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Nivek D (NA)     07 July 2014

Forced to marry

Hi, I’m 27 year old boy. I was in relationship with the girl (29 years old) 4 years ago. After a year into the relationship I realized that the girl is abusive, dominating, alcoholic and chronic smoker and violent as she comes from broken family. I come from conservative family therefore I wanted to withdraw from relationship.

On withdrawal and stating refusal to marry her girl slashed her wrists and consumed substance to attempt suicide. I felt succumbed to stay in relationship with her as I did not want to her to lose her life. The relationship suffered several breakups and patch ups during that we got physical intimate and the girl got pregnant. The girl refused to go to the doctor for abortion. Even after telling her to avoid, during pregnancy the girl continues indulging in smoking several packets of cigarettes and alcohol abuse showing no concern for the child inside her womb. We decided to give the baby for adoption and had found childless couple to adopt our baby.

The girl suddenly changes her mind to keep the baby after he is come out into the world.

Once again when stated that I do not wish to marry her she threatened to leave the baby (8 days old) and attempt suicide. I was helplessly compelled to give into her decision of not giving the baby away for adoption. We have been taking good care of the baby and he is 6 months old now. I have been with her all this while until recently when in a argument the girl scratched and violently bit me and kicked me out of her house and said she doesn’t want me in her life. After a month later, the girl now wants to marry for reason the baby is illegitimate (born out of wedlock) and wants the baby in her name. The baby’s birth certificate displays the mothers name with my surname. The girl is not interested in living with me.


Please help as I do not intent to marry her as she is not sound woman and threatens to suicide when she doesn’t have her way. I feel I have been submissive into the relationship under her suicidal attempts and don’t wish to spoil my future with her. Also, I do not wish to marry her out of the fear of the legal consequences I might have to face because that is not what marriage is about. I’ve tried to seek counseling help for her but her stubborn self refuses to comply.

1) What actions can she take on the legal front against me? And how do I come out of it?

2) Can the birth certificate be amended to have mothers name with her surname instead of mine? (Because that would sort the problem)?

Please advise me of relevant options to get out of this messy situation!!!



Learning

 6 Replies


(Guest)

You are prevailed with very complicated sutuation.

You have been late in your legal remedies against her.

The only good point is that you are not married with her so no 498a will attack you but yiu are prone to dva and maintenance cases if she had stopped working.

Even rape case will not affect you because the baby has got both parents name according to your above statement.

 

Its time for action:

You have a perfect case of liv in relationship so legally you are bound for maintenance and your childs future as per the SC guidelines on liv in relationship.

But you are not bound to carry this mess throughout your life as you are free to marry any other girl of your choice.

Better talk to her for amicable settlement or to peaceful part away.

If she doesnt agree then secretly do marriage with other girl of your choice.

Let her proceed for what she want, once it will go for litigation she will not get anything other than childs surname and heir in your property if any. 

If she files dva case also then it wont stand if you are having any evidences against her.

Just wait for right time your all problems will be healed out.

 

Ps: Never compromise with your life or else life will make you compromise for whole life. Make a note.

Good luck,

ESIS

Nivek D (NA)     09 July 2014

i thank you for you reply!

i need to seek clarity on few things

You have a perfect case of liv in relationship so legally you are bound for maintenance and your childs future as per the SC guidelines on liv in relationship.

note: she has been living with her father and i had been merely spending my weekends at her residence. Does this account as live - in relationship?

given that she is well educated and able  to earn her livelihood. she also has a property of her own - am  i still legally bound for her mantainence and for childs future?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Better talk to her for amicable settlement or to peaceful part away.

Note: given her rebellious  attitude and irrational reasoning.as much as i would want to  i dont think amicable settlement or peaceful part away is an option.

Off late she has kept  harrassing me and my family, she keeps threatening me of going to the cops on the pretext that i said we were going to get married .

what can i do  in this situation to protect me and my Family?

 

Regards,

Nivek

 

 

 

 

Mango (Consultant)     09 July 2014

This is the first time in my life where I have seen a father quite hesitant to accept her own child and at the same time, he wants it, to give it to others and even not ready to pay maintenance now...!!!

Let me start with my very first point which is based on moral grounds - Ethically and legally you're bound to pay maintenance to your kid. Remember there is something called DNA report which used to exactly says who is the father of a kid even if the certificate says that it's a single mother child.

If I were her lawyer, I would have challenge you on the context that you are not "interested" in paying maintenance but enjoyed nights with an "abusive, dominating, alcoholic, chronic smoker and violent" woman, from which you were able to get a girl child. It would be little challenging for a judge to accept that you were being raped for 4 years in order to get girl child for which you didn't raised any legal complaint and now you are seeking a legal advice to get rid from the same...!

