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manno (owner)     05 May 2012

I don't want a divorce, my husband does

Hello,

I got married in dec2009. I left my job because it required me to work long hours which weren't acceptable. But a month after my marriage, my husband started to insult me for not having a job, in spite of me trying to look for a suitable one. They wantred me to get a well paying job which allows me to come home at 5pm and help out at home. I obviously cannot find a job which I have no qualifications for. Meanwhile we stayed with his parents. 

He earns well but we didn't have many costs except for his expenses for when he went out with friends, drinking. We didn't go anywhere after our marriage- I was ok with that. In spite of this- he didn't save up anything. I have worked for 10 years and have saved up money and have invested it . So a few month's delay in job hunt is not a problem for me.

 

I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.

I wasn't thin enough for them, my father didn't give me enough gold or spend enough money on my marriage. Every now and then I had to hear disguised taunts like this. Mostly while my husband was not around. Also, his mother is fanatical about cleanliness. She cleans after the maid leaves. 

 

I don't have the experience of his mother at looking after the house, but I was willing to learn. I don't have a mother and have lived in hostels most of my life. However, I made small mistakes now and then- like leaving the bathroom light on one day or not using clothes-pin while drying clothes. But my husband screamed at me badly for this. I started staying in my room most of the time- I was afraid of making any more mistakes.

He doesn't have any responsibilities at his home, didn't even know where to pay the electricity bill. He is pampered there like a little boy while I am expected to do all the work. Once his father started screaming at me in front of the neighbor and i told him that we'll talk a little later- I didn't want the neighbor to hear what goes on in their house. It hurt his ego so much that he asked us to leave home. 

Since then I have been blamed for the separation. Everything that goes wrong is now my fault. we have shifted to another place- far away from his parent's home. I had wanted to shift somewhere close so that I could at least visit his parents, and they- us. I joined work with a reputed company after asking my husband. He seemed to be okay with the fact that it involved travelling.

But once I started my work, I could not be around for family gatherings or card playing nights, which happen in his house almost every weekend. I was travelling and between 2 trips, I just had a day or two to recoup. I did this job because it paid well, which pleased my husband. But because I could not be present at family gatherings, I was sounded off by his mother. This made my husband dislike me even more. Every month he would find an excuse and tell me he wants to end the marriage. So, I gave up my job. But nothing I do, makes him happy. I asked his friends and family for help but they turned on me.

Finally after two and half years, the situation is such that my husband has no valid reason for a divorce. So he wants me to agree to it mutually. But no one should be allowed to ruin someone's life by marriaging them and then leaving because they're done with them. Use and throw.

I do not want a divorce. I just want my husband to come to his senses. He has been toturing me mentally, sometimes physically.He calls me a home wrecker and mostly stays at his parent's place until my father calls him up and tells him to return. 

He said that he will need to find allegations against me to get me to divorce him. Is that possible?  Can he force me to divorce him. He can allegate anything- adultry or theft or anything. How am I to protect myself against this? 

I don't want my husband to divorce me. I just want a happily married life. I don't want anything from him except for him to be sensible and save for his future. I have been running the house at my expense for most of the last 2 years- thinking atleast he will be able to save up. He is a stubborn and egoistic person- but can I ask for a mandatory marriage counselling?. How do I deal with this?

Please help. 

 

 

 

 



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 11 Replies

bhima balla (none)     05 May 2012

Marriage counselling is a great idea. It is a fact that nobody wants to hear anything bad about themselves. A good counselling can rectify behaviour , hopefully, for the better. Perseverance and counselling is far better than divorce etc. However one cannot live under stress perpetually.

1 Like

SAINATH DEVALLA (LEGAL CONSULTANT)     05 May 2012

Dear Querist,

Realisation and reconciliation is the best antidote in human lives.For every family matter we need not run to the corridors of the courts.For every case I prefer initial councelling,which may sometimes yeild positive results.Hence its better both of you attend a family councelling at the earliest and sort out your problems amicably.Good luck.

