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PleaseDoNotAsk (Nothing)     28 June 2013

Lier and unpredictable wife with cirminal fil/mil

I have been sufferin in my marriage physically, mentally and financially. My wife is totally unhappy with me supporting my parents. She keeps her whole salary for herself. She abuses me and hits me at times when I just do not respond when she asks me to stop supporting my parents. She is very confident that if I hit her back that could make a strong case for her to blackmail me.

Earlier everytime I used to help my parents with some money of my salary, she used to go to her parents house and tell me that as long as I do not disassociate myself from my parents. My parents are soft. They used to ask me to go and bring her back. And when I go to her parents house, her father, mother, brother everyone would insult, humiliate me saying I am poor and I do not have enough finances and I should give an account to them about my salary. 

This has happened several times, but I used to convince them in one way or the other and bring he rback. Recently when she was pregnant, and my parents decided to have a baby shower for her, my parents went to invite them. At that time her parents have told my parents to stay away from me. My parents quietly agreed and said "as long as they live happily, we are fine".  Only when this was agreed my wife and her family agreed for baby shower. They hid this conversation from me. When I realized that something has happened, it hurt me a lot. When my wife then stopped picking my calls, I decided not to call her back as long as she wants me to call her. Her father wanted to play the card of making me come to his house again begging for my wife and kid (yet to be born) thinking that this time since I do not have parents around he can easily squeeze me. 

I decided to not go to his( when I arrived from abroad) house and stayed at my place. Then her father came in anger that I did not care to go to bring her back and lied few things and broke the door of my parents house during my presence. I told my wife that this act was totally wrong and told her that as long as he does not apologize, I cannot live with her. She inturn says what her dad did was right and she will not ask him to ask sorry. 

I stopped talking to her and one day she asked me to bring out all my anger and startr fresh. I shouted that I could not tolerate the act of her father when he broke the door of my parents house and used bad words. MY WIFE HAD RECORDED THIS AND NOW BLACKMAILS ME INDIRECTLY SAYING, "IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB ABROAD AND COME TO INDIA, I WILL USE THIS AGAINST YOU". 

SHE HAS NOT FOUND ANY EVIDENCE, BUT CREATED ONE. I am not worried but now I do not have even 1% affection (forget love) even for the fact that she is mother of my kid. I want to know if this could be enough for me to apply for divorce. I have few emails where she has taken my money and refused to give me. Insulted me. BUT ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT "SHE LIES TO ME ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF ME AND EXPECTS ME TO LIVE WITH HER ACCEPTING THIS". I really cannot stand her. Please help.



Learning

 6 Replies


(Guest)
Originally posted by : PleaseDoNotAsk


I have been sufferin in my marriage physically, mentally and financially. My wife is totally unhappy with me supporting my parents. She keeps her whole salary for herself. She abuses me and hits me at times when I just do not respond when she asks me to stop supporting my parents. She is very confident that if I hit her back that could make a strong case for her to blackmail me.

Earlier everytime I used to help my parents with some money of my salary, she used to go to her parents house and tell me that as long as I do not disassociate myself from my parents. My parents are soft. They used to ask me to go and bring her back. And when I go to her parents house, her father, mother, brother everyone would insult, humiliate me saying I am poor and I do not have enough finances and I should give an account to them about my salary. 

This has happened several times, but I used to convince them in one way or the other and bring he rback. Recently when she was pregnant, and my parents decided to have a baby shower for her, my parents went to invite them. At that time her parents have told my parents to stay away from me. My parents quietly agreed and said "as long as they live happily, we are fine".  Only when this was agreed my wife and her family agreed for baby shower. They hid this conversation from me. When I realized that something has happened, it hurt me a lot. When my wife then stopped picking my calls, I decided not to call her back as long as she wants me to call her. Her father wanted to play the card of making me come to his house again begging for my wife and kid (yet to be born) thinking that this time since I do not have parents around he can easily squeeze me. 

 

In all this why did you have a kid ? Biggest mistake you did, having a kid! You are in for deep trouble!

I decided to not go to his( when I arrived from abroad) house and stayed at my place. Then her father came in anger that I did not care to go to bring her back and lied few things and broke the door of my parents house during my presence.

 

What were you doing then?  You should have filed a police complaint against your FIL.

 

I told my wife that this act was totally wrong and told her that as long as he does not apologize, I cannot live with her. She inturn says what her dad did was right and she will not ask him to ask sorry. 

You did not file police complaint, that is another mistake you did.


I stopped talking to her and one day she asked me to bring out all my anger and startr fresh. I shouted that I could not tolerate the act of her father when he broke the door of my parents house and used bad words. MY WIFE HAD RECORDED THIS AND NOW BLACKMAILS ME INDIRECTLY SAYING, "IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR JOB ABROAD AND COME TO INDIA, I WILL USE THIS AGAINST YOU". 

Your wife is got criminal mind.



SHE HAS NOT FOUND ANY EVIDENCE, BUT CREATED ONE. I am not worried but now I do not have even 1% affection (forget love) even for the fact that she is mother of my kid. I want to know if this could be enough for me to apply for divorce.

