not to make you bore by telling you my personal life but now I have 1000 sq feet luxurious flat but then too my wife is not satisfied with that……..and she always abusing me for that.

 

So finally my frnds neither any advocate/judge nor any relative/Godfather can solve your problem. Only we and our positive thought process can.

 

 

 

I knew this secret when everything is destroyed.

 

 

1 Like

Jeevan (.)     19 September 2011

Thank you so much for your suggestions.

I met her and tried to make her understand. I do not think she gets it completely. But surprisingly, she feels bad when I am hurt... I can see that as it is genuine.

And she came back last week to the house. This is a arranged marriage. And, all in laws (especially my parents and sibling) have all been very hurt/humiliated by her mother's abusive words.

I am trying to gather all the positive energy in me, but fails when she says the child has to be there as they are in safest hands (what kind of mother want her child away and says grandparents are the best people to take care ...not the parents??? I am so confused and sad on that front. I think her mother has brainwashed her on it).
 
Also I do not see she has any interest or genuine effort in trying to restore it. She is an expert in crying and acting (whenever it is genuine, I can feel it and see it). Whenever she sees fit, she cries and I know she is making up a good drama and restrain myself in saying anything.

What should I do?

================

 - Is her behavior (staying in the house with me and I take care of everything) and acting
   for now? Shall more time be given?

- Shall I take any precautionary measure to protect myself on things (It will be very painful, but I can do it as I do not trust her, though I feel for her and she is extremely smart)

 - The child is with her mother now. If I go there, I know she will again abuse. And that
   might lead to a rough situation.

 - Shall she go only and get the child back now? What will happen when she sees her mother
   (I do know her mother is evil and emotionally blackmails her daughter by crying all the
   time)

 - How to tackle on it? I do not think delaying is the course. If she goes there and sees her
   mother again (her mother is a matured person, but uses everything in an evil way) 

My questions seem to be naive. But I really do not know women much. But, I know my emotions
and informing on the situation as it is.

Please guide.
 

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     19 September 2011

Jeevan,

 

Be patient, there is no point speculating, situation would clear itself.

 

Don't force or tax yourself too much

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

1 Like

Found the Happiness (Enjoying)     19 September 2011

Dear Jeevan,

 

I don’t think so that your wife is staying away with her child….. Because in this universe no any mother can stay away from her child without a strong reason….. I think you should investigate the truth… According to me she is  just conveying this message to hurt you, because baby is the weapon for her with the help of emotions towards that baby she is trying to hurt you so that you will bend down on your knees and surrender… Again I am saying find the truth.

 

& If she is really keeping away from the child then to hell with her…. Forget her forever.

 

Actually One of our member has the similar problem like you so I had given him very detailed suggestion …. So I am copying & pasting the same here…. Please  go through it.

 

 

Dear Jeevan,

·         First of all be clear that exactly what you want 1) Divorce 2) Equal Compromise 3) They should bend down & Compromise 4) You will bend down & Compromise.

·         If you are thinking about Divorce then its not so easy….. To get the final destination of Divorce you will have to go through lots of painful stages like 498A, Domestic Violence, Etc. Don’t hurry-up to see the gate of court otherwise you will waste your whole life in court premises only.

·         Now legally she is your wife then however her background and family you must accept her. You should had to do this investigation b4 marriage not now. Most important ask your parents too “NOT TO LOSE THE TEMPER” & suggest them to play this game with a cool mind, cool words & unbeatable strategies. This affects a lot. Each & every word you & your family will speak in front of relative & other people that should be a part of well planned strategies. Never show any fault from your side.

·         I will strictly suggest you don’t go for RCR also it is an invitation for hell. RCR is sign of coward. Prove that whatever steps they take against you have the dare to defense it.

·         Don’t worry if she comes back then be aware of their intention & behave properly. Go for lots of reading on this topic, give her so much love but be sticked with your morals & principles, take her to your friends & relatives. (But forget about the teaching of lesson to her or your in-laws) Its very slow process (we can discuss about this process in detail once she comes back) but with lots of faith and efforts you can make her internally forget to her parents she will be completely in your control and you can live in-laws free life. But the problem is how she will come back?

