Threat of cases

Originally posted by : supriya
	Hi all, My family is high on ego and they are sayinng that they were called by police, they dont that girl now. But somewhere even theya re at fault i cant directly point out to them. The thing is they are guided by a crook advocate introduced by my elder BIL and sister. They feel its easy to get away with her.. But all i can say is that after a point a person will become soo frustrated that we cant beg for forgiveness. My SIL has super irritated now. I admit my mother and sister use to comment on her parents and herself which made her loose all the rspect and affection now. After 1.6 years i dont think she is going to let go off all that has happened to her.   Once she went to my brother office to talk to him about this issue and he insulted her ove there and also my father use a very bad language that she is licking my brothers ass by going to his office. since then her emotions have gone haywire and she said that no matter what ever happens to her life she is not gonna leave all of them at any cost. Now my only concern is that father has given in writting to mahila thana regarding no knowledge of brothers whereabouts. What legal action is awaiting us for his false projection by my father?   For the one in bold.  Nothing will happen.  Either your SIL should give one missing complaint that her husband is missing/or presumed to be kidnapped etc.  You ppl giving missing complaint on insistance of police is foolishness.

Hi:

I understand your nature, its that of caring one.  And your SIL should be very lucky to have you.

But it takes 2 to tango, 1 him and 1 her.  He has ran away.  What use for her to go find him or go run behind you ppl or go to police station?  This much she should have understood by now.  Marriage is a union of hearts and minds, that cannot take place forcibly, by using police force or legal  terrorism, ie filing false cases.

Something is amiss from the first page, the day it all started.

Your parents sent him off to some other place and do not want him to cohabit with the girl.

Girl and her dad gave complaint about this to police and your dad was in remand for 1 day.

Now you ppl are planning to send him abroad.

Meanwhile your SIL and her parents are fed up and want to take revenge, by filing cases like 498a / DV etc and also claim maintenance.

This is message for your SIL:  Hope you pass this to her someday.

Originally posted by : supriya
	helping hand they denied knowing whereabouts at mahila thana. And the SI asked to give in writting that my father will file a missing report because he doesnt know where my brother is? But we know where he is and also we have not filed that missing report. The girls side will not leave us becoz during wedding we have made them suffer for trival things and now my SIL is saying that inspite of knowing the fact that her dad is not well, we did all suh things but now she will not co operate with us, What will they do now with that undertaking that father has given at mahila thana?   need advice   i am saying that we know where my brother is and becoz the advcate asked us to den infront of police we did that. Whre is the question of he staying with his wife? when in some way or the other my parents and brothers are only responsibile for her leaving the house. I serioslu want to knw the intention of why such undertaking was asked to be given in writting by my father? and what implications does it has on us in future?

In one word, such underataking or written statement from ur father, does not mean any wrong, on the contrary it safegaurds you in case your SIL files a complaint against your dad and you ppl.  Now your SIL cannot file a complaint against you or your dad that you are responsible for her not finding her husband.

Even if some how your bro is found, police cannot make her cohabit with him.  And if pursuaded via court, there too no judge can force husband to accept wife back, there are procedures for that too, but finally, its the decision of the 2 people who want to dance, remember..?  it takes 2 to tango !  SO nothing to worry.

Worst case scenario, if your SIL files a missing complaint etc or puts his photo in newspaper, then it will be shame on the marriage what they had.  Consider marriage to be broken in all ways possible.

@ supriya:
frm ur post, conclude tht

1] ur parent has history of tauting and u & ur husband may b also victim of their habit.

2] u hv good rapo with ur TEMPORARY SIL [use TEMPORARY bcoz in ur own word she isn't interested.]
so it would b better to knw frm horse's mouth abt intention of why such undertaking was asked to be given in writting by my father? rather thn making assumption.

3] "my father use a very bad language that she is licking my brothers ass by going to his office."
ur father can use this type of words according to you. nice.
assume tht either he spoke in  presence of u or u hv gud impression abt him in ur mind so tht u accept it.
nice bringing up.

in whole posting u affirm abt fault is ur side. may b u knw better. bt if they cann't hear ur advice, thn hw do u hope now they will.

why u r worry ? if they don't hear u thn there is no meaning of finding out solution UNLESS in the guise of showing pity there is another motive.

Supriya.....dont know if ur parents will found guilty. But u urself want ur parents found to be guilty it seems.

