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Dear hubby! leave your parents or be ready for 498a!!!

Page no : 2

(Guest)

Hema you must ask these parents to bring along their daughter to meet you in your chamber one day,without her husband's knowledge.

 

You advisel this daughter that she need not seek her hubby's permission for sending money to her parents.

 

Simply ask her to start sending more than Rs. 20000 monthly without informing her husband.I insist on more than 20,000 because an old couple(where the father suffers from dementia and may be depending on medical treatments monthly)cannot sustain on Rs. 20,000 alone.She can send Rs.50,000 or even 75,000 since her salary is v.high,and she will save enough money even after deducting 50-75,000 from it.

 

Then suggest to this daughter that she can lie to her husband that she is joining some meditation or hobby classes in the morning.At that time,she may visit her parents and serve them.

 

In the evening too,she may visit them by lying that she gets stuck in traffic jam daily,hence gets late to reach home.

Or she can think of more suitable bahaanas so that she can serve her parents personally,instead of just sending money.Because at this age,they need personal care also,not just maintenance.


(Guest)

Hema,even if the parents file and win maintenance case against her,how can the husband get a divorce on this ground?

 

The case was b/w daughter and her parents..

 

So where was the husband involved in this situation,that he can claim divorce on any ground,say,cruelty from his wife??


(Guest)

Why no men coming forward to advise Hema??


(Guest)

 

I request Hema to suggest the advice given by learned members  on the first page of this thread to those aggreived parents and the daughter.After all we need gender equality.


(Guest)

Otherwise a BHARAT RATNA will be helpful, ...i think..!!!!!!!!:P

1 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     27 August 2011

Originally posted by :utpala kaur
"
Otherwise a BHARAT RATNA will be helpful, ...i think..!!!!!!!!
"

 

 

Na na!

 

The metro wife should invoke the dream violence Bharat Ratna Act 2005,using her hydraulic powers:P

1 Like

hema (law officer)     27 August 2011

Thanks Roshni & Prinncess,

@Princess,

I met their daughter and discussed the problem, immediately after the problem has been brought to me.  She wants to help her parents financially and also serve them personally without spoiling her relationship with her husband.  Even though she is earning  1.10 lakhs per month, she does not have financial independence.  She has to give one lakh every month to her husband, who keeps it in his account.  She will keep ten thousand for her car's fuel bills, lunch expenses for 10 days when she works in morning shifts and cannot take lunch from home. If any other need arises, for purchasing dresses etc. she can explain the reason and get that amount from husband.  She does not have access or liberty to her whole earnings, so she cannot follow your suggestion of giving 50 to 75 thousand every month to her parents and she cannot spare even three thousand at present.  If she can give only 15 to 20 thousand every month she will be happy and her parents can adjust with that amount, but that is not happening due to greedy, rigid, callous and traditional husband.  The bahanas, which you suggested, will not cook properly before her husband, who is suspicious that she is helping her parents.

She put alternative suggestion before her  husband that she will take a proper separate house in the same lane where her parents are residing and she will incur all the expenses of the family, means her husband and two children, including rent of the house, maintenance and food bills etc. and the husband can keep all his earnings in his account and she will not touch them.  She requested him to allow her to give 15 to 20 thousand every month, forget about 50 to 75 thousand you suggested, to her parents and help them for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening in their daily chores.  He turned down this proposal outrightly, with a threat that he will give divorce, if she suggests the same thing again.

You put a question -  The matter is between her and her parents, then how husband can threaten her with divorce?  Yes, madam that is possible.  If she goes against his wish, he will file a divorce petition putting allegations that she is adulterous, and/or cruel to him and his family members, does not discharge the family responsibilities, treats in laws disrespectfully and cruelly, not give s*xual satisfaction to husband, threatens to commit suicide and incriminate all the family members, threaten to file false 498-A cases and domestic violence cases.  We see all these types of pleadings in husbands' petitions who file divorce petitions.  Divorce will be granted or not is a different question.  He may not succeed to get divorce decree.  But once after filing of divorce petition, there will be no looking back.  Matrimonial harmony will spoil.  That she does not want and she also does not want that her dear parents die dogs' death.  What can we do?

@all

Roshni correctly diagnised the disease, which is called "hypocracy".  If a man raised a question, most of the experts shouted it is nothing but threat and blackmail by the greedy wife and she  shall be taught lesson.  When similar problem is raised by the woman, every such expert maintained absolute silence and proved what Roshni has said.  

