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Youth   12 March 2017

Why don't divorced persons agree to send me their marriage biodata

I am a divorcee ,looking forward to remarry.
I faced a lot of cruelty,cheating and desertion from spouse.My spouse had also lied about his education.


Hence I want to be very careful this time while selecting a partner.
I have put up my marriage profile on many websites and get many offers also.

However online profiles only give a general idea about a person's family,education and job.For example peope here usually do not name the company they work for,because they want to hide their information from public.This is fully understandable.

When people approach me,my family asks the person to send his marriage  biodata with full details so that we decide to only meet those persons whose details suit us.Even we are willing to send them my detailed biodata if they need it.

However the person insists he will not send any biodata and only wants to meet me.He says talking and understandng is more important.

I explain that if biodata details are acceptable to us,we will surely spend adequte time together so that we get to know each other.It makes no sense to talk to  person for 3-4 months on phone and by meeting him personally(whose details are still unknown) and later on discovering that he was lying either about his job or education because he had not shared his biodata .


Almost every boy i meet refuses to send his biodata but wants to meet me.He says he wll reveal details orally on meeting.But i don't trust oral claims,because anyone can lie about his age,family and other things.

When a biodata is sent through email,even though one can lie in that too,but people may take it seriously because they are sending it through their personal mail account which only they can access.So I trust this system more than anything else.


What should i do with such arrogant people who want to meet without sharing their wrtten information?



Learning

 32 Replies

whatnot   12 March 2017

Strange query. I'm sure many will dig in.

 

When did marriage became a interview?. Who gets to decide to shortlist the prospect would be grooms?. What criteria does one uses to benchmark?...

 

How about yourslef?. Would you share your bio data (with all requirment as stated by you) to every seeker?.. Have you defined what's your expectation are?

 

From a argument sake, I would go more traditional way for second marriage. More of a community based. Even whole yard of horoscope matching stuff if that's what they want.

 

Expectation is what is ruining the mariage. And then off course external pressure especially from parents who decides they know what is right for their grown up adult kids. It is almost detructive and pathethic.

 

If you are into modern way, then possible best way is create fake FB account. Connect there with the guy and watch his posts and circles. You may pick up lot there. Linkedin is a good source. So is simple google search on his mobile (one shared). If out of towner, you are risking unless you go down and do the ground work.

 

More often than not, all parties invovled will be once bitten twice shy...methodology...

By the time divorce happens both parties loses trust in another human being, trust in legal justice system, trust in expert opinions, trust in whole society.. Hence decay sets in.

 

It is always battle from there on. Self battle of winning oneself. Never easy...Drone yourself in few books and define eexpectation for yourself.

All will fall  in place.

Youth   12 March 2017

@whatnot

i have already stated that if they need my biodata,i will send mine.

yes,a written informaton is always better about a person's background before we meet him.
why should we only rely on oral versions and on online profiles which coud be fake.
a person can delete or edit his online profile anytime,whereas a biodata remains atable forever once it's received through email
so,i stand by my point.


if you get 100 responses on your online profile,does it mean you meet each one of them?

or do you shortlist a suitable person after seeing everyone's biodatas?

infact your jeering at my query suggests you support fake persons who are conceling their information..

Sachin (N.A)     12 March 2017

Its obviously people think that a lady who has gone through legal procedure is now well versed with the law and can misuse any written information in future. And they understand what is the intention behind asking written information, marriage is about trust and not written document.

2 Like

whatnot   12 March 2017

This is how "I'm right. He is worng' Internet fights start.

 

Jeering is a misplaced word. The first step of honesty is to express it by self. What does your profile name says?. Is it your real name?. Have you put all details which are true. Can you do that?. No. Yeah scammers and trolls will haunt you..Blah ..blah.

 

There are elite version of matrimony sites where in each profile is verified. But it cost you money. Why do you want to visit a fish market when you are looking to buy some flower?..

