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AMbi (None)     19 March 2013

Husband threatens to delay divorce proceedings

Hi All,

 

Me and my husband have been seperated for close to 9 months now (We have been living apart for close to 1 year because of an accident to me). My husband left me and further vacated our marital home without informing me. A few months later he filed for divorce on grounds on mental cruelty. The case is now in mediation. Although my husband and his family have harrassed me and my family, we have not filed any case against them as we are seeking reconcilation.

My husband is refusing reconcilation but in the mediation session has openy threatened me that he will make every allegation against me and keep the case running so that he has to neither live with me nor will he let us live in peace and grant a divorce.  I do not know what to do. All I want is if he does want a divorce then atleast he should return all my jewellery and other household appliances and let go but he is very adamant and is expecting fat returns for himself and his family in return for a divorce.


Please advice on the following:

1. What are my options now? i am not very keen on filing any further cases as I am tired of simply roaming in courts and getting dates and it has drained my financial resources considerably.

2. Is there any provision for court ordered counselling? The mediator in my case has refused to even advice him although he has made such threats in open.

3. What is the role of a mediator? Is she only for preparing an agreement or can she also play a more active role towards resolving the issue?

4. Is it possible to have the mediator changed? Can anyone please suggest an impartial and just mediator in bangalore mediation centre?

 

Thanks,

Ambi.



Learning

 14 Replies

dv (ghvhb)     19 March 2013

I am ashamed to see dirty rotten scoundrels like this. Though I am a victim of 498 myself but to hear a man who would leave his wife who had an accident. My dear sister though I cannot guide you but I pray to Krishna to let karma get the better of this man. Don't get scared of threats, a woman is also shakti....
1 Like

Mango (Consultant)     19 March 2013

DV @ Before making any sarcastic remarks on someone just make sure to know the truth first. My gut feelings say that she is hiding some facts either she was carrying at the time of accident OR something extra-marital things. Any man would not be so much mad that he let her wife go away without any reason...

 

Ambi @ I can suggest only few things -

 


1. What are my options now?
-------- Did your lawyer told you about filing interim maintenance petition since your financial conditions are not so good? Obviously, for this, you have to file a separate case...

2. Is there any provision for court ordered counseling? -------  Mediator should listen to both the parties; I am not too sure why Mediator is silent in this case. If your husband is making any offending remarks then just record it and present it to the court.

3. What is the role of a mediator ----- Role of mediator is to help both the parties to sort-out any grief/glitches they had in their relationship or possibly resolving the case without any arguments.

4. Is it possible to have the mediator changed ------- No as the mediation is going on… However, you can ask court to send you again in the mediation as previous mediation didn’t help you much. You want an effect mediator probably a judge this time.

 

Mango

dv (ghvhb)     19 March 2013

@Mango Hypothetical situation: let's say what you are saying is correct and let's say ambi is wrong. But why the threats and melodrama, live and let live. Get a MCD and call it a day. Move on. I am going through a rough patch and so is each and every member of my family. My wife and me stayed overseas all the time and within 8 days of our visit to India she has filed cases against my sisters who are married, mother who always lived in India, and brother who lives in a separate country. Male or female if you cannot live together, don't make it dirty and miserable. Sorry if I have offended anyone. I don't mean bad but just why can't people live in peace.
2 Like

AMbi (None)     19 March 2013

Thankyou DV. I agree with what you are saying. The whole reason u r parting is because u r unable to live together so atleast part amicably and move on. Realise that a divorce costs time and effort and money for both parties. In the mediation centre, I have seen so many couples handle it so maturely. Mayb if people can take ego out of the equation a lot of pain can be avoided.

AMbi (None)     19 March 2013

Hi Mango, I think u should just read what u ve written. U know nothing about me or any truth yet u passed a very serious allegation on my character. I have read ur other posts and clearly u seem very biased against women. Mayb u r going thru a rough patch but so are all of us. Please refrain from making such comments on a legal forum.

Mango (Consultant)     19 March 2013

Author @ I was stopping someone calling "dirty rotten scoundrels" (literal abuse) by giving some example... Either or condition should be seen as example and as you said very correctly, hypothetical example. Well, If you would have read my other post then you would have came across the post which says, "I am feminist" as well (I hope you know the meaning of it). I don't care what people call me.... It's upto them to understand...

 


DV @
No offence bro.... What I was trying to convey you is to stop abusing (calling someone dirty rotten scoundrels) without knowing the actual facts. Somewhere, probably your wife would be doing the same and people would be calling you the same! Think over it!!!