Noone can compel you to marry a woman even-if she is a religious like Mother Teresa because it would breach your fundamental right of freedom which would come under Article 19 (Protection of certain rights regarding freedom of speech, etc.).

Though, your opinion "NOT to marry" this woman under any legal pressure is valid since  you have been submissive into the relationship under her suicidal attempts but still clarification would be asked if your behavior was acceptable at that time.

Mango

 

Nivek D (NA)     10 July 2014

I have been looking after my child so far and I’m interested in taking care of the child myself. Birth certificate has my name as a Father. I am not denying the child so there is no requirement of DNA report to prove it. I’m also aware that legally the mother gets the custody of the child till the child is of certain age and not the father. Having learnt, the neglectful attitude of the mother and violent behavior and unstable relationship is why I wished the child to go for adoption. The child would have a better future with adoptive Parents than in a broken violent family where mother is busy puffing smoke and breastfeeding the child at the same time. I do not want the child to grow up with neglect and I am concerned for the child’s safety and future. The child is innocent and definitely doesn’t deserve this. If only the mother were sound, by no means I would have considered giving the child away.

Since we were in live –in relationship and if it constitutes as one, I do not wish the girl in question to misuse the law and gain Heir into my property and my income.

As for the child, I’m more than willing to do whatever it takes.

If I were her lawyer, I would have challenge you on the context that you are not "interested" in paying maintenance but enjoyed nights with an "abusive, dominating, alcoholic, chronic smoker and violent" woman, from which you were able to get a girl child. It would be little challenging for a judge to accept that you were being raped for 4 years in order to get girl child for which you didn't raised any legal complaint and now you are seeking a legal advice to get rid from the same...!

Note-We’ve had several ups and downs in the relationship. We were also not in contact for several months on number of occasions amidst those 4 yrs. I have been very patient and tried to my fullest to make this relationship work and given it chance to work on numerous occasions. I wished she were cured of her behavioral problems, and have also sought help of counselors in the recent past, she is refusing to attend follow up sessions as well after attending a single session.

Mango (Consultant)     10 July 2014

Nivek @ Stop worrying about legal cases. This situation would ultimately lead to cases like IPC 406, 34, 498a, Domestic Violence and Divorce. Some words of caution for you -

1. Don't throw divorce case at the beginning as it would complicate the entire matter. Since, you don't have any solid evidences of her mental and physical cruelty whereas you would be asked to produce state-of-the-art evidences in the lower courts to support your case. So, have patience and once she files all the related case like DV, 406, 498a, 34 then file the cases based on mental cruelty on the ground that she filed false and impulsive cases to damage your social reputation file the divorce case.

2. Wait and watch if she opt for divorce case first in this way, you would in safer side as you won't have to prove anything in your case.

3. If she is a educated lady and worked somewhere else before this then try to have her Income Tax Return Statement (ITR-V) by filing an RTI in income tax office. You've to provide sufficient evidences at Income Tax Office as why you are needing those statements and you have to refer the case number and specific permission to lay hands on such request.

4. Never try to suppress any facts from court. If you were in Live-In relationship then be clear that you were in Live-In relationship and was submissive into the relationship under her suicidal attempts.

5. Keep this clear in your mind and let honorable judges know that for the child, you're willing to pay maintenance but for your wife, she is a educated lady and can earn her living very well.

6. You've to keep a lot of patience to solve this mystery.

Mango

Nivek D (NA)     12 July 2014

I understand if she was to take matters to the court it is indeed going to be long affair given the complexities of the situations. Assuming she could be convinced for an amicable settlement or a peaceful Part away that could make life much easier.

 

 

 

Please help me understand the ways I could settle this as out of court?

I’ve listed some of options I could think of..Could you throw light on these..

 

Option 1

1)      If I go against my will and marry her so that she doesn’t have to feel ashamed living in the society. Can we get married in the court with a Pre-Nuptial agreement where conditions are (neither party can claim the rights /Heir on each other’s Property when we Divorce at a later stage. The Divorce would be Mutually Agreed or so. I’m assuming this is a 6 month procedure for divorce.

 

Option 2

2)      Can the Mothers Surname be amended on the Childs Birth certificate? (Birth certificate obtained from Mahanagarpalika)  Perhaps if we file an Affidavit.

The mothers name on the birth certificate reflects as her first name and my Surname

Eg,

Mothers Name: Anita Binoy

Fathers name: Nivek Das

on birth certificate currently reflecting Mother name: Anita Nivek Das.

 Can this be changed to reflect Mothers Name: Anita Binoy.

 

 

Please feel free to provide you inputs on how i could settle this out of court

 

Regards,

 

 

Nivek


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