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Saaranshi (Manager)     28 November 2011

Impact of using 498a on my marriage

Hello Everyone,

Seeking guidance of all existing experienced lawyers in my marital matter by the channel of this forum.

I got married last year, earning handsome salary. My in-laws demanded dowry by asking for expensive car and other jewellary stuff. My parents, being under social pressure and unknown of shrewd/greedy nature of in-laws family, agreed to demand and gave what all my father-in-law asked for.

To our misfortune, things turned bad and my father-in-law started dominating me, abusing my family, asking me for my bank statements, forced me to provide ATM PIN so that he and his son (my husband) can withdraw my money from my account. Many more such issues raised up in marriage such as extreme interference of my in-laws in my marital life, provoking my husband against me etc....

My husband doesnt support me as he is very much under influence of his parents. My in-laws are extremely greedy and miser also when it comes to spending money.

I would like to know how to move forward in terms of legal proceedings ? What should be appropriate method to stop my father-in-law to ruin my life further? Shall I approach CAW (Crime women cell) or directly file for 498a case? What should be the impact of step?

Looking forward for reply.

Thanks.



Learning

 20 Replies

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     28 November 2011

proceeding by lodging 498A complaint in CAW cell would work towards ending the marriage as once lawyers /Police and court are involved there becomes no chances to work out a amicable solution so think towards this option if you are no more interested in trying to work out this relation and have decided to end it.

 

 

Try to resolve yourself by discussing with your husband that how you feel about the way you are being treated etc. I feel these are initial hickups when the Inlaws and husband feel that they should control the bride but I do not know the duration of your marriage but still would suggest that try personally to resolve without involving your parents at this stage  or through some common relatives .

1 Like

raj malhotra (M.D)     28 November 2011

sister, first of all calm down...take ur husband in to confidence and try to talk to him abt wht u fell about all this mess and try to find a solution ....secondly try arranging a meeting of ur inlaws and husband with elders of ur family and some neutral persons....try to discuss things and find a solution acceptable by all....

this 498a/dv act /caw cell should be the last resort as when u will try using these ur marriage will automatically end and there will be no scope for talking or reconciliation...and u will be left wid divorce and dignity of both families will get hampered ...

so calm down and htink logically...decision is urs as life is urs...than you.

2 Like

SHAILENDRA SRIVASTAVA (MANAGING PARTNER)     28 November 2011

GO FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELLING OF YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR IN-LAWS INCLUDING YOU.

Saaranshi (Manager)     28 November 2011

Hi, Thanks everyone.

but, would like to couple of more points based on which I thought of going legal way :

1) I already called my husband and requested him to meet me once to sort out things in a peaceful manner. However, he is reluctant to meet and says "I wont talk to you, if you want talk, then reach out to my parents". I constantly told him that I am his wife and he should stop being a deaf and dumb audience in this whole drama but he didnt react. HE IS BIG SPINELESS...HAS NO GUTS.....

2)My parents called in-laws family to fix up a  meeting to sort out things. But they dnt want to meet and dnt even bother to call back my parents for reconcillation.

3) My parents reached out to my husband's maternal uncle for this problem. They also said "They cant do much as my father-in-law is very cheap person, unsocial and wont agree through talks. they suggested that only something hard (e.g. legal proceedings) can make my father-in-law understand that he is doing wrong.

AJ Agarwal (Self)     28 November 2011

You are telling only ONE-SIDED story in your OWN words. You can in all probability be biased, still looking for sympathy & support to your stand There has to be a reason that your husband does not consider you good enough to talk with. What is that reason in HIS words ? Can you tell ?? Shailendra Shrivastava ji has given the most appropriate advice to you - "GO FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELLING OF YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR IN-LAWS INCLUDING YOU" because the counsellor will be able to figure out the REAL REASON of this discord after listening to your husband's side also Moreover, be clear on this : You own father is as much crminally punishanble for giving dowry as the receiving father-in-law. So do not try to blame only your in-laws, if at all you go to the court thru 498A And like all others have said - say goodbye to your marriage once you take any legal action leave alone taking recourse to 498A Lastly, a practical advice : Look at teh nos. of divorced women available on shaad.com / bharatmatrimony.com / jeevansaathi.com before you think you will get a perfect and talor-made husband for you again. My sister made the same mistake and she is till looking for a husband since 1995 Not to say that you put up with wrong things, but BE HONEST in resolving the issues. Best wishes,

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     28 November 2011

Hmmmmm,

 

based on what you said, and not doubting the veracity of your claims, prima-facie it is a fit case for 498-a (errrrrrr), but the moot point harassment is missing, so it is not a fit case for 498-a.

 

The remedy lies in amicable divorce with all your stridhan restored. 

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

 

PS: Filing case is easy. Taking it to logical conclusion would take lot of effort and time.

Adv Aileen Marques (Lawyer)     29 November 2011

Dear Saaranshi, I suggest that you approach the CAW Cell. Approach the CAW cell in no way means an end to your marriage. It will provide you a platform to air your grievances and the social workers there will then call your in-laws and then a joint meeting with the parties will be arranged. This in many cases has proved beneficial to the marriage and the parties are living together happily. The CAW cell can also arrange for a counsellor for the parties if the need for counselling is felt.

However filing a 498a right at this moment may ruin your marriage.

The purpose of setting up the CAW is to facilitate pre-litigation counselling and talks between the parties.

