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Tushar   07 August 2015

Harassment from wife's family

Hi

I got married in 2011. As per the biodata, my wife is a MCom. But she is unable to teach a 12 class student the basics of accountancy. 

There have been behaviour issues when she becomes very hyper at times. She had been constantly discussing with her mother over the phone and accusing us for wrong reasons which is not true.

On the suggestion of a neighbour doctor, we took her to a psychiatrist . SHe diagnosed her with "dipression disorder with pychotic behaviour". My wife has stopped taking the medicine and she is contantly against the treatment. I called up her brother and told the whole incident. I requested for their cooperation in getting her treated. But there were allegations on us that we are intentionally trying to get her to mental problem. They started giving us threats of false dowry case. 

We belong to reputed family are afraid of such instances. Currently my wife is in my inlaws house and my son is with her. It has been agreed between the two families that they will get her checked up near their place and then we will get her checked again in Delhi.

But yesterday i found that the are accusing us in front of our family members for no reasons. We fear that they are not getting her checked up. It has been 1 week but we have not received a single phone call from their side (seems odd specially when the things got sorted out ammicably),

Please suggest what I should do regarding the above. I want to give my relationship the last chance. I want to get her treated, but the regular harrasments from their family is creating a lot of tension and stress in my family. 



Learning

 18 Replies

saravanan s (legal advisor)     07 August 2015

record all converstions with your in laws and also keep the doctors prescripttion and other things that prove that she is having mental disorder.also file an nc in the police station that the inlaws and your wife might file false cases on you.if she is not returning try to mediate with elders.if its not working out filr rcr case against your wife

Rama chary Rachakonda (Secunderabad/Highcourt practice watsapp no.9989324294 )     07 August 2015

You and your in laws having burden to cure your wife. Why do not you arrange for doctors treatment both together for her early cure, so that all of you can enjoy human life. 

anu   07 August 2015

Saravan mentioned rightly.. To add on never try to hurt your in laws ego if they are wrong. Just calm and let them take their stand. dont show yourself indian men ego as they may prepare plan to trap you.. settle the matter amicably if possible. record everything as much as you can. if possbile talk to your wife seperately. beacause when many person get involves in family matter then ego problem get arise.

 

Anurag

anu   07 August 2015

notice to near police station and big police officials that you may be victim of false cases if you feels that they may take the matter to police station and I dont feel boy should file RCR.

sandeep   07 August 2015

Why dont you reconcile with your wife? Your wife is your soulmate.If she has some problem you should take care of her instead of judging her as psychic if she developed this problem after marriage then even you are culprit and so take care of her she is your responsibility. Talk to her instead of going into legal things it will destroy your both life.If you can prove in court that she has such mental problems then well and good otherwise dont utter also in court you will be in problem. Dont live for your parents or anyone else live for your soul- your family. Set parents apart and sit alone and think. Becos Too many cooks spoil the broth. Sit and write down what do you want in life what you will get and what you will loose by this separation and same with unition.

Harassedexhubby (self)     07 August 2015

Sir, your reason for last chance is stupid.. All women act hyper/psychotic at sometimes(or thats what men feel like).. Many men act like that too.. You need to give them a chance and try to understand your spouse.. May be somethings make her angry which you dont even think are abnormal.

Did you watch Tanu Weds Manu Returns? You seem to be in Kangana Ranauts role.. Watch the movie from the very start, dont miss the first 30 mins..

Your in laws may be right in fearing for their daughter.. how did you take her to a doctor without their knowledge?

You just seem to be trying to get rid of her by making her mad wantedly..

Sorry if your intentions are clean.

BTW Movie seems to be at this link https://www.onlinemoviesgold.com/tanu-weds-manu-returns-2015-full-hindi-movie-online-watch-bollywood-full-length-film-free-madhavan-kangana/

 

 

Harassedexhubby (self)     07 August 2015

Also dont visit a lawyer, file any cases at this point. you will screw up your life, think like a loving human not like a lawyer.. forgive her for whatever she and her parents says..

Harassedexhubby (self)     07 August 2015

Sir, your reason for last chance is stupid.. All women act hyper/psychotic at sometimes(or thats what men feel like).. Many men act like that too.. You need to give them a chance and try to understand your spouse.. May be somethings make her angry which you dont even think are abnormal.