·         If you want them to bend down and surrender in front of you then 100% this is possible by the way of following:

·         Go directly to her for face to face meeting with lots of confidence (In Hercules Style) and ask her what she want? Is she really interested in saving your family? Behave very politely and but not romantic. Try to convince her peacefully. But don’t be agree on her unethical issues and don’t loose temper it will show your weakness.

·         I think she & her parents are interested to make you separate from your parents. If she puts this demand then clearly and with a cool mind say “NO! THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE AT ALL IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES”. Assure her that she will not have any problem from you & your family but you will not leave your parents at any cost. If she comes then live happily if not then tell her clearly but not angrily that this is the last & final time you trying to save your family but second time you will not gonna come & convince her & then immediately leave from there. After this forget that you are married & live like a bachelor boy don’t even answer their calls until & unless they willingnessly come & surrender.  You have to make them realize that you don’t have any interest in them by keeping quiet. Trust me friend when neighbor, relatives & other people will start gossiping against them they will feel shy, her parents will think of committing suicide. Your wife cant go out and their life will be worse than Hell. This is the best punishment that you can give them ever.

·         Live peaceful life as I said in my last article concentrate on other things like career, higher studies, hobbies, meditation, lots of readings on this topic & create a great man out of this opportunity of loneliness as I said loneliness is a gift of God you can create a huge/great HERO out of yourself.

·         But don’t go for any legal steps as this is socio-family issue with having full of emotions don’t convert it into legal it will give you lots of trouble like false 498A, DV, etc. Be cool and just face whatever comes in front of you.

·         Don’t think about divorce also if it has to happen it will happen automatically. If you go with the proposal of divorce then as per law you will have to suffer a lot. Let her come with that proposal then you will no need to suffer any.

·         You just keep quiet and enjoy your life. This is her issue also let her take the decision of this issue then everything will happen as per your choice.

·         I think you are so innocent so they are just trying to provoke you and their intention is just to take the control on you & your family. Don’t be entrapped in their strategies.

·         Remember this is just a game of patience. Who have more patience he wins this battle. & who loses a temper he loses a battle.

Dear XYZ,

·         First of all be clear that exactly what you want 1) Divorce 2) Equal Compromise 3) They should bend down & Compromise 4) You will bend down & Compromise.

·         If you are thinking about Divorce then its not so easy….. To get the final destination of Divorce you will have to go through lots of painful stages like 498A, Domestic Violence, Etc. Don’t hurry-up to see the gate of court otherwise you will waste your whole life in court premises only.

·         Now legally she is your wife then however her background and family you must accept her. You should had to do this investigation b4 marriage not now. Most important ask your parents too “NOT TO LOSE THE TEMPER” & suggest them to play this game with a cool mind, cool words & unbeatable strategies. This affects a lot. Each & every word you & your family will speak in front of relative & other people that should be a part of well planned strategies. Never show any fault from your side.

·         I will strictly suggest you don’t go for RCR also it is an invitation for hell. RCR is sign of coward. Prove that whatever steps they take against you have the dare to defense it.

·         Don’t worry if she comes back then be aware of their intention & behave properly. Go for lots of reading on this topic, give her so much love but be sticked with your morals & principles, take her to your friends & relatives. (But forget about the teaching of lesson to her or your in-laws) Its very slow process (we can discuss about this process in detail once she comes back) but with lots of faith and efforts you can make her internally forget to her parents she will be completely in your control and you can live in-laws free life. But the problem is how she will come back?

·         If you want them to bend down and surrender in front of you then 100% this is possible by the way of following:

·         Go directly to her for face to face meeting with lots of confidence (In Hercules Style) and ask her what she want? Is she really interested in saving your family? Behave very politely and but not romantic. Try to convince her peacefully. But don’t be agree on her unethical issues and don’t loose temper it will show your weakness.

