lyfsux (wxyz) 20 August 2013

Divorce - help suggestion

i have been married for about 10 years to my husband during the course of which i have been through domestic violence, mental cruelty and adultery. Everytime i had to threaten to leave him to make him stop doing one or the other things.

However now I do not think it is possible for me to emotionally still be in this relationship. The previous adultery from him has left me broken. He is emotionally dependent and nrcissistic by nature. We have a 2 year old daughter and for her sake i thought divorce would be bad. but i now have a feeling that being amidst disjointed parents is a worse thing to do to your child.

I am not looking to separate him from his child - i do not mind a joint custody and i am not looking for any kind of compensation or maintenance. I just want separation from my husband. I have a feeling it will not be a mutually consented divorce - he may contest it for desertion (i plan to separate and apply for a pre-litigation mediation to somehow get him to agree to a consented divorce)...

Every time i threaten to leave him he starts working things out and becoming sane for a week or two then he becomes the same (he has not been adulterous since 8 months now and does not hit me anymore) but he is an extremely negative and overly possessive man who doesnt like it that i get along with his parents. I cannot live with him anymore as i do not have it within me to give him any more chances.

I do not want to wash dirty linen in public and be hurtful or insinuatng in any manner. I want this to be amicable but i do not think he is capable of an amicable settlement in this regard.

Please help.

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5 Replies

(Guest)

Dear querist,

Your problem is something like a lazy donkey whom you have to always give a blow to start his performance. If you don't mind I have to nemenclate your husband as such donkey whose wife has to give a blow of leaving him then only he do his duties and performances.

So,in this typical case of your husband I don't think a contested divorce will feed you in benefits. In my opinion just talk to him for all whatever you feel and ready for consequences rather than just jumping to marital battle on the honourable court floor. See as per your daughter it's very essential that she gets the affection and name of father,so,don't be in hurry.Just have a smooth as well as clear talk with him on your last attempt if he doesn't turn to be good.

If he doesn't become a gud husband and a father,then go for a sec-10 HMA judicial seperation and watch for a year as what your destiny tells. If again the reunion fails then you are eligible for permanent seperation or Divorce decree.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate) 20 August 2013

everyone acts as per there wish and there lifestyle

he wants to be in his own terms and you do not want to change as per his wish and the bottom line starts with a bang like harassing you

why do not you change for the sake of your child and be like him what he says do because if some one bends then only the martial life will be happy

in your case it is like that he is misbehaving with your cruelly in my view do not give him a chance to behave like that may be you have tried in this way also and got eshausted and want to take this step and if you go through the legal battle then you have to spend amount and finally both will be left separated

lyfsux (wxyz) 21 August 2013

I have tried to be like him... bend in more ways than one... but for the sake of my own sanity i do not wish to continue. I've reached the end of my wits and ask for nothing but peace of mind. I have spoken to him lots of times over the course of this marriage and i am not one who relents to shouting and abusing to get my point across... I believe in a normal heart to heart chat which has not given me any satisfactory results. I've been in and out of depression and am currently stressed to the levels of having anxeity attacks everytime he starts raising his voice even. All i want is a separation - if not divorce... i cant cohabit with the man anymore. I have even tried counselling but nothing has worked... and i am completely incapable of bending and twisting anymore... I need to be sane to bring up my daughter to be a good human being.. and for that sanity I need to be away from him. Please help.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate) 21 August 2013

i do not mind a joint custody

i do not understand what is this joint custody

if you are deserted and really want separation from him then separate and live with your parents with your kid and if you need any maintenance then ask for it if not for you but for you kid

see for some time and even then his behaviour is not changed then file for divorce as you said he will object then it will last more then one year and if he agrees then take mutual consent divorce and about your kid if you feel the kid is safe and he will take care then leave the kid to father and make a condition that you will visit the kid regularly without any objection and even you can take such order from the court in the divorce petition itself

lyfsux (wxyz) 21 August 2013

I earn more than my husband.. i do not wish to prolong the procedure with discussions on maintenance. And as for joint custody ... if it comes to a custody battle i do not have problems with father having visitation rights or having the kid with him for sometime ( but i cant allow full custody to go to him, coz he will fight for it and not let me meet the child) I have not been deserted... we still live together with his parents.