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Vijaylaxmi   30 October 2015

Impotency and adultery

I got married in Nov 2012. Ours was a inter-cast marriage. My husband is very good in convincing people and gets aggressive during discussions. He uses any means to prove his point. Raising voice, deviate from the main topic, lying are very common and he thinks they are acceptable to make ones point. Over a period of time I realized that we have extreme characters and our attitudes differs a lot. As a result we found it hard to communicate and arrive at a solution. 

My husband had health problems related to s*x and intimacy from day one of our marriage. he could not perform s*xually and I realized it much later. Initially when he couldn’t do anything when we were together, he  was nervous and that impacts most of the guys. But then over a few week and months I got to know that he has major erection issues and lacks interest in s*x. He used to spend time with his mother, avoid being alone with me. I used to feel very embarrassed to talk about it.

my husband is very suspicious and has accused me of having an affair with a lot of guys in office. he used to check my phone and computer. he has even said that I have grown in my work and career only because I am a woman

I am an adopted child and was raised by my relatives becaused of which i didnt have my family support. After about 9 months or a year, during this time I found very helpless and lost all the motivation in life. I suggested we go for counseling for which he said it is not worth it they fool people to make money. So that effort also failed adding to my disappointments.

I found out about IVF and talked to my husband. he did not show any interest and kept of pushing it ahead. When I forced him to listen or to think about going to the fertility clinic, he used to divert the topic and raise a huge fight. His mother always supported him in this. sometimes in Jan 2015 I forcefully when his mother was not in town took him to a fertility clinic. He did everything possible not to get himself tested and he succeeded. I got my tests done and everything came up normal. He for some lame reason picked up a fight with the clinic staff and quarreled with the lady right there in the clinic. Later told me that the doc is not good. The whole clinic is bad and they were waiting to make money. After that he promised to find a good clinic and that never happened except numerous fights that happened as and when I reminded or asked about it.

I was getting constant headaches due to the issues and pressure. So much so that aches used to last for weeks and would go only when taken injections. I could feel that the lifelessness was pushing me towards depression. I decided that I want out from this. thought over this many times. I could not continue and one day in Sept during one of these torcher sessions I told I want to leave. In the mean while during Jul 2015, I met an old friend. We started chatting, got attracted to him and we started liking each other. On 14th Sep I left the house and am in my cousin’s place since then. I went out with my friend and we had a good time together. My husband somehow got the chat logs of mine and my friend’s conversation.

I wanted to get separated with mutual consent to which he had agreed to. But now he has sent a divorce notice basis adultery to me and my friend.

My questions:

What should my next action be?

I am asked to be present in the court now after a week. what will happen if am not present?

Will my relationship with someone else (even though it is less then 2 months) be still called as adultery if I have been with him after I have left the house? 

How much of damage will the chat logs as a proof do to me? 

How do I proceed with the primary problem of his impotency and hiding about it? 

Will i get any alimony?

What case do i put on my husband now?

How long will it take for the divorce?

also, please suggest if anything i need to do.

Thank you.



Learning

 15 Replies

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     31 October 2015

How did he get hold of the chat logs? I presume URs was a love marriage? Mother in laws episode and other things are immaterial now.Its only the potency of Ur husband that counts.U have to prove about his impotency,if U plan for a divorce on those grounds.Adultery by U (if it is true) UR husband has to prove with valid evidences,mere call logs cannot substanciate his allegations.The behaviour of Ur husband could either be psychological disorder towards s*x in marital life.Both of U should have consulted a good psychiatrist regarding his problem,which U have not done.Now U have invited the situation to come to the extent of divorce.If U are desperate to get separated better opt for MCD,which will be easier and to avoid spending  time and money in courts.

Vijaylaxmi   31 October 2015

Thank you Sainath for your suggestion.I tried for counselling but that effort failed.

About the chat: I guess he much have logged on to my account and taken the logs. Can I cyber-crime case on him for that?

About his impotency, every time when talked to consult a doc he raised hell. How can I prove that? Will the court ask him to get tests done? What are my ways to prove that we have had not s*xual relationship?

Please help. I have to be in court on 9th Nov. I need to do what I have to within this one week

 

 


(Guest)

Anyways you have already taken a step, why fear now?

Morally it was wrong on your part to have taken such step, now what are you afraid of?

If he wants to trouble you, He will pull on the case for next 10 years or so, and god forbid if he proves that you are or were in adulterous relationship, then you and your good friend could as well go to jail, he can simply make that good friend of yours also a party to the case and nail you down (read imprisonment up to 7 years).

It is how you put your case, his was malfunctioning so I seek someone else’s outside of marriage could be your take and also that can be used as a ground for seeking divorce. 

 

But lady, performance depends on lot of factors, and the events that you have described above are quite normal in nature.  In today’s busy life, sometimes it is not possible to perform better in bed, even se x needs time, its not just a random act, with the timings of work that you have mentioned, erection is a little doubtful to achieve.  Since you have already taken a step to seek pleasure outside of marriage, continuing with marriage does not make any sense.  Whatsapp messages can be used to prove such adulterous behaviour, but it also depends upon such content.

