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Pooja (mom)     05 March 2016

Is divorce inevitable in my case ?

Almost four years back, my husband abandoned me and my daughter. We had been married for 15 years at that time and ours is a love marriage. Before leaving home, he had been trying to convince me for MUTUAL DIVORCE. When I did not agree, he left and started sending me legal notices to agree for a MUTUAL DIVORCE.

Fed up of his threats, I filed for RCR. He retaliated with a DIVORCE PETITION from court. The case has been going on for more than 3 years now, with both of us going in opposite directions. Family intervention, counselling sessions by court, psychiatric help.....everything has failed. He is hell bent for a divorce and has broken all contacts with me and my daughter who is now a teenager. I am on the other hand, firm that I want my marriage to survive at any cost. I have not filed any other case on him or his family members.  All his relatives are till date in good terms with me. His parents who were earlier in my favour, are now fed up of convincing their son to come back and they too now feel that DIVORCE is the only option to put an end to this court issue .

I requested my learned legal friends to guide me. I still love him and will whole-heartedly welcome him if he comes back. I heard he is having an affair, but I am not keen to disclose this part in court....just for the sake of keeping the relationship alive. Lawyers and judges have began losing interest in the case, as both of us are going in opposite directions - one wants to break the relationship anyhow and the other wants to keep it alive. Actual hearings on both cases have not yet started.

People are telling me that in such a case, divorce is bound to happen, sooner or later. I just wanted to know if this is correct. I have all proofs in place, to prove that the demand for divorce is unjustified. I even know that even if I win the case, the judge cannot force him to join me. That is still fine with me, so long as I remain his legal wife life-long. 

I am living in hopes that some day he will realize his mistake and come back. I am hoping that the divorce case might get dismissed. Is there any such possibility, or is DIVORCE the only outcome in this case ? Is it true that the end result will be just one  - DIVORCE and nothing else.

 



Learning

 27 Replies

pankaj kapoor   05 March 2016

Relationship is a two way journey...if he don't want to live with u then why r u wasting ur time for him. If u win case and he comes back then also there is no benefit of dead relationship..take divorce and re-marry, if u wish.enjoy ur life with someone who really loves u and take care of your child as well.

saravanan s (legal advisor)     05 March 2016

even if you get rcr in your favour the court cant force him to join you.so its waste of time and energy.instead go for mutual divorce to end this relationship as i think its way too far to mend the relationship and continue to lead a matrimonial life as your husband is hell bent in getting divorce

Pooja (mom)     05 March 2016

Thank you Mr. Pankaj, Ms. Renuka and Mr. Saravanan, for taking time out to read and promptly give me advice in this matter.

My decision about waiting for him life-long is a firm one. There was a time he was madly in love with me and I know that he will surely come back to me some day. That is the reason I am going through all this ordeal and not putting a legal end to the relationship through MUTUAL CONSENT DIVORCE.

But my query is - What can the judge decide in such a case ? Since we both are going on different paths, will the judge eventually get fed up and declare a DIVORCE ? Some people are telling me that this is the only end result. But I have seen divorce cases going on for 14 and 17 years, when one party does not agree for divorce. I am prepared to wait that long. 

But my fear again - People say that the judge HAS NO OPTION but to declare divorce in the end. Is this true ?

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     05 March 2016

I agree with Pankaj

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     05 March 2016

I sympathies UR ordeal in comming to terms of breaking ties with a person who has deserted not only U but also his daughter for 4 long years. One wants to break the marriage and the other wants it to remain intact for the rest of the life. U have nowhere mentioned the reasons for the differences or for his adamant attitude. As according to U all the available resources have been exhausted to make him realise or to bring a change in him.Then how do U expect him to reunite in marital life? Only in exceptional cases the judicial procedure may be dragged for 10 or 15 yrs,but ultimately the decision of the court will be delivered at some point of time.Neither of U can start a new life till the case is disposed off. UR daughter's future is also at stake. Is he paying for his daughter's maintenance? U are the one who has to opt for a wise decision.Further legal matters UR destiny will decide for the final outcome and also the wisdom of UR lawyer.

Augustine Chatterjee,New Delhi (Advocate & Solicitor at Law)     05 March 2016

I shall address only the legal aspect of your doubts . As such the petition for divorce is not bound to succeed . He shall have to substantiate his grounds with proper evidence and witnesses . Those who are telling you that divorce is eventually inevitable are saying so as in most cases the parties end up settling the matter and seek mutual divorce . However in your case since you do not wish to have a mutual settlement with him wrt divorce the question of that happening does not arise . Hence do not worry . It is not as if divorce is inevitable. He shall have to prove his case just like you shall have to prove yours .