But we have not taken any action on that underwritting. Our advocate is contemplating that she may also file 420 against us. That my parents have helped my brother abscond and if they are really not aware they might have filed a missing report. So, its like she wants to leave us on cross roads by doing so.

@supriya,

It is not good to spoil someone life. Now that you have spoilt one then face the music.

It is because of people like you these laws are made and innocent people are being trapped.

I would suggest severe ur ties with ur brother and help ur sil in her fight

@Supriya

U r saying u have good terms with ur SIL. Why cant u ask her to resolve the issue peacefully. Approach ur family in respectable way.

U even said she will not make to go for second marriage of brother easily. How she knows that ur brother is going for second marriage? It is illegal to do that. I am sure everyone in your family knows it. Is it just a speculative ur SIL is making. Ur brother might  fed up with her unexceptional assumptions it seems.

It is clear her intention is to ruin ur brothers life.Obvious that parents will get anger on this. 

And also u r saying ur SIL Father is a cancer patient, would it be right on her part to make a bigger mess like this it will again hurt her badly in return . Would she realised it. I suspect if ur SIL is concerned about her family conditions rather than making ur brother as a reason for which is not responsible. 

Apart from all this, Do u really think UR SIL want to project ur brother as a criminal. Is that right thing to do? this is marital issue ,Filing a criminal case on ur family is big thing . I want u to ask urself is ur family a criminal family? which ur SIL claiming?. 

I think u should take ur brother side strongly. 

Dear Supriya,

1.I thank you for your promptness first.You have got goodwill for your SIL.Emotionally u r confused whose sides to take .But Morally u r sensitive.

2.If you think you can help your family then you should try to make them understand its not that she is clapping from her single hand,for whatever she is doing today,there was a reason ,which was not rectifed and corrected before.So is the  situation.Please request your second sis and BIL to not involve here.

3. its natrural from their view for your parents and other sister to support your brother,becuase there mentality would be to think it was upto her to correct her husband's behaviour and live in harmony after the marriage,and boys behavior is this natural.And they argue expecting her to behave the bahu shown in 80's movies.But i m sure,they would not have left husband  & wife alone to sort things out by themselves during those days,instead interfered too much ,supported your brother morally,made her feel alone and helpless, hurt her to rupture her selfrespect.Explain them to think about a girls life,consequences if she goes wild,their part of mistake , todays worlds living style and expectations.

4.Your parents should have thought from a girls view point,imagining their daughters in the same shoes.Atleast should have given her time to adjust,and should not have involved in their maried life forcefully

5.As advised by many others here,this game of hide and seek,is just waste of ones youthness,money and peace of mind,along with implications on profession,carreer,social life.Nothing will be benifited to anyone but running between courts and station,will make them loose their presence of mind .

6.Even your SIL will not be benifited other than,her revenge taking nature is initailly nurchured to please her to some extent.But later she feels suffocating and tired.its true her life is spoilt,her family is exploited,her emotions are hurt ,but law and order cant help her to get peace of mind,and second normal life.

7.Its better you negotiate things by talking to her,and understand what she really wants.If its just revenge,then try to explain her,it will even spoil her peace for 5-6 years and simply make her tired and worthless.If she wants to come back to matrimonial life,advice your brother to consider it,advice your parents to allow them to settle their married life emotionally by not being intervening.Or if she wants money settlement and divorce than ,negotiate to best possible way your family could afford and let them take Divorce by mutaul consent .So that  it gives all the families peace of mind ,your brother and SIL new option with life without troubling each other

Hemaji thank you soo much for a really beautiful advice.

I wished you should have been our family friend, so that may be my brother might have been guided in a proper way. Actually the girls side approcahed us to give divorce for mutual consent only, the girl said she will give divorce and not ask any money also. All she wanted is freedom from all thse tensions. That time my family messed up with mediator lied to him about the girl and use bad language and also commented on her family. this made things worst and now they are saying people like us should not be left easily and atleast they will take our izzat out .

My relatives who went for mediation are now opposing us and they infact were called by mahila thana and they also said that we are at fault to the police. I am trying like hell to make things work, now if i approach my SIL she is asking me to come to police station and talk as she wants everything to be done infront of police as she doesnt trust us anymore for anything.

My brother loved her a lot, but my parents are very possesive about him and they use to always encourage him to make his wife bend for everythng. I remember one day she got a call from her parents house and my mom encouraged my brother not to allow her to speak to him and he did that. At times he is also blind folded by my parents.

