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a needy father (zz)     17 December 2011

My married life is jeopardised...

HYi, I recently shared my problem with you guys and hae received a reply to go and talk to my wife and sought things out... I did go but she refused and after a long persuation she said she can only stay with me on 1 condition if i agree to stay at her parental house and leave my family with out any contacyt with them. I am an only son and can't leave my family.... other thing she said if i want my daughter then i can get her from court. the only solution i can see is seperation. what I want to know is how soon can I get a divorce and how can i get my daughter she is 12 yrs old. I need your help in how to go abt it... My Previous problem::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: I have been married for almost 15 yrs. And have a 12 yr old daughter. From the beginning my wife has been doing everything possible to make my life hell. Don’t know what she is proud of about she doesn’t belong to a wealthy family or is not very pretty n educated. She has made a habit of running to her parental house even if we have a small argument. Have been bringing her back from there or sometime her sister’s place or auto stands or by-pass. She even went ahead to her parents house and had an abortion twice without asking me n as a result she can’t have any more kids I am the only son of my parents and now I only have a daughter. I don’t hide anything from her whether its professional or personal or anything related to my family or my finances. But this time she is trying to pick up a fight with me without any reason and when she succeeded we had a small dispute as she doesn’t respect my parents or my family. My elder sister tried to stop her but she took almost all her belongings even her stridhan and went to her parental house with my daughter. My biggest concern is my daughter as in all this she is spoiling my daughter’s life as it has been 10 days and no contact with her I tried calling but she is not picking up. When I called her father he was very abusive over the phone. What I want to know is what should I do to get my daughter back as for past 10 days she is not sending my daughter to coz her father lives in Sonipat and we in Delhi and it’s not possible to do up down everyday so no school for my kid… also is there a way to stop all this as per law. And should I take any action against her as she said she is not coming back… Need your advice urgently as every passing day is hampering my child’s life. Regards Needy Father



Learning

 7 Replies

Neeraj1981 (se)     18 December 2011

Hi,

There is no point wasting your life with this lady. You have already tried contacting her and trying to bring her back. But she is taking advantage and her father is abusing you. Also, you have mentioned that she got the abortion done twice without your knowledge and now she cannot have more kids. 

1) If you want a divorce and want a custody of your daughter.

start collecting evidences against her. Start recording telephonic conversation with her and your father in law. try to get some written documentary evidence (like email etc) which would show that she has left the house at her own and she has been doing these things before also and you had been trying to get her back..also try to get evidence that she got the abortion done twice without your knowledge and now she cannot have kids because of abortion.  you would also be required to prove that she is not taking good care of your daughter and spoiling her life.  though  the court would have soft corner for your wife, it would take this into consideration that you can financially take better care of your daughter . also, the above mentioned evidences would prove handy in case of contested divorce as well as if she files a false 498a and dv against you or ur family. you can also file rcr with such conditions that she would never agree. getting a divorce from court takes years ...the best would be if she agrees for mutual divorce. .Since she cannot have more kids now (niether she belongs to wealthy family, nor is she beautiful or educated), it would be difficult for her to get married again and she might not be keen for divorce.  most importantly, consult a good criminal lawyer who could guide you as you need to move ahead systematically . 

Raj Vikram Singh (Software Engg)     18 December 2011

@Author

Be Calm. Looks like she has habbit of leaving home so often. Don't think too far currently of child custody,divorse etc. You have 15 years of marriage in which you both must have spent good and bad times together. Be patient, give her more time and all drama will be unfold

Child is big blackmailing object in such drama

Refer to earlier posts of such situation and don't show your emotions to them. We are all here to help you out!!