@PC

In a way, I have to say my thanks to you.  After your response, I deeply thought whether the actions of the husband of the daughter amount to cruelty as defined in Section 498-A or not.

I have not suggested and not intended to suggest to the daughter to file Section 498-A against the husband.

But I came to a definite conclusion that husband's actions are cruelties under Section 498-A and he is liable to be prosecuted and convicted for that offence, if he accepts that he is taking one lakh of his wife's earnings every month and depositing it in his account (the bank record is documentary evidence) and restraining her to help her aged and diseased parents financially and personally and also refusing her to discharge her statutory responsibility laid down by the Senior Citizen's Act, which creates a liability on her to maintain her old parents.  Why should she take divorce from her husband to help her aged and diseased parents, as suggested by you?  In which law it is written that a married woman, who is a single daughter shall not help her old and diseased parents? On the other hand, in Senior Citizen's Act it is written that she has to maintain them. In which law, it is written that a woman, who is a single daughter helps her old and diseased parents, she is liable to get a  divorce from her husband?  YOU REALLY STINKS FROM AHMEDABAD TO AMERICA.

What I want to say is that if the daughter files Section 498-A case, it is not a fake case and it is a genuine case and the husband is liable to be put behind the bars.  But that is upto the daughter to live with such callous, cunning and greedy husband or file Section 498-A case and get herself liberated by pushing him behind the bars.

Note:  Neither the parents nor daughter want for divorce or filing Section 498-A case.  The parents want peaceful and painless death and the daughter wants to serve them in their final days without getting any mmatrimonial problem for herself.


(Guest)

yet thet r silent....!!


(Guest)

Hema you are really smart.

 

How did you come to know that PC belongs to Ahmedabad,but lives in US now?

Found the Happiness (Enjoying)     30 August 2011

hi guys... I think we are going far away from the topic.........

Pls understand me..... I am stucked up in a very critical situation........... please suggest me what else I can do???


(Guest)

Parents took right decision. it is only outsiders poking nose in family matters.

Parth Chandra (none)     30 August 2011

@ hema and others who think they belong to same community

 

 

  1. Yuki bhais ke age bin bajana meri adapt nahi and that’s the reason I normally don’t get into your pow pow day in and out in this forum unless there is a extreme need as I don’t have readymade finances available as you might be having and to sustain I need to work.

 

  1. In this thread since you very innocently asked a question and that’s why I replied.

 

  1. There are quarrels and conflicts everywhere and no two humans are equal and if there is a conflict between spouses which can’t be repaired through discussion then it is better to part if there are not physical torture and threat to life and limb. This is something I believe and perhaps its not your level to understand but the lady and her parents may understand if advised.

 

  1. Just because you have a criminal law available you should not advice each and every one to file cases on any issue.

 

  1. Even if lady goes to file a complaint then I am sure people like you will exaggerate the issue and the lady will spend years and years in court room battle and her life would be spoiled just like yours.

 

  1. As far as I know there are also IPC laws against beating to anyone, did you ever filed a complaint on behalf of any child to whom you know when anyone from child’s family beats the child just because it falls in the definition of IPC. The point is using law is very easy but the aftereffects are huge in once life and law requires proofs whether it is husband or wife.

 

 

Finally

 

  1. I am not commenting about the truthfulness of the case you mentioned as I haven’t heard husband’s side story who may even come up with set of allegation of his own.

 

  1. Last week-end saw a good movie “Thodi si bewafai” starring Rajesh Khanna and Shabana Azami and I guess people like you need to watch it the most.

 

  1. I can hit you one foot more behind the belt and tell you how far you STINKS, but would avoid doing saw as men should not bite the dog if dog bites the man but if dog tries it again then should not forgive either.

 

 

Note: Refrain from commenting personally to me in future otherwise I would forget you are a lady.

 

 

 

Regards,

PC

 


(Guest)

pc

do u know how to play a BIN??

I never heard a bhais playing bin.:P

Democratic Indian (n/a)     30 August 2011

Originally posted by :hema
" Even though she is earning  1.10 lakhs per month, she does not have financial independence.  She has to give one lakh every month to her husband, who keeps it in his account.  She will keep ten thousand for her car's fuel bills, lunch expenses for 10 days when she works in morning shifts and cannot take lunch from home. If any other need arises, for purchasing dresses etc. she can explain the reason and get that amount from husband.  She does not have access or liberty to her whole earnings, so she cannot follow your suggestion of giving 50 to 75 thousand every month to her parents and she cannot spare even three thousand at present.  If she can give only 15 to 20 thousand every month she will be happy and her parents can adjust with that amount, but that is not happening due to greedy, rigid, callous and traditional husband.  The bahanas, which you suggested, will not cook properly before her husband, who is suspicious that she is helping her parents.

