Need suggestion before filing for divorce on ground of impot


Hi,

I am a software engineer and I got married to raman(name changed) on Feb 2013, and we were engaged 6 months before marriage.

Before marriage when we were engaged Raman used to speak well. But here also I want to add one thing we used to talk about our relations and his relations most of the time. When I used to ask him about what you like and more questions as about him he used to tell I am not specific about anything and used to defer questions where we could get too close. I used to think that probably he was shy and kept quite. And also I want to mention that he used to travel to his office which is in Whitefield with his lady colleague everyday and he used to many times talk only about her and her daughter many times. Initially though I did not like it, I kept quite but after a while it was very irksome for me to listen about some other lady, eventhough she was married. So I told I would not want to listen more about his friend and want to know more about him and his family. He agreed not to talk about her and though I observed he spoke little he used to speak OK.

After marriage things started to change. On the 1st night itself he told me that he wants to have physical relationship only after we understood each other. I would like to mention here that I had told him that it would be better that we have kids after 2 yes and we could use condoms when we want to have relationship. So I thought by the way he told that probably he is referring to that and probably he is also very shy to enter into relationship the very 1st day, so I agreed. After spending 1st night in hotel we went home and when sleeping in their home when I was about to close the door of the room, he told that he always slept with the door open and he would not like it if it was closed, I was shocked and then I explained him that it is not appropriate for a newly married couple to sleep with the doors open,then he agreed. 

After that in honeymoon also he did not come close to me, here I would like to mention that not only was did he ask for relationship, not was he in anyway behaving that he wants to be close, he used to walk seperately, sit seperately and maintain the distance. I thought probably he was shy. But in honeymoon I asked for the relationship and he took or acted as though he dint understand immediately. After that there were some close moments, but he used to never try to enter intercource and used to not take out his clothes all the time.

After we came back from honeymoon he started avoiding relationship at all with me, he used to come late from office by 9.30-10pm most of the times and he used to not look at me or talk with me. He used to sleep before me and if I used to wake him and tell him to speak at least for 2min before sleeping he used to scold me very badly telling he will not get sleep later. So I stopped speaking to him on weekdays. I would like to tell that when he used to come from office, even though I was in the room at that time he used to just keep his bag and go out to change the clothes, he used to not even look at me or talk to me, I used to feel very bad and lonely most of the time. Only his mother used to speak properly with me, his father also used to speak very less to everyone including my mother in law. I used to tell him that I feel very bad that he does not even speak to me for 2min everyday, he used to tell he is like dis only and that I could speak to his mother if I felt bored. 

Then he started making all small things and misunderstandings into big arguments and tell that as reason for not talking with me. He started to totally avoid me. I complained at least we can go out on weekends, he used to tell he was tired, but when I insisted he used to just take me to some picture and there used to be no attempt of conversation on the way, eventhough I tried to make he used to cut it short. And he avoided going for long drive or to go for dinner with me as he would be forced to talk during that time.

I tried a lot to convince him that we should talk and sort out our differences, but he used to never agree, he used to tell that he will not talk much and I have to understand him by not speaking with him. I want to mention here that he used to talk very well with my parents and his friends and outsiders and this behaviour of not talking was pi only with me and to some extent his family too, but at least he used to talk a little bit to his mom and dad whenever needed but was nil with me. 

As dis tirade was not ending and I could not know what to do I told all this to my mom , she advised me that not having physical relationship was abnormal in newly married couples and that I should ask for it. After dis even I read many articles in Google and told him that having good understanding and having physical relationship is 2 sides of the same coin and both is necessary for a good married relationship, but though I tried to convince him like this many times, he would not agree and he used to in turn tell that we need to have good understanding and that as there were many differences it would not be appropriate for us to get physical. And even for understanding he was not ready to speak properly to sort out differences, some times he used to tell that I will change and start talking and after some days he used to again tell that I am like did and you should understand me by not talking. I would also like to mention that many times he has avoided relationship by sleeping late knowing that I would be wake in the room.

After seeing all this for 4 1/2 months I have come back to my mom place. And I could only conclude for his behaviour and some articles that I have read in Google that he might be impotent. I want to file a case of impotence against him to get divorce, but I don't have any proof. After coming back he is telling that he would be willing to come to any marriage counceller and also even for the potency test. I want to get this potency test done for him and me also. Can you suggest where I should go to get this done?

Can any of the lawyers respond to this question?

 
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Social activist and ESIS Legal Consultant (everysufferer isasaviour@gmail.com)

@ apoorva,


I had Gone trough your post and come to the following points:


1. Your husband may be or may be not called as impotent bcz he might be having some other reasons of avoiding s*x with you:


a. He must having an affair in past due to this he is still not come out from his memories.

b. Either he may be forgotten his past but still not attracted to you.

c. He may be acting as to rid out from the relation as he had done marriage due to some force or facts which has made him to do so.

d. He must be a greedy husband thinking of dowry from you parents.

e. Last but not least he must be suffering from impotency.


Now,it's your homework to find out what is the real cause behinf the disattaraction from him to you.


As per legal point of view if impotency is not confirmed you can't get divorce from him by simple allegation of not having s*x with you.But yes he can file for divorce by saying that you had cause a mental cruelity to him reffering him as impotent.


So,go for a rigorous counselling and test before entering into legal battle of divorce.


Thanks & regards,


A sufferer.....

