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(Guest)

Help and guide me !

got married in last year june, but soon after marriage problems started. I used to try my best to adjust, but it was all a waste. My husband is not bad at heart but his problem is he drinks regularly, and used to come home late. I used to wait for him for dinners but he never bothered, apart from this my mother in law is very controlling & dominating, she started making my life hell , i don't know why, she used to humiliate me, scold me on small petty issues, ie aloo chote kyo kaa diye. curtains kyo hataye, laptop kyo use karti ho, ye kyo khaati ho, she never liked me studying or reading, she wanted me to keep working whole day, my husband eats chinese, pasta's etc everything but i was not allowed to eat all this, and not because of care but my mother in law doesn't like females to enjoy such food, and she told me that,  i used to cook everyday, but if on any day iam ill she used to blame that iam acting just to escape my household work, so  even with 103 degree fever i had to work at times, because her cursing hurted and humiliated me alot. My husband didn't care that slowly i started falling ill, due to mental & emotional distress,due to his drinking habit we had fights, and that time he had abused me that this is my house so i will live according to my wish, and if you don't like then you can go back to your parents. Moreover after every fight my mother in law used to say you both should file for divorce, my son is young & handsome so i will get another girl for him , she used to interfare in everything, ex tumne mere bete ko hair cut ke liye kyo bola, tum hoti kaun ho, so i was not allowed to say any normal thing to my husband. My mother in law used to curse & scold me whole day, and my husband never bothered, but i still loved my husband so i didn't wanted to leave him, and then one day i said my husband all this , that iam deeply hurt and this is hard for me to tolerate. i humbly requested him to allow me to shift at a rented accomodation near by my matrimonial house, so that it can keep our marriage entact without any fights. I suggested this because my husband's elder brother & his wife also stays at a seperate accomodation in the same city, just because of my mother in law's behaviour, and they were a bit supportive so they asked me to talk to my husband, but on this my mother in law got furious and she made a plan to throw me out of their house, and within 3-4 days she called my parents and humiliated alot, on this my worried parents rushed to my matrimonial house with a journey of 15 hours, and my mother tried to request, she cried alot but my mother in law adamently said i don't consider her my daughter in law anymore so just take her back, and my husband didn't uttered a single word, altough he had tears in his eyes but he is verymuch scared of his mother so he couldn't stop me. My father in law is a very nice person but even he couldn't help because my mother in law keeps him like a dog, and this is something really sad. After all this i had tried alot to reconcile, i took help from mediators etc but nothing helped me, my mother in law has ordered my husband not to take my calls or reply my emails , total brainwash. So i tried 2 months but all in vain, so finally i have files a case of 125 crpc for maintenance, i didn't file RCR because my mother in law already lied alot, and inflicted several alligation on me & said agar ye wapis aa bhi gayi mai isse rehne nai dungi apne bete ke saath. God knows what kind of mother she is? But after long time my husband called me and said we are ready to accept you back but won't shift anywhere. Moreover he also said that mom has said that let her come back i will teach her a good lesson, he was drunk asusual and disclosed all this, But iam scared now, i really want to live with my husband and continue this marriage because i love and i also want him to leave his evil habits , but iam scared of his mother, she has already tortured me alot, and she has challenged that she will break this marriage. Due to all this i want a seperate accomodation, and i won't force my husband to live with me , he can divide the days, he can come over to me on weekends and i want to stay  near the matrimonial house only to make things easy for my husband. I love my parents alot and understand that every child loves his/her parents, chahe wo kaise bhi ho, but i seriously don't want to keep any relations with my mother in law, beacuse she is very dangerous , and iam too much scared. If i go back to the same house where my MIL resides, then surely we will be divorced, and i will go under depression. beacuse already those 2 months after marriage were dreadful days , and i had to take medicines to reduse stress for the first time in my entire life. So please suggest me shall i file a case under PWDVA for seperate shelter, accomodation ???  My MIL doesn't let my husband speak to me at all, and she has illtreated me alot. So i want to file PWDVA and ask for a seperate accomodation. I don't know whats my MIL's problem, i love her son so much but still she wants to break her son's marriage.



Learning

 7 Replies


(Guest)

Note- My inlaws relatives are not ready to talk to my husband or my mother in law, or any othermember beacuse they are also afraid from my MIL, as she has a very rude behavior, and nobody likes her in whole family, so they are least bothered and don't want to suggest or help the family, so counselling through relatives & friends or parents is impossible now. I want my marriage to be safe, and my health & life also.

Manoj Choudhary (Advocate)     27 January 2011

Definately you can go for seprate shelter under PWDVA.

1 Like

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     27 January 2011

You have got choices to stay seperately, but before doing so to avoid the allegation on you it is better to discuss with your parents and your husband regarding the behavious of your MIL.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     27 January 2011

i am very sorry for you and you have my deepest sympathy.

