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vaishnavipriya (Clerck)     23 March 2011

need some experts advice in this matter...

Hi,

I really need some advice over this issue. I just got married last year and now my marriage is falling apart. It took a serious of incidents for this to happen. After marriage when we went out he calls up his mother and keeps talking to her ignoring me. Even after we came home this continued though we were living with my mother in law he used to call her on the phone at job. After work when he comes home he goes and sits with her in his parents bed room while I do all the house old chores then they eat and go to their bed room. He only comes to our bed room to sleep with me. It will be late when I finish all the work and go to sleep at that time everyone would have gone to sleep. But still I will find time to tell what I did from morning till evening while he was at office. For which he said I was bothering him so, I stopped telling him anything. Then he started telling me your parents insulted me and you should fight with them. for everything he would ask his parents’ permission, by everything I mean everything I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say... after marriage he expected me to do same thing he wanted me to take up his parents’ permission to be with him and spend time with him.

 

He kept asking for more money from my parent’s side. He kept asking me ask for a car from my parents. They bought me a house and it is left for rent. He kept asking for the rent money which was put in my bank account. His mother asked for more jewels.


Then his parents verbally abused me and my parents every time. They every time threatened me with divorce. I tried talking to my husband about this but he takes up his mother’s side. I never talked back to his parents. Then he too joined with his parents and started torturing me. They gave me fire burns on my leg in the sole which is not visible now. He poured hot milk on my face. At the time I stayed there I did not have any job so they said if I have to eat there I have to do all the house hold works. His parents have all the dowry materials with them. I have to ask his mother's permission to eat, wear dresses, sleep and to go out of the house. He has told my father he would torture me and you will never be able to see your daughter again.

Then I got pregnant, so I couldn't stay there so I went to my mother’s house they kept calling me back to their home but I said I'm not willing to go there. His mother called up and started abusing me over the phone I just said please don't interfere it’s your fault for this fighting between me and him. After this my husband never talked to me or called me on the phone. Then one day they came and took me back to their home saying this will never happen again. But it was not the case they kept me like I was there prisoner never let me get out of the house on my own always hearing what I was talking on the phone to my parents. Till now I don't know about his salary details. Every time I ask him about it he would say I don't have any money. At the time of marriage his job was not confirmed which they did not tell us.


His mother abused me even more and his father almost hit me. He seeing this even hit me because I said I'm not feeling well, this was in my fifth month that is. They forced me to eat papaya which caused bleeding. In my 7th month I feel on the floor which was also their fault they did not take me to the hospital or anything it caused lot of problems in my final month were the baby as to be operated. I stared loosing water after falling down. I beard all this and did not say a word against them.

One of the most important point is his parents have no touch with their relations. This was also hidden from us. Till the last day before marriage they claimed that there relations will be coming.

He told me many times that he married me only because of his parent’s compulsion and he loves another girl and was unable to accept me.

But on the next day of the operation, when I just woke up and was sitting on the bed he and his mother came there and started verbally abusing me. I said both of you get out on hearing which his mother told to hit me and he hit me in the hospital the hospital staffs on seeing this sent him and his mother out the room. But he and his mother continued the verbal assault on me. My mother unable to bear this she pushed my husband out of the hospital and since then his family members have not come to see me or my child. At the time of discharge from hospital I called him on his mobile he did not answer it and I felt a message in his phone but he did not respond to any of that. They even changed their phone nos. the cell no which I used was his so, he even disconnected this number from usage next day itself. I got a mobile only two months after this happened. He cut all his connections with me and never asked anything about the baby. I mailed him several times to come and see the baby but he is not coming. I voluntarily told him about the baby all this while. But he never once asked about the baby.

Now he has applied for divorce the reason for divorce is as follows:

1.      He did not have any physical relationship with me and I never talked to him cordially and I insulted him all the time.

I have to say that I conceived the very month I got married. And ten months from marriage I delivered a baby.

2.      I was in my parental home most of the time. I’m not mentally matured. I have behaved like deaf and dumb. I never acted like a dutiful wife to him. And threatened him that I will commit suicide.

            He itself said I kept on insulting them and says I have been dumb. I remained calm and never spoke back to them harshly or anything even if they kept on insulting me and family. I did all the work at his home even his mother said that to everyone now they say I never did any work while I stayed there.

            At my trimester I was diagnosed anemic there so I was sent to my home to recover.

3.      When I was in hospital I used fitly language against him. And my mother assaulted him. I changed my number without informing him. When he came to my house to see our child we did not allow him.

This I have told in my above story exactly what had happened there.

4.      He tried to adjust for the welfare of our child but I never let him be.

He never tried to adjust with me.

Kindly help me what should I do. As I don’t want to go for divorce I would like to live with him.

 

Thanks and regards,
Shanmugapriya



Learning

 12 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     23 March 2011

@ Author,

Just a que. after all that happened to you as template narrated in your briefs what makes you so confident that you can live in such family happily ?


I mean who is doing cruelties to whom is the introspect question, think about it and once made up mind contact in your area a Family Court Ld. Advocate he will guide you in such matters. 

1 Like

kapil raj sharma (MSME.RTI BANK RECVOREY Adviser)     23 March 2011

dear u should file a case in sec. 09 of H. M. Act in court for live together and so u should do many procedegings also as per law.

if u want more discus then u can contect my mob no - 09897093933

SandhyaSrinivas (Advocate)     23 March 2011

unfortunate to know about your marital life. Take a firm decision,whether you still love him and want to live with him after such a inhuman behaviour or you can start a new life without him.