 
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For your 1st 2 points I am not sure of any answer, yes he travels with a lady colleague who is married and has a child, he used to talk a lot about her before marriage. But I am not sure they have any relationship. I had suggested that we travel in car together so that atleast we get to spend time, but he had refused and his reasons were that mine and his office timings might not match. I had not taken that further.

For your 3rd point that he might be forced into this marriage, I have asked him many times whether he married becoz of force and each time he very clearly told he had got married from his own will and no one had forced him.

He does not want dowry too otherwise he would have already made some demands till now.

And as for your suggestion for impotency I strongly believe he is, eventhough he had another relationship he could have acted with me also if he was capable. And he gives some reason that he wants to understand and before relationship and then makes no attempt to let alone sort the differences, he does not even talk to me. And many times he has told u live life or way and I will do my way and I should not interfere with his life nor will he do.

How can I live a life with such a person!! If he had problems with relationship also there are ways to come out of it. But if he treats me so badly then there is no point in continuining relationship.

Can anyone tell me what tests they conduct during potency tests and if he consumes any drugs will he be termed as potent??

 
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Social activist and ESIS Legal Consultant (everysufferer isasaviour@gmail.com)

@ Apoorva,


Then go for his impotency test or court may ask him to go for such test once you file divorce on non consummation of marriage within one year as nul and void,due to suppression of impotency prior to the marriage,as since first night he is not able to perform legal s*x with you.

Even you go for contested divorce as null and void marriage you will be freed by the above fact.


Do you ever ask for MCD,if he is ready you will be free within a year,No need of waiting 1 year of seperation,as there are so many judgements where marraiges are dissolved within 1 year where exceptional hardship was there.And you have a very strong ground.


No consummation of marriage = Dead marriage in the eyes of law.

 
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He does not want divorce. According to me he has married for the sake of the society and he wants me to go back. But after facing all this I do not want to..

But I want to know about these impotency tests, and by taking drugs is it possible to show that you are potent by taking certain drugs??

 
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gd dy


@ apoorva:
apprecaite ur anxiety to knw " But I want to know about these impotency tests, and by taking drugs is it possible to show that you are potent by taking certain drugs??"
bt being a legal platform chances r one may not get porper guidance related to medical query.
hwever @ sufferer try level best.

u forget to mention abt ur present stay.

in one place u mention ur willingness "  I want to file a case of impotence against him to get divorce."
and in other place "
He does not want divorce. According to me he has married for the sake of the society and he wants me to go back. But after facing all this I do not want to.

understand the meaning of "He does not want divorce. According to me he has married for the sake of the society and he wants me to go back." 
bt fail to understand the meaning of " But after facing all this I do not want to."

r u trying to say tht u want to go to ur matrimonial home.
thn go. who stops u ?

if my conclusion is true thn after filing any type of case, may not u feel something awkward to go there ?

 
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Hi,

I am telling I don't want to go to his home but he wants me to. Please don't waste my time if you don't know the ans to the questions I have asked.

Can a lawyer please ans dis question? Wat report will dey expect in the court and from which specialist for the impotency test?

 
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gd dy

@ apoorva :

extremly sorry not to understand wht u want to say.
only court can decide report of which lab would be considered. bt why do u worry. read somewhere in ur post tht u r ready for it. u knw frm court order where test will be tkn ?
ur legal adviser didnot tell u basic procedure. file the case with ur report,if u hv, as evidence. so simple.
let court decide to consider or not.

 
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gd dy

i have read a nice sentance frm posting in this forum. feel it may be written by .......

" Though I love you I can't ask you to don't leave me,but yes I will wait for you till you don't come"

somewhat it matches ur story. is this case of urs ?

 
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Social activist and ESIS Legal Consultant (everysufferer isasaviour@gmail.com)

@ apoorva,

 

Impotency is one of the grounds for divorce under the provisions of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. In Sharada (supra), the Supreme Court held that without proper medical examination, it would be difficult to arrive at a conclusion as to whether the husband is suffering from impotency or not and that if the husband avoids such medical examination on the ground that it violates his right of privacy or personal liberty as enshrined under Article 21 of the Constitution of India, it would become impossible to arrive at the definite conclusion on the impotency or otherwise of the husband. The Supreme Court further held that avoidance of medical examination to ascertain the impotency of the husband may render the very ground on which the divorce is permissible nugatory and that where the legislature has conferred a right upon the spouse to seek divorce on the ground of impotency, it would be right of that spouse which comes in conflict with the so called right to privacy of the husband and that the Court has to reconcile these competing interests by balancing the same. As noted herein above, the very potency certificate issued by Dr. Surender Reddy has come under serious cloud. This event has occurred after the dismissal of I.A.No.222 of 2011. This being a very relevant circumstance, it has become inevitable to subject the petitioner again for further proper medical examination to ascertain the truth or otherwise of the allegation of impotency. If the request of the respondent is rejected, that may render her right to seek divorce on the ground of impotency otiose as held by the Supreme Court in the aforementioned judgment. In the light of these facts, I am of the opinion that the lower Court has not committed any error in reconsidering his earlier view in view of the changed circumstances by directing the petitioner for being subjected to the potency test by a team of experts.

 

Andhra High Court
Smt. Sreevani @ Vani vs Counsel For Petitioner: Sri ...

Citation;AIR 2013 AP 22

http://www.lawweb.in/2013/06/husband-can-be-directed-to-undergo.html

 
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