 

Seeking psychiatric help is just waste of time and money.  That will even more complicate things.

 

But above all there is conscience.  Better to sit and talk with husband, tell him of your adultery, and ask him to let you go by giving you divorce via MCD, you get divorce in 6 months if it is MCD.  Contested divorce takes lot time to get over.

 

Or one more option.  He ie your husband already knows he is not good in bed, and if he comes to know that you are seeking pleasure elsewhere, he might as well keep quiet and continue talking with his mom and they both try dominating you and you can as well continue having relationship with good friend, you stay married, you have husband, enjoy whenever secretly you want to with good friend and continue living.  One cant find peace in court halls.

 

My questions:

What should my next action be?

Explained above.  Read above.

I am asked to be present in the court now after a week. what will happen if am not present?

You get one more date.

Will my relationship with someone else (even though it is less then 2 months) be still called as adultery if I have been with him after I have left the house?

Do it once or do it 1000 times it is adultery only.

How much of damage will the chat logs as a proof do to me?

Depends on the content of chat, most of your fears have been answered above.

How do I proceed with the primary problem of his impotency and hiding about it?

It is very difficult to prove that he is impotent.  It will take years (10 years) to get out of all this, as this is the most common sought out reason for seeking divorce.

 

Will i get any alimony?

As you are educated and appear to be in a job, you wont get alimony, but this is all a very time consuming process.  All in all, alimony, impotency, divorce will take a good 10-12 years to get over.  And if he proves adultery, no alimony for you.

 

What case do i put on my husband now?

You commit adultery and you want to file case on husband for what?  One thing you can do is file IA application which might be awarded if you are jobless and illiterate.  Rest you can file another application under 125 crpc asking permanent alimony.

 

How long will it take for the divorce?

Give or take 10-12 years.

 

also, please suggest if anything i need to do.

You can as well continue doing what you are doing.  If time permits let the conscience take a lead in your life.

Thank you.

OR JUST DON’T ATTEND COURT DATE, AS HE FILED FOR DIVORCE HE WILL GET EXPARTE DIVORCE SOONER OR LATER AS YOU ARE NOT APPEARING IN COURT, YOU GET DIVORCE, HE GETS RID OF YOU.

 

ALL OPTIONS EXPLAINED.

Good luck.

b.goheel   31 October 2015

What is happened to our country. Majority of Divorce cases are filed with allegations of impotency from girl family consisting of male members also.

ironically same person have child from second wed-lock and have satisfied happy married life. thn what to say about first one ?

queriest you may forget to stress the communication one may have finding her husband at late night is not with her.
poor chap, if he agreed thn there is a problem and not evn there is a problem. Tht situation he may aware of it. Thn fail to understand why he come to clinic with you.
medical check of both of you are proof.
alimony – prime goal now a days from majority of girls and her family members. Pressure tactics are handy.
adultery is next to impossible to prove unless there are offensive photographs. In that case one can retaliate with violation of privacy.
person who does not take advice from nearer and dear one that does take it with a pinch of salt.
ex-party divorce is not beneficiary to girl if her husband obtained it.

1 Like

(Guest)
Originally posted by : b.goheel
What is happened to our country. Majority of Divorce cases are filed with allegations of impotency from girl family consisting of male members also.

ironically same person have child from second wed-lock and have satisfied happy married life. thn what to say about first one ?

queriest you may forget to stress the communication one may have finding her husband at late night is not with her.
poor chap, if he agreed thn there is a problem and not evn there is a problem. Tht situation he may aware of it. Thn fail to understand why he come to clinic with you.
medical check of both of you are proof.
alimony – prime goal now a days from majority of girls and her family members. Pressure tactics are handy.
adultery is next to impossible to prove unless there are offensive photographs. In that case one can retaliate with violation of privacy.
person who does not take advice from nearer and dear one that does take it with a pinch of salt.
ex-party divorce is not beneficiary to girl if her husband obtained it.

Agree with you Mr Goheel.

Impotency and adultery are the most soughted commonest grounds for seeking divorce, and they get it too and later have children elsewhere.  Its all making mockery of law, or is it Law has made a joke out of itself by jotting down points on which divorce can be asked?  God bless my country.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     31 October 2015

The above two replies do not add value to the querist.The querist desires a solutiion for her problem but not logical answers,which may be helpful during a lecture.

Dear Querist,

U can file a complaint u/s 420 ipc and section 66 IT Act 2000, for hacking UR mail id and stealing vital information,without UR knowledge.

