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NiceManMyself (self)     10 August 2013

Next steps on solution

Hi All Please read my previous post https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Re-Questions-on-mcd-56407.asp#.UgYgY5I3CSo Now, i am separated for two years. There is no idea where my wife lives. I have contact her elder brother a month ago, they have no idea on how to solve the problem since person is not reachable. They are saying this is peculiar case.

I have waited for two years, and my parents helped so far to take care of kids. I want to find a solution, as it is high time.

I would like to solve the problem on a discussion, and divorce is last step. But, given there is no contact (except that i received a letter from wife, with her lawyers address year ago), how do i solve? I am planning to engage with her father, and immediate family, but likely they will say they are helpless, or blame me.

Will it help if i get a written statement from them saying they are not concerned, or they agree for divorce, or any step i take? will such a document help in court, if wife is not tracable, or if her relative don't turn up in court for hearings?

please advice.



Learning

 9 Replies


(Guest)

 

Taken from your query which was a year ago

 

"My wife left home saying she doesn't want to live together, about 9 months before. We are married for 13 years, and there are no major problems, most of the issues are small ones which happens in every family. We have two kids aged 11 and 8."


I have seen many a couple get divorced, many of whose case I dealt.  Most of them even now when contacted say that they took a wrong decision to end marriage.


14 years of marriage and 3 kids 12 and 9 what else do you need to lead life?? Unless you have ambitions to go on an expedition like Columbus did, all discoveries are over.  IF you have something for which you think your married life is a hinderance, you shoud not have gotten married in the first place, even if so, you can covince your wife that you want to go on such unknown unseen expedition which will bring grace and fame to you which you will share with her and your kids later on when the expedition is over.

My advice:  Do not end this marriage, come what may.  Not everybody is blessed to be married having kids, wife, leading marital life.  Ask those who dont have one!

 

Originally posted by : NiceManMyself


Hi All Please read my previous post https://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/Re-Questions-on-mcd-56407.asp#.UgYgY5I3CSo Now, i am separated for two years. There is no idea where my wife lives. I have contact her elder brother a month ago, they have no idea on how to solve the problem since person is not reachable. They are saying this is peculiar case.

 

Try to find her, if she has gone absconding.



I have waited for two years, and my parents helped so far to take care of kids. I want to find a solution, as it is high time.
There was no need to wait, your persuasion  efforts should have started the moment when she went absconding.

 


I would like to solve the problem on a discussion, and divorce is last step. But, given there is no contact (except that i received a letter from wife, with her lawyers address year ago), how do i solve? I am planning to engage with her father, and immediate family, but likely they will say they are helpless, or blame me.

Do not trust a lawyer's letter, its legal.  You find that lawyer, ask her where she is, he would definitely tell you about her wherabouts.



Will it help if i get a written statement from them saying they are not concerned, or they agree for divorce, or any step i take? will such a document help in court, if wife is not tracable, or if her relative don't turn up in court for hearings?
DIvorce becomes easy if wife is not traceable and you will get ex-parte orders of divorce, and eventually the divorce decree.  File for divorce on basis of desertion, if you are convinced that she wont turn up in court, you will get exparte divorce.  This is just the reply to your questions.

 


please advice.

 

Further, 2 kids who will look after them in the future? 

Second marriage?  Will the coming wife look after the 2 kids?

How long will your parents look after the 2 kids?

What will you tell your kids when they ask about mother?

What will the kids answer when questioned about where their mother is?

All this you have to think.



NiceManMyself (self)     12 August 2013

Dear Helping Hand Sir/Madam

Many many thanks for your thought provoking reply. I agree of your suggestions.

While my current objective is to trace my wife, i have tried all possible sources earlier when we had contact, on trying to convince her to get back in discusison mode. She was quite adament. 

I am trying to resolve one step at a time, want to take in-laws into confidence. But her brother is not wiling to discuss, and saying you decide first and then let me know. I have told him there are many ways of finding a person, we can sit together and discuss. He is not ready to discuss. Her father is also not ready to be part of the discussion. I have spoken to one of their uncles yesterday, asking him to intervene. he said he will talk and get back. I am sure i may get similar response.

I thought, i will have to deal only with my wife if i find her, but seems that i need to deal with both her and her family.

