leave wife

Software Engineer

Hi,

I'm married to a lovely girl and its not even a year since marriage. It was an arranged marriage but I was romantically involved with her before marriage. But soon after marriage I realized I wasn't interested in s*x and/or I had erectile dysfunction. My wife was not putting any pressure on me but I went to several doctors to assess the issue.

Some doctors told I had erectile dysfunction and I had medicines but they didnt help while others said I'm as*xual. So I was very disappointed and felt really guilty that I broke all her dreams.  So once I suggested my wife why don't we annul this marriage, but she became emotional and said never should I say such things. Whenever I bring up this topic, she just shuts me off and/or cries.

But for me, it is depressing to keep her at this state. Hoping time would heal everything and make her forget me, I want to go for divorce. I know she wouldn't approve. So I was thinking that I would apply for divorce without her knowledge and just run away to some other place in India and work. I know I'm making a mess of it but I feel the more the delay, it is worse for her and me, so I should leave soon.

What are the options for this? Please suggest. Thanks a lot in advance! 

 
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instructor

vijay this is not a solution to run away and hide yourself you cannot ran and hide you from yourself go to the psychologist and discuss your problem most probably it is cured and after treatment you will be alright , visit two - three doctors and get their advice and then go for treatment now a days medical science is too advance , if doctors says your disease is not curable and chances are very low then talk to your parents and with your in-laws and give her divorce or annual your marriage.
 
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NA

I am not a doctor but for ED, there are surgeries available. They implant a penile implant that can cause erection on your will. Of course there are drugs to increase blood supply like Viagra etc.

 

I am not sure of your exact condition and I am not a doctor but I don't believe that there's no solution. You need to go to a better doctor that's all.

 

If you are worried about ruining her s*x life, you gave her the option of leaving you. It's her choice. Go for frequent counseling and adopt child at appropriate time or if you can produce sperm, then IVF. Many ways are there. Good luck.

 
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Software Engineer

Thanks for your replies.

It is not just the medical aspects that bothers me. Yes there are lot of options for ED and I can go for one of them. But my issue is mainly that I'm just NOT interested in s*x, never. Romance yes, but not s*x. May be I should have realized this before marriage but I didn't. 

Telling my wife, I have done it already but she loves me and would not let go of this marriage. It would take days and months for me to convince her into divorce, if at all she is convinced. But by then she would be a long time into our marriage and second marriage prospects for her diminish. And what is the point in me feeling more and more guilty with no good for anyone. That is why I wanted to just run away.

Kindly guide me given these issues. Is it possible to apply for divorce without the spouse's knowledge? Am I doing something 'legally' wrong if I run away for sometime? Thanks again!

 
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manager

You need a councillors and a doctor. U can have s*x least for tour wife's sake....
 
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Software Engineer

Well I have not arrived at this extreme decision without consulting psychiatrists, counsellors, s*xologist and what not. I've been to quite a few of them including some of the best, worked on so many things and then only I came to this decision. There are as*xual people existing, and unfortunately I seem to be one of them. 

I can have s*x for my wife's sake as you mentioned but please understand it is not out of choice that I'm not having. Moreover even if I have s*x for her sake, it would lack passion and I don't think either of us would enjoy that. And s*x just for the sake of kids does not sound right at all. So overall, after a lot of thinking through only I've arrived at this decision. 

So I was just wondering with this, and it will be great if any of you lawyers can tell me legally if it is right. 

Is it possible to apply for divorce without the spouse's knowledge?

And, am I doing something 'legally' wrong if I run away for sometime? 

Thanks!

 
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Engineer

I am no lawyer nor a doctor. If you are really ase*ual as you say and are worried about your wife's fate then you better talk and convince her to file a divorce and both of you mutually sign the petition. That way she can remarry and you can live a peaceful life unmarried.

 
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