Now i got to know through our advocate is that, the girls side wants to lodge an FIR for 498a and missing report for my brother and also put all our names in the complaint.Because even the police officers are convinced that we are mentally harassing her. My parents are under wrong guidance by the advocate ..who is giving them assurance that nothing will happen in 498a and police station we will easily get bail.

I hope ur SIL doesnt include ur name in FIR. U actually tried to under it stand her a lot. 

Yes until getting Bail it is difficult.

Supriya,

I understand the situation because Im standing in the same place as ur SIL and undergoing the same phase but a bit differently

All that I have understood from the situation and can inferr is:

1.She is hurt by the fact that your people have not agreed for mutual divorce even though she dint demand for alimony.Its the heights of her sufferings.But you people have lied about her character and loyalty,talked very ill of her family and parents,which she has failed to bear.Nor any girl can bear this humiliation done on her character and can stand somebody speaking about her parents,especially the educated and learned ones.They always have felt they deserved better,but got disappointed truely,inspite suffered worst,have tolerated and sustained for the best ,still treated badly and dint get justice .So she is being aggressive and want to take revenge.May be she is in her early days of humiliation!!

2..you could have apolozised and sent people for mediation for another time,had she dint want divorce.But since all she wants now is only divorce ,and she was left with no other easy appraoch to create grounds for applying the same and also desparately wanted to screwup and punish you people ,she has filled 498 complaint.

3.If you were brave enough,anticipating she will file 498 complaint,should have taken anticipatory bail.

nothing to worry,This can still  happen now also .your  brother and others must apply for bail saying that her & her family are threatning to kill them & are harrassing them...you should give anti complaint or petition stating the same.this creates grounds for obtaining the  bail.till the bail is granted  your brother must be  in absconding.Once you have  bail,you people will not be arrested,complaint goes to family court ,where the court will only look for evidences.And as the lawyer themselves speak,this kinds of cases will fall short of evidences,and after a period of 5-6 years,everyone would be tired,and as end result -no big conviction will be happening to anybody,if she failed to produce proper evidences.I dont know whether you people have really taken dowry or not.and she has evidences for them.And much of the abuse and rude behaviour of your brother will not be having any evidences.

4.In this 5-6 years she is not only making you suffer ,but also will be suffering equally.If her family is financially sound and supportive pain is less.But if she is the one earning who has to make for lawyer fees and also  must sustain her own living,and also has to run between the courts,she will get exhausted.I dont know her position.And i dont know if it is easy in your place for a girl to remarry again.This facts will count when she is making the decision. One option is somebody common between two sides, can meet her and try  to convince her with these facts of reality.Then she would become a bit calm and reconsider taking complaint back.

5.I feel more than you or anyone,person most responsible and required to act is your brother.He should make the decision properly.Might be with his ego hurt too high,he is saying he cannot live with her any more. For him,he is not rude,but natural as from childhood.

If you help him realise fault was most probably his,and explain how as a new comer she would have got disappointed and hurt by him ,he might atleast stop hating her.And might consider about reconstructing his marrital life again with her.Or if you people are morally supporting him,he will definintely feel guiltless and doesnot want her anymore. and inevitably he will have to undergo the whole phase.But i bet you,even though this marriage is broken legally,and he remarrys again,if his behaviour is not rectified and changed,next marriage will also not survive.

I know nobody  is there, telling him anything bad  about his behaviour

I know its difficult FOR YOU ALONE to go against and  tell  everyone in your family and convince them that the fault was theirs... you will be offended for taking her side and their egos would not agree your view and realise.

6.If your brother and family is brave enough and ready to face,he should apply for  bail and face the court case.Otherwise go and please her to take back the complaint, ensuring her wish will be fullfilled as she wants...so both your brother and her  time is not wasted.

7.Police have nothing to do with punishing your brother or your family.All they can do is put in jail till they produce them to court.if you avoid jail,then you are half won.

but personally i suggest,consider all the facts that is true with your families and act  appropriately.Negotiation is better than station and courts ,for both  her and your family.

