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deepak ahire (Executive Assistant)     20 June 2013

Wife not willing to stay

Dear Friends

please someone help me. I was married on 16th Dec 2012. from this day my wife does not willing to live with me. She goes to her fathers home after every 10 or 15 days and stays more day. Me and my family raised issue with her family but they all with her. She denied for every work. So I want to give divorce her. Please help me. Waiting for friendly hands of yours.

Thanks and Regards



Learning

 14 Replies

Rahul Kapoor (Legal Enthusiast)     20 June 2013

Hello,

no court will entertain any case of divorce before completion of  one year of marriage.

talk to them and sense their intention.

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     20 June 2013

court will not entertain divorce case but police will entertain dowry demand case.

 

Tyr to see why this happens so soon after marriage.   

 

It the behaviour of you and your family OK with her (not in your opinion).  

 

Please try to solve amicably court are not picnic spots.

ajay sethi (lawyer)     20 June 2013

1) suggest to your wife that both visit a marriage counsellor .

2) dont take a hasty decision for divorce . you have to wait for one year ie till December 2013 before filing for divorce .

3) when she returns find out why she wants to go to her parents place for 15 days at a strech .

4) if your wife does not want to stay with you go for divorce by mutual consent

1 Like

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     20 June 2013

hardly 6 months completed and you came to forum for divorce form your wife 

1. you can opt divorce but have you tried any thing to solve her problem why she is going every now and then to her in laws house 

2. naturally married women take some time to adjust in the matimonial house some will adjust immedietely and some will take time 

3. it is your duty to convince , try to make her happy if she is not working for some days let her not work you help her and your parents 

4. take her outside let keep her happy and ask her why she is going to her parents house and come out the question and solve if your can 

5.if you go to marriage counsellor also will try to question in the same way and will tell you to do this and that so before going to try your efforts to solve them

in this 6 months if you are not succedeed then plan as per your wish mere going and standing in que and taking obtaiing divorce is not that much easy 

the facts you mentioned are nore suffiecient to take divorce and you have to prepare false words to get divorce even after one year 


(Guest)

If she did not want to stay with you, why did she marry you then?


Take help of elders, barge in to her place, discuss, if still she is not agreeing to come back then solve the matter then and there itself, ask for mutual consent divorce.


They return all your things, you return all their things.  Take divorce via MCD.  Part ways peacefully.


Even if you go the direct legal way, first file RCR, she wont come, then you file divorce petition, RCR case will be running, she file 125 crpc for money, you tell you come if you want I wont pay money.  and the game will continue like that...she may also file false cases on you like DV, 498a etc.. A good 10 years will be gone just like that.  So instead of all that, part ways like gentlemen via MCD.


(Guest)

Remember one thing, no court in India can force your wife to cohabit with you.


and at the same time the same holds good for husband also !

rhea raikar (beauty advisor)     20 June 2013

Hi Deepak!

if this is going on from the start of ur marriage. i suppose it is some different issue. she must be shy n not able to express her views. be polite to her n ask her abut her problem. i doubt it is becoz of physical relationship. my cousin also had the same issue n she applied for divorce. some women r not comfortable with it once they get married. give her some time. make her understand it politely. hopefully it might work if this is the issue. does she avoid u whn u go closer to her? some women have this problem. kindly verify. if u r gud to her, she will be gud to u. sometimes to achieve something u got  to have patience. patience counts. there r solutions to every problem. but the way u handle each problem is upto u. don't worsen things before it is too late. take ur time. be patient enough. just find the root cause of her problem, here u have to talk to her like a frnd n not her husband. even if it doesn't work no problem. go for a divorce talk to her for the betterment of both of u. take her for a drive, a dinner, lunch or spend one day only with her alone. u shall get to knw the reason. there r different types of women. so there r different ways to handle them. remember one thing if u r not wrong frm ur side don't invite trouble for urself. some women r difficult to handle. since u knw her for so long u must have noticed wht she likes n dislikes. in front of her do wht she likes to show her n don't do wht she doesn't like. its a bit tough. but am sure if ther is a will there is a way. for me its easy to talk but i knw its difficult to implement. only u can solve it if u keep urself cool n don't react negatively. remember one thing i have not told u to change urself for her. be how u r. sometimes silence provides an answer to all ur questions. wishing u all the very best.

