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Toshi (Mktg)     10 April 2012

Divorce on the ground of husband's impotency

Respected lawyers,

I need both yours and a doctor's opinion on my case. I was married last year in June. Until 4 months of marriage, my husband cited food poisoning as the reason for not being able to have s*x. I was tolerant and understanding. During these 4 months he had started becoming extremely abusive and restrictive of all my activities. He had even resorted to physical violence and had slapped me. Once he broke down and explained that he consulted a psychiatrist and he has a psychlogical disorder and has that's why has no interest in s*x. I suggested we should consult a s*xologist and these days any problem could be rectified. He objected to this and even said he had already consulted a psychiatrist and sees no reason for us to consult any other doctor. When I could no longer bear his harassments (mental & physical) I confided in my parents and told them about my problem. They scolded me for not having told them earlier and said he has duped us all since he would have already known this fact. Even then, I convinced them that this problem can be rectified with medical help. Meanwhile he threated to commit suicide and so I resigned my good job and continued staying at home with him and his parents.

So for another 2 months I stayed on in their house tolerating abuses by him and his family after they got to know of his problem. In these 2 months, we again tried having intercourse. One day, I'm positive he had consumed some tablet and with the help of it tried to penetrate. That was the only time we came close to having s*x. So I'm no longer a virgin and had made my best efforts to arouse him and save my marriage. After that day, again he was unable to have an erection and the abuses continued.

My parents advised me to come back home. I did so and we initially agreed to go for mutual divorce. During this course, we decided to exchange our jewels and the cash we had given during the time of marriage.

Here's the list of things we had given them before the wedding:

1. Silverware

2. Rs. 1,50,000 cash in hand for them to buy 70 grams of gold and marriage ensemble for the groom

3. Rs. 1,50,000 cash by back transfer - since they demanded the earlier given money was not sufficient

In addition to this, the entire wedding expenses of about 10 lakhs was borne by my family.

They had given:

Mangalsutra and gold chain both together weighing about 45 grams.

We decided to exchange this in a common public place. last month, they got our silverware and 35 grams of gold, whereas my father had given money to buy 70 grams of gold.

As soon as my parents saw the jewellery they had got for exchange, they knew it would weigh definitely less than 70 grams and decided to get it weighed. When we saw in a gold smith's shop that it was only 35 grams, we got it home and called them saying so. He threatened to press charges which we were ready to face. But he did not do so knowing it was his fault. Last week I received a lawyer's notive from him saying we took our jewellery and failed to return his. 

We are ready to give back their mangalsutra and gold chain after it has been decided at the court.

Though he had initially agreed for a mutual divorce, he has gone ahead with this sort of claims.

1. I need to know if I can press charges against him on the ground of impotency.

2. Can the court order him to get an impotency test done?

3. During such tests if he consumes some tablet to conceal his impotency, would it be shown in the result? And can it still be proved that he is at fault?

Its been 10 months after we are married. Even last month I requested him and his sister to meet me once to discuss this amicably and to see whether we can seek medical help for his problem. They did not want to meet me.

His family fails to acknowledge his problem saying I'm the one at fault.

I lost my faith in this marriage after he called and threatened my dad to harm our entire family last week. We immediately lodged a police complaint fearing he might carry out his threat, given his self-proclaimed psychological disorder.

If his impotency is proved,

1. Is it possible to annul the marriage?

2. Is it possible to get full compensation for the amount spent by my family for the wedding and for the damage done to me and my entire family?

I really do not want to hurt him citing his impotency as a cause for breaking our marriage. I had agreed for mutual divorce but had to resort to this only because he sent a lawyer's notice even after agreeing for mutual divorce. I reiterate that I'm doing this as a last resort to bring justice to my heartbroken parents and also want to spread awareness on the consequences of hiding a man's impotency. In our country it is easy for a man to go in for a second marriage. Just think about the woman and her family. I'm already 27! What will happen to my future? I cannot trust another man again and which man will be ready to accept me after I have lost my virginity and peace of mind?

I humbly seek your expertise on this issue.



Learning

 7 Replies

Never Give Up (Fighter)     10 April 2012

Why to keep on ferrying around court for years..Let some money go here and there.. 35 gms gold means roughly 90K ..even lawyers would charge that much for various cases which you may be thinking of filing..

 

Just call and arrange a meeting with elders, get everything sorted..In your case it is quite possible that everything would end  well.

1 Like

Toshi (Mktg)     10 April 2012

excuse me?!!! could you elaborate on the "Let some money go here and there.. " business?! I have clearly mentioned that even after repeated requests to him and his family members, they were unwilling to meet up. Like you rightly put it just is a "meagre" 35 gms for which HIS family has sent notice. If YOU are willing to set up a meeting and make him give us the amount we've spent on my wedding, I'd gladly give that "lawyer fee" to you. 

And if you are not a lawyer and are here to offer a passerby comment, kindly make space as I'm here for the lawyer's expertise. 

btw I forgot to mention that I safely got home my jewels which were given to me at the time of my wedding and the remaining trinkets of jewllery which were left in their house was safely handed back to us by them. So I'm not here to make false claims on them that they have held back my jewellery and are cheating me.

My husband's main motive for not letting me contact his family members and for sending the motive is only because he wants to conceal the fact about his impotency.

My first step is going to consult a s*xologist. Meanwhile I really need to know lawyer's opinion on this case. Please guide me through and also need to know who is the best divorce lawyer in Bangalore who would have the ability to handle this case smoothly.