PWDVA is the rightful approach to follow,where you can also request for counselling so that your husband realises that he has a duty towards his wife also.

but before that,consider the below remedy:

u said that your brother inlaw and sister inalw separated in another house because of your mother inlaw's nature.why don't you take their help in making your husband understand his duties towards you,including that of protecting you.you can ask them to call your husband at their house without your mother inlaw's knowledge,and then talk to him.

so,you shud visit them personally alongwith your parents,but  before that send them a  registered letter or e-mail,showing your interest in meeting them for their help for reconcilaition with your husband,so that if you need to file DV case in future you have all the proofs that you had tried your best to reconcile for which you took their help too.

even then if your husband acts stubbornly,do the following below remedies:

  • develop a good rapport with your husband's relatives and ask them to act as witnesses that your mother inlaw is actually very rude.

 

  • try one last time to talk to your mother inlaw that you want to live with your hubby,and record the conversation.when your mother inlaw humilates you and your family during this conversation,it will all be recorded as used as evidence in court.

 

  • similarly communicate with your husband and inlaws henceforth only through registered letters or e-mails or through phone after switching on the recorder,showing your interest in reconciliation.and when they are rude it can all be recorded to be used as evidence.

collect all other evidences of any letters,e-mails etc where you showed interest in reconcilation,and where they denied.

after filing DV case,if they try to settle the matter outside the court,discuss with your lawyer its pros and cons.

according to my wisdom,if you give in to their psychological pressure and withdraw the DV case,you may go back without any protection orders and then they can harass you again.so go back only after winning the case,so that protection orders are already there.

the courts may say that your mother inlaw cant be made a respondent in DV case,being a female.but i have gone thru a judgement of rajasthan HC where it says that females can also be made respondents.i will look for it.else i request the lawyers at LCI reading this to please post this for her,if they have it.

all the best!

 

2 Like

Legal Fighter (Advocate)     27 January 2011

Surbhi, I think that you have to clear some confusions. Do u want ot live with your husband or not? Filing a case in PWDVA may close the door of reconcillation. so I would suggest you to take any decision with cool mind and after disucussions with wise people.

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     27 January 2011

Originally posted by :Legal Fighter
"
Surbhi, I think that you have to clear some confusions. Do u want ot live with your husband or not? Filing a case in PWDVA may close the door of reconcillation. so I would suggest you to take any decision with cool mind and after disucussions with wise people.
"

kindly read her posts again.she has clearly mentioned that she has tried her best for reconciliation,but nothing is working out.

so wot do u expect a woman to do?lick her inlaws' feet?

1 Like

(Guest)

Thankyou Roshini Ji.

@ Roshni ji-  Mam i wanted my brother in law & his wife to help me, but as you know its a family matter, she and her husband doesn't want to get involved anymore, because my MIL has already scolded my brother in law alot, saying him rubbish things , and my MIL has completely brainwashed my husband saying negative things about his bhabhi, wife of his brother, saying that isne toh mere bade bete ko pehle hi mujhse alag karwa diya, ghar tudwa diya and all. So my husband doesn't like his bhabhi that much, they just formally interact but i cannot expect from them to call my husband and talk to him properly. Because my husband won't listen to them, he is real stubborn but basically his mom is controlling him, she gives my husband full liberty to drink and enjoy as much as he can, so he is happy . His business and financial things are also controlled by my MIL. i have been trapped in such a bad situation. i don't understand one thing that if mothers are so much jealous of their daughter in laws, and if they are so much insecure ki beta haat se nikal jayega and all, then wo shaadi hi kyo karwaati hai apne beto ki, keep them on their laps whole life. Me and my parents are suffering so much. Iam not going to file any false case, but i need justice certainly with all the true facts. I have become so helpless , nobody is their to actually go and talk to my MIL & husband.

Yes my husband's relatives love me alot and support me but are afraid to help me, next thing my MIL doesn't take my calls whether i call from PCO or mobile, if she hears my voice she disconnects. So their is no question of recording the call.

Iam afraid to send email to my brother in law, that if later my MIL uses it against me saying false things, that i used to threaten them for seperate accomodation etc, please suggest me how should i write it. I mean i will not use any rude thing, i will just write the facts and can i request them to think for a seperate accomodation & speak to my husband & my MIL,explaining all the facts and can i ask my brother in law to convince them. Iam really afraid of my mother in law, she can harm me and my old parents saying false things. moreover my lawyer is saying that we will ask for compensation so you don't have to talk to your husband, etc. My lawyer is saying ki maintenance ki baat sunkar he will come and talk to you etc, you don't have request him anything. Iam confused is she suggesting me good or bad ????????


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