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S.B _Kolkata (Service)     20 December 2009

potential 498A mis-user on your hands.



Warning Signs of an Abusive Personality and Future 498a

If your wife/her family is displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may have a

potential 498A mis user on your hands.

1. Family: Is newly-rich; Likes to show-off (their house/cars/paintings/relatives/ connections, etc.);

Related to politicians/bureaucrats/lawyers/judges/police officers; Has a history of filing cases

against anybody and everybody (search the website of the courts in their State of residence); Beats

up its employees; Lives beyond its means; Mother's face cannot be seen beneath the layers of

cosmetics; Father acts like a 'Brown Sahib'; Girl/her sister has been in more than one previous

relationship, etc.

2. A push for a quick involvement: Comes on very strong, claiming, "I've/We've never felt loved like

this by anyone/or so close to anybody." An Abusive woman/her family pressures the man/his

family for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

3. Jealousy: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly: prevents you from going

to work because 'you might meet someone;" smells your jacket for perfume residue, checks your

shirt collar for lipstick marks and goes through your pant pockets.

4. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to, and

where you were; wants her name on all your assets/control all the money.

5. Unrealistic expectations: Expects you to be the perfect man and meet her and her family's every


6. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your well wishers of

"causing trouble."

7. Blames others for problems and mistakes: The boss/the employee, her ex-boyfriend/ ex-husband,

it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.

8. Makes everyone else responsible for her feelings: The abuser says, "You make me angry instead

of, "I am angry' or, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you." Less obvious is the claim "You

make me happy."

9. Hypersensitivity: Is easily insulted, claiming that her feelings are hurt when she is really mad.

She'll rant about the injustice of things that are just part of life.

10. Cruelty to animals and to children: Kills, maims (e.g., tears the wings off a butterfly) or punishes

animals brutally (e.g., by kicking them till they bleed). Also may expect children to do things that

are far beyond their ability (makes an 18 month old stand in a corner or whips a 2-year-old for

wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry.

11. "Playful" use of coercion during s*x: Enjoys initiating and controlling s*x, stimulating herself and

teasing; asks about your s*xual fantasies.


12. Verbal abuse: Constantly criticizes you/your family, or says blatantly cruel, hurtful things; disgraces, curses, calls you/your family ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with relentless verbal abuse.

13. Rigid s*x roles: Expects you to serve and obey her/her family.

14. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a trotter of minutes or even more confusing, within seconds. You feel as you are walking on "eggshells" around her.

15. Past behavior: May not actually admit to hitting men in the past (but may write it in her journal/diary and says they made her do it or the situation brought in on).

16. Threats: Makes statements like, "My parents will support me even if I murder someone," or "A woman is always right/the system should always believe the woman" or "I will cut you up the way a fisherman slices fish" and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If she has come this far, it is time to get help and get out! 

This is completely my observation and comment. Can any body share their views on it?



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