 

Mango

dv (ghvhb)     19 March 2013

Sorry mango, I should not have used those words and yes you are right somewhere someone must be saying the same about me! My debate was just that an individual weather male or female should refrain from harrasment. Also on this forum no one can say for sure about anyone's claim and I don't exclude myself, point being we try to help each other legal advice or morally. It is my personal opinion that in light of the 498a cases filed left right and centre here is ambi trying to do what is civil .does it justify for the Mr. To behave in such a manner. Does the country need one more 498a to harass parents? what I am saying may sound in ambi s favor but think actually I am also thinking about ambi s Mr. I rest my case Once again sorry if I have offended anyone. Good luck to you mango and I sincerely pray for you ambi. Hare Krishna P'S: I do commend your guidance in legal matters mango. May God bless you for your good work.

stanley (Freedom)     20 March 2013

@ Author 

Litigation is dirty and a waste of your time and money .

1. You have not stated wether you are a working women or not since you have stated that  he is expecting a fat return and neither have you stated if you have any children . Yeah he can seek an amount from you under HMA 24 :-) provided he can fullfill the conditions .

2. Normally when an accident or an incident has taken place . The weightage would depend upon how grevious is it that it has come to a point of no return of which we are not aware off . 

3. Talk to your husband and seek mutual consent divorce and mention that during first motion whatever you seek for has to be returned .Secondly you have not stated on what grounds has he filed for Divorce as it is difficult to assume from your query  .

4. you say that it is under mediatation hence if it fails it would be contested .

1 Like

AMbi (None)     20 March 2013

@Stanley

1. Yes I am a working woman. We do not have any children. We were married for less than a year when I met with an accident. Presently my husband has been sacked from his job. He was sacked from his job earlier when we were together too and I had taken on all financial expenses at that time. He is not expecting any compensation on legal grounds but is blackmailing me that unless I give him some lumpsome amount under the table he will continue to drag the divorce case. What makes a man eligible legally for compensation?

2. I met with an accident on the way to work where I fractured my leg needing bed rest for 1-2 months. I am perfectly fine now.

3.He has filed for divorce on mental cruelty grounds. He has some heart disease and had lied to me about his education. I never knew of these but he has said I have fought with him about these so he has filed for divorce.

There was another session in the court today and like most times he did not appear in the court and we got another date. Is there no way to protect us women from such harrassment? I mite soon have to quit my job as I cannot keep taking these many leaves and also I am too tired emotionally and mentally to continue working.


Regards,

Ambi.

Mango (Consultant)     21 March 2013

Ambi @ First of all, what I can suggest you is to NOT to show your weakness to him. The more you are showing your weakness to him, the more he is taking tactical advantage of it. This case is more of psychological in nature than actual.

 

Second, don't ever think of giving-up from your job. If you would resign from your job, it will put you under a lot of financial pressure. I know, it's difficult to hold your job as of now but the positive things is that you are not financial dependent on anyone. You can fight-back this case till high-court level, only if you’ve a stable job.

 

Third, though there is a law which says that a man can legally claim for compensation but it's ONLY applicable when he is not educated enough to earn.  Be confident and let him know that you're not going to pay a dime! You've to show your level of confidence otherwise he would keep jumping left-and-right.  If he has ever filed any income-tax, file an RTI to income tax office seeking his financial information. Let the court know that he was earning sufficient enough and inform to the court that he is not working just because of getting a fair return. In case, you need any help I will give you the RTI format and necessary guidance (only if you need).

 

Fourth, if he is not coming on court dates then it's a "contempt of court" and in exchange of this you could OR your lawyer could file a written complaint in police station/court. I am sure that the moment, he is going to get this copy of summon, he will dance as per court rules! It seems to me your case is "State vs. your Mr."... In such case, one cannot miss any dates.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Mango

1 Like

stanley (Freedom)     21 March 2013

@ Author 

your counsel can ask for longer dates rather than shorter dates by which you would be able to blend with work and your court dates.. Tell your husband that he want get a penny from you and as for the divorce what ever allegations he has levied all that has to be proved in the court of law .

litigation is dirty and its a waste of time and your money else seek MCD wherein it gets over in 6 months .

1 Like

AMbi (None)     28 March 2013

Thanks for your reply Mango and Stanley. My case is going nowhere and I am trying to as strong as possible but my Husband says he wants to leave me but is simply delaying things.

