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My husband is calling me back home

Page no : 2

Msk-need -nuetral- laws (self)     14 February 2013

@ Abhishek,

Nobody endorses physical abuse, it is upto querist to decide. If she had made decision she would not be posting asking opinions. It is my side opinion. and remeber her lines, she had wriiten that he has promised to mend his ways. This is an opportunity to correct him and lead happy life, as they have two kids.

And you dont know the fact in real matrimony home, even sometimes women throw things and hit men, and men never complains it as physical abuse and continue the life with such wear and tear. If everyone thinks, then there wont be anything called marriage, only temporary joining and leaving will exist.

If he is incorrigible in her opinion, then no point in continuing the life with him

Sreenivasa Rao. S. (Business)     14 February 2013

Hi,

Please think thrice before you go back to your husband.Right now your mother-in-law is not withhim, she is in her daughters house, after your arrival to your husband she will come back again. Every human being need support of either s*x.A husband should be supreme of the family but at the same time he should obey the life patners will.Once if you resign the job you will loose the source of income, security.Presently job is abig support for you. To look after children and to help you you may appoint a servant by paying montly salary.

In case if you still want to reach your husband you may approach eitherside elders through mediation centre and a MOU may be signed by both of you to avoide any future problems.The children should not be disturbed between both of you.Sit with him in presence of close relatives and friends discuss with your husband what you and your children actually need.If he agrees put it on paper and send a copy to womens protection cell for safety of your life.

swapna (hr)     14 February 2013

thanks every one for you valuable time to reply to my post.

i am really hesitant to go back him becos no ways i feel he has changed. and i strongly believe that when it does not come from his within that he has to change his behaviour no one else can . He is a man with no feelings for me, no respect for women. What i am really fed up of bearing with him in my 8yrs of marriage is: though he is 10yrs older to me, he does not behave in a nice way, he is all the time jealous about others including me my parents everyone. he is always either physically abusive or verbally abusive. the filthy language or words he uses hurts me a lot. he talks really vulgar sometimes that he comments badly abt my assets (yesterday he met me near temple, he is saying me "dont show up ur doom lights cover them, dont try to attact and impress me by showing them") i was married at the age of 18, and i am 27 now, he says that i have become too old, my face is saggy itseems, i have put on wgt itseems, even now he looks smart itseems huffffffffff all that i am able to ignore and carry on with my married life but treating me very cheap, using nasty words to me and my parents. insulting abt my brining up, talking what i have done with my salary though i did my MBA in a well reputed college with my parents money, but he still wants the share of my salary .

Do you people believe, till now he has never taken me out for lunch or dinner, he has not taken me out for vacation. to be very frank i have no sweet memories to remember from my marriage life... apart from producing 2 kids....

even after so much i dont think of Divorce becos of my kids and scared of living a life without spouse in future. but at the same time cant think of leading a life with him by sacrificing my self respect and my individuality.

 

Harsh (Manager)     14 February 2013

is this a joke? you have already decided not to live with him and yet you are asking for inputs from strangers

on this forum. you just want others to decide and tell you 'leave him' so you dont feel guilty?

i dont think you need any inputs from us here.

Sreenivasa Rao. S. (Business)     14 February 2013

Helo Swapna,

Your decission may be right, at the same time think about your children. He may misguide your children by showing love and effection at the same time he may mis guide about you which will effect their mind set.Dont  try to meet him when ever he calls  you by this he will not step down reason is, he will feel that his support is needed to you without him you cannot live happy life, At the same time if you dont meet him he will know the importance of  you, after 3 or 4  absents to meet he will know the value of you. Please remember that a male can do any type of mistakes which can be excused but a female does a small mistake it will be focused on character. Thinking about the family issue spending sleepless nights spoiling you health may cause damage to your childrens prosperty.

So please do think of my response and act accordingly.

 


(Guest)

i did my MBA in a well reputed college with my parents money, but he still wants the share of my salary

>>>>  I think you dont need answers here, you have already decided........

He also studied with his parents money.....and is ready to spend his money on u & kids...........Being an equal gender, he may seek financial support from u......this is called mutual understanding  in a family.............I dont know but if u see all our parents shared their money in their lifetime, they never said this to anyone that i earn becos i used my parents money to study.........

