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Bhargav001 (NA)     03 January 2017

Wife bad behaviour

Hi,

Kindly help on my situation.

We got married 5 years before and having a kid. In these 5 years she never understood me. she does not like me due to following reasons and always maintains this mind and for each and every thing, she starts quarrel and irritates me

1. My wife does not want to help my parents financially. Indirectly she tries to stop it and many time we orgued each other

2. I have couple of nephews who stay with us from birth. As we took care of them from day one, I am helping finacially for thier education when needed. She does not like helping them and she does not want to allow staying in my home. I am away from parents due to job, and I feel my Nephews are helpful for my old parents, due to this reason I am keeping them at my home but my wife does not like.

3. More over, the bad thing is, she does not allow me to talk with my parents, sister and relatives. If I talk to any one of them, withn one or two days, directly or indirectly she starts quarrel. After observing this for few months, I stopped talking to every one and reduced the freequency of calls with my parents also.

4. When I get any calls, she listens by standing behind walls or by opening her bedroom door, by the by, she sleeps in our bed room and I sleep in Hall, I felt better stay seperate to avaoid quarrels.

5. During these orguments we go peak and there are times that she told that I am not father of baby and she prays for my death also. I have faith on her and I am the father of baby, she does not have such a bad character.

6. We don't have any s*xual attachment from last 6 months completely, and even before, once in a monther or so, as she don't want other baby.

7. Another major issue is Money, from the day one, she wants money for no reason, I purchase all the groceries and her personal things also, she wants money in lakhs, not in hundreds. As I ask for reason and refuse to give that much amount, she built up negativity and always she compares that I send money to parents but I don't give her. She doesn't realize that I am sending money as they are away from me and parents needs it for survival.

8. Last before year, we visited India, she and her family showed all the colours. They wanted me to do fixed deposit on my wife's name first, and then I have to buy flat or land and then I have to pay for VISA processing(work permit). I agreed for second and third, but due thier behaviour and false statements, I did not purchase flat/plot though we visited some sites. When we supposed to return from India, she turned the plate last before day and she did not want to come with me. I requested more than 5 times and she refuced to come. I supposed to return alone and she and baby were in india only.

9. After couple of months, my brother saw her in Bangalore during her job search. she did not inform me about job search, but she asked me every time to send money for caring baby, where as she is spending money for other things. Finally my Aunty and Brother invited her to thier home and discussed and explained few things about life and convinced her. My aunty and wife spoke to me in cool manner, but she started demanding money as fixid deposit on Baby's name, I agreed for that and gave 5 lakhs. This fixed deplosit account is mapped to her account and she is the guardian for that account. I suppose to book flight with my money second time as the intial return ticket is not used as she refuced to come with me

10. She came to my place, and very few months went well with minor issues, later became as usual, no change in her behaviour. We came to a situation that I am cooking myself as she doesn't want to eat food that is cooked by her. We don't do intercourse and we don't sleep together.

11. Once again she went back to India(her parents home), and I am asking her to arrange some discussion with known people so that we can discuss on issues and settle together, she doesn't want to do that unless I go there( this is just a trap). Basically she took around 2.5 lakhs from me when she was with me and now she has that in her hand, so she feels that she can stay there and I am sure after few days she will start demanding money and blames me that I don't care about her and baby. She does not allow me to discuss with her parents, every time when I call her mother number, my wife picks up or her parents will give phone to my wife, I can not discuss on issues with anyone now. She went 45 days back to india, but she took my baby to my home just for 4 hours. After that she took the baby and left to her parents home by blamming my mother that she did not keep mineral water to baby, which is nonsence. if water is required there are several ways to manage

12. I did not take single rupee as dowry. She got some gold and it is in her locker only. More over my gold is with her.

13. Over all, she wants money from me, but she doesnot care out my parents and relatives. I should not mingle with my parents, sister and relatives. I should listen what she says and follow what she likes. I lost freedom at home. for all issues, she tag my sister into picture, I stopped talking to my sister from last two years, I can bring my phone statement if needed for legal purpose.

14. I want to be transparent here, when we had quarrel, once/twise, we beaten each other, there were some marks on her skin, she took the photos. I too took photos of mine and sent to my email id for reference and few videos/conversations were in my phone. One day somehow she went into my gmail and deleted the emails where I had photos, when I ask she says that I left my gmail id open and left for office, during that time she went into my gmail. The other vedios in my phone, she tried to open the phone by entering wrong password multiple times and it got locked permanantly, now I am not able to open that phone. She did all these things very planned. More over she hided that phone and not available for me

15. I have some audios which have some conversations that I had with her/thier parents/her Uncle where I raised these points. I am not sure I can use these conversations legally.

