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Toral (Manager)     21 September 2011

I need advice for my next plan of action

Respected Sir, Madam

 

I am a married woman aged 31 and staying in mumbai.

I am working. I got married to a dentist in May 2010.

There were small quarrels between me and my husband for which all in the family (My father in law, mother in law and husband and her sister ) used to bombard me and used to pressurised me. This has happed many times. But in last quarrel there were small action happened in auto rickshaw between me and my husband in which my husband got hurt more than me. After some days my husband, mother in law and father in law dropped me at my mom’s place. Since then I am staying at my mom’s place. Many people suggested me that you should go back and then fight from there.

I do not want to take divorce. Please suggest what should I do?? I am worried and not able to think properly.

Thank you in advance



Learning

 11 Replies

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     22 September 2011

Mah Dear Lady,

 

Sit across the table and talk.

 

Accept your mistakes but not what is not your mistake.

 

Don't dig on the past too much, try to make marriage work.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com

Alok Tholiya (self employed)     22 September 2011

Both of you have habit of fighting and going physical. Going physical is a crime too. Even if you talk it out today you will fight tomorrow. Both of you need proper counseling, training in anger management. Take help of a responsible person. Seek time for same. Be sincere and persue a programme on same. There after start meeting occassionally . Then go for counseling togather and keep improving togather and save relationship. One good thing is you are waking up early. But do not enter the marital house again till you are confident of your behaviour and he is confident of his.And till then maintain good relations with all your good in laws , their friends, neighbours. They are your good will messangers. Occassionally keep talking to husband too without entering in any arguments or accusations.

I repeat, old habits die hard so while other person has to increase bearing capacity you have to change a lot.

Good thing and good hopes in your case is that you have not raised any alarming relationship issues like extramarital, addictions, or any severe issues which are difficult to resolve as those issues penetrate deep in to pasyche. Your issues can be life time resolved with some sincerity and efforts. All the best.

shrinivasg Advocate. (N)     22 September 2011

Let elders and well wisher in your family go to your inlaws house and try to settle the matter. As suggested by Mr.Alok take all possible steps to resolve the issue amicably.


(Guest)

Toral

It seems that this is a new marriage and you were staying with  your in-laws when the altercations started. You and your hub both need to work together to make this work. Your post lacks details of what caused the altercations and Adv Shrini,Alok and Shonee have shared, what would seem common sense approaches to everyday marital conflicts.

I would like to submit that living separately with your husband away from in-laws/out-laws may aid co-habitation and you both develop understanding and respect for each other. 

You state that in a recent incident "small action happened in auto rickshaw"and your husband got hurt. Did you hit him ? If you did something like this in the US, you would be behind bars and the police can, over a phone call to the judge give a Domestic Violence restraining order on you. US domestic violence laws are gender neutral. Perhaps there are similar laws in India where the injured party can ask for protection from the dominant aggresor ( presumably you ). 

Read between the lines in Aloks post. Some wisdom to glean. I would recommend you go to your marital home. It is your right and you need not be scared of them. Try to earn their love and respect. 

Wsh you the best.

Kumar

 

 

Sameer12345 (SSE)     22 September 2011

 

 

 

I am absolutely right with Adam that dear Toral has to go to her marital home without wasting time at her parental home, staying to parental home long time can lead to more consequence.

Toral, You have to apply effort towards wining love of their husband and his family members.

Finding NEXT PLAN OF ACTION is really not good in marital relationship. 

As far as advice from parents, relatives and neighbor is concern, All will be there right now, Different person gives different advice. You should think by your own, You should think about ur future and ur life. By Fighting and quarreling, you will achieve nothing in favor of you.


(Guest)

Author

if you hit him in auto rikshaw (ie in front of the auto driver) u made a mistake.Anyway try to follow above advice and do accordingly.

Keep your side clean by making no such mistakes again and look forward for a new beginning.

Gud luck.

Toral (Manager)     22 September 2011

K I read all the message. Thank you so much for the reply. One thing that I have a big concern is for a small quarrel also my husband is going to his parents. And all of them(My husband, my father in law and my mother in law and his sister) sit togather and bombard me. I would also like to mention here is even I got hurt in rikshaw.

My husband did not talk to me much, even if there are no issues. He most of the time talk to his father only. And when ever we go out he is in hurry of returning home. If we are out for two hours he calls at home twice. This has piled up and on that day it came out. I tried talking about this to my husband many times, but seems he never interested in talking to me and resolving any problem. Also we have 1RK and our badroom is hall only. My husband's parents see TV till 12.30 at night. I have habit of sleeping at 11pm. I had a talk about this many time with my husband but he never asked his parents to switch off TV a bit early. Rather he teels me u are getting enogh sleep. I had many medical problem because of lack of sleep.

Also if I go back and if they will not allow me to come, what should I do??

Please advice... Thank you.

Alok Tholiya (self employed)     23 September 2011

Be very clear and honest. If he is avoiding totally physical relationship or is not able to perform or has some serious issue then pl. come up with it. I have not seen any sane parents who come in way of privacy of newly wedded. They leave for few days for pilgrimage, close relatives place, for village etc so that the young couple gets more and more time togather. Here with ur last mail it seems they do not want both of you to get time togather and he is also avoiding same. Totally another picture and which is making you frustrated , sleepless makes you irritated etc.. 

1. If you are able to get good physical relationship then theirs is a behavioural problem. Control yourself as time passes things will be alright . My earlier mail stands good. Work as per that. 

2. But your query  of 22nd gives a impression that he is avoiding  you. And the reason is some defficency then is a serious issue and to be dealt in another way from treatment to annulation are to be considered.You ( no one )  have not to fear and come up with true story ( possibility is your identity is not true and which is OK) . 

Or you will not get right advise and we will be firing in dark. 

Chetan Pardakhe (Advocate & Corporate Consultant)     23 September 2011

Mam,

don't be upset u should come 2 steps back

I thisnk that there is not only the quarrel at Autorickshaw but the reason is another which u did not share, and if it is then there no need for NEXT PLAN OF ACTION or counselling u yourself is competent  

If u want to share pls. contact me at

c.pardakhe_1@yahoo.com

I am practicing lawyer particularly in matrimonial matters i can do

VJVJVJVJVJ (Professional)     12 October 2011

I agree with Chetan, the autorickshaw quarrel is not the reason for Toral put in back to her parents home. There is something bigger which Toral is not making it clear.


(Guest)

Accept your mistakes and also try to convince him his mistakes in a smartly way.

If he not remarked his mistakes, Then go thru legal advisory via police or mediation.

But overall marriage is a compromise nothing else.

So try to compromise and in mainly cases Girl needs to be compromised as she go to new house.

So act intelligently & go back to your in-laws house and try to adjust in your in-laws house by putting up your best efforts.

But don't use non-sense laws as mostly used by girls now a days. By those no one get anything.

So act cautiously and smartly & try to save your family first by your every well efforts.

Best of Luck to you.

 

Regards,

Abhinatre Gupt.


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