·         I think she & her parents are interested to make you separate from your parents. If she puts this demand then clearly and with a cool mind say “NO! THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE AT ALL IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES”. Assure her that she will not have any problem from you & your family but you will not leave your parents at any cost. If she comes then live happily if not then tell her clearly but not angrily that this is the last & final time you trying to save your family but second time you will not gonna come & convince her & then immediately leave from there. After this forget that you are married & live like a bachelor boy don’t even answer their calls until & unless they willingnessly come & surrender.  You have to make them realize that you don’t have any interest in them by keeping quiet. Trust me friend when neighbor, relatives & other people will start gossiping against them they will feel shy, her parents will think of committing suicide. Your wife cant go out and their life will be worse than Hell. This is the best punishment that you can give them ever.

·         Live peaceful life as I said in my last article concentrate on other things like career, higher studies, hobbies, meditation, lots of readings on this topic & create a great man out of this opportunity of loneliness as I said loneliness is a gift of God you can create a huge/great HERO out of yourself.

·         But don’t go for any legal steps as this is socio-family issue with having full of emotions don’t convert it into legal it will give you lots of trouble like false 498A, DV, etc. Be cool and just face whatever comes in front of you.

·         Don’t think about divorce also if it has to happen it will happen automatically. If you go with the proposal of divorce then as per law you will have to suffer a lot. Let her come with that proposal then you will no need to suffer any.

·         You just keep quiet and enjoy your life. This is her issue also let her take the decision of this issue then everything will happen as per your choice.

·         I think you are so innocent so they are just trying to provoke you and their intention is just to take the control on you & your family. Don’t be entrapped in their strategies.

·         Remember this is just a game of patience. Who have more patience he wins this battle. & who loses a temper he loses a battle.

 

 

1 Like

Found the Happiness (Enjoying)     19 September 2011

sorry for mistakenly double posting the same text

Jeevan (.)     30 November 2011

Dear all,

Thank you all for informing. Very kind of you. I followed your advise, but I am not worried about my own life.

I made her understand to come back 2 months back. She had left the baby at her parent's house. For over 2 months she stayed with me and she visited her parents in between in the pretext of making of them understand (which is another lie).

Her parents said she has made their face black (by coming back to my house). That is what she was telling and it is a lie. Everyday her mother will call her and mostly as I know will provoke to know what happened.

This week is my brother's marriage and after calling her constanly she refused to come. There is a baby boy and no one in my family have seen him for a long time and so I wanted her come.

Initially though she agreed, after talking to her mother, she refused to come. And started scolding my parents, sister, brothers and I was also forced to do so.

Then she hit me and made me injured (with blood coming out) and I in protest raised my hand. She immediately called Police in the pretext of she being abused. The police stayed for a long time and there also she was shouting. Finally, I let her go with the baby to some place. The police refused to take any action on me without filing an FIR. She was constantly asking them to arrest me. But the Bangalore police refused.

I do not if she had filed any FIR (and I do not fear jail for some days in false claim as life has been hell and I know I'll come back). After that the police came back and again they left as they had no proof.

Now I am clear:
 
 - I want a divorce for sure. No RCR, Legal Notice etc.

She is running away from it, though she said in front of the police she is agreeing to it. Now she is not picking up the phone and neither her father or mother. She is expected to play the dirty game.

I can not stay with her with constant harassment and she abuses my parents, sister and brothers, everyday. This happens regularly.

 - I want the baby to be safe and want undisturbed visiting rights. She never kept the baby with her and in one pretext or another she put the baby at her parent's house.

She will create problems in that also. The baby had cold, cough and she took by telling the police being the mother (you know how law typically favors women on it)

Kindly advise what to do. I am sure now I need divorce and need to know how should I proceed.

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     02 December 2011

If you are sure, you want divorce, file for it.

 

We would worry about the cases as and when they come.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

1 Like

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