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My mommy abuse me,as she readying me for abuse in sasural

pleaez pleaez help me.

i have no one in wolrd.otherwize i die of depression casue by so much torchure.

My mommy always abuse me mentally emotionaly by constant nagging,fault finding and criticism.many time hurting personal remarks.when i confront her once,she once said that by doing this,she is giving me the practisee of being able to tolerate my future momy in-law's abuses,as she too will do the same.

 surprizing matter-my mum is highly educated workig lady at good position.

when i got married,i got a very very abusive in-law and husband who beat me for silly reasons.it affect my health.

now i am divorced,but my mommys attitude continues.

as a result my mental health decline.the results-memory loss,lack of self esteem,low confidence,always accepting unfairness in my life,trying too hard to please others

with graet difficutly i got job but it is not so graet that i can afford live separate.my performance at job also effected because of childhood trauma,marriage trauma and harassmnet from parent.this make my colleague and boss angry.so no one happy with me.


i visit psycholojist who give medicine but they sytop working after while.she say it is because problem is in my home and environmet.not in me.so medicine will not help if harassment going on.


now no relative helpful.they simply listen,then laugh behind.they also same idea that woman only should bear and suffer and shoudl not rebels if tortures.

but their own daughters rebel a lot in sasural and so all listens to them.they have settled marriges and harmony.

my parent have been teaching me since childhood,that i should try to please even those who bully me,because this will make me well adjusted in sasural in future.they say girl should always gives agni pareeksha.i am surprise because my own mother fight back with my grandparent whenever they speak 1 word also.so all rule are for me only.

infact they telled me the same thing in my childhood also,that u try super hard to please your fellow classmate who abuse u,because this will change her..so i keept following thm blindly,but in the end made a fool of myself,because the bully abuse me more by taking advantage of my weekness.

so my personality become doormat,who was always ridiculed for her submissivenes.

now what shoudl i do?

please give me easy tips with examples,on how to gain assertiveness back in life,and how to deal assertively with bullies.

no one loves me in my family.i am all alone.i want suicide.


 16 Replies

Democratic Indian (n/a)     21 May 2012

Cribbing does not help. Parents are well wishers and their actions are based on their experience in life. Don't have negative outlook for parents or your own life. Analyze the problem honestly in unbiased and unprejudiced manner. Once you have found the problem, find a solution to the problem. If needed discuss with some wise friend or psychologist.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     21 May 2012

one of my friends became a member of political party, which vouched to bring revolution and mitigate the miseries of poor people.  They put him into extreme physical hardship and torture to train him to be a revolutionary,  for several years.  walking hours together with bare foot under hot Sun, walking on spikes, going on starvation for days together, having no sleep etc.  he trained himself for any eventuality, but, unfortunately his party became bankrupt of ideology and turned into a bunch of opportunists and extortionists.  All his efforts became futile. 

Your mother instead of searching a decent husband and inlaws for you, put you into such hardship.  In several indian families, the same thing happens - in natal home young girls are put into extreme hardship in the name of imparting training to be a good housewife in in-laws home.   if inlaws are good, inadequacies of DIL will be tolerrated and they help her to improve her performance.  if inlaws are bad, howsoever good DIL will be, she will be insulted and injured  giving scope to matrimonial discord.  so training in natal home will not determine the fate of DIL in matrimonial home.    

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     21 May 2012

You had a traumatic childhood. You have ended marriage by seeking divorce. You are now earning an independent income. You are now living separate from your mother / siblings. But you are searching for inner happiness.  

There is nothing in Law that may help an adult person based on above brief facts.
2. You are now institutionalized to be called as ‘dominant woman” and what now you should search is a 'collar' i.e. “submissive man or a switch” and your aging relationship will be fine. It is a lifestyle many choose and is not unknown in Indian urbane context now-a-days. There are plenty of submissive men available in social media sites, search one / test him and then 'collar him' to have understandable relationship as lifestyle preference now on to bring you happiness within.


daer chandu ji,tajobidnia ji


thank for reply.


tajob ji i force to live with parent.i arleady said this in my question,because my salary not enough to live separate.

right now i am emotioanlly drain to think of other marrige.all my life i seen abuse.i lose faith now.


chandu ji.i know cooking,cleaning very well.still my mother give hurtful comment because she say i will get same in sasural.so better i learn to accept them,so when i get them,i will be practised by then.


all i want is life of dignity and love.am i asking for too much?