Refer advice of "Sad victim" in both the old forums

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Kindly-help-Shall-wait-or-go-for-legal-notice-and-RCR-asap--43925.asp?1=1&offset=2 

https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Re-Real-truth-what-to-do-if-wife-is-not-coming-back-must-rea-44122.asp#210126

Regards

Raj

V.N.K. MENON (Chairman)     19 December 2011

Mr. Raj is quite right. Remember - a blissful placid mind is no comparison to a turbulent mind throughout life - shed ego, & try to follow give-and-take and love your wife/husband and child without reservations. It may work. From my analysis of such type of cases, though cases are unique in nature, it is found that 90% occur because of certain selfish parents, especially of middle-class, who ape the West, find it unable to continue their aping post-retirement, use their daughter (and/or vice-versa sons) as an instrument for continuing with show-off by taking advantage of stringent and biased Indian law towards weaker s*x, albeit now in several instances courts started to delve into; without such selfish parents considering the irreparable psychological turmoil they inflict upon their offspring. They forget that the bliss experienced by a placid mind is no comparison with the film-world or even certain TV gimmicks - to gain viewership - in the garb of art, also poison young minds with publicity-minded parents.

a needy father (zz)     19 December 2011

Dear all,

Thank you for your replies.

In reference to my daughter, in some cases yes children can be used as a blackmail but the problem i not in this one. and though my wife did an from home a couple of times but she generally returns in a couple of days but this time its been more than 20 days and she is not making any attempts to contact..and not picking my phones either.... also if she had any intention of coming back ahe wouldn'tchange my daughter's school that too in december(almost end f session) and that too from delhi to sonipat....

I guess that says alot about her intentions..... and she herself has said she wants a divorce and stay with her parents and if I want my daughter get her from court if i can.

Regards

shailendra kumar (retired govt servant)     19 December 2011

since you are married for last fifteen years and have a 12 yr old daughter , i suggest you may seek psychological counselling for both of you . ask you wife first to go togather for counselling to any psychologist and then i think even your and her parents could be involved in it. . Because in this ego clashes betwen oldies the person suffering the most is the 12 year old . while some good lawyers are also known as good mariage counsellors (not all lawyers deal in only divorce).  you may find one from someother people . but do go for it before you finally decide to divorce . remember marriage is not a battle or a game to be won or lost. it is a creative team effort for future generations . often ego of those who don't have much stake in the marriage it but the ability to break it creates such situations. think calmly...
 

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     19 December 2011

@ Author

Marriage is like a social Elephant it goes without saying that a Elephant marches in h/er own mast chal and society loves beating only its tail and even forget making an effort reaching out to its trunk!



Solution to your issues are very very limited as the marriage seems to be now like a stale bread neither you can tailor make it as rusk bread for those morning tea times dip-ins nor you can knead the old dough to make it at par with socially harmonious monogamous relationships due to such long passage of timeurban couples in today's time end up in.


Solution:
A. Just file under S. 12 GWA a simple Visitation petition using Guardianships and Wards Act  at the earliest in Jurisdiction Family Court in Delhi. It is a stand alone Application (means other civil matrimonial cases are not required to file along with it) and be happy with once or twice monthly visitation granted by Court to go to Sonipat to visit your daughter. In my opinion that could be acceptable mid-way effort any father can do under such situations.

With above at least two and half first movers advantages comes with it;

1. You create civil record of date/month/year of desertion by wife and stridhan taken by her along with forceful removal of a child from her ordinarily jurisdiction all as first mover material evidence which later may be used in cross forums as material advantage to you (remember court helps the needy and not sleeping litigants) and
2.
You meanwhile carry with your life and twice a month you are able to check on your growing daughter's welfare and
½. You will come to know once you file a simple Visitation Application her and her sides counter moves via various civil / criminal Court processes and or via society that she keeps to probably take you to Court for some finality and or probably to come back to her matrimonial home – whatever her side now acts upon. Sitting idle today after gaining few legal knowledge to your issues and still exploring possibilities in various legal internet forums is not right solution to two burning issues in your hand – wife of 15 years desertion and a reasoning age child removal from her Jurisdiction.



In Urban India a wife can be persuaded once - twice - thrice or even seventh time but after that she becomes solid like a rock and adjusts to reality of society only with passage of time and not by a husband's persuasions because she has been doing all these with her wide open eyes being urban educated - urban lived


Above solution(s) are based on seeing gender biasness in matrimonial civil / criminal Laws of the land when old marriage cases with reasoning age child involvement are there and your typical disadvantage before the very cross State Jurisdiction systems we see from your brief unless not acted early. 

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     26 December 2011

If the welfare of the child is only thing on your mind, go all cylinders firing and file for child custody and visitation/

 

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com


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