Father of a special needs child needs suggestions


Good morning all,

In 2013 we immigrated to canada by that time we had a 3 yr old child whom we left at wife's parents. Initially wife got a good job in canada and ar the same time in India my daughter has been diagnized with autism. so my wife went to India and brought her to canada. After coming here I was taking care of her as dropping to school and bringing her during lunch time etc. My daugher was non verbal uses words inapropriately and most of the time she was violent with herself. At that time she said dont worry anything about job as shes earnign more than enough for the family.From 2014 to 2017 I was virtually with out a job as I couldnt get on with interviws and all . other thing is my job timings are not suitable to take car of child. I almost sacrificed my career for my child.

I was too patient with her in dealing with her and the point came whre she listens to what ever i say. but my wife is violent with her as she doenst have any patience. She used to scream and hit her here in canada. Since my child can not talk she didnt complain against her. I didnt complain also because I thought mother is most important for such a girl.I thought she will learn from the way I treat my child almost as a therapist

In 2018  my wife mother came to canada on a visit visa. she dont like the way I treat my child instead she forced my wife nd me to hit her. but i never succumb to her pressures. She pressurized my wife and took my child to  India on jan 2019. But by that time my child and both of us became canadian citizens.my wife pressurized me to take her oci and send child to India. I started my job in 2018 which is lot smaller than my wife . because of small job my wife or her family doesnt respect me and think my ways of dealing with child are not correct

Since 2019 jan almost 1 and half year she was not taken to any psychiriatist, no therapist involved and my mother in law tries to avoid showing girl to me she wont answer my calls. they took her to one special school where they dont teach any thing. Ther is no therapist in that school. My wife says dont worry about child.

I hear reports that my mother in law is hitting my child but those are unofficial. I want to bring my child back with out applying divorce. which would be better way. Is there any law which states therapy necessary for a differently able child. I dont know how to convince my wife to bring child back. Shes also here in canada earing more than mine. 

 

 
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Advocate

Please post simple facts, highlighting the real issue.

 
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Retired employee.

A long story.  Can you without a job can maintain and look after a child with autism if you wanted to bring her back to Canada?  Is the mother also responsible for bringing such a child?

Think practicable, and do not consider separation of that poor child with her mother is the only remedy.   First, be competent to stand and earn on your legs and develop a family support system and then think of a remedy.

As I understand, without any job or income, you can not look after such a child yourself in Canada, as she can not speak.  The child is not deserted and is with in-laws.  (Don't try to think whether such problematic child can be looked after by in-laws, as they may be having their own problems at that age and many responsibilities to perform)

Not a litigation issue.  It requires retrospection as this is more personal issue.

 
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Yes now a days I started earning . I was doing small job I cant keep them in bunglaw as my wife keeps now but at least I can give them shelter but according to my wife that was not enough . She insists I should earn more than her. Here in canada governemt takes care of childs studies her behaviour etc. We had a nice support of therapists and teachers here . I saw it did wonders for my child. They taught my wife how to teach my child doing her daily needs.My wife is such a type of lady who cant live with out work. 

Since child wll be going to school here in canada the govt supports us in all ways like tax benefits , every month they are giving some money irrespective of our salaries which we need to use for the betterment of child but we are not using it for that. 

The child is not deserted and is with in-laws.  (Don't try to think whether such problematic child can be looked after by in-laws, as they may be having their own problems at that age and many responsibilities to perform)

That kind of non therapy to a special needs child is more than desertion. I didnt ask them to take my child. It was my mother in law who forcibly took with help of my wife. Even then she could have suggested my wife to go with her with out earning as child is more important than money. Since 2 years shes not letting me see my child and give me correct details about her. Still i was giving suggestions on how to make things work easily with my child 

 

 
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ha21@rediffmail.com Mumbai : 9820174108

1. IF, as Father, life is strained & tensed without Child and with such insensitive Wife & in-laws,  AND "IF" you can be financially independent THEN file Divorce Proceedings in Canada (not in India), on grounds of Cruelty and malicious & forced separation from your own Child and abuse of Child at the hands of Wife and In-Laws.

2. No point in suffering yourself and having the Child getting abused by Wife & In-laws.  In fact you, as Father, are also guilty, for allowing the Child to be abused & leaving a permanent mental SCAR on child.

3. Maybe Wife & In-Laws, will come to their sane senses AFTER you file for Divorce and leave their orthodox apathy and stop abusing the Child.

Keep Smiling .... Hemant Agarwal
VISIT: www.chshelpforum.com

 
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LEGAL

Originally posted by : ram k
Good morning all,

In 2013 we immigrated to canada by that time we had a 3 yr old child whom we left at wife's parents. Initially wife got a good job in canada and ar the same time in India my daughter has been diagnized with autism. so my wife went to India and brought her to canada. After coming here I was taking care of her as dropping to school and bringing her during lunch time etc. My daugher was non verbal uses words inapropriately and most of the time she was violent with herself. At that time she said dont worry anything about job as shes earnign more than enough for the family.From 2014 to 2017 I was virtually with out a job as I couldnt get on with interviws and all . other thing is my job timings are not suitable to take car of child. I almost sacrificed my career for my child.

I was too patient with her in dealing with her and the point came whre she listens to what ever i say. but my wife is violent with her as she doenst have any patience. She used to scream and hit her here in canada. Since my child can not talk she didnt complain against her. I didnt complain also because I thought mother is most important for such a girl.I thought she will learn from the way I treat my child almost as a therapist

In 2018  my wife mother came to canada on a visit visa. she dont like the way I treat my child instead she forced my wife nd me to hit her. but i never succumb to her pressures. She pressurized my wife and took my child to  India on jan 2019. But by that time my child and both of us became canadian citizens.my wife pressurized me to take her oci and send child to India. I started my job in 2018 which is lot smaller than my wife . because of small job my wife or her family doesnt respect me and think my ways of dealing with child are not correct

Since 2019 jan almost 1 and half year she was not taken to any psychiriatist, no therapist involved and my mother in law tries to avoid showing girl to me she wont answer my calls. they took her to one special school where they dont teach any thing. Ther is no therapist in that school. My wife says dont worry about child.

I hear reports that my mother in law is hitting my child but those are unofficial. I want to bring my child back with out applying divorce. which would be better way. Is there any law which states therapy necessary for a differently able child. I dont know how to convince my wife to bring child back. Shes also here in canada earing more than mine. 

 
Yo

 

You proved a spineless father by letting your MIL to take your child from Canda,just you are exhibiting your henpeckdness here and just still  making imaginations...

 
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My wife is influenced by her not me. If i file divorce case in canada can the court order to bring my child to me. or what are the chances that my daughter will be seperated permanently from me.what are the chances of visitations or rights of father in India once couple get divorced. If the child is here there are rules to allow father or keep child with father 2 days in week minimum. 

I dont know how it works when child is in another country. I'm here to find solutons what all can be done I dont bother if some one calls spineless or careless. Because my wife r her mother dont know any thing about child psychology. After explaining them by words and actions for 2 years I let her un willingly as I thought they wil learn hard way. Almost 4 yrs taking care of child my MIL still dont know how to control child she still thinks screamign is only way. 

In front of others she acts as if she never screamed at her.

 
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Advocate

What you have posted are worries than facts. Take care of the facts, worries would take cae of themselves. As you are in Canada, they ought to hve better systems to take care of the special needs of such children.

 
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Suppose if his wife goes back to India and files divorce against him would it be considered. what will happen to child custody in that case

 
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