Hi
I badly need an advice.,
3months back only we got married, before th\at we know each other from August 2007 as we worked for the same company but in different departments, she proposed me in Dec, 2008. One good evening we discuseed every thing like my financial stage, what type of girl i am looking for, my family background & all, and about her previous marriage as she is a divorcee and the age difference what we had (she is 11years elder to me, ofcourse she said 7yrs only but later i came to know that itz 11yrs) and i felt there is nothing wrong from her side in her previous marriage break-up and i accepted her proposal happily, that time i was 24 n she was 35. After a couple of months she left that company n joined in other company, so i use to drop n pickup her from her home n office which are almost 15km distance from my home, that time i was in IT and I have my own freelancing firm apart from my job, which i closed only bcz i could not manage the timings to meet customers as my most of the time was spent in meeting her only. Some times i used to wait at her office gate for more than 2hrs in the late evenings (at 8.30, 9pm), i never bothered about my business n those timings as i really love her n more concerned about her, whenever she calls i use to go even i am in meeting with my MD, or sleeping at home in the night, or even in the urgent work at server, she has taken all these grantedly, even i never find anything wrong at that time, but as i have debts it has become very difficult but still i use to manage all the things including all the expenses whenever we go out, although i got an US OFFER, i refused it, only bcz she said that she can not stay without me n i asked her to get married in 2009 but she said no at that time, and I got the job in a PSU in 2010, by that time my sister completed her MCA and parents want to do sister's marriage early to me and i said ok.
Suddenly she started forcing me to marry her, in the mean while in this 3years i spoke to her parents, elder sisters, brother-in-laws, younger brother n all, as i was in need of money, i took Rs.2lakhs for which i use to pay 24% per year interest( even after our marriage). I never took a single rupee from her in at the time of weddiing also, in 2012 she forced me very strongly to get married but i didnt do that, from that time onwards she started doing emotional black-mail saying that I cheated her, I used her, she wants to die as i am not caring her as i used to do earlier (as i joined in the new job, it was very tough for me to balance), she never tried to understand me, finally in May 2013, i met her mother(as she is the key person in her family) n elder sister and fixed the date, she said that as her parents are very old they can not bare any expenses so i said we will get married in AARYA samaj n she said ok, I did all the arrangements by borrowing some money from my close friends. Suddenly she started making the things like hell and whatever she said those all were wrong.
I came to know that they have a settlement of Rs.10lakhs in previous marriage, i was shocked that she never told me about this, I do regular pooja n all( even though i am non-veg) and whenver i use to ask her to wear a saree, she used to say that she will wear after marriage, in the very early stage i said, i need a girl who can take care of my family, who can be little traditiioinal like wearing sarees, doing poojas, respecting in -laws n especially i dont wish that my wife to work n as i am not a materialistic n rich person, i dont have fridge n washing machine at my home, and she needs a seperate home as she is not ready to stay with my parents.
I took a single bed room n paid the advance also, Just 1week before to the marriage date, she started that without a fridge n all others she cannot live and she wants her money n gold (some gold was in mortgage)back as she wants to handover that to her parents. I spoke to her parents n said that i need some time to realease the gold n even i dont need that money also, i shall return that also. as she is finding difficulty in her job (dec, 2013), i said to resign n start learning cooking n when she asked for her monthly expenses n others, i agreed to pay her the salary what she was getting in her job (but i could pay only 50% of the salary from Jan 2013), now you just imagine, by just my salary, i use to maintain my family, again used to give her 10k every month, apart from that 4k interest, gold loan interest, i have taken a chit on her name and that payment, thatz why i asked to gimme some time, then her mother said that i cheated her daughter by taking all her money, gold n forcing her to sit at home, her elder sister said that now-a-days a rikshawala living his life better than you, you had taken all her money and now you are asking her to lead a life like a beggar, so we are not interested in this, we will postpond the marriage n before the marriage you return the gold n all. I dont have any words except tears in my eyes. When her sister n parents, her brother asked me that whether i had thought about the age difference n kids n all, i said i am ready to face all that issues n society, but i never thought that they can talk to me in this way n my marriage was postponded, her brother said not to meet her till i marry her, i said ok n cameback to my home with tears.
