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CP (Engineer)     18 September 2013

Clarification regarding impotency as ground for divorce

Hello All,


Am in a very bad state of mind, and hence seeking advise from everyone here, not only legal advise, but also non-legal advise


Me and my wife got married in November 2011. It was an arranged marriage, but we were given enough time, and by the time of marriage we both liked each other a lot. During the time of the marriage I was a virgin and she had one relationship.

Immediately after marriage, we found out that I was impotent. Well, impotent might not be the right work because I was able to get a sustained erection and ejaculate as well. The problem was to penetrate her, for some reason I was not able to do that.

That time itself, I told her she can leave me if she wishes to, to which she refused, and co-operated like any wife in love with her husband would. The main mistake from my side was that inspite of her asking me to take legal advise, I waited for 6 months to consult a doctor, and due to certain misconceptions, I still did not take medicines prescribed. The other mistake also was that I assumed she is ok in this sort of a non-intimate relationship, because we had a lot of fun together, and she herself confessed that she was very happy with me.


During all this time, we used to have big fights over petty things. At first I suspected she gets angry due to my impotency and lack of interest to consult medical help, but as soon as we cooled down she used to say sorry and we reconciled. During this period also, some differences arose in our lifestyle and the lifestyle my parents wanted us to adopt, which led to small fights, but nothing huge, but undoubtedly there was some untold friction between my in-laws and her.

Around 2 months back, we had an arguement, and that is when she snapped and told me that she wants out of the marriage. At that time she was serious and finally I told her, if you give me one more chance I will take full medical help. I infact consumed the pills prescribed earlier to me, and felt a difference, but we were not in a state to implement the same in our lives, because she was in a bad state of mind.

We then decided to communicate the issue to our parents. In that meeting, the friction my in-laws had with her came out in the open and she herself to some extent insulted my parents. I accepted my mistake before everyone also, and I re-iterated that I will seek medical help if she agrees to give me another chance. At that point her family (they are a little unorthodox) pointed out that such issues are known before marriage itself, to which I did not argue. Even my wife had accepted that there was no way I could have known of this before marriage. In this meeting, she asked for a month of time alone so that she can concentrate on her job. I agreed to that which actually meant me moving to a temporary residence.

From this point onwards, her interactions and to an extent her parent's interactions with me went from bad to worse. She had made all my savings account into a FD without my knowledge, and to move to a temporary residence I needed some money which I did not have at that time. I got viral fever, inspite of this she never asked me to return home, forget that, even pay me a visit. She at times in anger also threatened me that if I divorce her I will have to give her alimony. For all the above at different points she apologized.

Now her parents want me to consult a doctor of their choice (I am not sure at this point if it is a counseling session which was suggested to me by all doctors that my family consulted or is it to prove that I knew of impotence before marriage and that it is incurable). They still maintain their stance that I knew of this problem before marriage, but they also verbally said that they want us to be together. My parents after being insulted have told me clearly, that if you are happy with her, we are happy, but have not forced me to choose between her and them.

My questions are as follows:

1. As I have told you, I can get an erection consistently, that means I am not impotent, and probably there is some anxiety during s*x. In such a scenario, can any doctor falsify that and write a report that I knew of impotency before marriage?

2. If they file a case against me citing knowledge of impotency before marriage, what are my chances to contest the same successfully considering the explainations I have given above? Can I get arrested if such a case is filed against me?

3. If they want divorce on the grounds of impotence, can I contest saying that I do not want a divorce and want to undergo medical help before concluding that I cannot perform s*x? Will the judge accept such an arguement and stall the divorce? If yes, it cannot force me to try s*x with her, right since obviously she will not be in that frame of mind? So how is it eventually proved that I am not impotent and can have a regular married life?

4. My wife works in a MNC and earns a decent salary. If she asks for a divorce, do I still need to give her alimony? Is this money going to be one-time or it is mandatory I have to pay her monthly maintenance? Any idea on how much monthly maintenance could be (My salary is 70 K Per Month and hers is around 25-30 K Per Month)? Can she ask for anything else apart from money, like household appliances, car, scooter which I have purchased on my name?

5. We never asked for dowry, but they themselves gave us 1 Lakh cash during marriage, out of which around half was spent in buying furniture etc. Also they gave us some gold, and one of the gold ornaments we seem to have misplaced, but we have agreed to get the same done and return to them. Can they file dowry harrassment charges against us? If yes, can me or any of my family be arrested?

