Akash Malhotra (supervisor) 28 August 2012

Help me from 498/dv

Today i got a call from a police station and need to attend police by 31 aug 12. Bcoz....

I am XXX, aged 42 years. i got married 16 years back. We blessed with a daughter(5 years). My wife abused me to get out of our house many times. Last year (28/08/11) my wife went to her parent’s home and not returned. Now she is harassing as i expelled her.

When she went home we made a gentleman agreement that, both we can live as independent. If anybody needs others support, they have to come first and say sorry. (I lead this one year very happily)

Now she failed, needs me and my support in all ways. Now she started pelting stones on me, like I molested and physically attacked her etc. etc... She is going to file a case for dowry harassment, domestic violence etc... Now she is asking to come her town and accept her demands, I should promise to all that i won’t harass her(when i don’t harass her, why should i accept). Now bcoz of these false allegations/complaints on me I really vexed with her and don’t like to stay with her. Even now I compromised also, in future she may file any type of case. She wants to take charge of my future.

She used to abuse me a lot and not cooperating in many areas.

Both of we are working; When I was in business(loss), she used to abuse as “jobless”. I tolerated many times. My life was miserable. I became a driver to drop her to office and pickup. Though office transport was there, she dont catch her transport and asking me to drop at door steps. Every time i need to shift my rented house for her, when she change her job location. I only need to look after my kid, at my home or to drop pick to daycare. Now I am working for a good organization and not allowing to abuse. Now I can’t spend much time with her and asking to share duties.

She doesn’t allow my friends and not respecting my friends. she always wants her friends. She is excess weight and obesity. Bcoz of this she suspect me, if i talk to any female, she spread rumors as illicit relation.

She always wear torn/old dresses/nighties at home(many new are available). I feel a shame, looks/behaves like a maid (street sweeper). Many times i requested her to wear new dresses, but she denies.

So how to protect myself ???

Even her parents also believing her words, my parents on my view. We used to live separately, not with parents. But now i am with parents and she is with her parents. they disturbed my daughters mind also, as dad is bad. and allowing to speak(phone) or meet.

Now they influenced police official and asking me to come for counseling. I don’t have support in that town. If I go there, can police arrest me on any case???

how to protect myself ???

If not, Shall I end my life and make her widow???

pls suggest............

regards,

XXX

09032380636

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8 Replies

Adv.R.P.Chugh (Advocate/Legal Consultant (rpchughadvocatesupremecourt@hotmail.com)) 28 August 2012

Dear Vikram,

1. Ending your life won't help, there have been cases where husband's relatives have been implicated and tried even after the death of the husband in false dowry cases.

2. This is the stage where you have to send in some protective intimations to reasonably protect you from any false cases.

3. Apply for visitation rights of the child.

4. Be prepared to face a flurry of cases in the shape of 498a/DV/Maintenance.

5. Consult a good counsel.

6. Read : https://bharatchugh.wordpress.com/2012/07/07/how-to-fight-a-false-498a-case-in-india-a-step-by-step-legal-strategy/

Good Luck !

Adv. Bharat Chugh

Adv.R.P.Chugh (Advocate/Legal Consultant (rpchughadvocatesupremecourt@hotmail.com)) 28 August 2012

Dear Vikram,

1. Ending your life won't help, there have been cases where husband's relatives have been implicated and tried even after the death of the husband in false dowry cases.

2. This is the stage where you have to send in some protective intimations to reasonably protect you from any false cases.

3. Apply for visitation rights of the child.

4. Be prepared to face a flurry of cases in the shape of 498a/DV/Maintenance.

5. Consult a good counsel.

6. Read : https://bharatchugh.wordpress.com/2012/07/07/how-to-fight-a-false-498a-case-in-india-a-step-by-step-legal-strategy/

Good Luck !

Adv. Bharat Chugh

ADV S PATHAK (lawyer) 28 August 2012

if she has given complaint to police u/s 498-A then police can take cognizance.

if she has given complaint to women cell, they will call you and a meeting will be arranged to resolve the issues. if no settelment then women cell may forword the complaint

(A) to concerned police station for registering a fir u/s 498A

(B) to protection officer who again will try to settel the issues. if not setteled protection officer will forward the complaint to the JMIC concerned and summons will be sent to join the case.