NATARAJAN IYER (Proprietor)     05 March 2016

Pooja, read your post and all replies.

 

Here is my bit. Take it or leave it, choice is yours.

 

You are 100 percent right in what you are doing.

 

You are far-sighted in thinking about your daughter. Tomorrow when your daughter attains marriageable age, in today's society in India, where financial strength is high but morality as a strength in society, is dipping day after day, a girl living with her divorced mom would find it difficult to get a husband with a good family back-ground.

 

Even the slightest discord in marital life, the accusatory fingers would point at you and say

" Your mom was this. your dad divorced her. You are no different. Like Mom like daughter. So, divorce is the ultimate result ".

 

This is just one dialogue that would issue. There are ONE THOUSAND AND ONE implications involved for a divorced woman and a mother at that and that too mother of a girl-child.

 

Ok, now for the other part.

 

Your faith - He might come back one day.

 

Yes, that usually happens all over the world.

 

Especially when your mind keeps thinking of him, the power of thoughts is so strong that it goes beyond the power of law.

One day, if your faith is strong and your love for him is strong enough, then he would return one day.

 

But, if you have revenge in mind and decide to keep him hooked, in such a smart way that he is neither able to stay nor leave, then it will back-fire and he will not only be lost forever to you, but you might have serious psychological repurcussions/ scars that would take you more than a life-time to heal, since you would be acting too smart with the law of nature and nobody whosoever has won their fight against the law of nature.


But going by your post and believing your words, I must say that if India got independence with the faith of it's people, your faith will fetch you victory.

 

Faith can move mountains and I have seen many such cases.

 

Yes, you have to realize that he may come to you with another woman as his second and unofficial wife and that baggage, but if you are fine with that, then, yes, one day, he would be with you.

SuperHero (Manager)     05 March 2016

Originally posted by : Pooja
Almost four years back, my husband abandoned me and my daughter. We had been married for 15 years at that time and ours is a love marriage. Before leaving home, he had been trying to convince me for MUTUAL DIVORCE. When I did not agree, he left and started sending me legal notices to agree for a MUTUAL DIVORCE.

Fed up of his threats, I filed for RCR. He retaliated with a DIVORCE PETITION from court. The case has been going on for more than 3 years now, with both of us going in opposite directions. Family intervention, counselling sessions by court, psychiatric help.....everything has failed. He is hell bent for a divorce and has broken all contacts with me and my daughter who is now a teenager. I am on the other hand, firm that I want my marriage to survive at any cost. I have not filed any other case on him or his family members.  All his relatives are till date in good terms with me. His parents who were earlier in my favour, are now fed up of convincing their son to come back and they too now feel that DIVORCE is the only option to put an end to this court issue .

I requested my learned legal friends to guide me. I still love him and will whole-heartedly welcome him if he comes back. I heard he is having an affair, but I am not keen to disclose this part in court....just for the sake of keeping the relationship alive. Lawyers and judges have began losing interest in the case, as both of us are going in opposite directions - one wants to break the relationship anyhow and the other wants to keep it alive. Actual hearings on both cases have not yet started.

People are telling me that in such a case, divorce is bound to happen, sooner or later. I just wanted to know if this is correct. I have all proofs in place, to prove that the demand for divorce is unjustified. I even know that even if I win the case, the judge cannot force him to join me. That is still fine with me, so long as I remain his legal wife life-long. 

I am living in hopes that some day he will realize his mistake and come back. I am hoping that the divorce case might get dismissed. Is there any such possibility, or is DIVORCE the only outcome in this case ? Is it true that the end result will be just one  - DIVORCE and nothing else.

 

Hats Off to you...You are such a woman and the respect grows multifold on Woman like you.

HOPE...HOPE..HOPE..

Pray to God Sincerely with Love and Affection. May GOD give you strength and Courage.

Have Faith in GOD and you will surely win him back.

b.goheel   06 March 2016

hats off to queriest fr patience and respond get frm other member.
like to knw do same patience man have ? if he hv thn does he get the same appreciation ??? !!!

1 Like

Pooja (mom)     09 March 2016

A big THANKS to all of you, for giving me such honest, sincere, thoughtful and considerate advice. I am touched seeing the way strangers are trying to sort out my entangled life, which is gifted to me by my hubby.

Thinking logically, even I understand that agreeing for MCD would be the best option for me. However emotionally speaking, its just not possible to let go off a man and his family who I still love a lot. I am glad to understand from your replies that DIVORCE cant be forced on me by any judge. ....though it may happen as a remote possibility if the matter stretches for too many years in future. 