I will certainly follow your advice and talk to her Laywer to findout whereabouts. But likely, i will face volley of questions and they may not disclose her current contacts. When somebody has made up their mind, it is hard to persuade them. For example, i may be asked, when lawyer contact is provided to me, why i haven't contacted. Though in reality, i didn't want to contact the lawyer as i want to keep legal as last resort. Any statements / answers i provide to lawyer might as well go against me later on.

I have thought about questions you have raised multiple times over last two years. Second marriage is not on my thoughts, with a kid in teen age. I have decided to deal one thing at a time. As long as parents are around, kids will get attention. I can always find another profession/job when need arises so that i will be able to raise them in their absence. I also have option of good boarding schools.

Kids have be part in some of the happeings. They have seen that their mother is interested only in spiritual routines, and not much in social/family life. So, they are dealing with situation much better than me! When my daugther was talking in phone about year and half back, mom has told my daughter that she doesn't have time, and asked her not to call her frequently. So, kids also understand. I have told kids that we have difference of opinion, and we are trying to sort out. I have been to multiple conselling sessions to help me deal with the situation.

 


(Guest)

Dear Helping Hand Sir/Madam

Many many thanks for your thought provoking reply. I agree of your suggestions.

While my current objective is to trace my wife, i have tried all possible sources earlier when we had contact, on trying to convince her to get back in discusison mode. She was quite adament.

 

The first thing which pops up in my mind when I put myself in your shoes is, why are your inlaws not interested in making their daughter understand the value of life in totality?

Is there a unseen hand of theirs which has encouraged your wife to take such a step, like shying away from marital responsibilities that too after having 2 kids?  Am forced to think looking at what you have told that, certainly your inlaws and your BIL support her decision so only she has got such courage to go away.

 

I am trying to resolve one step at a time, want to take in-laws into confidence. But her brother is not wiling to discuss, and saying you decide first and then let me know. I have told him there are many ways of finding a person, we can sit together and discuss. He is not ready to discuss. Her father is also not ready to be part of the discussion.

 

There is initiative from your side, but what about your parents?  Are they not willing to support you in these tough times?  When you say you want to take your inlaws in to confidence and move ahead, you should also take support of your parentage.  Any such action you take coupled with your parentage support will only have more grip on the situation.

 

I have spoken to one of their uncles yesterday, asking him to intervene. he said he will talk and get back. I am sure i may get similar response.

Most probably, they will come for one time settlement, as it looks from above.

 

I thought, i will have to deal only with my wife if i find her, but seems that i need to deal with both her and her family.

 

I will certainly follow your advice and talk to her Laywer to findout whereabouts. But likely, i will face volley of questions and they may not disclose her current contacts.

I don’t think her lawyer will do such a thing, asking 100 questions.  Here motive is to save the marriage, to again get back to each other, sort out differences, keeping in mind the 2 kids, and start all over again afresh.  With such an intent in mind and when you put across the same to any person, nobody will ask any question as such and will just give address of where she lives.

 

If she is living in some adulterous relationship etc, then surely the lawyer wont give her address.

 

When somebody has made up their mind, it is hard to persuade them.

Yes, I agree with this.  Some women are adamant, once they make up their minds, right or wrong, they stick to it, like that women are a little difficult people to handle.

 

For example, i may be asked, when lawyer contact is provided to me, why i haven't contacted. Though in reality, i didn't want to contact the lawyer as i want to keep legal as last resort. Any statements / answers i provide to lawyer might as well go against me later on.

 

Wrong.  You contact any lawyer speak to that lawyer in any context nothing will happen.  You are not dealing with police, but with a lawyer.  With police you have to take care of what you ask or speak, when the talk is personal that too outside of court, nothing to worry.

 

 

I have thought about questions you have raised multiple times over last two years. Second marriage is not on my thoughts, with a kid in teen age. I have decided to deal one thing at a time. As long as parents are around, kids will get attention. I can always find another profession/job when need arises so that i will be able to raise them in their absence. I also have option of good boarding schools.

 

Yes.  Planning is very important in the given situation.

 

 Kids have be part in some of the happeings. They have seen that their mother is interested only in spiritual routines, and not much in social/family life. So, they are dealing with situation much better than me! When my daugther was talking in phone about year and half back, mom has told my daughter that she doesn't have time, and asked her not to call her frequently. So, kids also understand. I have told kids that we have difference of opinion, and we are trying to sort out. I have been to multiple conselling sessions to help me deal with the situation.