N if u still think this way, i wud suggest to stay alone and not to continue with this relation anymore, where money is a big factor & it comes in b/w u guys..........


(Guest)

As far as I see through the subsequent replies and add ups by the concerned poster here.


There is no love nor understanding between the both.


Like this, instead of pointing fingers at each other, better part way as gentlemen.

swapna (hr)     14 February 2013

Originally posted by : Harsh

is this a joke? you have already decided not to live with him and yet you are asking for inputs from strangers

on this forum. you just want others to decide and tell you 'leave him' so you dont feel guilty?

i dont think you need any inputs from us here.

Mr. Harsh,

 

If you are not able to suggest or advise anything jus be to urself i am not requesting you to do that. Out of my confusion, my dilemma and the pain i am undergoing i have come to a professional forum like this to seek the right help from the right person's here. so i feel that u dont fit into this category anymore as it is i have neither personally approached you for ur any replies to my post. U pls carry on with your work.

If i had decided then i would not have been on this forum seeking suggestions. To make a decision only i am getting professionals help from here.

swapna (hr)     14 February 2013

Originally posted by : 498aweddinggift

i did my MBA in a well reputed college with my parents money, but he still wants the share of my salary

>>>>  I think you dont need answers here, you have already decided........

He also studied with his parents money.....and is ready to spend his money on u & kids...........Being an equal gender, he may seek financial support from u......this is called mutual understanding  in a family.............I dont know but if u see all our parents shared their money in their lifetime, they never said this to anyone that i earn becos i used my parents money to study.........

N if u still think this way, i wud suggest to stay alone and not to continue with this relation anymore, where money is a big factor & it comes in b/w u guys..........

Excuse me Mr. 498aWeddinggift,

Being a well educated woman and being in a responsible position, being a mother for 2kids and married for 8 yrs i also understand what is gender equalisation, mutual understanding and financial responsibility in a family life. but where as demanding is differnt and sharing is different.

Yes ofcourse after marriage, it is husband's responsibility to take care of his wife's needs and wishes, but when he forget his reponsibilities then and tat time my parents had to intervene to fulfil my dream of getting a MBA degree, wheere as wen i am earning now its husbands responsibiltiy to demand for my sharing is it...????

Please get the points clear from my post before replying or suggesting something over it.....


(Guest)
Originally posted by : swapna

hi everyone,

After 4 months of seperation my husband is calling me back home.

A little background of my earlier posts (My DH physically abused me in front of his mother for a very silly reason)

Now he has come saying that this would not get repeated again i would never raise my hand on you.

The way he has approached was, he had come to my office last week and since i had already left for the day he has talked to my colleague, where in she says that by his words and expressions he meant that he wants his wife and kids back.
The next day he had again come and my colleague convinced me to talk to him we both sat and wanted to discuss things out but by his conversation with me what i felt was:
1) he wants me back bcos his mother is not with him now she has gone to her daughters house so no one is there to cook food for him
2) he still blames me for that incident and says that i should not go to my parents house often
3) he is not willing to come and pick me from my mother's house he says i cant face her and neither he wants his parents or anybody to come and discuss but just we both patch up

I still cannot forget the way he has beaten me up the other day and i dont have the confidence that he has changed so that i can live with him happily. may be for first five or six months he would be alright but then again his original character would be out i feel. i still cant imagine to have any more insults, heartbreaks as he has been doing this since our marriage.

Please suggest me what do i do. ????
Do i go back to him or do i get something done leagally and go back. As of now i am concerned about my children's school fees and so on.

 

he has some trouble going with his job as well as they have changed his division ( which was becos he spoke nasty to his superior, immediate boss so he has approached the higher authorities and has got my husband's division changed.) he does not say me that he had used filthy language to him but says that bcos of our family issue and i happend to call his office and complain itseems tats the reason his promotion has been cancelled and his division has changed.

