Hi,
I have been married for 1 year now. Before marraige, my husband was working in a garments shop as a sales executive. We met through our caste matrimonial site. When I met him in the first meeting, he said that he drinks on Saturday and Sunday. But, after knowing him better, he told that he drinks daily at nighttime after his duty. Days passed by, we were speaking to each other almost everyday. He told me that he had some personal grudges with his family - especially how they treated him since childhood and also, he told me that his father did not support him or take his in their own family business. So, he told that he had no deep relationship with his family. He only goes to home for sleeping at night time and rest of the time, stays in his duty. There were 1 or 2 episodes when he drank excessively at his duty hours, and probably, he had some arguments at his home. When I asked the reason, he told that he gets mad once in a month like this. He drank excessively and slept at his shop - such incidents occurred twice or thrice. I thought he needs mental support as he is in depression. I tried to support him mentally and tried to explain him the importance of parents and always told him to value and respect his parents. He used to share me all the whereabouts and doings of the whole day, I used to observe him and counsel him for all the little small things. But, still he used to drink daily at night. There was a fixed measurement of 1 quarter and one 90 that he drank everyday night. I tried to counsel him on that also. He always tried to tell me that he wants to reduce it, and he will do it gradually. There were some days when he did not drink also on regular days, especially during navratri and ganpati. After my counseling, I observed that there was a 10% change in him. I felt happy that little, but he is changing.
All these months, I was jobless in Covid time. After some months, I got a job in IT Cloud sales in Google process and I had to relocate from Mumbai to Delhi. I relocated and it was a very good job. After some days from the day I relocated, he called me and said he wants to live with me, marry me and he would do any kind of job in Delhi and he wants to leave this present life in mumbai. I tried to explain him not to come like this, but he did not listen to me. He was crying and emotional all the time whenever he called me. It was becoming like he was getting dependent on me. I felt like might be - he needs more counseling and this is the process, and he will change. Then, he came to Delhi. I thought if I can place him in my company, then maybe his mental conditions would improve and he could get out of depression. I referred him to my company and he got a job. We used to work together in the same company but our teams were different. In the Delhi office, he had a best friend who was also a drinker. Sometimes in Friday, we had office party and in the lunchtime, they both used to go and have beer and come back for lunch party. I warned him not to drink in office hours but he told me that as it was lunch party, he did it and would never do it again.
Days passed by, I didn't knew that he used to have beer during office hours. I had doubt once, but when I asked him he told me that he didn't drink during office hours. He used to behave very nice to me. I thought he is changing and trying to become a good human being now. He told me to live-in together and share same room, and he was very much interested to marry me. Still, he was drinking daily at night and his measurement was fixed. He promised me that he will reduce it and stop it if I marry him. I was not sure whether to marry him or not, because of all his habit but he gave me assurance that he will stop it. Mentally, I was still not ready for marraige but he used to emotionally pressurize me and told me he will change completely if I marry him.
I thought to give it a chance that if he is changing, I can marry him. Days passed by, he was behaving good although used to drink in the nighttime and I told him to quit drinking. He told he will do it gradually over time. He used to emotionally pressurize me for marraige. He promised me that he would lessen his drinking gradually and would quit drinking but it would take time. He promised my father as well. On the basis of his promise, we got married.
After one month of marraige only, he lost the job and the reason was drinking that I got to know after marraige because my Manager told me that he had drunk many times during office hours. That was a big betrayal for me as I got to know after marraige, that he had lied to me.
I asked him why did you lie about your drinking he told that I only have told in the office to everyone that Gaurav is a big drinker.
I was very much depressed about this. I didn't knew what to do because I had told my parents (although my father denied me for marraige) but still, I had convinced my father for marraige - by trusting him. He had broke my trust.
Fortunately, luckily, our vendor manager - Vandana referred me for a higher salary job in Hyderabad. So to save my marraige as I had done mistake by believing him, I referred him to another job. While staying in hyderabad, we had good days as well as bad days. I told him to reduce drinking as he promised after marraige - so, he told me that he would do it only on weekends now - Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Some weeks went well. But later, it became uncontrollable. He started to drink from Friday night continously day and night, till Monday morning. There were days on Monday morning when he stopped drinking one hour prior to coming to office.
In the meantime, we had many arguments and he told me to get out of the house. I had come back to my maternal home around 6 months ago, I stayed for a month at my maternal home and he told that he will stay properly now.
Now, again he has started drinking and lost his second job now. His drinking has increased now and inspite of his health getting detiorated, he stops for some days and when he gets well after some days, starts to drink again.. this cycle is continuing now. There are many arguments between us and he is not listening to me. Please advise.
