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kripa (ms)     31 August 2010

is thinking of divorce a sin?

i am a 26 year girl married since last two years.my husband is now in a comatosed state following a drowning accident since last 6 months.chances of recovery is dim.he has brain atrophy and he would remain unable to communicate in his life forveer without vision or movement say the doctors.i have a career to take care of and cannot spend time near his bedside forever which my inlaws are expecting me to do.i am mentally upset and under treatment for depression.i cannot bear to see my husband in that plight.i can spend enough money for him to be taken care of.also inlasw occasionally blame me for this accident.amidst all this it is impossible for me to survive and i want an end to this forever.is it possible?



 22 Replies

cyberlawyer (barrister)     31 August 2010

On the ground of unsoundness of mind you may apply for divorce. It is one among the strong grounds for divorce....


(Guest)

1. If it would be you instead of your husband in this stage then what you (say as her husband) would have done !


2. There was a thread on above reply intrrospection I recall sometime start of this month. Go over the emotional and sentimental replies there read with some brilliant legal takes readers gave to that post.


Probably, that is the path you should choose now.


(Guest)

Kripa,First there is nothing like sin or virtue(Paap/Punya),things are either right or wrong,good or bad only.

In your case,if you feel that your husband has really loved you,cared for you,then it is not good to leave him totally.

But I can understand your life needs also,so it equally wrong to suggest you to devote the whole life just standing besides the bedside of your husband.

So the only thing I can suggest is to take some more time,6 months is not an enough time to take some drastic step,just wait for another 5/6 months,wait for some miracles  to happen or judge the things more deeply.Then if you feel ,there is no hope of recovery of your husband,declare to your in-laws that you wanna enter into some other relation or wanna take short leaves from your husband's care or whatever else you wanna do.

But I strongly suggest not to leave your husband altogether if he has really loved you.


mahendrakumar (marketing)     01 September 2010

yes, deepa, try to spare another 5-6 months as suggested above.

Nothing to add to Madhu's suggestions.

1 Like

kripa (ms)     01 September 2010

Thanks for your replies..actually i have given this a thought many times..many thoughts of guilt, sin etc etc have gone through my mind.But what I feel for him now cannot be faked.for me he is no more and what lies behind is just his body which is also distorted by tubes and my mind is unable to accept him as my husband any more.two years with him were also not that satisfactory and we have had bad times too.But I am not wishing him harm or anything.The God who created me has created him too..May be the same things would happen to me ttoo..but i cannot do anything else in this situation. seeing him suffer like this will make me mad if i continue it for a longer time..I am half mad now itself.Then to hear all the blames and be a victim of the stress of inlaws is unbearable for me and I do not have that much love for him in this particular stage. This is the truth..And applying for divorce is not for me to remarry, but to get freedom to pursue my career.I do not want to enter into any relationship again because who knows what is going to happen to either one of us and i dont want anyone to undergo what i am undergoing 

kripa (ms)     01 September 2010

if i file a case for mental instability may be an year later, will i get a divorce?

kripa (ms)     01 September 2010

Is there any legal point by which my inlaws can force me to drop my career and take care of him?

kripa (ms)     01 September 2010

if I were in his position, I would definitely want him to lead a normal life, go for work because my parents would be very much ready to takecare of me.I would not want to live a life of a bed ridden person in some world between life and death and would not have even wanted to give nutrition support to me. I would have thought, anyway my life is like this, why should my husband suffer unnecessarily?my parents also would not have uttered a word against him and would not have tortured him mentally in any way that they have done to me.It has come to an end..

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     01 September 2010

"i have a career to take care of and cannot spend time near his bedside forever

which my inlaws are expecting me to do"

Though the inlaws are taking a humaneterian ground, but they are not practical and far from ground realities.

Everyone leaves his / her own life. you too.

though it is pathetic,but a practical way, that you pray for divorce. it is not a sin. go ahead.

 

you search a similar thread  in this family section, one 'mr kavi'  going through the similar type of problem, his wife is in koma. you go through it. this will strengthen you.

 

 

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     01 September 2010

if i file a case for mental instability may be an year later, will i get a divorce?

 - file it. it is difficult to say, how much time it will take.

Is there any legal point by which my inlaws can force me to drop my career and take care of him?

  - no nothing.

i think you already set your mind. therefore do not hesitate. take firm step.

everyone leaves for his own.

strength (beautician)     01 September 2010

Hi Kripa, i am not a lawyer or philosopher or something great but i am girl of your age and i can feel what you do.  Giveing suggestion is easy but implimentation is toughest task. All girls have thousand of dreams when they get married, all of the sudden, if they get broken despite of giving your best,  you feel shattered and mentally disturbed and you land up in such forum or counsellors to disscuss that  what we think is right or wrong. i would like to suggest you that don't take any decision out of frustration, angar, reveng or something like that. Stay calm and think, what you really want? what do you expect to your life? and who are you? and then decide.

if you are ready to spend mony on him and also feeling bad to abandon him in such a situation, and also not planning for second marrige.. then you should talk to your in-laws that you are gona earn money, make your carrier side by, if you are from well to do families you can hire sisters from hospitals  to do so for you , they charge 5 to 10K, otherwise during the day time your in-laws should take care of him and morning evening you will help. it needs joint efforts, one person can not handle the whole situation. 

i understand  that to see your husband in such a situation.... it gives depression but this is the truth and you have to accept it. try to relax yourself on this point that it can happen to anybody. if your inlaws giving you mental torture on this tell them strictly that you got enough to tolerate and you wont tolerate it anymore from there side. and also tell them that if someday you will move out, its because of lack of support and the torture given by his family not because your husband is in such a situation. here lawyers can suggest that how law can help you in this situation.

on humanity ground just be fair, take a decision and dont regrate over it. you are just 26, you got enough time to get satteled.

but practiclly dont spoil your carrer in any case, its highly required to survive in this crual world. if you are right god will help you, believe me.

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     01 September 2010

Hellow Ms. Kripa,

Here is that thread about which I told in my last post.

The only diffrence is your husband sick and Mr Kavi's wife is sick. you may get valuable suggestions from the bellow thread:-

Family Law > Divorce from partner in permanent coma

kripa (ms)     01 September 2010

thanks for your replies..i have gone through the other posts..the one in which mr kavi was asking the same question..it gives an inner strength and exposes the truth that for any situation there are people who will take stand on both sides..it is the human nature..so i understand that which ever path i chose in this grey situation, nobody can find fault with me except that i have to be truthful to myself..i have argued many for and against options in my mind and have come to a point where I cannot take it any more..i might lose my own mind which means my own life if i go against what my mind says..

Arup (UNEMPLOYED)     02 September 2010

the one in which mr kavi was asking the same question..it gives an inner strength and exposes the truth that for any situation - EXACTLY. i have argued many for and against options in my mind and have come to a point where I cannot take it any more.. - DECIDE BY YOURSELF AND DO ACCORDINGLY. - DO NOT GO ON ARGUEMENT. JUST INFORM THE OTHER PARTY ABOUT YOUR FIRMED DECISSION.

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