Marriage dispute
Joshi
(Querist) 25 November 2013
This query is : Resolved
I have been married from last 11 years. My wife use to fight regularly with me. We had two daughters and she actually not care our kids the way a mother should do so I used to be responsible for all my kids need, schooling etc. In most of the fight she always told me to give the divorce and I stop her saying think about kids future but she ignore and asking about her own future that is supposedly being ruined by me after being marriage and when I said you go ask your parents to get the divorce and I will sign it then she used to say that my parents are not in this favor. And when I raised this concern to her parents then they actually scolding me that I am actually torturing her. On the opposite side in public, my wife told to everyone that I don't want to live with her and I want divorce which is totally untrue.
We got married on December, 2002 and till November, 2012 I had my job and we all were together living in different places where I was posted.
Finally harassed by her all the time, on last December, 2012 I had planned to settle down my business in my native place Jodhpur where myself and my wife originally belong so that at least our family can settled down the issue whenever required. I only had my mother to whom she always scolded her to extreme case that as a person should not do to an old woman. We are living in my mother house only and even for sake of my peace, my mother is not living with us but to live in my married sister's house. But still my wife use to create all fighting drama and even more aggressively by hitting me scolded me at lowest level and spitting at my faces and many time thrown me out of the house in the night. And again next day she used to ask family members or neighborhood to get her husband in the house and she really feel sorry for all she did but again when I returns back she used to be good during sex hours and after that she just start the drama saying I am not feeling happy here, I want to go and give me divorce. She used to tell lie to other to display herself as a women with pain but inside house she has no worries. Even she cut her own hairs and blame it me due to which her father beaten me.
The way she is behaving, sometime I thought may be something wrong in her mind but she only behaves so rudely to me and my mother otherwise she is okay. In our 10 years of marriage she didn't doubt for me to have affair with other women but as we moved to our native place she just started doubt on me and scolded me without any reason. I was wondering on this and asking her if somebody feeds you but she denied it. Even thing went so worst that she and her father ruin my reputation and business setup due to which all of sudden I became workless and she has no worry about it but she is saying I want you to be on the road and that is what she want. I tried a lot clear all the doubt whatever she do without reason and ask her to save our marriage and save kids future but she ignore it. She used to fight with me in the night and many times I left the house in mid night and again she felt sorry for it and repeat the same thing. Finally I went out in search of jobs and used to come in month to visit but she even not let me stay for one day. I send her monthly Rs. 5000 other than kid’s school fees, transportation and tuition. But she used to tell to others that I got settled with another wife and kid and I am not sending money to her etc. which is totally untrue. I always feel sorry for the kids because she is not sending them to school. Two months back when I was in Delhi in search of job she reveals about her past that before marriage she had relation with a guy that she madly love with him and she used to call him even now for many hours. even now I am not there but in a job outside my native place so she used to go outside for 2-3 hours and keeping the kids in the locked house during that time so I am guessing that she used to be with her lover during that time otherwise she always take kids when she go to her parents house. Her parents even fed up of her and don't want her to come to their house but when I complain them then they only make me faulty and favoring his daughter. Even now she disconnects my phone and not allows talking to my daughters.
I am really worried about my daughters because she really don't care for her and using them to keep with her for money and property. She didn't allow me to take them with me. I find myself helpless because she and her father already threat me to put lots of false cases against me if I am going to do anything.
Please advice how should I proceed further in that case because now what I really want to take my daughters and build their good future. So far I didn't file any divorce case because I know if I will do then I will be catch in lot of other false cases from her and will not able to take my daughters from her.
V R SHROFF
(Expert) 25 November 2013
Mr Joshi,
Your daughter will support your wife only;
U will have life of stay dog, as society will boycott you.
Wife will take away major amt, house etc on Divorce.
Better understand each other, try to satisfy her need, and be happy with what you get.
Lonely life at old age is miserable.
A MAN WITH ONLY DAUGHTERS HAVE THIS PROBLEM, THAT U SUFFER, AND I CAN QUOTE DOZENS OF SUCH DIVORCEE, , WHERE THEIR DAUGHTER JUST HATE FATHER.. NO REASON,,
SO, TAKE CARE, GET MORE [POLISHED & SMOOTH, EXPECT LESS, UR D WILL BE TAKEN CARE BY THEIR RESPECTIVE HUSBANDS..
Do not worry more, only provide, what u shd to ur d. & Keep good provision for u. Keep good relations with ur brothers & sisters & parents if any..
Otherwise , as I pointed out, she will make u lonely , poor, sick, hungry , stay dog.
Before she loose her reputation, she will charge u immoral, to protect her side. It is her pro defence activity , so that when she kick u out, society will support her.
Ladies plans better than man..
BE Careful .