After 3,4 days she called n asked to meet her, again she started all that emotional black-mail, she took me to an astrologer and he said he have the best time (muhurth) on the next 2nd day, when i said i was mentally very much disturbed and i need the time, even to return the money, gold, she scold me like anything and started crying that by just returing those money n gold you want to leave me n you want to some other girl, how can i show my face to someone, itz better i will commit sucide. Finally as i dont have any choice i accepted and we got married. My marriage was done hust infront of 6people, her elder sister, younger sister, her father, mother, my two friends (1 is goldsmith who made mangal-sutra, other for witness sign) as my mom didnt accept i didnt inform to my sister n father.
At my home, when we both went, my father accepted easily and said to have a good life, my mom cried like anything, she stopped talking to me, my sister was silent (she is not yet married and working for a bank), in just 10days my wife started again emotional blackmail that she can not live that home n to take a single bedroom house(previous rental agreement we cancelled as the marriage postponded, as i won the bid of my chit, i released the gold), i said it is very difficult for me to maintain two families with rented houses with chit, my personal loan, her housing loan (that was given for rent balance 4k EMI to be adjusted) and all, she said that she will start working and she can share some of those.
This is the 3rd month running and I am the person who is taking care of everything which is almost double of my salary.
In these 3 months,
1. She wore saree only for two times(even today we celebrate varalakshmi pooja, she didnt do that as she doesnot know how to break the coconut and she doesnt like to wear saree) apart from the marriage day, when i asked to wear the saree, she said she doesnot like the saree as she was not born in 60s.
2. Her voice is very sweet and when i asked her to sing a song she rudely said that she said you would have married a professional singer
3. One day in the morning when i asked for my breakfast at 9.30am, she said she is not my kaamwaali to getup n do all my works.
4. you believe it or not, in my past 28years (except 1year, when i was bachelor used to stay alone), i never went to kitchen, but in this 2months, i cooked rice n curry for couple of days, after that washed all those vessels, even i wash my cloths, in brief i can say that two roommates are there, thatz all.
5. Whenever she calls i should to her to her parent's or sister's or brother's or her relative's home, but she doesnot like to go to my parents home, i should take her to movies, malls, restaurants, whatever she says ii should say ok, then I am good, otherwise I am an idiot, stupid, and all other, so making a big mess, if i say i can not come now as i have other works.
6. She starts comparing our family with her sister's families, i tried to explain that they already settled n we just started the journey, the result is you never try to make me happy, xyz, blah blah n starts crying and 2 weeks back on a weekend she forced me to take her to her brother's home, then in anger i said be mature, now this is our family, our week here n there what is this, it doesnot look nice, then she started shouting on me n said if i cant live in her way then itz better you take the divorce n i am least bothered about you.
7. Yesterday again we were there at her brother's home (went there on 14th night, came on 15th night), today her elder sister came our home n said that all the family members are going for picnic n asked me to put the leave n come for saturday n sunday, i said for me some urgent work as saturday is halfday n i can not come, you please take her, and she will come with you. After her sister went, again she started shouting on me that previously you use to leave all the works n come with me now-a-days you are behaving lika ____, i said mind your language, try to understand, even you know that i rescheduled all my 15th day works, every time i cant do this, then again she started shouting that then you take the divorce and get lost, i am not going to stay with you like this.
DEAR ALL,
TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO, NOW I AM TOTALLY CONFUSED, FOR WHOM I AM DOING ALL THESE THINGS, I GOT MARRIED AGAINST TO MY PARENTS, I HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF MY SISTER MARRIAGE N MY PARENTS, I AM WASHING MY CLOTHES, COOKING FOOD, LIVING LIKE A MARRIED BACHELOR(EVEN WE MAKE LOVE VERY FEW AS SHE IS NOT MUCH INTERESTED IN THAT), TAKING CARE OF ALL BASIC N FINANCIAL NEEDS, GETTING SCOLED FOR MARRYING HER (AN ELDER DIVORCE), ITZ COMPLETLY BREAKING MY HEAD, SHE IS MENTALLY TORTUREING ME LIKE ANYTHING.
PLEASE ADVISE ME..!!!