 

 

If everything goes according to the plan, fine.  Speak to her, if she has decided to go spiritual way, like Sri Sri Sri Ravishankar.. Then let it be.  Let you be married to her as you do not have intentions to marry again.  But, let me also tell you this, today you might think like this, down the line you might definitely want to have a partner with you, if that be the case then all of a sudden you cannot think of divorce and get it too.  So speak about this option too.  Just being the way you are will show to the society that you are still married, and such thing will not have a negative bearing on the kids minds, so, I suggested not to go for divorce and continue like that.  As your wife seems to have gone the spiritual way, she might also help you in making you look at the situation in a different perspective.  All in all, talking with your wife is important, do it somehow, as soon as possible.

1 Like

NiceManMyself (self)     12 August 2013

Dear Sir/Madam

Many thanks for your councelling. 

1. Regaring in-laws, her father told her two years ago that as long as he is alive, she has to live in martial home. But, she didn't hear. So, she is managing with support of one of her brother, who is also not employed and in quest of spiritual journey (before two years). After that, they are not talking any efforts, not joining me in the efforts. To some extent, they are always like that, always detachted from society and other family members. Can you imagine in a family with 4 kids, 3 sons are not married, only daughter is married, and absconding after 13 years of married life?

2. I have more than 100% support from my parents. We have no expecations, and in fact my parents wants my wife and me to be happy and live wherever we want, and not worry about them. My mom have told this to my wife 2 years ago also.

3. If i stay adamnt, say don't want divorce, and she says she don't want to return, then we are at same position always. Only issue - if she gets caught in any issue in future, or gets into any kind of trouble, will i be accounted for that, even though she doesn't live with me?

4. I have two properties in join registeration (through my own income), and other investments, which need to be protected at kid's interest. I need to find a way to protect the properties also. I am not able to do any changes to my bank loan, or disposing the property also.

6. I will contact the laywer and ask for contact details, and can say that i didn't contact him as divorce is not in my thought also. Can i invoke RTI act, if he refuses to share the contact details?

7. do i need to get any documentation with her, given such situation to get property under my control, and keep her return to family as open ended for ever?

Thank you so much


(Guest)

@ Dear querist,

 

As per your whole querry which is based on absconding of your wife & your mental tension as what to do next kepping evry point of view regarding future. Isn't it?

 

So, in my opinion if a person say a lady whose age is above 35 years go absconding leaving her 12 & 9 years old child what does this mean?

 

The answer lies from the day since she quited her responsibilities and renounced this matterialistic world.......as per the statement taken from your querry and facts that out of 4 , 3 child are still not married in your in-laws home.(A clear picture of spirituality or you may say marriage is not built in their so called blood).

 

Another aspect of your a decade marriage or I could say a decayed marriage is like a cavity as you will always have to be sensitive on your beloved wife if she returns also------as you never know again some influenial Baba or Maharaj Jii enters in her soul and she revokes next second.

 

So, A prudential yet demand of your situation is that to make this decayed part into root canal treatment rather than just invoking her whereabout ))))

 

Only one solution for this if nobody tells you where she is or what she wants or what's their main objective behind this?

 

1. File a divorce now without failing

 

Benefits:1. If your wife is in touch with her own family and they knows her whereabout then 100% they are going to inform her, and iam sure that if she just want to be your social wife then she will definately appear in rush court with her lawyer before expartee.

 

2. By filing divorce their family ill motto will be known to you and youcan act wisley further aaccording to their steps.

 

3. If you file divorce then if she would be regretful for her deeds then certainly in mediations it will come out.

 

4. Suppose if she strictly avoided all and went to renounciation then you can't do anything-----(-you have plus point )no maintenance to her with a divorce decree in your favour.

 

5. Last but not least if she and her family are behind your money they can't ask anything now as the desertion of her is more than 2 years without any solid reason and court will not entertain them.

 

regards,

A sufferer..


(Guest)
Originally posted by : NiceManMyself

Dear Sir/Madam

Many thanks for your councelling.