OK,
malipeddi jaggarao
(Expert) 25 November 2013
Certainly your wife needs some medical treatment. I agree she will not allow you to take her to a psychiatrist. I would have suggested you solution, but fortunately or unfortunately you have two daughters. Try the following steps:
1. Discuss with her parents. Impress upon them instead of blaming you without any reason, they should be open to the problem. Also tell them that you are more worried about the daughters and unless they co-operate you can not save them from her mother. Tell them either they should take care of their daughter for some time and make it clear that you are intending to go for divorce; but to provide some peace to your family to settle the issue. Your family does not consist of you and your wife. Your old mother and two daughters are also your members. You have your own duty towards all of them. Simply because your wife is adamant you can not leave the others to their destiny. If they are not willing ask them to take of your daughters and you will reimburse the expenses for bringing them up as per your capacity.
2. If you leave your wife with her parents for some time, she will realise what she lost. Your parents will realise that their support to their daughter is wrong. Let them to show her to a family counseller or psychiatrist in the meanwhile. She will not listen you; but her parents can impress upon her.
3. Meet that guy directly and tell him not to take advantage of her mental ill-ness and he should leave her totally otherwise you will interfere in his life directly - if he is unmarried - approaching his parents and he is married approaching his wife. If you do not warn him; he will continue to take advantage for satisfying his lust.
4. If your parents-in-law do not agree for your proposal either to keep their daughter or the grand-children with them, ask your mother to take care of your children.
5. Do not feel shy to open-up your mind with others who are concerned with the issue. Make your intentions clear that you are interested in saving the marriage but at the same it is very difficult for your to continue like this - either she should agree for medical treatment or leave to her parental house at least temporarily.
If you go on giving response, there is no end to such behaviour. Tackle the problem with determination. Do not feel shy or fear about the society. After all, you have to live your life and give life to your children and serve your old mother.
P. Venu
(Expert) 25 November 2013
The root of the problem, it appears, is that you are allowing the wife and her parents to dominate you.
Better try to settle in a far away place in job or in business and discover yourself. But do not run away from life or its responsibilities.
R.K Nanda
(Expert) 25 November 2013
nothing more to add.
Joshi
(Querist) 25 November 2013
thank you all for your kind advices. what if somehow I got my daughters then will police and court force me to keep my daughters with my wife only. Or I can claim that she is not sending my kids to school and I want myself and my mother to take care of them.
If I file divorce against her and my daughters are with me then will court force me to take my daughters back and give it to my wife till the case settled.
I know her parents will never cooperate me because they very well know her daughter that she even dam listen to their parents and theirs parent not at all want her back to their house because in that case she do the same treatment with them and make their life miserable to. so in a way they are happy that their daughter is not at their home but want her to stay at my mother home the way she is living now. My daughters are 9 years and 7 years old. I know if I compromise to live with her she will do the same thing again and don't want me to survive mentally or financially. I tried earlier to take to psychiatrist but she refused.
I know situation is worst by I want to know on legal basis how I can get my daughters and make them happy because they always want to be with me and my mother only. and if she keeps them then also I know she will just ruin my kids life forever.
Joshi
(Querist) 25 November 2013
As Mr. Venu said I already started my new job from last 3 months far from my native place and didn't disclose my address to my wife and in laws otherwise they will definitely come to that place and with false allegation they will try to defame me and get out of this job as well. But that's not a permanent solution I have to figure out the permanent solution and whatever it is I have to fight for my daughters future that I know.
I know I can easily get out of this mess if ignore my kids future and just pay the maintenance and live my new life again my way but I don't want this for sake of my daughters. It's a confusion and dilemma in my mind due to which I am confused.
I can never let my wife do unfair but why I keep her going that way to keep my daughters safe at my mother house. I know my mother can kick her out of this house because this house is in my mother name and I can pay for my wife rented house but that's not good for my daughters. At least right now the condition is that all neighbors and society know the reality and they told me you are right and my wife is totally wrong.
Joshi
(Querist) 25 November 2013
It's not that I can't fight for justice but its that because of my daughters I am more worried about. But anyway compromise with my wife for my daughters either not solve the issue because in that case everything will go the same way what is there right now. My mother only used to take care for house, food and kids with me and my mother want my kids to take care with me but these days because of all tensions she also not able to live in her own house.
So really need the possibilities how to take my daughters back and let my wife fight via divorce case instead of that way.
Rajendra K Goyal
(Expert) 25 November 2013
Before taking any legal step consult some family counselor.
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 November 2013
chances of you getting custody of your daughters is remote. welfare of child is paramount consideration . court will consider wishes of daughters .
you may get visitation rights
ajay sethi
(Expert) 25 November 2013
chances of you getting custody of your daughters is remote. welfare of child is paramount consideration . court will consider wishes of daughters .
you may get visitation rights
T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate 
(Expert) 25 November 2013
Presently ball is in your court, consult a prudentlocal lawyer, apprise him of your circumstance and proceed as per advice given if found to be a better option.
Raj Kumar Makkad
(Expert) 26 November 2013
You have rightly been advised by experts.