As such there will be no problem for you because the dispute can be setteled at earlier strages during mediation meetings. just go there and see what is the complaint filed and to which authority. give the short and relevant statement only with original facts only. when you will get what the complaint is about, the better suggestion can be given.

Vinu (executive) 28 August 2012

hi Vikram,

Sorry to hear your situation.

I BECAME A BIG FAN OF ADV.BHARAT WHO ALWAYS SUGGESTS BEST LEGAL ADVICE WITH A SOOTHING TONE.So you go through his reply.

it's cruel that a wife abuses her man as "jobless" without understanding his hurdles in the society. At that time she must have tried to contribute towards lifting up the financial status of HER family as she is also working if not at least can minimise her expenditures. Love/care should be the expected factor with each other.

She is excess weight ..." mm she should have concentrated on her health instead of going to her parents home and want to continue her chat with friends...!!! Mr.Vikram according to me it seems your wife is not a happy person (as you said about her dressings..etc) A happy person can only make others happy.

And she went for 498a after 16 yrs married life. And you have a kid also...! If possible try once and talk to her in the police station ( as a last chance for her to understand the hurts you had and correct mistakes) ....! It's up to your own decision. I m saying this to you since further legal proceedings will hurt you more and more as a cruel women can take advantages of good protection/domestic violence acts as a weapon against a innocent man.

If she never turns...get bold enough to fight for justice. But pls never loose your confidence to fight against such person who is not ready to correct her/his mistakes. Don't ever think/say of ending up your valauble life.

Good hearts always wins..!! good luck !!

stanley (Freedom) 28 August 2012

Dear Vikram ,

God has given you a life and you should be proud of it. Ending your life does not solve the problem . Tomorrow she files 498 a , DV and your parents are implicated in it they would be suffering running up and down the court .What would happen to your kid , how would she grow up . A child requires both a mother and a father . You should apply for 50 % visitation rights for your daughter and she cannot stop you once and order is passed through the court .Come what may they will try to through allegations against you and at any cost you would be granted these rights even under supervision .

Be strong and firm and fight back .

Amit (NA) 28 August 2012

She is a control freak. I understand these types and my wife is one of them. They need complete control and also they are frustrated (your wife is obese) and insecure. They release all this on the husband.

First you need to decide on what you want to do with this woman. Do you want to continue or do you want to separate. Since it's 16yrs old marriage and her behavior is like that at that maturity, don't expect her to change, that's what she is. Decide whether you can continue living with her (first know what exactly what she wants).

Regardless of your decision, certain precautions have to be taken:
(1) Keep your parents safe. You yourself are old to face court let alone your parents at that age.
(2) Live separately from your parents and ask them not to interfere and not worry about your situation and you can deal with it. Give them the peaceful life they deserve. I'd say they are the most important in your life right now. I've seen so many cases where a man who kept his parents happy (even if they were bad) ultimately found happiness throughout his life. Never let them suffer at least not from your wife.
(3) Be financially safe. If you have property on your name, transfer or sell it. If you have joint property, try to get rid of it or have evidence of your share.
(4) Gather proof of your wife's income.
(5) Gather proof of her behavior. Secretly video record her behavior. Let your neighbors and her family's neighbors know about it.
(6) Take care of your child. Will she support you in court?
(7) Live life to it's fullest. Indulge in whatever pleases you. Frankly you don't have much time left. Meditate, hit gym, travel or anything that relaxes and keeps you happy. If you have high s*xual urge, let me be bold and say "go astray" but leaving no evidences of course.
(8) She's old, fat and freak. She's not gonna get another husband. So she won't leave you. She'll use all tricks from the book to have control of you and will not divorce you. So prepare for a long battle. If possible, live in another city, take your parents too.
(9) Hire the best lawyer that you can afford. Give your wife a fight. You're not getting anything from her so fighting with her in court will not cause you any loss. Delay the court proceedings (if you don't intend to remarry). One day after few years, she may get tired. Never give her any hint that you are mentally weak. There'll be initial hurdles, cross them and you'll be fine.

I am not a lawyer so gave a non-legal reply. Hope it helps.

JANAK RAJ VATSA (ADVOCATE) 28 August 2012

don't loose heart. be brave and fight. take an advocate with you and another elderly person with you and go to the police station to her city and see what is in store for you. you can obtain AB before going to avoid any chances of arrests,if any to make sure.