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Ashok Kumar (owner)     19 February 2012

Pl help me getting a divorce

Hi, I am 30 & my wife is 29. We have been married for 3 years. It was an arranged marriage. I met her thru one of our relatives near my hometown. I was working in Bangalore (I have stayed in metros most of my life) & she was staying with her parents in Madurai since her childhood. I and my parents went to see her & after 2-3 days of our 1st meeting, I agreed to marry her. She said yes to her parents for me immediately after seeing my matrimony that to even before meeting me face to face. We got engaged within a week's time. But the marriage got postponed for 4 months due to non-availability of right muhurat. Then I went back to Bangalore.

During this time, we started talking over the phone on a daily basis. But after a month or so post our engagement, I realised that she is quite different than what I had imagined she would be. Actually speaking, after sometime I started finding her v boring, non-confident & her thinking pattern was not up to my wave length if you know what I am talking about. She was not really my type & I started feeling awkward talking to her. I had informed my parents about it & even told her over the phone that I would not want to marry her & spoil both our lives. But she did not agree as she liked me a lot for I don’t know what reason. Even my parents started blackmailing me emotionally saying it will ruin their name in the society & they won’t live if I take such a hasty step. I tried v hard but couldn’t avoid this marriage as my parents are v weak & I was afraid that this may lead to some critical health/ mental issues. Even she didn’t tell her parents about it & kept quiet till the end.

I married her thinking things may workout if I give this marriage a chance. But I never felt any kind of attachment or attraction towards her ever since we got married. We never consummated our marriage though she was always ready for the same I never felt like doing it with her. Here, I would like to clarify that I am medically fit & not impotent. Now I am finding it very difficult to spend my life with her. I cannot stay like this for ever & I really want to move on. I have spoken to her on this a year back & ever since she has been fighting with me saying that she will never leave me. I tried so hard to convince her but she refuses to understand anything. I stopped talking to her since 7-8 months thinking it will change her mind. But it is not working out at all. I really want her to move on with her life as she is not going to get anything better from me. I have already informed my parents about my decision to get separated. But they are also taking her side & not understanding the consequences. They want me to continue living with her like this. We have no future together. I am just waiting for her sister to get married in the next months & then I will be informing her parents too about it. I don’t want to put them under depression as their 2nd daughter is getting married. I would not like to take a chance now as my act may spoil her arranged marriage too. I really don’t know if telling her parents will help as my wife is not ready to get separated from me at any cost.

Can anyone advise me how to get a divorce under such a difficult situation.



Learning

 28 Replies

sharma (ADVOCATE)     19 February 2012

Marriage can be stopped by you before it happened.

Ashok Kumar (owner)     19 February 2012

I agree with you but what I did was under pressure from my family as they are v important to me. It is my mistake too I know. But I cant live like this forever & some where it has to stop. It would be good for both of us I believe.

Shantilal Pandya ( Advocate)     20 February 2012

 you  have  still not  stated   as to  waht is the  reason for  you  to  get rid of her, if you  are  a hindu , then  grounds  stated under   se 13  of the hindu marriage  act  will    help you to  obatain  divorce ,, once  you married with her  knowing  fullwell  her   behaviour,  you have lost  grounds  which might  entitle you to  obtain  divorced  ony  fresh   ground   may be  available to you ,, simply a ground that she is  not  fit  for you  is  no  ground  for  divorce , so  it is  very  difficult to  immagine  the  grounds    which  you have not  stated  so  far ! 

Ashok Kumar (owner)     20 February 2012

Thanks for the clarification. We have not consummated yet and I feel I would never be able to start a family with her. I don't understand one thing, when I had told her v clearly before our marriage and have been telling her post marriage too that I don't like her or feel attached to her,why she continues to be adamant on staying with me forever. We have no future together. We are spoiling our youth and will be ruining both our lives like this. I don't want to spend my life in misery. Pl help me with this. I hope you understand what I want to say.