1. Regaring in-laws, her father told her two years ago that as long as he is alive, she has to live in martial home. But, she didn't hear. So, she is managing with support of one of her brother, who is also not employed and in quest of spiritual journey (before two years). After that, they are talking any efforts, not joining me in the efforts. To some extent, they are always like that, always detachted from society and other family members. Can you imagine in a family with 4 kids, 3 sons are not married, only daughter is married, and absconding after 13 years of married life?

2. I have more than 100% support from my parents. We have no expecations, and in fact my parents wants my wife and me to be happy and live wherever we want, and not worry about them. My mom have told this to my wife 2 years ago also.

3. If i stay adamnt, say don't want divorce, and she says she don't want to return, then we are at same position always.

 

Here you have to talk it out.  Want to continue same way, no meaning to your life.  She will be a sanyasan of sorts, but she cannot expect you to be a sanyasi or sorts that too after 2 kids out of wedlock.  Better tell her you want divorce or make her speak her mind on her own, how to make her speak on her own.. you know better.  Its like you don’t commit for divorce but you make her speak about divorce on her own.  If she is not telling herself, make yourself in her eyes as helpless, and thereby she is forcing you to ask for divorce.

 

Only issue - if she gets caught in any issue in future, or gets into any kind of trouble, will i be accounted for that, even though she doesn't live with me?

You have doubts, so better take divorce from her by hook or crook.  Its better to end it legally than to keep something aside as a headache for your future.

 

4. I have two properties in join registeration (through my own income), and other investments, which need to be protected at kid's interest. I need to find a way to protect the properties also. I am not able to do any changes to my bank loan, or disposing the property also.

Like we have discussed earlier, if you file for divorce and she does not turn up at all, all these properties matter wont bother you in the future.  But if she is money minded and if there is some deep unknown plan of theirs [hers and her parents and brothers’] then the moment you talk about divorce with her, you will come to know their intent in total.

 

6. I will contact the laywer and ask for contact details, and can say that i didn't contact him as divorce is not in my thought also.

Again, if you read what we have discussed earlier above, mention the fact that you want her back that is the reason why you are contacting the lawyer as a last resort as she is not giving her address and also your in-laws and BILs are not giving her address.  No where talk about divorce with the lawyer.

 

Can i invoke RTI act, if he refuses to share the contact details?

Lawyer is private.  RTI cannot do anything with Lawyer.  All these have to be handled on a personal rapport basis.  How to build rapport with lawyer, I cannot teach you.

 

7. do i need to get any documentation with her, given such situation to get property under my control, and keep her return to family as open ended for ever?

Once it is clear that she wants to let you go free without any hassles, then no need to worry about anything, but such things have to be mentioned in the MCD [13b] agreement on which divorce will be granted.

 

Thank you so much

1 Like

NiceManMyself (self)     14 September 2013

Hello, I have spoken to her lawyer and asked about my wife's whereabouts. He checked with her, and told me that she doesn't want to disclose her whereabouts, nor she has any updates from her side. Her lawyer wanted to know what i am planning to do, i didn't reply anything.

 

I approached a lawyer to seek guidance. My lawyer said it is better to file for divorce as it is more than 2 years, we can file under desertion, and religious order. My lawyer called wife's lawyer, and he adviced to file divorce, and send notice to his address. He also told, my wife is not money minded, and didn't propose any finance details, it's only my lawyer proposed to pay Rs. 5 Lakhs as one time settlement. Wife's lawyer told to file for divorce first, and then we can discuss on power of attorney or release deed etc to address properties.

My question is once i file for divorce, what other steps they can take, and how they will proceed with the case, if she is not interested in living together? What response they will file in court possibly to my diverse notice? Can they also file that they also need divorce?

Is filing MCD a better option than filing for divorce under desertion?

Dr. Jyothi Vishwanath (Associate Professor of Law)     14 September 2013

What your advocate has done is better. MCD cant happen here as ur wife not ready to come out of her hiding shell. File for divorce and wait and watch. If she is interested to be with you, she will appear before court to prove that she has not entered any religious order.

If she is not interested in divorce, she has to tell court that she is entered religious order, then you get divorce easily.

Desertion is added ground always.

1 Like

NiceManMyself (self)     16 September 2013

thanks Mam.. 

I was just wondering about possibilities of hidden traps, and how can i prepare for the same

If there are any suggestions, please do share.

 


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