Did you watch Tanu Weds Manu Returns? You seem to be in Kangana Ranauts role.. Watch the movie from the very start, dont miss the first 30 mins..

Your in laws may be right in fearing for their daughter.. how did you take her to a doctor without their knowledge?

You just seem to be trying to get rid of her by making her mad wantedly..

Sorry if your intentions are clean.

BTW Movie seems to be at this link https://www.onlinemoviesgold.com/tanu-weds-manu-returns-2015-full-hindi-movie-online-watch-bollywood-full-length-film-free-madhavan-kangana/

 

 


(Guest)

Understand your agony, but once married its over, you will have to be there for each other, that is called dharma of both husband and wife.

You shoud be thankful to her that she does not throw tantrums like normal mental wife, which are impossible to take, she is suffering from psychological problems and it is your turn now to be there and treat her like a princess, life itself is adjustment bro. Somehow adjust and go, coz it very difficult to prove mental illness in court, simply you will lose 7-8 years.

Born Fighter (xxx)     07 August 2015

A person who stays with a wife having a personality disorder will only know what hell life becomes. All advices of treating wife like princess etc are all psychological though well intended but may not fit in every case.

Depression/ Psychotic disorder are personality issues and they are present in a person from childhood and they figure whenever they are unable to handle certain situations. There is no medical findings that can prove your wife underwent depression only after marriage, you never know she might have taken treatment from psychiatrist before marriage also.

Your inlaws are avoiding addressing the main issue and they do not want to accept their daughter has a problem, and she needs counselling/treatment. This is purely an ego issue.

 

My only suggestion to you is STOP blaming your wife for her problem. Give your best to get her disgonized/treated for her problem as a husband. You will automatically start gathering evidences in case things do not materialize later. Dont go for a kid unless you know what the issue is. Tread cautiously....try and take inlaws in confidence, tell them you need their help to solve your wife's problems as they are the first guardian.

Dont make this issue public, its very personal and can shatter people's lives.

All the Best !!

 


(Guest)

record all the converstaions which are happening  with your inlaws.Try to resolve the metter amicably if possible and get your wife treated as soon as possible.

I see a lot of advise about filing RCR (under various matrimonial laws, mostly Sec 9 of Hindu Marriage Act, 1955) whenever you face 498-a or threat of 498-a. I find no merit in filing RCR at all. I honestly think that this is the most useless provision of law. I hear varius arguments in favor of it, I don't agree with any of them

 

Argument 1 in Favor of filing RCR has been, it would reduce maintenance or end maintenance.

Look at it like this, what the statute says in CrPC 125 (4) if the wife, without any sufficient reason, she refuses to live with her husband. One has two ways of proving the same. Either get a decree of RCR in his favour or defeat her claims in CrPC 125 petition. No prizes for guessing, which one is going to be easier. The onus of proving that she has no rhyme and reason is going to be far difficult than proving that her allegations are not sufficient. Also, you are trying to cut one maintenance, whereas you would be paying maintenance under Sec 24 of HMA, 1955 till RCR would remain pending in the court. NO ACTUAL BENEFIT RATHER IT MAY TURN OUT TO BE LOSS MAKING PROPOSITION.

 

Argument 2 is that she would have to run to your city to defend this.

Wrong again, she would put a transfer petition in Supreme Court/ High Court and get the case transferred, the SC/ HC is always too lax in such matters, more so, if some other litigation is pending in her area.

 

Argument 3 is she would be spending money on defending it.

More often than not, the money would come from your pocket only, as she would claim litigation expenses from you u/s 24 HMA. Even if your wife is earning and she may not get maintenance, but litigation expenses is denied very rarely by courts.

 

Argument 4 is that it would stop her divorce Petition.

Sorry, both cases run on their respective merits.

 

Argument 5 is that it would be easier to get AB.

I have yet to listen to more absurd reason. Do we think that Judges are fools? Can’t they see through us? They face the same situation day in and day out. On one hand you are saying, listen My Lord, she is laying baseless and concocted allegations of worst nature, on the other hand you are saying, I am willing to stay with her. Also, please note that RCR can never be conditional.

