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Rahul (AE)     17 June 2012

Request guidance and help

Sir/Madam I am 30 yrs old Army officer i got married 2 yrs back with a girl 6 yrs younger to me. It was an arrange marriage. I was financially comfortable and was looking for a house wife so ended up marrying this girl. They were financially weak so as per their demand i got married in Temple After 30 days of marriage my wife told me about her past physical relationship with another boy which was schock for me and since then she started fighting with me every day. and after 4 months of marriage she called her father packed all her laugage and went back home. i resisted her but sh did'nt listen i told her father that if u will take her now i will not accept her even then they did'nt stop. I was confused and worried what will happen next till this time my family was not aware as i was staying alone in govt Quaters with my wife. I told my parents they said all will be fine with time. Then she stared calling me, messaging me from different cell phones stating you have beaten me, you left me, I am help less, you used me and now left me because i am poor. After 3 months when she did'nt return back. My father wrote letter to her calling her back. But their was no response. Then i consulted one lawer. He told me tht you are central govt employee and they are only interested in your money as maintenace. so he asked me to write a letter for calling her. I wrote a letter but again their was no response. Then my lawyer asked me to get her home to get her back. i did that but i was not allowed to meet her. Same day as per my lawyer directive i filled written application in Police station that i came to get my wife but was not allowed to do so. But i was getting call and messages regularlly(once in three days) where she says i want to come, you left me, you have spoiled my life, you have beaten me because of which my one hand is not working properly After almost 1.5 years my lawyer sent a legal notice for calling her to my home town to which they responded and agreed to come. My wife her father, mother and sister came for meeting i was not their. Meeting started with lot of alligations from both the sides all false. My wife abused me and my family and walked off and returned back with her family. My lawers view was that they came only because of legal notice and with no intension of talking and will now reply our legal notice. Till date they have not initiated any legal action. I am now worried beacuse after 2 years also their is no sign of staying together or seperation. I am not able to understand what they want One thing is very clear that she dont want to stay with me Please guide me what should i do to come out of this problem. and what all poblems my wife can create for me. Looking forward for your guidance and advice Regards Rahul


 12 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     17 June 2012

Decide what you want. If you want her back then, file a petition for restitution of conjugal rights.

If you want divorce, then file for divorce on the ground of desertion.

In any case you will be called for counselling and perhaps matter may be resolved there. However, she may backfire with maintainance, 498A, DV cases.

Did she told, who was he.? Do u know that boy met him(record it) and give him a threat . What ur MIL is saying. Lodge fir for desertion, adultry, mental cruelty type stating facts, first go in a beaten condition in her local police stn and say i called to take my wife then they did this. Record fone calls. And morever dont tell in ur unit. What education she have? Take smart and dependant card from her. Make a different nominee form, attest and keep at home. Remember what ur lawyer said is truth. If u shown her in MH then take any slip and write which indicate that she is distrub etc. Dont afraid frm 498. Save ur leave for urgency. Dont give her more value. Avoid her and disconnect everything for continuous 6 and more months. Dont buy property etc now. Before filling divorce take more loan from service. At last- "IF U WANT PEACE THEN BE READY FOR WAR"-CHANKYA THE GREAT. What is ur rank and service length. Whether u know before mrg that girl is 6 yrs old. I think that she should not tell u about her past, that hurt ur ego.

Rahul (AE)     18 June 2012

No now i dont want to stay with her but why should i pay any thing when their is no fault of mine.what should i do to avoid any problems

Rahul (AE)     18 June 2012

I am major with 8 yrs of service and leaving service in 2 yrs. Till now have not told any body in my unit. but fed up of living like theif and lieing to everybody that my wife is doing MBA. ya i have her dependent card with me. I have not filled any nomination on her name. what should i do to avoid paying maintenance

Rahul (AE)     18 June 2012

My lawyer suggested for pariwar paramarsh kendra before divorce case

First get retire, take all money and expenditure. Dont invest on ur name. Any property should not be on ur name. have ur POR OF MRG done in unit..? In which 50% is compulsory. What is ur separation period now.. Ask ur lawyer if he can declare her adultary. Don do panchayat for 2 years.

Rahul (AE)     19 June 2012

Thank you sir

Rahul (AE)     21 June 2012

Madam what will be advantages anddisadvantages of filling petition for restitution of conjugal rights.

Rahul (AE)     21 June 2012

Madam what will be advantages anddisadvantages of filling petition for restitution of conjugal rights.

randomethic (Professional)     22 June 2012

If she had a physical relationship before she met and married you, why should it have shocked you? Did you make her feel that you will not accept her once she told you? 


Ideally, she should have let the past remain in the past and not shared this with you at all. For the 4 months that you did stay together, how was that time? Were you happy together? 


Some introspection might help here. If all your problems started after she told you, then that is the cause of things going wrong and the way she acted. I will suggest you find a means to speak to her (email??) and share your feelings before jumping the gun with a lawyer and cases. 

randomethic (Professional)     22 June 2012

Correction, you stayed together for 30 days when she told you. but the point remains the same. How you reacted to her could have very well determined whether she stayed or left. If at any time, you used her past to berate, insult or hurt her or she felt that you were unwilling to accept her, she left.


I'm not saying her actions or leaving were justified but instead of blaming her for everything, focus on your role in the situation because that's the only thing you have any control over and can change.

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