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Asavari (Apartment flat owner)     20 February 2014

Non committed husband, harresment form in laws

I am married since 2004. This is my second marriage. The first husband eloped to USA and I was compelled to seek exparte divorce. I have a son from the first marriage. it took me a lot of emotional courage to believe and trust some one else to marry again. My husband (second) had met my earlier husband and was my friend while I was traumatised by the running away of my then husband. After a year our friendship deepened and he proposed to a committed relation. I have been very clear since the beginning that I would consider any relation only if he is ready to officially adopt my son and marry me. Also made him well aware that certain facts will always remain, my divorce status, my child, and my age—I am elder by 11 years.  He assured me that he is well aware and accepts this and that his parents who’s only child he is have never been caring towards even his basic requirements since his childhood, although  they have been well affording. His parents anyways were insisting that he marry a rich girl to save their money or a girl who has a greencard. He said that he loves me and my child and will not mind any opposition from his parents which he said that they will no matter who he will marry. We married in 2004 and he adopted my son.  Ever since marriage he had to be accommodated in the house on my son’s name got by court order against maintainence for the first marriage. It was well conveyed to my husband that this house can be used for not more that 5 years and that he should focus on his work and growth and earn well to be able to take up the responsibilities.  Rather than concentrating on our relation, his job he would rather work on trying to reach out to his parents who since then have been trying to break our marriage. They shifted from Mumbai to Gujrat but the mother keeps making phones to her son, my husband and provokes him against me and my son, dissuades him from putting efforts to concentrate on jobs. Although my husband disowns that his mother’s phones influence him, he finds reasons to pick up fights with our son (adopted) or me which turn into violence. I have made NC’s, written to woman’s cell, marriage counselors, friends to talk to him, these work for a short span and his frustration and inferiority complexes, provoked by his mother’s phones, trigger violence. My son was 9 when adopted now 18. Even today after 9 years of marriage my husband has failed to provide me a house and has stayed in the house provided by my father, continues violence against my son and me, keeps leaving jobs so no consistent income, is able to irregularly give me money only for certain house expenses, I have always needed to use money from my father to pay for the deficits, maintainence of the house we stay, taxes, son’s education, clothes etc etc.

My husbands regularly threatens me for divorce

Does not give me regular house house expenses regularly

No responsibility toward son’s education

Blames me for not having a biological child (now I am operated for uterus removal)

His mother not only phones him and provokes but has also been phoning me from gujrat for all these years to abuse and curse me

He says that as I am qualified I should work and raise money…1) I have regular health issues 2) I am already not been given a house by my husband nor has he taken up basic responsibilities of a husband and he oscillates towards his parents ignoring what his mother harasses me.

Is there a legal way to bring sense and responsibility in my husband. Can he throw a divorce at me as an escape route?  How can law help me to tackle my father and particularly mother in law.

I want to have e legal remedies to protect me, my marriage and tackle my husband and his wicked mother.

 

 I am n great emotional pain, please help



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 6 Replies


(Guest)

Instead of fearing of him filing for divorce, you should be the one to go ahead and file divorce.


This is all such a big headache for you.


Hope you file for divorce as soon as possible.

Samir N (General Queries) (Business)     20 February 2014

Agree with @Helping hand. This is not the usual wear-and-tear in married life. This sounds more like hell to be in such a relationship.  Document all the abuses, read on all relevant Acts (as you seem to be a very educated person) and then get a good advocate. File a petition for divorce. Ask him to consent to it or that you will be filing more cases against him. Do all the talking through are reliable non-advocate third person known to both of you and not directly because otherwise he may tape the conversation and complicate things.  


You have a 18 years old son. He will soon grow up and be able to take care of himself. Decide on how you want to lead the rest of your life... think thoroughly this time before you take the plunge, if you take one at all. Think of divorce and your future and not on vengeance.  Life is beautiful ahead... if you care to look at it that way.  It will be a nightmare if you keep looking behind at bygones.  To conclude: Get divorce at the earliest possible (even if it means sacrificing some maintenance benefits) and move on.  

1 Like

Asavari (Apartment flat owner)     21 February 2014

Thank you Helping hand and Samir,

 Is the institution of marriage so weak? are the laws so weak that it cannot help to check defaulting spouse?

If the wife is educated does she have to work to earn money?

If the wife is the daughter of a father who has left her a generous amount posthumously does that entitle the husband not to give house expenses? or low house expense? or even provide a house to the wife instead the husband had been staying in the house given by my father. and all the husband says is he has a low income, cant afford.

Divorce is the most easy way out.  But truly speaking it means absolute loss of hope, feeling betrayed, Son will grow up, true. but a husband wife relation is a companionship, don't we need  this besides being just a mother? Yes it takes a reciprocation which I am not getting.

Yes socially too we suffer. Thats secondary yet true.

After being cheated by the first husband it took me a lot of effort to believe in another person. its not a game that i play it again.. that means even though i would never wish to marry again, facing a betrayal again is far too much.

 I am n great emotional pain, please help. Please suggest how to bring sense to this husband any legal measures?

Asavari (Apartment flat owner)     21 February 2014

As I am new at this site a mistake I made -- I have reposted the above query as I could not find this posted one. Sorry for that.

Samir N (General Queries) (Business)     22 February 2014

"Please suggest how to bring sense to this husband any legal measures?"

"Bringing sense [thru] legal measures" is an oxymoron or a paradox. In simple words, a self-contradictory phrase. When you resort to legal measures, all senses, including common-sense, in your better-half, if any was there in the first place, just goes away.  I always advise a person in matrimonial dilemma to come to that point when he/she is clear which way he/she wants to go... If the decision is to go separate ways, then and only then you take "legal measures" and then never look back. Last post in this thread. Good Luck!!!


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Asavari


Thank you Helping hand and Samir,

 Is the institution of marriage so weak? are the laws so weak that it cannot help to check defaulting spouse?

If the wife is educated does she have to work to earn money?

If the wife is the daughter of a father who has left her a generous amount posthumously does that entitle the husband not to give house expenses? or low house expense? or even provide a house to the wife instead the husband had been staying in the house given by my father. and all the husband says is he has a low income, cant afford.

Divorce is the most easy way out.  But truly speaking it means absolute loss of hope, feeling betrayed, Son will grow up, true. but a husband wife relation is a companionship, don't we need  this besides being just a mother? Yes it takes a reciprocation which I am not getting.

Yes socially too we suffer. Thats secondary yet true.

All these can be discussed in moral science classes.  Not here.  
After being cheated by the first husband it took me a lot of effort to believe in another person. its not a game that i play it again.. that means even though i would never wish to marry again, facing a betrayal again is far too much.

 I am n great emotional pain, please help.

All i would tell you is, life is all about what choices we have made.  Ultimately there is nothing right or wrong in any couple but ego problems, which lead to adjustment problems.  Either you live with them, or you move out.  Answers as to how many times you will have to undergo this ill-treatment meted out to you from life itself, nobody can know than yourself by the end of it.


Just make sure, whatever you have done, that you do not regret it.  It is you who took the decisions. Make the best out of life.  Regarding your marriage, I have already told you.  Its the best decision to move out of this marriage.  Or at least you should have courage as to face it, the way it is, and not complain about it.  You dont want to leave, nor do you want to stop complaining, like this you will be a problem a big headache for yourself.  Gather yourself, move out of this marriage.  Am sure there is someone who can give you back thrice love n affection as what you can shower.  Good Luck.


Please suggest how to bring sense to this husband any legal measures?

Agree with samir above.  Legal ways for what?  Like this you will spend your lifetime teaching unknown males lessons and learn a few too.


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