If you want to live with him, as mentioned by Kapil raj, you can file a new petition in the same court ,Under   Sec - 9 that is Restitution of Conjugal rights,  by seeking the relief before the court to rejoin him.

He had filed divorce petition means,he has already made up his mind . Your life will be more tough and miserable even after fighting in court for your rights to rejoin him.

One suggestion -  we can't get anyones love and affection forecibly.

God bless you and your child.


 

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     23 March 2011

IF THE STORY IS REAL, its  really a sad one.THINK ABOUT UR LIFE, only urself.

throw baby at his place , fite divorce fast and get rid of him and start a new life.

if u still want to return to such a man , then ur story is not rea or u need psychitric advice.

such a man will not improve by any means.

. such a man is not worth of u.

how can u live with him for life. kick him out of ur life by any means.

for time wasting:

file dv against him

file 498a against him.

file sec 24 and crpc against him.

for a practical solution meet an expert lawyer and fight divoce fast and kick such a man out of ur life.

1 Like

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     23 March 2011

to waste more time of ur life file rcr (sec9)

sivani (engineer)     24 March 2011

@ Avinish, I totally agree with your advise to 'throw the baby at him', if all women did that then men would realise what it is to take on a responsibility rather than be foot loose.  They would all come to their senses but the hard core fact is a woman is a mother who bore the child with her for 9 months and this is her ultimate weakness, she can not part with her child let him be in any form 'able' or 'disabled' and men know that and have always taken advantage of this fact.  And yes Avinish it would absolutely be a true story no doubt on that and yes the man will take advantage and file all kinds of allegations not wanting to own the responsibility.  And how does she start life again may I ask?  While he gets married again to torture another soul or if he gets dowry enjoys his life, what about her?  Who will marry her?  What about the manner in which society treats her as a divorcee? What about the hopelessness of life ahead that she will experience?  What about the trauma she has gone through? These all are reality.  Yes, today Society is much more liberal but does she have the same opporotunity as him to move on forward in life and for what fault of hers?  It is easy to say if you want to live with him either your story is not true or you are mad but see it from her side, a woman with a child who has been traumatized, has no hope left ahead, is not earning and when she will come to this site for advice she will be further traumatized by so many heartless members who will tell her she has filed false DV, false dowry etc etc and then tell her she wants to treat her husband as a free ATM etc etc.  Please spare this poor soul.  All I can say Shanmugapriya, is may god be with you and give you strength to go through whatever you will go through as from what I see of your husband and in-laws, they will turn everything on you now.  You need to be extra careful.  I know it is the hardest for you right now but think with your head and not your heart and yes though impossible, if you can gather the courage give the child to your husband then watch the fun but make sure if you are doing that you are doing it with conviction that you have let go of the child as if it never happened, it should not cause you more pain which is impossible for a mother.  You have to do it as men do it.  Look forward to a fresh life without any responsibilities from the past.

1 Like

lawhands (manager)     24 March 2011

How did you bear so much sis? my sis also has gone thru all dis.. but ur story is really serious..

plz dont go for such man..file 498,dv and maintenance case..such ppl shud be taught lesson..

however even if u hav feelings for him and want 2 be 2geder..do u think hez worth it.?.a person who doesnt even care about a pregnant lady deserves no mercy..

even if u file rcr(sec9) do u think he wl easily take u back in his life? he will also fight out in case..

the impp quesn is if he really wanted 2 be wid u,,,then he wudnt hav taken d frst legal step 2 send divorce pprs..so go ahead and teach him a lesson...

1 Like

manjit kalra (system eng)     24 March 2011

, then ur story is not real or u need psychitric advice. yes either wat u are teling is not true,or u are still attached to him. aise man ka moh chor do and think about starting a new life.

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     24 March 2011

are humans born to spend life fighting in courts?

wat will she get by teaching him a lesson, although its gud if taught.

wastage of time and energy which she cud use to streamline rest of her partly spoiled life.

legal advise:

498a, dv , rcr ,406,315 , 306, 34, 377 and many more

practical advise

fight divorce hard and win good alimony and start a new life.

day to day practical advise file all the above cases and extort some more money.


(Guest)
Originally posted by :Avnish Kaur
"
wat will she get by teaching him a lesson, although its gud if taught.

 
"

 

 

Gandhigiri is not always good.Culprits neeed to learn lessons in life so that they don't repeat their criminal tendcies with everyone.

If forgiveness is such a great virtue,let murderers,kidnappers,rapists and bribe seekers also get forgiven,so that they are not punished by law.

Why just forgive cruel husbands and inlaws?Forgive all criminals then!

vaishnavipriya (Clerck)     26 March 2011

@ Avinish, sivani, sorry but i can't trow the baby at his house i love the baby more than anything.i will do anything for that baby. i want to live with him only for the babies sake. i know he does not care for me. but hopefully will acre for his child that too only if we stay away from his parents. thats the reson i want to live with him seperately. may be in time he can change for his daughter.

and i have one doubt now that he as filed for divorce can i name my baby on my own because till now i'm waiting for him to choose a name as it is the tradition here. should i get my stuff from there now.

i have got a job in SBI recently will that affect this case in any way.

Ambika (NA)     26 March 2011

Shanmugapriya, Your getting a job in SBI would not affect anything anyways, provided you have people around from your natal family to take care of your baby, when you are away for your job. You have to argue your case strongly in a way that can convince the judge that you can still care for your child efficiently even while engaging in a full time job. 

You can go ahead and name the baby, perhaps you would invite your husband to join for the rituals as you are still a married and not divorced couple. If he does not come, that is his wish. Baby deserves a name and your baby is with you, so you can name your baby by all means. 

These are my informed views, although I am not an advocate. 


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