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     21 May 2012




Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     21 May 2012

@ Author

Ok, I stand corrected.

On second thought you have help available in Domestic Violence Act to you though you are a major now and yet you are “child of your mother” who has “not disowned you” and you are living in a “household”.

In 1998, the American Academy
of Pediatrics (AAP) issued a position statement declaring, “The abuse of women is a pediatric issue.”. OVC – Office of Victims of Crime in America recognizes this and based on OVC white paper our Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA, 2005) was formed with recent citer that a “women can be respondent in DV Act complaint case” + “a adult child can claim protection order from parent under Domestic violence Act” in India as emerging position under Indian law of Domestic Violence Act (PWDVA, 2005).

The term “family violence” and sometimes “domestic violence” has been used to describe acts of violence between family members, including adult partners, a parent against a child, caretakers or partners against elders and between siblings. While all forms of family violence can be devastating as these facts of yours stood the test of definition.

Your facts as unfolding smells of ‘continuation of offence’ as found to be root of “offence” under Domestic Violence Act. When as a child you suffered trauma to the tune of mental cruelties + psychological cruelties + verbal abuse and post marriage due to treatments meted in the hands of your parent in the past (when you were minor) more so ‘by your mother” your mental cruelties / traumas continued to the extent today they culminated / “resulted in a traumatic divorce” and since then being subjected to continuation of “mental cruelties” + “abusive behavior” + “medical assistance” + “dependent upon abuser” in a “domestic relationship” i.e “your mother”

You require Protection Order under the DV Act such as “right to residence” + “not to alienate you from your residence rights under protection order” + “maintenance money for your medical needs” + “no communication order from parent (mother) + “lumsum compensation money for all cumulative  mental cruelties
” from your parent (mother).

Adv. Chandu is shy not to spell out these based on para 3 and trickily diverted your unfortunate facts to carpet of Indian traditions which only he has seen so it seems,
otherwise also did you see any other female person known to you undergoing similar facts of traumas in past – NO, otherwise every female known to you would be here in LCI seeking help and or would have by now divorced if married and living under mercy of her mother.

So pick a reasoning advocate and discuss your continuation of cruelties case facts and file a Domestic Violence case against your mother on grounds of continuation of offence. Prime facie interim protection order you will get for above quote and un-quote in under 60 days of its filing and your sufferings meted under by your mother will be lesser and lesser under Protection orders till you sustain yourself and come back to normal life which is a long process being accepted back to society but then some relationship are worth seeking ‘quality of life from if they were in un-conformity”.

All the best.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     21 May 2012

Check this.  How many times in your interactions with people.  They talk to you on their own.  How many times you initiate talk.  If you notice that nobody is initiating any talk with you, you yourself is venturing to talk to them, then stop doing it.  Don't talk to anyone unless it is extremely necessary.  Never seek anybody's suggestions.  In forums, it is OK, because nobody is there to read your face and bully you if you look innocent.  Seeking suggestions in forums don't harm you, but when talking face to face never seek anybody's suggestions.  Read good books.  Of our freedom fighters.  Nehru, Gandhi, Tilak, Sardar patel etc.  Don't try to read them entirely in one stretch in a day.  Just read two pages per day and try to understand, assimilate and work hard to understand the idea in each passage. 


1 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     21 May 2012



The world usually perceives harassed people to be cribbing.It's coz there's no one to help them rebel against these abusers.so they always need someone who give them a [atient hearing and support them,so that they can come out of their trauma and walk with head held high.initially such people need lots and lots of patience.they have faced trauma for more than 2 decades(assuming this girl is in her 20s or 30s).so 1 or 2 sentences of empathy will not make them confident & +ve.


i know parents always mean good.but some parents lack parenting slkills.they feel they have dun enuf by giving food,clothes,medicines,a roof and other material things,and then their duty is over.what about a child's emotional development?do parents have a role there?