I think that my decision about not agreeing for DIVORCE is a firm one. I am sure that he can never prove the charges of cruelty he has levelled against me. This is because all the charges are 100% false and baseless. On the other hand, I have strong proofs to show that we shared a beautiful, loving relationship.........and whatever has happened is due to his own inclination to break free from this relationship..........for reasons best known to him only.

Now that I have decided to keep contesting the case, my next queries :-

a) If RCR is a futile exercise in my case, should I keep this on hold for the time being and let the DIVORCE case start first ? Is it possible ?

b) Both cases are in the same court and the argument on both is yet to start. Evidence submitted. May be the cases will run parallely now. But if they dont, then can I press for the DIVORCE CASE to start first. Will it help ? 

c) I have to claim my streedhan back from his mother. I haven't initiated any proceedings on this so far, just for the sake of keeping relations from straining further. Can I claim in an amicable way, without using Domestic Violence Act ?

Thanks again for all your kind guidance and comforting words. It makes me feel stronger now, to fight a lone battle.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     09 March 2016

Kudos for UR determined mental staborness to bring him back into UR life. Claim of streedhan is not adviced at this stage as U are against getting separated. Let both the cases run paralally .

Born Fighter (xxx)     09 March 2016

My heart wishes your husband realizes your worth & returns back to you n your daughter.

 

Reality - He might come back with his second wife/GF or when he gets dumped by his 2nd wife/GF. ( if at all he has an affair). OR Never

 

If he doesnt have any affair then i fail to see a reason why he has left after spending 15yrs in marriage (love marriage) and a daughter who is now in her teens. He has some major reasons for his unwinding from the relationship, which needs proper addressing if required.

More you stretch the matter , more will be the irritation and frustration your husband will undergo which will result in making his return more tough. Do you want to torture/harrass him ....and thats what you will achieve.

 

I also feel that its not worth to wait and love such a person who does not even care for his daughter !! IHis daughter is innocent and least expected of a father is to be in touch with daughter.

 

Im really sorry but what you have written seems to me as a story of passionate love (one sided).

 

Let me suggest you to consult your daughter in the decision making. what does she think about it ??

 

If you really love him then set him FREE. Let him live his life and by choices that he has made. Its a CHOICE and PRICE Equation in life. If he has to return he will return, if not then take it as your destiny !!

 Options available

1) if ur fine with his affair then accept him with his affiar/ 2nd wife

2) Fight the case for next 8-10yrs+ , you both will roam around the courts and grow old. Your husband will enjoy his life with his GF/other wife. Also since u dont want to punish or hurt him

3) Set him free and go for MCD

4) Dim chances - he will surrender to the torture and return back to you

 

 

Wish you All the Best !!

 

Pooja (mom)     09 March 2016

Its very difficult for any wife to accept her husband's affair. But I think after 4 years of separation, I am even fine with that.

Niether am I demanding my property from him, which I earned in the past through my jobs, nor am I asking for my streedhan. I JUST WANT TO BE HIS LEGAL WIFE LIFELONG......thats my only demand. I dont want my daughter to be called a DIVORCEE's daughter.

I know MCD is the best option in my case. As he is desperate for a divorce, he might agree to give away all the property and money I ask him. But once I set him free, he will get married again and start life afresh with a new wife. I dont think I will ever be able to tolerate that. This is because I have really struggled and worked very hard in last 2 decades to keep him and my in-laws happy. I paid a big price to be HIS WIFE. I just cant give away that title, which I acquired with so much pain. Being a love marriage, convincing parents had also not been easy and that was another battle I had to fight. But I won it in the end :) 

So all in all, I have given my entire life to this person and his family. And I want to remain a part of the family as long as I am alive. I know I sound foolish when I write all this. People have already started making fun of me for my decision of remaining his wife just on paper. But I am happy with my decision. I dont know if I change it in the future...........but as of now, I am firm.

Thanks a ton for all the advice. It has helped me weigh the pros and cons of my decision. God bless you all.

 

harveensodhi   11 March 2016

It seems for u everything is about title... ' divorcee's daughter'....' his wife'. A person who has not come back to you in 4 years will come back to you now? How?. U want him back? If ur matter is in court for last 4 years....the relationship is dead n there is no retrival. You must had done something really off to scared him away. You need an introspection. It seems you are hell bent on torturing him without even thinking of your daughter. None of his family is in touch with you and ur daughter nor is he....what is the point of such people in life? Its better to get rid of them. You daughter might be anyway called fatherless now.....so why not divorcees daughter? And you a widow? ...as it seems just a name calling was for you?


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