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     29 November 2011

Aileen,

 

With due respects, approaching CAW cell is nearly always the end of the marriage.

 

I would rather advise approaching Mediation Center of the concerned Court.

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

cm jain sir (ccc)     29 November 2011

CAW cell, Concellers in PS and police is having nexus to gulp money from your Hus as well as from you. Dont go to ploice in family matters. Resolve the issues amicably. Money and ATM is not the life. you convince your Hus on this matter that whatever you as well as he is earning is for the furutre of you both only. The baisc problem here I can guess is money only. So try to help them financially a little bit. All of you are concentrating on money that is the issue here. As Mr AJA has narrated his own story, Police and legal platform are not for solving the family matters. It gives a scar in the lovely relationship. It can be approached only when the problem is in worst condition. 498a or CAW will not provide you any solution as it is just beginning of your problem. You go to a reputed concellors alongwith your hus and I think It is not a difficult case to solve. your family had contacted the Uncle who may be already keeping enmity with them. You shud contact the real well wishers who has a good relations with both the families and they should give an advice which shud be gud for you as well as for them also.

1 Like

AJ Agarwal (Self)     29 November 2011

Aileen is totally wrong on CAW, he/she is NOT aware on what practically goes on there. The statement -"This in many cases has proved beneficial to the marriage and the parties are living together happily" is misleadng in the sense that if 10 parties are living happily after having gone to CAW, 1000 parties have suffered loss of money, loss of marriage, with the endue ego clashes , stress & strain, and police making a fast buck on both sides From saranshi's last mail it is very clear that she is NOT living with her husband because she writes -"I already called my husband and requested him to meet me once" I am convinced there is more than meets the eye and thus Shailendra Shrivastava ji has given the most appropriate advice for her - "GO FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL COUNSELLING OF YOUR HUSBAND AND YOUR IN-LAWS INCLUDING YOU" and DO include your parents as well in it. Problem could be anywhere, which an independent, unbiased, experienced counsellor will be able to figure out There is NO substitute to HONEST + SINCERE attempt to resolve it, and resolution does NOT mean YOUR wanted solution - it means amicable to BOTH parties

(Guest)

n-laws demanded dowry; asking for expensive car and other jewellary stuff; shrewd/greedy nature of in-laws family; father-in-law started dominating me, ;abusing my family, ;asking me for my bank statements, ;forced me to provide ATM PIN ;withdraw my money from my account. ;extreme interference of my in-laws ;provoking my husband against me etc....;My husband doesnt support me ;My in-laws are extremely greedy and miser also when it comes to spending money.

dont attach vice to these words...

the fact is that you dont want spend your money in the house and want to hide everything as your parents colleagues and other WLfellows might have suggested you to stop giving money to your husband or inlaws... half story but i can understand that it could be a financial constraint... your FIL must be knowing law... thats why he is careful and taking enough precautions against educated working arrogant and egoistic people like you... if you do not want to share why did you get married?  is the car used only by your FIL or your HUSBAND ? did you not go to parties weekend jig etc with your hubby?  why your husband does not listen to you?  there lies the answer...

dont harass with stupid 498a or try to do a DV... both of them will destroy your marriage... whatever you paid in marriage understand that you have spent it for your own goodself... why do you separate your husband and yourself when it comes to money?   if you dont like i would suggest you go for a divorce... i understand that there are no condusive environment means it is already on the edge... you decide whether you want to keep or let it go...

one of the RGV film scene... ram wants to love rani but rani asks a 10k... again and again the same happens... one fine day ram gets angry and says when i am paying for everything when shyam is getting it for free...  while ram is husband and shyam is shyam... should one complain or cry???????



AJ Agarwal (Self)     29 November 2011

s srinivas is absolutely correct - if you were in usa / canada / europe, you WOULD HAVE TO HAVE share all expenses 50:50 downright, if you wanted to live in marriage with a husband. Are you currently contributing 50:50 to ALL expenses in home willingly ? If you do not want to abide by this aspect of sharing all expneses 50:50 of the western world, then why do you want to reatin only that part of independence of the western world that suits you ? You can judge merits of your complaint yourself. No doubt, in your case, there is more than meets the eye, and it is your one-sided story. If your parents are supporting you to RETAIN all your income with yourself only, they ARE wrong 100%. They need psycological counselling as well

Manav Kalia (Arguing my own cases..)     30 November 2011

My two bits would be that you appear confused. 99% after CAW or 498a, you will not be able to save your marriage. Divorce is quite acceptable in metros today, and you might get married again after that. But if you go the way of CAW or 498a then it will take very long plus people will be hesitant to marry you after that. Please take some time and think long and hard about what you want. Unhappy compromise in current marriage, or monetary compensation via CAW / 498a, or quick mcd and possibly happy remarriage? Only you can answer this question, and remember you can seldom have your cake and eat it too.. All the best..

Adv Aileen Marques (Lawyer)     30 November 2011

When AJ Agarwal says even if 10 parties, he agrees and admits that not all cases of the CAW cell end up in breaking families.

What I have said in my earlier reply is my experience. Your experiences may differ. But we have to respect other experiences and opinions, we cannot hold them misleading. How can AJ Agarwal speak for me!! The whole discussion has come down to financial matters. So there is an assumption in the mind of the all those who have replied is that money is the crux of the conflict. Which again is not necessarily the issue is all  cases.

Advice with Assumptions can be biased.

 

 


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