if the above's parents really mean good of her,they will teach her not just adjustment or household skills but teach her how to develop self respect,how to stand up and speak up when facing injustice.sadly they have been doing just the opposite,ie,abusing her a lot because they want her to tolerate them in sasural also.what a belief!

these parents are teaching her to remain backward.why dint they think of finding a decent family which treats her with love?it seems that this is not at all their priority!so she landded up with an abusive family in her 1st marriage.


these parents had made up their mind that she'll marry into an abusive family only,so they are making her practise tolerance of abuses.i feel the mother of this girl is a psychic case who talks like this.i have never come across any such mother in my life.this is an unusual case.

usually mothers have a maternal instinct thru which they protect their child from any danger.u must have seen the same in cats and dogs also,who recently have gvn birth.they are so protective of their new-borns  that they will try to attack u,if u go near them.i think this mother needs to learn something from these animals who are much better than her.




you seem to be having a heart of gold.


but sometimes it seems you are stone hearted,which is based on the personal comments that you give

Ranee....... (NA)     21 May 2012


if you can not afford to stay in a rented house then choose a private working women's hostel untill your mother does not feel her own mistake. ...this will be better way for you than asking here legal remedy against  your mother.Your life is your own at least at this stage aftre divoce.Live peacefuly...read good books...spend quality time with good friends..things will start changing.!:)

Kumar (Family CEO)     22 May 2012

Got https://www.shaadi.com/  , https://eharmony.com/ and enjoy your independent life for some time. Focus on your physical health first. That will make a positive impact on your mental health. Have fun like there is no tommorow. 

Meanwhile, try to gain education/skills and or develop some hobby. Go and screw every eligible man with NSA attitude. Go and be a winner. 

You dont need no lawyers, no dimagi daaacter. You need to have fun. Once you look happy, healthy, cheerful and appear to be doing well, all your relatives and who have you would like you to settle down. By then, hopefully, you would have found an answer to life.

Develop tolerance for your mother and fathers bikering/taunts/nagging behaviour. Its possible that they had high expectations from you- thats ok, not every daughter in India is PT Usha or Kiran Bedi. 

If I were you, I would enamour a lawyer on LCI  and mix business and pleasure. Free consultancy. Try to get different perspectives to life, explore, dont be afraid.  

What life is offering you is an oppurtunity to EVOLVE. EVOLVE or PERISH in your own agony.


1. Go to any hostel ( Hon Ranee ) 

2.Go to any court or lawyer ( yet)

FIRST, take care of yourself ( fit body, fit mind and inner peace). 


life is beautiful (homemaker)     22 May 2012

Dear friend,

i can relate to your situation...my husband left me for another women and i had to come back to parents house..family , relatives and neighbours were treating me like a social outcast...i was sad,lonely and miserable.. than i realized that i cant change people around me and i have to live with them only..so i started building my own circle..i joined hobby classes,a library,and morning yoga class near my house.i spend all my time doing something.i have learned to avoid family gatherings where people would scorn me..i dont get hurt by their comments any more...i dress well..i treat myself with respect..i am doing a job which gives me financial freedom..i dont think that staying alone is solution for you..you will have to be very very strong.

1 Like

Vishwa (translator)     22 May 2012

"life is beautifu"

I agree entirely. Very sound advice moreover.


For the aggrieved person, I can suggest this: just move away, go to a different new place, build yourself a new identity, a fresh life. Things may be difficult in the beginning but have faith in yourself. Live for the present, seek wholesome things, avoid bad people and live in healthy surroundings.


Originally posted by :Tajobsindia
"  now you should search is a 'collar' i.e. “submissive man or a switch” and your aging relationship will be fine. It is a lifestyle many choose and is not unknown in Indian urbane context now-a-days. There are plenty of submissive men available in social media sites, search one / test him and then 'collar him' to have understandable relationship as lifestyle preference now on to bring you happiness within. "


Ahem.Wham of an advice!

So now you are after poor girl Smriti,hinting that  you are willing to become one such collar man to her!!

So absurd!

Oh Jesus!


Hi Doooobie,

Thu Thu Your comments !!
 Now you ar after Tajobsindia ....... If you are so concerned why cant you offer some monetary help for this poor girl ???

You are a sh*t !!

He Ram !!

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