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     10 April 2012

Originally posted by :Toshi
"


1. I need to know if I can press charges against him on the ground of impotency.

THE WORD CHARGE IS USED ONLY IN CRIMINAL OFFENCE.  SO YOU CANNOT CHARGE ANY ONE FOR BEING IMPOTENT.  BUT HIS IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOUR COUPLED WITH USING VERBAL ABUSE AND PHYSICAL HARASSMENT ARE OFFENCES IN DV ACT AND ALSO IN SECTION 498-A.

2. Can the court order him to get an impotency test done?

IF THE CASE IS FOR ANNULMENT OR DIVORCE, AND HE PLEADS THAT HE IS NOT IMPOTENT , THEN YOU CAN MOVE AN APPLICATION FOR SENDING HIM TO UNDERTAKE IMPOTENCY TEST.

3. During such tests if he consumes some tablet to conceal his impotency, would it be shown in the result? And can it still be proved that he is at fault?

THE DOCTORS TAKING SUCH TESTS (IF THE DOCTORS ARE FROM GOVERNMENT OR YOUR SUGGESTED DOCTORS) WILL TAKE CARE TO FIND OUT WHETHER HE HAD TAKEN ANY SUCH MEDICINE BEFORE UNDERGOING THE TESTS.

If his impotency is proved,

1. Is it possible to annul the marriage?

THERE ARE TWO GROUNDS AVAILABLE TO YOU FOR ANNULMENT OF MARRIAGE.  THE FIRST ONE IS NONCONSUMATION OF MARRIAGE.  YOU CAN FILE IT ANY TIME.

THE SECOND GROUND IS CONCEALING THE MATERIAL FACT - HIS IMPOTENCY AND PLAYING FRAUD WITH YOU TO OBTAIN YOUR CONSENT FOR THE MARRIAGE.  THIS GROUND IS AVAILABLE ONLY ONE YEAR FROM THE DATE OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT HIS IMPOTENCY. 

2. Is it possible to get full compensation for the amount spent by my family for the wedding and for the damage done to me and my entire family?
 

NO. THAT CAN BE POSSIBLE ONLY IN MCD CASES.  IN CONTESTED CASES, COMPENSATION FOR MARRIAGE EXPENSES ARE NOT GRANTED.


I really do not want to hurt him citing his impotency as a cause for breaking our marriage. I had agreed for mutual divorce but had to resort to this only because he sent a lawyer's notice even after agreeing for mutual divorce. I reiterate that I'm doing this as a last resort to bring justice to my heartbroken parents and also want to spread awareness on the consequences of hiding a man's impotency. In our country it is easy for a man to go in for a second marriage. Just think about the woman and her family. I'm already 27! What will happen to my future? I cannot trust another man again and which man will be ready to accept me after I have lost my virginity and peace of mind?
 

I REALLY APPRECIATE THAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO HURT HIM CITING HIS IMPOTENCY.  IMPOTENCY IS A DISABILITY, WHICH NEED NOT TO BE RIDICULED BUT THE SOCIDETY HAS TO DEVELOP SYMPATHETIC ATTITUDE TOWARDS HIM.  THE SOCIETY GIVES OVEREMPHASIS ABOUT THE SEXUAL ACT AND SO IMPOTENT PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY AND DEVELOP OTHER PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS, WHICH YOUR HUSBAND DEVELOPED.  THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD BEYOND MATRIMONIAL LIFE FOR THOSE IMPOTENT PEOPLE, WHICH IS BEAUTIFUL, CHALLENGING AND ENTERTAINING.  THE PEOPLE WHO FACE SUCH PROBLEMS SHOULD LEAVE THEIR AGRREIVED SPOUSES TO GO FREE FROM MATRIMONIAL BOND AND BY DOING SO, ENJOY THEIR LIFE TO FULL EXTENT.
 

Wish you best of luck.

"

Toshi (Mktg)     10 April 2012

Dear sir,

Thank you very much for your reply. I apologise for using the word 'charge' since I was not aware of it.

What you have suggested seems very logical and like I have quoted before, though I'm doubtful his condition can be completely cured I was willing to try, until his psychological problems came in the way.

I do not want to take advantage of his impotency as you have rightly put it's not a crime. What's a crime is that he hid the problem and now MY mind is full of delusion.

As agreed he should have waited for one year to formally file for mutual divorce. How can I approach his family and make them understand what his problem is? Would they understand?

Is it advisible to approach him after he has sent notice?

Adv. Chandrasekhar (Advocate)     10 April 2012

Ms. Toshi,

You have taken all the possible steps you can take.  His cooperation is required for trying to get cured of the problem.  It does not appear he is cooperating in that direction.

If he is ready for MCD, wait for one year, June is not far away, and file MCD.

If he is not ready file annulment case.

Never Give Up (Fighter)     10 April 2012

Toshi,

You appear to be very disturb now, contradicting your own statements in different way,

Dont want to blame guys side. Want to bring justice to your parents by spreading awareness( so called ! ) for this guy. And you are also worried about your age now !

 

I really do not want to hurt him citing his impotency as a cause for breaking our marriage. I had agreed for mutual divorce but had to resort to this only because he sent a lawyer's notice even after agreeing for mutual divorce. I reiterate that I'm doing this as a last resort to bring justice to my heartbroken parents and also want to spread awareness on the consequences of hiding a man's impotency. In our country it is easy for a man to go in for a second marriage. Just think about the woman and her family. I'm already 27! What will happen to my future?

 

A passer by would like to make one more comment . Take a deep breath and decide first what is that you want from life.

 

Regards

A1(498A)

P.S. I am not a lawyer and i am sorry if i have offended you.

Toshi (Mktg)     10 April 2012

Firstly, am glad you're not a lawyer. Secondly, nice name - like a robot! I've nothing more to say to you. Thanks for judging! Take care!


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