She put alternative suggestion before her  husband that she will take a proper separate house in the same lane where her parents are residing and she will incur all the expenses of the family, means her husband and two children, including rent of the house, maintenance and food bills etc. and the husband can keep all his earnings in his account and she will not touch them.  She requested him to allow her to give 15 to 20 thousand every month, forget about 50 to 75 thousand you suggested, to her parents and help them for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening in their daily chores.  He turned down this proposal outrightly, with a threat that he will give divorce, if she suggests the same thing again.

You put a question -  The matter is between her and her parents, then how husband can threaten her with divorce?  Yes, madam that is possible.  If she goes against his wish, he will file a divorce petition putting allegations that she is adulterous, and/or cruel to him and his family members, does not discharge the family responsibilities, treats in laws disrespectfully and cruelly, not give s*xual satisfaction to husband, threatens to commit suicide and incriminate all the family members, threaten to file false 498-A cases and domestic violence cases.  We see all these types of pleadings in husbands' petitions who file divorce petitions.  Divorce will be granted or not is a different question.  He may not succeed to get divorce decree.  But once after filing of divorce petition, there will be no looking back.  Matrimonial harmony will spoil.  That she does not want and she also does not want that her dear parents die dogs' death.  What can we do?

@all

Roshni correctly diagnised the disease, which is called "hypocracy".  If a man raised a question, most of the experts shouted it is nothing but threat and blackmail by the greedy wife and she  shall be taught lesson.  When similar problem is raised by the woman, every such expert maintained absolute silence and proved what Roshni has said.  

But I came to a definite conclusion that husband's actions are cruelties under Section 498-A and he is liable to be prosecuted and convicted for that offence, if he accepts that he is taking one lakh of his wife's earnings every month and depositing it in his account (the bank record is documentary evidence) and restraining her to help her aged and diseased parents financially and personally and also refusing her to discharge her statutory responsibility laid down by the Senior Citizen's Act, which creates a liability on her to maintain her old parents.  Why should she take divorce from her husband to help her aged and diseased parents, as suggested by you?  In which law it is written that a married woman, who is a single daughter shall not help her old and diseased parents? On the other hand, in Senior Citizen's Act it is written that she has to maintain them. In which law, it is written that a woman, who is a single daughter helps her old and diseased parents, she is liable to get a  divorce from her husband?  YOU REALLY STINKS FROM AHMEDABAD TO AMERICA.

What I want to say is that if the daughter files Section 498-A case, it is not a fake case and it is a genuine case and the husband is liable to be put behind the bars.  But that is upto the daughter to live with such callous, cunning and greedy husband or file Section 498-A case and get herself liberated by pushing him behind the bars.

Note:  Neither the parents nor daughter want for divorce or filing Section 498-A case.  The parents want peaceful and painless death and the daughter wants to serve them in their final days without getting any mmatrimonial problem for herself.
"

Your observations are extremely reasonable and logical. There is no doubt we are a hypocritical society to the core. The logical conclusion in this case is nothing but 498A IPC. For such husbands I think the quantum of punishment under 498A IPC is too little. I would also like to add that trading her liberty in lieu of marital peace, security, safety etc. was the biggest mistake in the very first place. She should have put her foot down firmly in the very begining.


"People willing to trade their liberty for temporary security deserve neither and will lose both."- Benjamin Franklin


The idea of excuses etc. suggested by princess does not hold any ground. Escapism from the problem or running away from the problem is not an option. The problem has to be fought head on.


M V Gupta (Advocate)     30 August 2011

One sided mentality " I will take care of my parents but you should not" exists amongst both s*xes, husbands and wives. The adamency should be met by adamency only. Threats of 498A/DV cases should be effectively contested. After all no one can ignore their old and infirm parents on account of thereats from the spouse. In one of the cases SC has directed a woman Doctor(married) who was neglecting her old parents that she should pay maintenance to them stating that even daughters are bound and laible to maintain their parents who do not have any other family memebrs to depend on. Let husbands/wives understand that love for ones parents is as deep as theirs. In compeling circumstaneces the wife or husband can even consider secretly extending sustenance to their parents.


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