Thanks for reading my long query. I would also welcome non-legal advises if anyone has any.



 5 Replies


(Guest)

1. As I have told you, I can get an erection consistently, that means I am not impotent, and probably there is some anxiety during s*x. In such a scenario, can any doctor falsify that and write a report that I knew of impotency before marriage?

 

Opinion: You seriously need the medical help.Only doctor can tell your correct situation.No he can't write the false report.If you have any doubt then go for re-check with another DR.

 

2. If they file a case against me citing knowledge of impotency before marriage, what are my chances to contest the same successfully considering the explainations I have given above? Can I get arrested if such a case is filed against me?

 

Opinion: Depends on the facts and circumstances,mere on the above breif it's not correct to tell you.

Arrest will not happen for your impotence....don't worry...!!! you are thinking too much.

 

3. If they want divorce on the grounds of impotence, can I contest saying that I do not want a divorce and want to undergo medical help before concluding that I cannot perform s*x? Will the judge accept such an arguement and stall the divorce? If yes, it cannot force me to try s*x with her, right since obviously she will not be in that frame of mind? So how is it eventually proved that I am not impotent and can have a regular married life?

 

Opinion: If the opponent party proove that you were impotent prior to marriage then your marriage is voidable marriage.They can seek for annulment of marriage.

Better try get medical treatment and convince her if she can. Otherwise let her go......it's your fault that during those day's you have not treated medically in first six months.Just follow the rules of Live happy and also make other's to live happy.

 

 

4. My wife works in a MNC and earns a decent salary. If she asks for a divorce, do I still need to give her alimony? Is this money going to be one-time or it is mandatory I have to pay her monthly maintenance? Any idea on how much monthly maintenance could be (My salary is 70 K Per Month and hers is around 25-30 K Per Month)? Can she ask for anything else apart from money, like household appliances, car, scooter which I have purchased on my name?

 

Opinion: No maintenance to her.....as she earning well,but again depends on facts and circumstances of both's income and expenditures and liabilities.

Brother you query seeks that you are becoming sick........how could any LCI memebr will tell you that "Can she ask for anything else apart from money, like household appliances, car, scooter which I have purchased on my name?

 

Remember: She can claim anything but again she has to proove it undoubtly.

Plz be in the constant mind..!!!

Hire a local lawyer for all these queries he will tell you better.

 

 

5. We never asked for dowry, but they themselves gave us 1 Lakh cash during marriage, out of which around half was spent in buying furniture etc. Also they gave us some gold, and one of the gold ornaments we seem to have misplaced, but we have agreed to get the same done and return to them. Can they file dowry harrassment charges against us? If yes, can me or any of my family be arrested?

 

Opinion: She can file any cases at any time.......but those who can undoubtly proove all these case will come as winner indeed.

Then they can make you and your family arrest in what ever sections.

 

 

Note: Your query is more astrologic rather logic. You are thinking too much rather than making your self fit.

My personal suggestion First make yourself physicaly fit then think ahead.

Thanks for reading my long query. I would also welcome non-legal advises if anyone has any.

CP (Engineer)     18 September 2013

Thanks for your clarifications.

 

I totally accept it is my fault, but I cannot change the past. I am ready to get myself fit, if given a chance.

CP (Engineer)     18 September 2013

Thanks for your clarifications.

 

I totally accept it is my fault, but I cannot change the past. I am ready to get myself fit, if given a chance.

gd dy (gd dy)     18 September 2013

understand ur laziness bt fail to understand why u wait for her reply to start medication ? may one conclude frm ur posting tht only and only she ready to join u thn u start taking it.

understand ur fear but don't understand hw doc can find ? and this will b another case whether u were im....... or not.
don't one hv right to get it cured.


(Guest)

You should talk to your wife and seek her opinion. If she is fine living with you then get medical help ASAP.

But mind you they may trap you if you go to their doctor. They may be creating evidences and trying to get you to a logical end for this marriage. So stay awake and take care of yourself.

Although I suggest you if she doesn't agree then get your marriage annulled and set her free. She may ask for alimony/damages from you and if the amount is in your zone of comfort, then you should pay her.

You both consult good doctors and marriage counselors for your mutual good.


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