Alok Tholiya (self employed)     20 February 2012

U r a person with strong likes and dislikes. U need counseling. There is no made to order spouse available. Most chances r those who know a classmate or collegeue 4 yrs and find of same wave length and marry. But once married they find real person at home is differant then at office or outside. 

Adjustment is key thing and having trust in god is worth it. 

Also if u really irritate her then u may hv to face 498A and DV and r u ready face it??? 

So expect less from life and u will get best from wife. 

1 Like

Arif Iqbal (Advocate)     20 February 2012

So far from the narration of your story there is no any legal ground for divorce. There any no any fault on the part of ur wife for youu to seek divorce from Court. However if you both, I mean you and your wife agree, than a mutual petition for divorce u/s 13B of the Hindu Marriage Act can be filed. For any further clarification you are welcome to contact me.

Ashok Kumar (owner)     20 February 2012

Sir, you have mistaken me. I never intended to harm her by any means. Never asked for thing (dowry) from her or her family. I have always wished for her well being. But somehow I am unable to accept her mentally. Its not that I never gave this marriage a chance. i definitely did. But it didnt workout. 

Shwetha (Software Engineer)     20 February 2012

ole ole ole babyyyyyyyyyy....kuchi koooo...cho chweeeeet...

Shwetha (Software Engineer)     20 February 2012

however, i must you are being quite sensible by bluntly not blaming everything on her and by waiting for her sister's marriage...

 

neither the court nor your elders are gonna grant you divorce...you are wasting your time here in this thread...no one can help you...the only one who can help you is your wife but I doublt if she will help you ruin her own life...

 

best of luck

Ashok Kumar (owner)     20 February 2012

Thanks Shwetha for understanding......

VENKATARAMANI (professional)     20 February 2012

You said:-,

"During this time, we started talking over the phone on a daily basis. But after a month or so post our engagement, I realised that she is quite different than what I had imagined she would be. Actually speaking, after sometime I started finding her v boring, non-confident & her thinking pattern was not up to my wave length if you know what I am talking about"

I say:-

"What will u do, if your  would be son or daughter have similar IQ or smartness??? Will you  shun them??? Will u not try to correct them???

Have u not accepted your old fashioned parents???

Life is not all about wavelength and IQ. 

Its all about adjustments, give and take, sacrifices and patience.

 

 


(Guest)

here u r actualy a bad man. u r under depression for not gettng heroine type wife. under frustration u r not consumating marriage. this kind of attitude forcing many non metro girls to take drastic action under influence of lawyer & parents. u r lucky that your parents r with your wife. so u r accusing your parents for blackmailing. this is a very harsh word for one's own parents.  i can only suggest erase thoughts of divorce from your mind and spend "quality and quantity" time with your wife.

dr.pawan rajyan (member and secretory)     20 February 2012

you need to be adjustable.it is all your fault. if you go to court for divorce,you never will get and collaterally makes your and your parents life more miserable along with wife and her parents.their is no one lady of your type(anyone's type) in world,every one have different WAVELENTH!!(physics says it even for nonliving also)  marrige is a adjustment. i appreciate your wife for her power to bear for propagation of marriage.in this forum,there are hundreds of male who have suffered/harassed by wife,without any fault.IT IS NEVER LATE TO THINK AND START.develop some understanding and you will see you are as happiest couple.regards

Chandra Shekhar (Sdc)     20 February 2012

Dear Mr.Ashok,

I agree with Mr.Alok comments.

Try to change your mind set other wise you may land into great troubles.

No body on this earth is 100% and i think you can develop or upgrade your wife in certain areas where she is not upto your mark. Have you tried ever to do so? Please try to implement and will be get fruitful results without divorcing your wife.

Can you guarantee yourself  that you will get a perfect women as wife according to your desire expectations?

Please dont spoil your married life.

Realise and restore before you ruin your life.

 

Regds,

G.Chandra Shekhar


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