Impotency has to be proved in court and u can file a petition for non consumation of marriage.If necessary the court can order the husband to undergo potency test.

b.goheel   01 November 2015

one can express own feeling abt others thinking. it is a liberty of expression.
regret to inform tht in court inspite of irrelevant/relevant question asked by lawyer, one has to give reply unless judge seems fit to overrule.

ur guidance is most perfect as an advocate of client with this kind of problem.

as a neutral third normal third person, one hs a curiosity in mind and like to knw wht make him to go to his mother at late night ? is she serious. here queriest is her wife.
it is an open secret tht normally grown person dont change bed like a child unless there is some reason behind it.
nw a dys there r instances happened to give a threat of suicide or [dont go further]
in this case, as per queriest own acceptance of affair, she has personal reason to it
may b she hs given a threat to give divorce otherwise make an attempt to sucide if not
in this late night scenario wht layman can do ?
may b he somehow manage to escape frm this room and bolt the door outside. - may b this is the story her husband say to lawyer for his advice.

Vijaylaxmi   01 November 2015

Mr. Goheel, My husband used to be with his mother in the hall or somewhere else to avoid coming to me. His mother too would suit with him irresistible of the time, I guess she knew about his problem and was helping him. Obviously, I could not go in there and call him to come to room while his mother sitting right next to him. As u said ones curiosity makes one think and wants to express as it is ones liberty to do so, that's good but then the main things should not be charged by the curious mind. Main ribbing is he used to be with his mother or sit watching TV to late night to avoid coming to me.

Vijaylaxmi   01 November 2015

Mr. Goheel, My husband used to be with his mother in the hall or somewhere else to avoid coming to me. His mother too would suit with him irresistible of the time, I guess she knew about his problem and was helping him. Obviously, I could not go in there and call him to come to room while his mother sitting right next to him. As u said ones curiosity makes one think and wants to express as it is ones liberty to do so, that's good but then the main things should not be charged by the curious mind. Main ribbing is he used to be with his mother or sit watching TV to late night to avoid coming to me.

(Guest)

It is quite shameful thing to discuss all this in pubilc.  If he has filed for divorce simply tell court that you agree to divorce, take divorce and be happy.  Erstwhile adultery etc is almost impossible to prove in court, one should have photos or video (nithyananda swami/ranjitha type) to prove adultery, even nityananda could not be brought to book, comparitvely your case is nothing.  Marriage is all about styaing happy, if you are not better move on. 

b.goheel   01 November 2015

 m ms. and not mr.
though it makes no difference to me  as per the quote of shakespeare ' wht is in name' . I say, once again, fr the person who r particular abt address.

exception proves the law. - generally no one prefer tht defect , otherwise hiding successfully frm the society, should be exposed the moment he marry.

bt frm the allegation made in several petition, it does appear tht most of the men r having and eager to expose it. for the motive best known to thm.

it is an open secret tht most of people r feared of having black mark in their image evn thgh it will b proved false venous allegation beyond all doubt.

it is a routine practice for most of the girl side to take advantage of tht fear to get more monetary gain w/o fearing of adverse penalty on finding false allegation .

practical advice of gyan prakashji hw to dress to seduce  husband [ assume gyan prakashji do not refer lover of extra martial affair - just kidding bcoz it is an inherent feeling in every living creature to make effort to seduce lover !!! ] though irrelevant in this forum bcoz most of the members are trapped in cases or already take the decision to file. so there is no avenue of reconcillation.

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     01 November 2015

Mr Gyan U have been warned number of times to take care of the language U use while replying.If U are poor in English, better opt for a tutor,every reply of URs contains illogical sentences and unparliamentary words which are not supposed to be used by anyone.Every reply of URs can be reported abuse to the forum.Hence reply in a dignified manner.

SuperHero (Manager)     03 November 2015

Accept the Divorce. Life is short. Be happy with your boy friend. 

prabhakar advocate (advocate)     04 November 2015

To give effective legal  advice, certain crucial information required but in your lengthy postings, that is missing.  1.  Whether there was any physical relationship with your husband or not?  If it was not there at all, the right thing to do was to file annulment petition on the ground of his impotency.  2.  If s*xual relationship was there with your husband, but not quite frequent enough, then the right thing to do was to file divorce case on the ground of cruelty, as insufficient physical relationshis is held as cruelty by the court.  3.  Forget about all these things as he has already filed a divorce case on the ground of adultery.  4.  After leaving him, if you had s*xual relationship with someone else, it is adultery.  Adultery is a ground for your husband to get divorce.  But it is difficult for him to prove that fact.  Any how, as you do not satisfy to stay with your husband, you should not have any objection if he gets divorce on the ground of divorce.  It will liberate him and also it will liberate you.  But the divorce on the ground of adultery will disentitle you to get maintenance and permanent alimony.  5.  Now, crucial thing is that your friend with whom you are comfortable, whether he married or not.  If he married, then this your relationship cannot continue and you will be in vulnerable position. If he is not married, find out that he would be going to be your life-partner, and if so, then go ahead and admit your adultery in the court and get divorce quickly and marry this man and enjoy life, but note that you will not get any maintenance from your husband.  6.  If he is not married, but still not willing to marry you after you get divorce, my sincere advice is to keep yourself away from him and deny the adultery and contest divorce case.  7.  You have not said what is your educational qualification.  If you are qualified try to get job and being financially self reliant, you will be in best position to take correct decision.  If you are not qualified, try to get yourself oriented in some skilful job.  My best wishes.


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