Sameer (Engg)     20 June 2013

I have few queries which are not clear from your case

1. Do you had physical relation with her (Consumated?).

2. Her status/behaviour -  working/non working/shy/abusive

3. What excuses she puts when going to her home.

Try to understand the girl.

rhea raikar (beauty advisor)     20 June 2013

hi deepak!

i mentioned to u about my cousin sister. she is a fashion designer. after marriage she did all the household chores, was gud to everybody at her inlaws place. her inlaws as well as others were happy with her(joint family). everybody liked her. but her behaviour towards her husband was not gud. why? becoz of physical relationship. she started hating him. she would not allow him to come close to her, not even touch her. after a week of her marriage we got the news that she wanted divorce from her husband. why? just becoz of this. we tried to explain to her but she wasn't ready. even we tried to explain her husband. but he also wasn't ready to listen. he said i'm her husband. i've a right over her.  we told him to give her time. he said she is not a child to be explained everything. both were stubborn. after a year and a half they got divorced. her husband was a mechanical engineer and she a fashion designer. being highly educated they behaved like unmatured adults. if we behave like this what can we expect from the next generation. here the problem is everybody's ego. the end result is this.

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     20 June 2013

I would agree with Ms Rhea Raikar and experts above.  The type of example quoted by her are numerous. I would rather add that it is hard for husband's family to believe that they are ill-treating the bride.  All dowry seekers and those found of domestic violence are always ready to swear that the atmospehre of the family is very cordial.  Such draconian laws has not come out of nowhere their necessity has been created by some families who are not microscopic minority.

 

I wish that you are neither such family nor you are branded as such.

 

Try reconciliation and see where you are wrong.  In matrimonail discords the majority cases are of "U" turn and not of breakage.

Harsh (Manager)     21 June 2013

@author,

assuming you and your family are fine,

if she is not living with you, then there is something wrong with HER/HER FAMILY. she is a grown up adult and should know what is expected from a married life.

In india, girl marries INTO HUSBAND's family so naturally she will not like a few things - nothing surprising there.  it is a differnt house and different people. Thats why she normally has to make some efforts to fit in. This is the expectation since generations, if they dont agree they should've  clarified it BEFORE marriage not after.

EVEN if she has issues with you, your family or anything, she should discuss it with you/your parents or atleast her parents and they should help in resolving this issue. RUNNING AWAY from her husband doesnt solve any problem and doesnt help anyone understand what her real issue is. With this attitude, she will run away from ANY GUY unless and until he satisifies ALL her conditions, which will never happen.

Since she and her family have hardly made any attempt to make this marriage work, it seems they are not serious about hte marriage or its commitments. Or there is something seriously wrong about them that they havent disclosed to you.

WHAT YOU CAN TRY: You have to wait to complete 1 year first - in that time, try ALL YOU CAN to find out what her problem is. You can be direct in discussion or clever. Take help from others, discuss many things not just your marriage, you may find hints about what their real issue is. Suggest marriage counseling (she may not like it :).

If it is possible to resolve it well and good. But such immature and demanding people will rarely change, you have to live with it all your life or go for divorce after a year.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

The moment a wife goes back to her parents, fingers are automatically pointed at husband/his family.  Even on this portal where a lot of real issues are discussed,

In reality, the %age of wives ill-treated at their matrimonial home is VERY LESS, a quick look around your own neighborhood and your relatives would prove it. Most women are happy and content -I have not heard any scream, nor have I seen any sad face around. And that too in so many years. 

Even our dhobi and doodhwala's respect and love their wives. 

Of course, it happens in pockets, and putting all that together into a table or a chart makes it look big.

But these days wives running away, filing a fake case etc., is growing by the minute. Soon it will OVERTAKE the real issue of actual harassment.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Ex:  If the wife doesnt like the size of TV in her husband's house, she has every right to go back to her parents. Allegations of ill-treatment to follow.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

Harsh (Manager)     21 June 2013

@rhea

read your post briefly, there are suggestions to do wht she likes, dont do what she doesnt like.

Imagine: husband starts living with wife separately or in her parents home, Now husband keeps running away from her every now and then. Husband can say his wife is not keeping him happy - he can say that for trivial reasons also.

Would you suggest that his wife does the same - do what he likes, don't do what he doesnt like?

The question is HOW LONG can she keep walking a tight rope?

Also  it seems whoever cries first and cries MORE, is considered innocent.

@sudhir sir

just curious, why does every fight or every separatoin HAVE to be linked to dowry? there are many many more issues in a marriage than just dowry.

******Definition of Domestic Violence: Anything, including your motorcycle registration number,  that is not agreeable to Wife is Domestic Violence******************

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     21 June 2013

@ Harsh

 

you asked "why does every fight or every separatoin HAVE to be linked to dowry?"

 

answer is in your own words where you discussed harsh reality.

 

"The moment a wife goes back to her parents, fingers are automatically pointed at husband/his family"

 

"whoever cries first and cries MORE, is considered innocent"

 

 

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     21 June 2013

@ Harsh

 

you said

"Even our dhobi and doodhwala's respect and love their wives"

 

You are right. but at the same time even IAS/IPS PSC and even MLA girls  have been subjected to domestic violence. Highly educated perspons have indulegedin this. 


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