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MUNENDRA KUMAR   15 September 2016

Wife is not leaving with me and her family also supporting h

Hi All,

I am posting this question after getting very frustrated from my life. I got married on 16th April 2016. After 15 days of the marriage my wife has shown me her actual face where she asked me to give my salary to her instead of my family. Also, she did some unnecessary activities which my famliy didn't liked. We are a middle class family and we believe in piece and simplicity but i belive my wife is different and she doesn't wants to stay in a joint family. She wants to give her money to enjoy and i will never ask about the money where she has incurred. She tried to abuse my younger sister and my mother too and expressed her feeling about them e.g. that i get angry then i don't know what i'll do whether will mess the family or will commite suicide. On this rakshabandhan she went to her family now her family is also supporting her specially her mother. When my family asked her to come back because now she is the part of our family but she has spare too much false information about my family and balmming my mother, me and my younger sister that she is living in so many restrictions, she can't eat the food as per her choice and she can't go anywhere, and many more. Whenever we called our Aunty who was the mediator for this marriage she tells us a new story everyday that today she tell us this and yesterday this. We tried to ask her to come back but she and her mother are not following our words. I don't know what to do now. I am very disappointed. Sometimes i feel to commite suicide. But then think that my family is behind me, my parents, younger sister and borther. Please suggest what should i do in this regard. Please let me know the best way to come out from this mess.



Learning

 5 Replies

Vibha   15 September 2016

Mahadev   15 September 2016

Hello,

Please do not give/agree to give full salary to your wife as she is raising an unreasonable demand. It seems from your words you have undertaken lot of efforts but she is not agreeing to listen and her parents supporting it. If it's the case your life will never be smooth with her anytime and with she now gone to her home and not coming back , chances are matters will head for a worse.

STEP 1:-

Involve elders of your family and relatives and make a discussion with your wife and her parents to sort it out. Don't heed to her unreasonable demands. Trust me when you all og there from the first sentences that your wife or her parents utter you would come to know whether they want to send their daughter back to save your relation or they are just doing a drama and just want you andd your family to accept their unreasonable demands. Try to get this conversation recorded by some spy cameras.Most imp, point when you all go there don't take your sister there . Only you/father/mother and known friends and relatives of your family should go. This way later if they file any false cases , your sister will be saved to some extent and there will be witnesses to produce in Police station and Court who are outside your family.Don't utter any bad words, don't do any physical assault even if they knowingly make you angry as they too would be recording it. So please be calm, talk to the point and if you finally feel discussion is going nowhere make a peaceful exit. Go during day time please.

Keep all your phone conversations/written conversations whereby you are asking your wife to come recorded with you e.g Instaalling recording software in phone downloaded through play store and Emails , Whatsapp chats...It should always be the case that you are requesting your wife to come back and reminding her of love and importance of relation. Control your anger and outburst at all possible places.

STEP 2:-

In your local Police station please lodge a complaint ( your wife shouldnt know about it ) saying how she has been harassing you and how her parents have been supporting her and despite taking steps to make her and her family understand she not agreeing. This will help you if she later files false dowry harassment cases against you and your family.

STEP 3:-

Keep reading about Section 498A IPC , Section 4 Dowry Prohibiton Act and ofcourse Consult a lawyer but NEVER FILE A CASE just because LAWYER told you. It's not required from your side atleast for now. I repeat do not file a case.

From my experience and reading your story and the way your wife is malinging your family reputation, i can say she is not a good fit for you/your family. Hope she changes else if she remains that way it would be impossible to remain in a relation. God bless you and save your relation and hope you take the steps if you feel you can't live with her. You can always consult people around you regd. what i said above.

Most imp. don't  ever say again that you want to commit suicide. You have other responsibilites in life too. You can't be forgoing your life and happiness for a woman who neither cares/loves you. Compromise is the essence of marriage but making someone compromise in unrealistic things means blackmailing. Laws may be against husband but that doesn't mean wives can make us agree to any of their unreasonable demands.

sai narayana   15 September 2016

Mahadev elaborated comprehensively. So nothing to add.

ambrish (service)     15 September 2016

Dear ....your query is more about counselling and it is more near to deal it practical ways rather then legal ways.  Legal ways are last remedies always.

Two times you used the word ' I thought to commit suicide'. 'what to do'. You need to work upon yourself, with you wife and also with the families members of both sides. 

You are a mature man now..married .. an adult...now Wake up SID...life begins from this point. 

 

Warm regads

Ambrish 

MUNENDRA KUMAR   15 September 2016

Thanks a lot for advising with your best ideas and suggestions. 

I will try to do this to save my marriage life or family. Let see to whom i can save any one or both.

Once again thanks a lot.

I'll be in touch for more suggestion if there will be any further issues.

 

 


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