Based on her behaviour and our scenarios, I want to do the following things where I need some guidence.

1. Though she is money minded and has bad behaviour, I want my baby and wife back with some change. I am trying to reach their parents/relatives to discuss on the issues and settle but they are not reachable and my wife demands me to come India to discuss otherwise they don't want to talk. I don't have leaves now, even If I go there I know their behaviours and it will not be smooth. I too put a check that I won't prcess her dependent visa stamping request unless I talk with everyone and settle the issues, but I booked return ticket for her and baby when I booked tickets for them to go India.

2. If she doesn't come to me, as a father I can not leave my baby with her. I want my baby to stay with me. She is 3 years old now. I am concerned about baby's future.

3. In worst case, I may need to go for Divorse by keeping my parents and my future in mind. She often tells me that she will make me to loose the job and she tries to give complaint to police. As mentioned in above points, she has some photos where we beaten each other, it is not willful act though but she has photos, I lost photos as she removed emails in my gmail and broken my phone where audios/photos were available. One possitive thing is, I did not take any dowry or any other forms of benefit from her.

I have some audios where I raised my issues with their parents, relatives and with herself in the past. I have recorded some conversations where I requested her to stay with me with changed behaviour. I have bank statements which may help to prove that I supported her financially even when she is at her parents home, I can bring telephone statements to prove I or she have not spoken to my sister , I just want keep my sistem away from my case though my wife wants to pull her. I can supply some grocery bills/credit card statements which prove that I have supported her expenses during her stay with me. I can provide proof for fixed deposits on baby.

Kindly advise how to proceed legally to get my wife and baby back, in worst case, how to proceed for divorse? how to escape from 498 case or any other cases incase if she files with false statements.

 



Learning

 8 Replies

whatnot   03 January 2017

If you still can, remove 5 lacs and keep it separate FD.

If not think it as parting gift.

Just change your mobile number. Delete her contact from your mobile. And sit quite.

 

Let there be cooling period.

 

The time you have taken to write this query shows you are have intention to part ways (It is not for me judge whos fault) and it won't stand in the court of law. Neither will get divorce.

But things may change as she approaches court.

 

Best thing to do is ignore call conversation for 6 months. Sometimes silence works marvel.

 

Take a decision after a year.

Until then chill. Take a trip abroad and have fun or Save the money for the child and legal expenses.

 

1 Like

(Guest)

To me it looks like you found a gold digger. Try to be strong. You agree to her every demand and that is your problem.

Bhargav001 (NA)     04 January 2017

Thank you all for your advise.

 

If I have to go with diverse, what points I can hightlight strongly? kindly advise

whatnot   04 January 2017

After 2 years of separation you can apply under desertion provoided you have to prove (1) the factum of separation (which will exist at that time anyway), and (2) the intention to bring cohabitation permanently to an end (animus deserendi).


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Bharath
Hi,

Kindly help on my situation.

We got married 5 years before and having a kid. In these 5 years she never understood me. she does not like me due to following reasons and always maintains this mind and for each and every thing, she starts quarrel and irritates me

1. My wife does not want to help my parents financially. Indirectly she tries to stop it and many time we orgued each other

Where is it written that she should help your parents financially?  Have you helped her parents financially???

2. I have couple of nephews who stay with us from birth.

Nephews and neices phewwwwwwwwww, they aer all your headache, not your wife's.

 As we took care of them from day one, I am helping finacially for thier education when needed.

If you did it to take care of them, it was out of love and affection, that you cant expect same from your wife.  These are obligations which you can take caer of life long, if your pocket permits.

She does not like helping them and she does not want to allow staying in my home. I am away from parents due to job, and I feel my Nephews are helpful for my old parents, due to this reason I am keeping them at my home but my wife does not like.


3. More over, the bad thing is, she does not allow me to talk with my parents, sister and relatives. If I talk to any one of them, withn one or two days, directly or indirectly she starts quarrel.

 

Marriage is about adjustment. Certain thing you adjust.  Certain things she wont adjust.

 

After observing this for few months, I stopped talking to every one and reduced the freequency of calls with my parents also.

Good.