yesterday evening he started saying that if i want my family life to be good with him i should quit my job, stay back home and look after kids and do all house hold chores itseems. otherwise if i strongly want to do job thn i should give him complete financial support as he has loans with his brother (Rs.5 Lakhs) to be cleared, which he had borrowed for our house construction (Land given by my mother). He is so strongly trying to put boundaries around me saying:
1) I quit my job and stay back home looking after kids, getting their homeworks done and making them study and doing house hold work and cooking for him.
I told him i am already doing all that inspite of going to work, so i am doing a super women's job.
2) If i will have to do job, then i support him financially and still not ask him any help in any of the house hold things or with kids matter. If i keep a maid i pay for her itseems
3) i should not be going to my parents house on daily basis(my mom's house is just the next lane) whereas whenever he feels like he can get his mother stay with us however long he wants. or else he can go and visit her and claims that he would not go to waste time but would get some benefit or will have some work of his own itseems.
4) Permission will be given to visit my parents(who stay in next lane) once in a week provided if he also goes to visit his mother otherwise i should also drop the plan of visiting my parents and stay back with him at home.
5) He will pay the fee for the elder son itseems and i should bear the fees and other expenses of my younger son. ( He is dividing the responsibility but not when it comes to things like dressing them up for school, teaching them, all that has to be done only by me even after sharing his financial burden itseems)

Please tell me do i have to agree to all his above conditions if I want my kids and my self to enjoy the family life in my own house. ????
But these were not the conditions when he came and approached me in my office last week and discussed about patching up. He had been to visit his mother and sister last week end and the after effects of their meetings and discussions is so much change in his talks, and actions.

Giving a Divorce is like i would be freeing him from any responsibilities and giving him a chance to get him married and enjoy his life. But then holding on is also tough becos how long like tis????


SO finally what did you decide? Please do tell.

swapna (hr)     14 February 2013

Originally posted by : Sujay >>>>>>>>>>










SO finally what did you decide? Please do tell.

Sujay,

pls hold on..... its life.... let me take some time to myself to decide on anything.... ofcourse a very very strong NO for divorce..... but settling with things yes i do need some time to take things to further level.... let my patience support me in this..... hoping from all of you, that ur support and wishes will do good to me.

Thanks n regards,

Swapna


(Guest)
Originally posted by : swapna




Originally posted by : Sujay >>>>>>>>>>















SO finally what did you decide? Please do tell.






Sujay,

pls hold on..... its life.... let me take some time to myself to decide on anything.... ofcourse a very very strong NO for divorce..... but settling with things yes i do need some time to take things to further level.... let my patience support me in this..... hoping from all of you, that ur support and wishes will do good to me.

Thanks n regards,

Swapna


Thats one of the most sanest replies I have ever seen from a female here.



Dont lose patience, if you feel, you need to talk you can always use PM, and for any other queries you can create a thread as well.


Good luck 

Harsh (Manager)     15 February 2013

sane?  haha cant make head or tail - what is her real intention/motive? live and let live or the other?

she doesnt want to live with him (zero trust), but doesnt want to divorce him also (otherwise he will enjoy his life)...typical revenge drama. 

>>>>>If you are not able to suggest or advise anything jus be to urself i am not requesting you to do that. .....so i feel that >>>>>u dont fit into this category anymore

anymore? means my first reply was ok. dont question my ability madam, just state that you didnt like my reply that is enough.

>>as it is i have neither personally approached you for ur any replies to my post.

this is an open forum with real people having real problems, u dont have to approach personally.

if you post a query, members are FREE to reply to it.

members are not obliged to 'write what pleases you always'  (@498aweddinggift)

if you have an issue you can raise it with the Administrator.

>>>>To make a decision only i am getting professionals help from here.

legal professionals can suggest LEGAL steps. you are asking personal opinions. 

even i said the same that you dont have to decide in a day or two, u should take ur own time

have you tried talking to other women in your situation for some constructive or positive inputs? or just checking with professional lawyers to make your case strong rather?

anyways its your life... so, whatever.

........................................................................................

R.kumar.bangalore (executive)     16 February 2013

Dear Swapna,

it seems to be simple ego issue. Please do not get tension,it is easy to say not to get tension,but really it is very tough.

i hope the way you are written mail is seems to be your side correct. He needs to understand you. please try to make him to understand you. 


(Guest)

I strongly believe this women doesnt deserve marriage...and shez totally totally confused, its time for her to go to marriage counselling.


stay away from your ego swapna, you are not trying to prove a point to the world. Get back to your senses.


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