 

Argument 6 is that it would be easier to get divorce if she does not comply with the decree.

Yes, on the face of it. There is a ground available for divorce, if there is a decree of RCR in your favour, which has not been complied with for more than one year, you have right to seek divorce on the same ground. But, BUt, BUT… and its not a small but, it’s the decree which has been enforced and executed under Order 21 Rule 32 of Civil Procedure Code, 1908. Hence, count the number of cases you would be fighting to meet your end. 1. RCR, 2. Enforcement of Decree, 3. Divorce and 4,5,6… n all revisions and appeals she would file.

Pitfalls, filing of RCR has its own pitfalls.
 

1. She might agree to come back, with 498-A pending on you. You can not refuse because the RCR is pending despite 498-A on you.
2. You have condoned all the offences till the date the RCR is pending in court. That means that if you are acquitted on a false 498-A on xx date, and you withdraw RCR on xx+1 date, you have legally condoned the false 498-A. Sorry pal, no divorce for you on this ground. Remember Criminal Cases generally run faster than civil cases.
3. You would be unnecessarily increasing the litigation and strain on your own self, when you are in court stating something, contradictory statements of yours can be used against you.
4. God Forbid, if you loose the RCR case. You are doomed. The court won’t entertain your divorce petition. You are at the mercy of your lovely 498-A wife to get divorce thereafter.
5. Even if you succeed, wife can file permanent alimony under S. 25 of HMA.

Tushar   07 August 2015

Hi all Thanks for your replies. These are really encouraging and in the same time I am confused as well. Recently I have learnt that my wife is not ready for the treatment. My in-laws are not talking to us properly and in fact they are not acting as per the decision taken in our meeting It seems it was planned that they will take my wife and son and they will start ignoring us. They know that my son is my week ness and I cannot live without him. Please suggest what to do.

SuperHero (Manager)     08 August 2015

@Tushar - It is difficult to stay with a wife who is depression. Depression comes because lack of work.

1. If you are confident stay separately with your wife and Son until things becomes normal. Have maid.

2. Then take her to Pyschartist and get her treated.

3. Also it is advised to practice some Meditation and Yoga.

4. If she works then it would be better. Idleman's brain is devil's workshop. If you keep working where is the time for depression and even time to think of other issues.

5. For this to happen she should have a Strong Will to change herself and you should have Patience and Tolerance atleast for the sake of your Son.

6. Last but not least she would be thinking that you have problems. 

Elders should try to solve the problems but shouldn't start the blame game.

I agree with Born Fighter. It may have been before marriage too.

Wish You Good Luck.

sandeep   08 August 2015

Time heals.If there was a fight before she left and then you had contacted her family they must be rude.

Nothing is ever planned.

No one destroys their own home by themselves because result is only unhappiness. No one wants sadness even she and her family wont be joyful.

Think again and if possible contact again with your wife if its been months.

You have to break silence someone has to otherwise this will only proceed in legal courses. &then no one will be able to stop it even if both dont want it from inside the legal they both will show from up that they are fighting whereas both dont want to fight legally.

If you and your family find it hard to contact her talk to a third person that can communicate your feelings but keep your feelings unconditional &unblamed.

 

 

You have option no. 2 forget that you ever got married and that you have a son and wife because if your son is your weakness your wife needs your love too but incase you hated her alot you cant ignore the fact that the son is a gift through her only..You cant hurt her if you want to see your son happy its vice a versa.

If you think there is no way you can reunite&run smoothly with your wife You can move on &live with the fact that you cannot leave your parents but you can have a second wife and son.

If you can keep this thought with you,though rude, tough &looong path to the second married life,you will be able to live peacefully.

Make up your mind and write it on paper that what you want from this life instead of remaining confused.

This way you will have a clear frame of mind then even if court cases comes towards you you will take it lightly,becos you have set goals.

And once you set goals you will then end the matter with your wife amicably i.e. mutually you talk to her &ask what she wants&act accordingly instead of wasting much time in legal matters becos it will also break you,better is to talk to her to end it mutually so that you can move on in life if you think you cant change yourself even for your wife and son.

What was the span time between your marriage and your fixation of marriage,i think a depressive psychotic person can easily be made out,superhero and born fighter please read symptoms of the same it is different from normal depression.


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