 

Mental cruelty very good ground for divorce, but it has to be proved in court, then you will get divorce.

 

I have few emails where she has taken my money and refused to give me.

Take printouts and get it attested by cyber crime branch of your city, these can be used as evidences.

 

Insulted me. BUT ON TOP OF ALL OF THAT "SHE LIES TO ME ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF ME AND EXPECTS ME TO LIVE WITH HER ACCEPTING THIS". I really cannot stand her. Please help.

1.  File for divorce based on mental cruelty.

2.  First one is long process. You can also ask her MCD, pay her lumpsum money, and part ways peacefully. 

3.  We will think about the kid later on.


(Guest)

@ Helping Hand,

 

Dear Sir, I have approached the Cyber Crime Cell over phone explaining the situations for certifying the evidence, but they have advised us to go to FSL.

 

Please suggest.

Harsh (Manager)     28 June 2013

@author,

I disagree with only one point suggested by @hh: Even if you press the 'Yes Madam' button, I can assure you that it will not bring you peace of mind. such people

are tuned to attract and invite trouble - if there is none, they will CREATE one and suck you into it. You will die everyday. So best is just let her go. They dont belong to a society (except a society of criminals which is in Jail). Let her bother someone else, why you?

Also, a one off incident of shouting at her doesnt mean harassment or torture; so she may file a case but you will just lose money and time.

*****

I think your BIGGEST PROBLEM now is money. How would you handle MCD or contested divorce etc. without good finances? So I suggest you start searching for a good and 'friendly' lawyer who can understand your situation and is willing to help you at nominal rates; may be even give you credit. Once you find such a lawyer, then think of taking any legal action, until then press the 'yes madam' button and keep collecting evidences.

*******

----------------------------------------

@others

in most of these posts, there is a lot of input on trying to adjust and live with your demanding wife - to the extent of bowing down to all her needs. find a separate residence, take her shopping, keep her happy etc. etc. even if she and her family is abusive, many suggest to try and make it work etc. etc. etc. all this only to the husband, if the wife is in an abusive marriage the responses are different (how unbiased).

this is another example where ' a spark neglected burns the house'. if you ignore the signs of danger, you are bound to face it sooner or later probably with severe consequences. (as above where a kid is in picture now) so i suggest if you or your friend is in an abusive marriage (male or female) better not blindly suggest to continue the relationship.  better to 'halt/stop' before proceeding further.

even if a judge reunites a couple and later wife files a 498a on frivolous grounds, that judge would nowhere be near you to support you in any manner.


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Uttam Chudasama

@ Helping Hand,

 

Dear Sir, I have approached the Cyber Crime Cell over phone explaining the situations for certifying the evidence, but they have advised us to go to FSL.

 

Please suggest.

 

Please open separate thread for your query.


(Guest)

 

Originally posted by : Harsh

@author,

I disagree with only one point suggested by @hh: Even if you press the 'Yes Madam' button, I can assure you that it will not bring you peace of mind. such people

are tuned to attract and invite trouble - if there is none, they will CREATE one and suck you into it. You will die everyday. So best is just let her go. They dont belong to a society (except a society of criminals which is in Jail). Let her bother someone else, why you?

Also, a one off incident of shouting at her doesnt mean harassment or torture; so she may file a case but you will just lose money and time.

 

 

I usually prefer not to quote any repliers message, for the sole reason that each one has a different way of looking at things.  Sorry to quote you.


Marriage works only like this, either one of them has to adjust.

WIfe wants separate house, Husband should provide it, or wife will keep creating ruckus at home and with in-laws, that's just an example.

When talking about peace of mind, its a very oxymoron statement.

If either of the spouse cannot adjust with each other, adjust with circumstances and expect a more than perfect life setting always, then the marriage is headed towards doomsday.  If one cannot adjust and tells its a pain in the a-s-s then one has to undergo the other pain in the a-s-s that of litigation.  One might see it as suffering, one might see it as adjustment, one might see it as not having peace of mind.  It's entirely the take of that person in question.

Harsh (Manager)     29 June 2013

@hh

no worries at all, you can quote.

my stand is not against adjustment, it is against abuse. Adjustment is important and i always say one has to try one's best to make a marriage work before calling it quits. everyone adjusts and they just have to, there is no choice. 

however, in above post i am referring to cases where things are either extremely unhealthy or dangerous/abusive (physically or emotionally). and i suggested to 'halt/stop' before proceeding either ways, hit a pause button.

as you said there are many who continue in an abusive relationship; if it is on their on VOLITION, no one except the victim is to be blamed. but when others influence a victim to continue an abusive relationship, they become party to it. in this case itself, the author has been constantly advised (by his own parents) to bring his wife back etc., and finally he has stretched to his limits and wants to end this with a child in the fire. most marriages i have seen are NON-ABUSIVE and hence they last so long.

one can suggest adjusting to 100s of differences but not 100s of abuses.

Would you suggest a false 498a victim to trust and adjust to his wife again? bring her back?

anyways, finally it is up to the individual, they have different tolerances so they crack at different pressure levels.


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