 

Your whole notion that guys should trust YOU with their personal data in hope that you won't misuse is the fly in the onitment. What is one thing that you have done in your profile which will help them to decide on your honesty itself....That would be a good begining.

 

There is absloutely no magic formula what works in a relationship. I have seen some great ones. Also bit share of bad one. I have been guilty of ruining some. Also building some. I have envied some. Felt sorry for some . In spite of all that, marriage proposal as a commodity is what puts me off.

 

Your eagernes to chose best of lot is petty. It fails to define your requirements. You want to select the best and adapt to that requirement is pitiful.

 

Or I may be missing something.

 

There is one question we all answer which is split

Who am I? and  Who I'm?

Do you have answer for that?

 


(Guest)

Originally posted by : Youth

I am a divorcee ,looking forward to remarry.
I faced a lot of cruelty,cheating and desertion from spouse.My spouse had also lied about his education.


Hence I want to be very careful this time while selecting a partner.
I have put up my marriage profile on many websites and get many offers also.

However online profiles only give a general idea about a person's family,education and job.For example peope here usually do not name the company they work for,because they want to hide their information from public.This is fully understandable.

When people approach me,my family asks the person to send his marriage  biodata with full details so that we decide to only meet those persons whose details suit us.Even we are willing to send them my detailed biodata if they need it.

However the person insists he will not send any biodata and only wants to meet me.He says talking and understandng is more important.

I explain that if biodata details are acceptable to us,we will surely spend adequte time together so that we get to know each other.It makes no sense to talk to  person for 3-4 months on phone and by meeting him personally(whose details are still unknown) and later on discovering that he was lying either about his job or education because he had not shared his biodata .


Almost every boy i meet refuses to send his biodata but wants to meet me.He says he wll reveal details orally on meeting.But i don't trust oral claims,because anyone can lie about his age,family and other things.

When a biodata is sent through email,even though one can lie in that too,but people may take it seriously because they are sending it through their personal mail account which only they can access.So I trust this system more than anything else.


What should i do with such arrogant people who want to meet without sharing their wrtten information?

Ek simple reason he ki..

Tumne bhi apna naam youth rakha he, naaki tumhara naam nahi he forum pe.  Why you did not put your name? That is also the same answer for your question.

Kon kaunsa information kiss tarah se use karega woh toh malum nahi.  Chances are that that biodata will become baseline for asking alimony/claiming alimony.  Hence people dont share biodata.  Recently, few weeks back a final year Law student was asking mentorship and way to find iinternship programme, I asked for a biodata.  The guy sent a fake biodata with all fake details and wanted a reference.  With a fake biodata who will give internship in their firm?  No one.

Point is people dont trust people anymore.  That too in matters of marriage, after once failed will try to use all sorts of methods to avoid giving the correct information or even if they give information as I explained above will be false information.

 

My take on the subject is.  Alli salladavanu/salladavalu.. illi salluvale/salluvane..? Meaning.. Who did not fit there, will he or she fit here.? Answer is NO.  They wont fit in.  Once a misfit in marriage, they will never fit anywhere.  So trying to remarry is a futile exercise.  The bitterness of prevoius  debacle will make the present one also a debacle, perhaps worse debacle than the first one.  Provided,

there is unlimited love (adjustment, patience, money the three important things needed for a marriage/divorce to be easy and successful).

 

Apart from it why are you asking biodata?  that itself shows what is your core concern.  Give biodata means give your job profile, give your  educatoinal background. These are the very things which decide maintenance and alimony issues in court.

 

What I say is go with a blank page.  Trust a person completely.  Go with the hope that everything will be fine this time around and you will also lead a happy, peaceful and normal married life like that of those who have led full married life of 40-50 years.  Hope is the best of things, it will make you get the best out of you and out of your partner.  You also dont ask biodata.  Marriage requires trust, and not biodata, understanding is more important than anything else.  See if the guy is jovial, is there a sense of humour, is there a sense of responsiblity, is there fear.  Try to know a person instead of his job, his salary, his house, his bank balance.  Once you show that he is important and not his bank balance, then automatically he will show his bank balance also.

