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Rameshradhi (h4 )     10 May 2012

Help me out

i  left my husband 3 months back , he stays in US.I faced hell of harrasment and discrimination and i have proofs for it .But my father is afraid of quarells, courts and police. He says its not a decent thing and asked me to stay at home .My father feels very bad for situation but he is a soft person , but my in laws are cruel and they harassed both me and my parents for excess dowry and brainwashed my husband. I am worried its already been 3 months , my husband is very keen of taking divorce but i dont want....they took huge money as streedhan from us, i feel if i wont take any action against him now i am going to lose in always... if i delay filing case or if i wont file case is it going to effect...if  he  file for divorce that i left him , in what way i can be benifitted or lose ...usually my family remained calm, i been harrassed mentally and physical ...its like i been suffered and have to shut my mouth ..why my fathers wants not to involve in any dispute ? if i keep quite whats going to happen?am i making my cruel in laws strong??i am sure in future also they gona harass girls who ever comes into their family 


 6 Replies

Vinav K Mishra (Lawyer)     10 May 2012

there are some questions unanswered. does your husband and your inlaws live seperately i.e. in us and India respctly. if you dont want a divorce talk to your husband through some senior member of his family who listens to you maybe his aunt or uncle or whomsoever it maybe. Law and legal measures will act as a catalyst in disturbing the relations between you and your husband further. Further if you want a divorce you can take steps against everyone. But as a person and not a lawyer I would recommend step-1 but if the things go out of control dont hesitate to resort to legal measures because it may get even worse. Streedhan is your property no one in the world can take that from you, dont worry about that worry about your marital relation.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     10 May 2012

Very good advice by Ld.Vinav Mishra.  Only when there is no way for reconciliation with the mediation of family friends and relatives, one should approach the court.  Remember once a woman approaches court or initiates legal measures, the likelihood of husband turning entirely hostile to marriage and deciding to leave you will be 100%.  So when a woman decides to initiates legal measures by then she should be mentally prepared to face that consequences of parting ways with husband permanently. It would be totally innocent if any woman thinks it is my right to initiate legal measures, but at the same time he has an obligation to care for me.  It does not happen like that.


So till you decide to part ways with husband permanently, you just say to yourself, "as I am still hoping for reconciliation, what difference it makes whether my Streedhan remains with him or with me, after all he is my husband?"


But if you are thinking of recovering Streedhan, that means you have sub-consciously decided to part ways with husband while making futile attempts to repair the relationship using coercive methods.  Legal measures are a matter of right for women, no doubt, but it all involves coercion and nobody likes to be coerced into a relationship.  So sincerity is, if you think of Streedhan, do not expect him to return to you as a husband.  Or if you are thinking there is possibility of reconcilation, then you have to avoid thinking about Streedhan, after all your husband, where the money will go?

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Rameshradhi (h4 )     10 May 2012

I am still hoping for reconcilation, i dont want to divorce but am scared of staying with him  because i ve tolerated his words and torture for 1 year ,my (health got disturbed ) i thought he would change but it didnt happen and i dont want to divorce as i respect marriage , i dont want to mary again but my husband used to force for divorce...he forced me to sign on divorce papers in US , he often used to call cops when ever we had argument and they advised me to leave to india and as my husband is not willing to stay with me they asked me to give divorce and live separately happily...( whenever cops used to tell only onething was revoloving my dad spend 20 lakhs for this marriage not even a penny came from my husbands pocket and its so easy to divorce )...he often used to tell divorce is common (ya its common its in US but not in india) ,for me marriage is life long bond.. he married me and promised me to live for ever  and its love come arranged marriage ..i just fought and convinced my parents for this marriage..divorce and breakups are far away from our thinking.. am scared if he ex-parte divorce in US or India without my concern..if that happens am  I going to lose in all ways?

Rameshradhi (h4 )     10 May 2012

my parents tried alot to speak to my husband when i was in US that too in last month  before i left to india..he used to ignore call ...then they tried lot to speak to my in laws they ignored....once my mom had talk with my MIL...she told am not her Daughter in law.....my mom asked why he is calling cops always and puting pressure, she told i might have done something wrong.she often used to speak badly on my character like am roming with other  guys( which is absolutely blunder)....my parents tried so much but nothing worked..Now through mediator we heard like whole family is speaking like  we both married with intrest and love and they are not bothered...but marriage happened in arrange way totally its not inter caste marriage...They were very keen to take money from us and they demanded and still demanding but not intrested when we got seperated ( like i left him), insulted us and tortured us .....no one is there to tell my husband  as my in laws wants us to seperate..now my in laws stay in india and he in US ..

Rameshradhi (h4 )     10 May 2012

i wish and hope some one would counsel(indian). my husband .so they tell the essence of marriage to him and wish he would change 

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     10 May 2012

Dear querier, the problem with your husband is not that he has no respect for institution of marriage.  He doesn't care for it.  The job of husband and wife is not similar to that of the job of a clerk or officer in an organization.  If we join any organization we do not get our boss by choice.  The conduct rules demand that we have to respect him whosoever he is, or whosoever is sitting in the chair of boss.  But marriage happens with the choice of a man and woman.  So, it is not guided by any rules and regulations.  Any one of them or both of them might have committed a mistake in their choice.  So marriage fails.  I do not think your husband is the kind of person who thinks, "Because I have to respect the institution of marriage and ethics and morals associated with it, I have to take care of my wife and love her and respect her". 


The point here is not about whose mistake it is.  The point is, he is no more interested in you.  The argument and logic behind the query whether it is right or wrong does not serve any purpose.  Simple, when somebody is not interested in us, we should take offense to it because it lowers our dignity and let that fellow go.  If possible take revenge by initiating legal measures so that, you teach a lesson to him and feel proud about yourself that you have taught a lesson to an egoist.


But again remember, punishment will not make him love you.  It will only help you to be pleased about yourself that you are justified in taking some action against an erring individual.  But somewhere that dissatisfaction remains, whatever we do....why that fellow suddenly changed, how nice if he had loved me.  That gap cannot be filled with any kind of action.  We have to live with it.

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