Being rude and abusive is not criminal.But entire family people being non cooperative,stubborn,unrealising and together contributing to make her married life unbearable is the problem.She would be forced to make this kinds of decisions ,when  her peacefull negotiations failed at your hands.So my personal opinion would be  soon after the marriage, let husband and wife alone in their relationship without interference from family members....give time till they create the wrapo,adjust their frequencies and match their chemistrys.Dont make small things big..every girl enters matrimonial home to lead a happy life.When family members are involved for every small things,situations become worst like this.

each one will have their own ways  of seeing things,her people support her,& your people support him,their is no one single judjement,no one result, but only chaos.Makes each  family hate the other,thinking we are right & they are wrong.

I am so glad  you being his sister, have the proper overview and unbiased to the truth.Happened has happened.We cant go back and change things.Only do our best to avoid worst. Convince your brother that even he was wrong and also approach her to convince her.LEAVE ALL THE EGOS.Give an option to make suitable arrangements for them to stay together but away from your other family members.Take a chance.

Do not worry,give time some time.As the laws are there to punish,there will be 100 laws to escape from the punishment.But life and peace is important than revenge and ego,which should be understood by both the parties.Or leave it for time,that will make them understand.

post :1

1.1 ]  My brother got married in 2012 and my SIL left our home within 2 months.

1.2 ] Elders from her family tried to patch with certain conditions, but my brother dint accept them.
          didn't specify. may be not acceptable ? r u trying to say ur family is SANE and hv only interest in conflict.

1.3 ]  According to her my parents are harassing her with comments on a daily basis and also my brother is taking money from her without giving her any money.
          allegation r bound to happen ? otherwise wht do u expect ? ur parents has also to say in this regard which u may conviniently don't mention. m i right ? taali ek hath se nahi bajti hai vo aap yaad rakhiyega.

post : 2

2.1 ]  I only saw his wife at the wedding when i was there my kids school has started so couldnt stay at my parents city for a long time but till the time i was there my SIL was really good, she was good to me and my kids.
          u knw person well in such a short period tht u don't need to think there might b possiblity tht ur sil insighted thm & it was their reaction.

2.2 ]  They are ready for compromise provided my family and few relatives give an undertaking that they will take care of her and not torture her.
          wht kind of torture treatment ur parent & brother gave ? it wld b better if u gve slight idea.

2.3 ]  he will not let her peacefully go for second marriage also.
          understand u fail to understand bcoz u seems under their influence so don't give strain to mind tht hw ur brother was responsible for failing her second marriage.

2.4 ]  And my parents are saying that the lawyer has given assurance that 498a is nothing just damm till we get bail. After that the dayes will come once in 6 months only, and we can easily get divorce under desrtion and cruelity for filing cases.
           if they agree for MCD even thn

2.5 ]  I really feel sorry for her becoz her dad is a cancer surviver and she appears to be of noble intentions.
       hv sympathy

post : 3

3.1 ]  Once she went to my brother office to talk to him about this issue and he insulted her ove there and also my father use a very bad language that she is licking my brothers ass by going to his office.
             u didn't mention the reason behind visiting office and he has guts to insult wife in heat of arguments in presence of colleagues.
              generally man feel ashame to speak any dirt language abt fmly members in presence of even unknwn whereas ur father speak in presence of ....
let me tell u, u must b a kichad me khila hua kamal jise kichad aaj tak nahi laga.


post : 4

4.1  ]  The girls side will not leave us becoz during wedding we have made them suffer for trival things
           thn why they r afraid,. with help of u, they can easily file a DOWRY SUIT.


post : 5

5.1  ]  why such undertaking was asked to be given in writting by my father?
            only ur sil can tell wht is her motive if she is not coming to her matrimonial hme thn wht is fun of undertaking ?


post : 6

6.1  ] I remember one day she got a call from her parents house and my mom encouraged my brother not to allow her to speak to him and he did that.
          bt u wrote in early post tht u had even find it difficult to go to wedding.


very sad to inform u tht bcoz of persons like u who doesnot stick to their story and keep on changing in every mode, so real needy persons has to suffer.

"NOTHING ELSE CAN BE SAID BETTER THAN WHAT HEMA DID"

@ hemaji,

nice advice. think if both party act accordingly thn ramrajya is near.
u forget no culprit say i hv done it.
agreed tht it is not our job to decide who is ? bt at the same time by giving advice on hear say it may implied tht u believe.
 not advisable to hide truth before doc. and advocate otherwise they cann't diagnosis ur disease/trouble perfectly. chances of their reading/predictions are to be  incorrect.