1 Like

Kamal Grover (Advocate High Court Chandigarh M:09814110005 email:adv.kamal.grover@gmail.com)     05 May 2012

you may approach women cell and they will call your husband and made counseling.

or send me your location and contact me at 9814110005

Good luck.
adv.kamal.grover@gmail.com

Ranee....... (NA)     05 May 2012

Author if possible join the job again.Be calm and confident, if you dont do any adultary or any misbehaviour to him and his family then no need to worry.Divorce is not a  thing to buy in the market.You get afraid when he threatens of divorce , so he is taking this as a tool  to torture you mentally.Dont take any legal step now from your side.

You said.."He calls me a home wrecker and mostly stays at his parent's place until my father calls him up and tells him to return. 

 

R u living separately from your in-laws?

1 Like

(Guest)

apart from legal ways, your "rona-dhona" may work. try to return to your in-laws. follow Ranee's advise.

All the best. you will get back your husband, wait for few days.

1 Like

v.sreenivas sivaram (senior civil judge CUM ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICER)     05 May 2012

TRY MEDIATION CONTACT THE MEDIATION CENTER OF THE COURT

1 Like

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     05 May 2012

marriage is a very pious ceremony in india unlike in abroad. every marriage has some problem. in your case what i see is only difference of views nothing else. just try to make him understand and you too try to see things as your hubby wants you to see. when he is angry feel sorry and when things are in control then point out your view in this way i hope he will understand upto a large ext. mere blaming some one in court doesnt prove anything so dont worry just have a counselling family counsellers

1 Like

bhima balla (none)     05 May 2012

Marriage is pious, sacrement, sacred, made in heaven etc is absurd. It is a delusion, clearly unsupported by today's picture. It only smacks of delusion of grandeur that Indians and Indian system is superior to others. The reality is it is the most cruel system of all-powered by this delusion of the government and the legal system.

Marriage can work only when the two involved together want it to work. One party cannot make it work alone. The notion of the government and judiciary that they somehow can/ want/ must try to 'save' marriages is most offensive and cruel. Only when such delusions are cured can we have saner laws.

(However pertaining to this case my earlier opinion stands that the couple should/can try to find ways to save their marriage).

2 Like

manish (cdsdfasd sdf)     07 May 2012

the day you try to involve women cell, your marriage will be ruined for sure.. try to sit and discuss with yoiur husband and dont try to compete with his mother. she has a place in his life and you have yours. Dont try to compete and outdo her.

1 Like

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     08 May 2012

You could bring him out of his house and set up a nuclear family.  You are not a 100% victim, though victimization is appearing prima facie.  You should not give in so much to anyone (including husband) who expresses a feeling, "I don't like you".  People respect only those who say, "I care a foot to you", to others.  Respect yourself.  Don't allow him to hurt you further. Leave him to his fate.  Do not expect anything from him.

1 Like

manno (owner)     28 October 2012

 

along with his petition, my husband has submitted some chats and sms's. he has always had access to my phone and email id. 
 
how do i see what [so called] proof has he submitted to implicate me?all these chats and sms's that he has submitted with his petition. 
 
also, how can i legally get access to his credit card statement and phone records?
 
can the lawyer that i hire requisition for it through the court?
 
i am currently extremely ill, and have not been working since last year. however my husband has alleged that i have told him that i will never work so that he keeps paying me maintenance. this is a lie.
 
i didn't even know that this was a possibility.
 
i am not a graduate and finding a good job is difficult in my stressed situation. 
 
he has always known that.
 
 
education does not ensure emotional strength in anyone. and i haven't been able to perform at interviews because i have been extremely traumatized by my husband
 
i can't sleep, have high BP and constant migraines.i am extremely afraid.
 
he's alleged everything in the law book that is a reason for a divorce.
 
cruelty, greed for his money (he hardly has any), physical abuse as well as insanity.
He's contradicting himself by calling me insane as well as able to hold a job. I have been depressed because o his behavior, so much that i was rushed to the hospital for a panic attack. He's using that as an excuse or insanity. I am very afraid.   
 
he's asked for a psych evaluation by a psychiatrist.

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