4. When I get any calls, she listens by standing behind walls or by opening her bedroom door, by the by, she sleeps in our bed room and I sleep in Hall, I felt better stay seperate to avaoid quarrels.

Marriage means never ending quarell between Husband and wife. If you both dont quarell, You and I can quarell is it?

5. During these orguments we go peak and there are times that she told that I am not father of baby and she prays for my death also.

But you are still alive!

 

I have faith on her and I am the father of baby, she does not have such a bad character.

Now I like it, thats such a manly word.  Father of baby!

 

6. We don't have any s*xual attachment from last 6 months completely, and even before, once in a monther or so, as she don't want other baby.

After one child exual attachment reduce.  Nothing wrong in it.  Give time time.  She come back to banging position in no time, just wait bubba.

7. Another major issue is Money, from the day one, she wants money for no reason, I purchase all the groceries and her personal things also, she wants money in lakhs, not in hundreds.

Must be a modi fan.  1000 rs gone now, think big.  2000 note has come.  Earn more.  Spend more.

 

 

As I ask for reason and refuse to give that much amount, she built up negativity and always she compares that I send money to parents but I don't give her. She doesn't realize that I am sending money as they are away from me and parents needs it for survival.

Dont your parents get pension?

 

8. Last before year, we visited India,

UR NRI?

 
 

she and her family showed all the colours. They wanted me to do fixed deposit on my wife's name first, and then I have to buy flat or land and then I have to pay for VISA processing(work permit). I agreed for second and third, but due thier behaviour and false statements, I did not purchase flat/plot though we visited some sites. When we supposed to return from India, she turned the plate last before day and she did not want to come with me. I requested more than 5 times and she refuced to come. I supposed to return alone and she and baby were in india only.

9. After couple of months, my brother saw her in Bangalore during her job search. she did not inform me about job search, but she asked me every time to send money for caring baby, where as she is spending money for other things. Finally my Aunty and Brother invited her to thier home and discussed and explained few things about life and convinced her. My aunty and wife spoke to me in cool manner, but she started demanding money as fixid deposit on Baby's name, I agreed for that and gave 5 lakhs. This fixed deplosit account is mapped to her account and she is the guardian for that account. I suppose to book flight with my money second time as the intial return ticket is not used as she refuced to come with me

10. She came to my place, and very few months went well with minor issues, later became as usual, no change in her behaviour. We came to a situation that I am cooking myself as she doesn't want to eat food that is cooked by her. We don't do intercourse and we don't sleep together.

11. Once again she went back to India(her parents home), and I am asking her to arrange some discussion with known people so that we can discuss on issues and settle together, she doesn't want to do that unless I go there( this is just a trap). Basically she took around 2.5 lakhs from me when she was with me and now she has that in her hand, so she feels that she can stay there and I am sure after few days she will start demanding money and blames me that I don't care about her and baby. She does not allow me to discuss with her parents, every time when I call her mother number, my wife picks up or her parents will give phone to my wife, I can not discuss on issues with anyone now. She went 45 days back to india, but she took my baby to my home just for 4 hours. After that she took the baby and left to her parents home by blamming my mother that she did not keep mineral water to baby, which is nonsence. if water is required there are several ways to manage

12. I did not take single rupee as dowry. She got some gold and it is in her locker only. More over my gold is with her.

13. Over all, she wants money from me, but she doesnot care out my parents and relatives. I should not mingle with my parents, sister and relatives. I should listen what she says and follow what she likes. I lost freedom at home. for all issues, she tag my sister into picture, I stopped talking to my sister from last two years, I can bring my phone statement if needed for legal purpose.

14. I want to be transparent here, when we had quarrel, once/twise, we beaten each other,

Shubbasss

there were some marks on her skin, she took the photos. I too took photos of mine and sent to my email id for reference and few videos/conversations were in my phone. One day somehow she went into my gmail and deleted the emails where I had photos, when I ask she says that I left my gmail id open and left for office, during that time she went into my gmail. The other vedios in my phone, she tried to open the phone by entering wrong password multiple times and it got locked permanantly, now I am not able to open that phone. She did all these things very planned. More over she hided that phone and not available for me

15. I have some audios which have some conversations that I had with her/thier parents/her Uncle where I raised these points. I am not sure I can use these conversations legally.

Based on her behaviour and our scenarios, I want to do the following things where I need some guidence.

1. Though she is money minded and has bad behaviour, I want my baby and wife back with some change.

 

That only your wife can tell......