I want one suggestion here, both from legal and a guy's point of view. I have documentary evidence of harassment for money in the form of email converstaions between his sister and him. I have never wanted to use it as the sister is already married and my inlaws are also old. But my husband is giving me a very hard time with the case and my lawyer is now suggesting we use this to file a harrassment case against my in-laws and his sister.

What do u think I should do? Somehow I am still not comfortable with all the fights and am hoping for a reconcilation and a new beginning. I know using that will mean an end in that direction but now I am running out of options.

Thanks,

Ambi

AMbi (None)     28 March 2013

@ImSAM, I havent filed any case against my husband or inlaws. They have filed a divorce case against me and divorce is not yet over. So wanted to know if its too late for me to file a case although I do have evidence.

Mango (Consultant)     29 March 2013

Let me explain "a guy’s point of view" on your relationship. It seems to me that you are running behind a relationship, which your mister assume that is already dead. He is not able to get-in/get-out of the relationship because of some pressure, either socially, morally, legally, financially or some other aspect. I’d understanding that he was facing some challenges immediately after the marriage from either your progress or his fallback. Your relationship is into a one-sided ego issue which is why it’s taking time to get resolved. If your husband is around 25-26 years, give him some time to understand the life and have various experiences in his life. Your relationship is temporarily dead not actually dead. If you could drag this relationship for some more time, probably a year or so, he would start feeling something for you and chances are fair that you would get back into this relationship again. It’s kind of chance, you would be taking by giving him neutral response.

 

Don’t put something in the court which can disturb someone else’s life. You would NOT get any benefit out of it. At least, putting his sister name is NOT going to help in this case. Those emails could be proved as response to some other request. I don’t think so that anyone in this world will write in clear words that they need dowry when he/she knows that it’s a crime.

 

If you want to have a relationship with this person then you do NOT have to respond him in an aggressive manner. You have done very well so far and you really do not have to put any legal condition to settle down in this relationship. Would you be happy to have a husband who is bounded with you legally not morally?  You know the proverb that "what goes around comes around". If you are going to take down his sister then he would probably bite back your sister/mother as well. Give him a feeling that you love him; Show him that "you as a wife" don’t have to prove anything legally. He already knows that you are going to win this battle in a long-run. It will be he, who will end-up paying alumni money, maintenance and other charges in the divorce case.

 

A person cannot remain angry for a long time if he/she does not have any reason for it. Pray and think positive all the time. Call him with love when you are in the mediation centre and try to show your love. You need him back into your life. You do NOT want to lose him and you do NOT have to lose him necessarily. Don’t just think that if he has filed a case on you then he is going to keep that false and baseless case going-on for a longtime.

 

Also, please don’t rush in taking divorce… You would be probably not aware about the after divorce life as well... Let me explain this aspect as well.

 

The moment you will have divorce papers in your hand, you would NEVER EVER want to get into any new relationship at all! You will always have this terminator-2 theme going on in your mind; What if your new husband called someday, a final judgment day! What this social world will call you then? With this feeling, you would not able to start a new relationship "immediately". As the time goes-by, says 6 months or so, you would start getting the pressure from your parents, friends, social elements or for biological needs. Your parent will knock-out every other possible matrimonial site to match your horoscope, gun-milap, stars and so called "panditji business". You would also realize that time is running out of your hand and the first guy, you would meet in this God’s divorced world will be chosen as husband. May be, you does NOT want to have a divorcee husband for various reason but chances are fair that with 60-40% feeling, you would jump into the wedding "water-well" to save your "left-over" world. Everyone is this damn world will suggest you to think positive and you can swim very well in this new "water-well". You would probably try to sync-up with their feeling and your emotions too. The moment you are into this new relationship, you would start comparing your new husband with old husband and that will go for some time. Your husband in-turn will do the same thing; your husband will have the scare feeling also that anytime, the divorce bell could ring again... He would keep thinking to shoot the alumni/maintenance animal down by registering the FIR first case in case of any fight... From the time, "I do" to "I argue".... It will change into the whole world... Even a small domestic fight will turn into a domestic violence case! My close friend is going through this wedding retake trauma again...  I just want to let you know that don’t plan your future just based on some assumptions...

My "great" wife has NOT left any sections under marriage act to say that you are the most awesome wedded husband ever in the men’s criminal history! From husband to respondent, it was quite a journey for me. So based on my experience, I can say that you should not proceed in a “bad legal way” to make-up this relationship.

 

Think twice before you take any decision... Have patience, you will win this case from both the ends... God Bless You!
 

Mango

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