 

Most of the second hand candidates like you on websites would have tried all of the above in order to find the right one.  And they wont open up easily.  So they wont provide you biodata either.  Most of them would have met many girls and nothing would have materialized, hence they keep doing hmmmm haaan, lets meet up, lets catch up..  Most of them on such websites would have already lost interest in searching for a partner and only keep their profile alive just for sake of casual chatting or seeing if some new guy or girl is there on the site....

 

Serious ones you wont find on matri sites.  Serious ones will come see, talk for some time, let you know whether they wish to proceed or not.  Go for someone via references, go meet a person via a reference, thats the best way forward.  Searching for a match cant be done sitting at home. Go meet the person, see where he or she lives. see what his parents are see what her parents are, see what kind of upbringing he or she has, see family status, check whether the person is mentally compatible with you.  Only after all this go for it.  But dont ask biodata.

Sachin (N.A)     12 March 2017

Originally posted by : Youth
i have already stated that if they need my biodata,i will send mine.

 
 

Will with your " Written " biodata, you will enclosed all documents related to your "previous legal cases"?

1 Like

(Guest)

Matri sites means both paid and free.  All candidates are same.  As if you will change the moment your will pay 3999 rs and take platinum membership for 1 year laughBy the way it appears that you are hunting.  toh aap ladki ho ya ladki ka bhai behen? cool chaho toh tum mujhe apna biodata bhejsakti ho yes

Youth   12 March 2017

this site has so many boys and girls who are divorced,or maybe about to get divorced.
i have followed this site for a few yrs and have seen gender wars here,ie,husband versus wife,that is, who is right.

these very persons might also have put up their profiles online.

who knows a few of them might get married to each other without knowing that they had fought on LCI platforms once upon  a time! wink


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Youth
this site has so many boys and girls who are divorced,or maybe about to get divorced.
i have followed this site for a few yrs and have seen gender wars here,ie,husband versus wife,that is, who is right.

these very persons might also have put up their profiles online.

who knows a few of them might get married to each other without knowing that they had fought on LCI platforms once upon  a time! 


Dusron ko maro goli.devil  Apni tasveer bhejo. blush Biodata ki mujhe zarurat nahi laugh

Youth   12 March 2017

@helping hand

Aapki tareef?
aapko zarurat ho na ho,mujhe to haicheeky


 


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Youth
@helping hand

Aapki tareef?
aapko zarurat ho na ho,mujhe to hai


 

 

Tareef uss khuda ki jisne ye jahan banaya.. iangelaapko biodata chahiye..yes mujhe photo... smileybaaki shartein kya he? devil zara ye bhi toh batao mail

 

A walk alone (-)     12 March 2017

@youth if you really want to search someone trustful person then first stop searching online on matrimonial profile. Anyone can make fake profile on any matrimonial site. This way is not at all trustful. Better try to find someone in your known far relation or your caste .
1 Like

Youth   12 March 2017

my relatives/friends have not been of much help.

they dont recommend matches to my cousins for whom it's going to be their first marriage.they say that they dont want to take their responsibility..they say that my cousins real nature is not known to them.what if he/she illtreats spouse and then they're blamed for it!


so why will they help someone who's a divorcee and wants to go in for 2nd marriage?


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Youth
my relatives/friends have not been of much help.

they dont recommend matches to my cousins for whom it's going to be their first marriage.they say that they dont want to take their responsibility..they say that my cousins real nature is not known to them.what if he/she illtreats spouse and then they're blamed for it!


so why will they help someone who's a divorcee and wants to go in for 2nd marriage?
     

Aapne mere sawal ka jawab nahi diya.  bolo bolo..


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