I am trying to reach their parents/relatives to discuss on the issues and settle but they are not reachable and my wife demands me to come India to discuss otherwise they don't want to talk.

Go India, talk to them.

 

I don't have leaves now,

Dont tel you cant go.  ITs your baby there, one is small, other is little big.  You got to get them both.

 

even If I go there I know their behaviours and it will not be smooth. I too put a check that I won't prcess her dependent visa stamping request unless I talk with everyone and settle the issues, but I booked return ticket for her and baby when I booked tickets for them to go India.

2. If she doesn't come to me, as a father I can not leave my baby with her. I want my baby to stay with me. She is 3 years old now. I am concerned about baby's future.

Then bring your wife back. you know where what went wrong, try to correct it yourself than going to court.

 

3. In worst case, I may need to go for Divorse by keeping my parents and my future in mind.

She often tells me that she will make me to loose the job and she tries to give complaint to police. As mentioned in above points, she has some photos where we beaten each other, it is not willful act though but she has photos, I lost photos as she removed emails in my gmail and broken my phone where audios/photos were available. One possitive thing is, I did not take any dowry or any other forms of benefit from her.

Yes, you will lose job, health etc. You will be pauper in no time.  You will be back in India permanetly if you apply divorce.  Beware.

I have some audios where I raised my issues with their parents, relatives and with herself in the past. I have recorded some conversations where I requested her to stay with me with changed behaviour. I have bank statements which may help to prove that I supported her financially even when she is at her parents home, I can bring telephone statements to prove I or she have not spoken to my sister , I just want keep my sistem away from my case though my wife wants to pull her. I can supply some grocery bills/credit card statements which prove that I have supported her expenses during her stay with me. I can provide proof for fixed deposits on baby.

Kindly advise how to proceed legally to get my wife and baby back, in worst case, how to proceed for divorse? how to escape from 498 case or any other cases incase if she files with false statements.


 

Fall to her feet, tell her not to file any cases.  lick her toes like puppy.  She might agree and not file any cases on you.  At all times say yes to her, you married Indian woman.  Indian woman has Indian laws as weapon.  Indian man dont have any laws as weapon.  If she starts hitting, you wont stand a cahnce to miss even single blow.  This is simple case of attitude and money sharing.  Money will make you say worst things, forget money, if you die, you wont even know whether they put mud on your or lit you ablaze, so forget money.  Try to conserve family, take her into faith. Lose the game now, make her feel she won.  Then its your turn life long.  YOu can play as you want once she is under control.  Dont screw up everybodys life just for sake of few lacs and flat propetrty etc.

Bhargav001 (NA)     05 January 2017

Hello Mr or Mrs Helping hand, thanks for your reply. I think you misunderstood my situation. I am not expecting anything from my wife except love and affection. I never asked money from her for my family, everything is from my pocket only.

your anwers are not convincing and they are biased and abusive. No human being likes to stay as slave to anybody. I don't need to lick anyones feet or bend to anyone when I am right. Every human being has equal right to leave with self respect, I hope you know this if you are a lawyer.

 

whatnot   05 January 2017

Though it is harshly worded, anything you would will not bring any peace in the near future.

There is nothing wrong with helping parents or acting of godd samaratian for own selfish reason. But all this needs to be done within ways and means and your own family care and upbringing should be of top priority. If same feels under threathen she has right to question your spending.

 

Few squabbles and few quarrels are part of parcel of married life and should not be carried forward for next fight/arguments. By not asserting you're boss of the house and letting her dictate even for taking call, you have already surrendered to her whims and facies and it is human nature to dominate other person.

 

If the recent demonitisation has proved anything, money itself is just a piece of paper and value is what your assetain. Baby,wife and family is full package. You can't pick and chose that you want only child and not its mother. Your wife came first and she expects her own status in your life. At the time of mating, even lions follow female meekly and will subject to her fancy until deed is done. It is nature. In marriage and in bed room you have to satisy the need. Body shaming her will make revolt. And that's exactly what has happened. Was there any effort even to pacify her?

 

Off course, people will suggest your parents to disown you so the property are saved and she doesn't include them in cases ...All this have already seen by court and you will be more trouble than you could wish for. The cases are in hands of your wife. So there is nothing you can do. perse.

 

Only thing you can do try to be husband to her and father to child even if it means agreeing to her terms. So what?


(Guest)

This is a legal platform. I kindly urge the experts to keep their reply formal. Using of foul language is disrespectful to the querists and the platform. 

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